You Me At Six
by dbanjeezeez
Summary: This is a story about something that happened quite a while ago when your parents were still teenagers. As a matter of fact, this story happens to be about a pair of teenagers who would be parents, were they still alive... James/Lily.
1. A Moody Train Ride

This is a story about something that happened quite a while ago when your parents were still teenagers. As a matter of fact, this story happens to be about a pair of teenagers who _would_ be parents, were they still alive. Alas, they are not, and so somewhere out there, Harry Potter remains an orphan due to a sad chain of events involving a prophecy, a nosy eavesdropper, a mad man with a wand, and a betrayal.

The purpose of this story is not to ponder the injustice of their untimely deaths, but to uncover the moments leading up to it. It is a true but not often acknowledged fact that life is made up of an infinite number of moments; moments that shape the world and the people in it. They shared many moments, James and Lily. Some were sparked with tension so extreme, it was a wonder they managed to even be in the same room at the same time; some were spent trying to hide their glances at each other from the other side of the room; and some were spent peacefully and wonderfully, such as one particular moment spent on the grounds of Hogwarts under the moonlight.

Our story starts in the year of 1976 on a particularly sunny summer afternoon, upon a train that chugged merrily through the green pastures of Scotland. There were a great many people on the train, as well as a great many compartments, but perhaps the most silent compartment was the one at the very end of the rumbling train.

In it were four boys, two of whom were dark-haired, and two of whom were not. Their names were Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin and Sirius Black and James Potter, and they were perhaps the best of friends that ever were. So it seemed, at any rate. However, the Marauders (they had nicknamed themselves as this back in their Third-Year, when they'd begun to look for more ways to cause mischief than refusing to wear the stiff Hogwarts collars) were not having a good train ride.

* * *

><p><em>Thud.<em>

_Thud._

_Thud. _

"Sirius, throw a Bean at me one more time and Merlin help me, I will Avada your arse right out of this compartment," Remus Lupin said quite angrily into the silent compartment.

He usually was a nice boy, the sort of boy that greeted everyone he met with a 'Hullo' and a pleasant smile. He had light brown hair that was combed neatly and curious amber eyes that were currently shut, as he rested his head against his seat. Those were the first words Remus had spoken the entire train ride and considering the fact that they were threatening the end of his best friend's life, it was obvious it would not be a fun one. The boy that sat opposite from Remus glanced at him, then back at Sirius. He was James Potter, and he was feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the atmosphere of the compartment.

He wished Sirius would stop being such a prat too; he kept flicking Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans in every direction he could find. It was incredibly exasperating, but James was in no particular mood to get into a row with his best friend.

"I'm just bored is all," Sirius said lazily, sprawled across his seat. Sirius did everything lazily. He walked lazily and spoke lazily, giving off the impression that he was a boy who didn't care much about anything. It was untrue, however, for he cared about a great number of things: his friends, Quidditch, causing mischief, and Hogwarts, among others. "You need to lighten up, Moony."

James, who saw Remus clench his fists, decided it was finally time to intervene.

"Padfoot," he warned, "don't be such a git, alright? Remember this is his _time _of the _month_?"

Sirius snorted in a rather undignified manner. "Yeah, well, turning into a werewolf doesn't necessarily mean you have to act like you've got a giant stick up your arse."

James glanced at the window of the compartment door to see if anyone was listening - a habit he'd picked up over the years - but said nothing. The tension in the compartment grew as Sirius scowled up at the roof. It wasn't clear to the three boys just what was irritating Sirius so much, though they expected it was because he was uneager to see his family. Still, he'd never been this plainly ill-natured.

They were right to some degree. Sirius was just, to put it simply, not having a good day. He'd woken up to find that Peter had accidentally taken his best tie down to breakfast, and so he'd spent the better part of his morning looking for it. When he'd finally realized what had happened and rushed down, breakfast had been over and only a few eggs remained. After that, he'd run into his little brother, who really wasn't so little anymore, and as they usually did when they ran into each other, they'd gotten into a pointless spat. It reminded him of the countless others they would have when he returned to his house today, including the rows he would have with his parents, and it put him in a foul mood that would surely last the rest of the day.

He flicked another Bean so hard it ricocheted off the window and landed not too far away from James' head. Suddenly, to James, leaving the compartment seemed like a good idea. After all, it had only been a couple of hours on the train and they were already at each other's throats. Plus, Remus _did _need his rest.

"Padfoot," James said, rising from his seat. "What do you say to finding something entertaining to do?"

Sirius turned with a glare and sat upright. "Like what?"

"Well, we could–"

"A nice prank on the Slytherins, yeah?" he said, a gleam in his eyes. It was usually what they did when they were bored, but at the moment, James wasn't really in the mood to cause any mischief. All he wanted to do was get home and maybe play some Quidditch.

"Er, I don't know…"

"Oh, don't be a wuss, Prongs," he said, bouncing up from his seat and heading towards the door. "Come on, it'll be fun. Do you have your Cloak on you? I was thinking we could turn Snivellus' underwear a nice shade of pink. That is to say they aren't pink already..."

James sighed heavily and followed Sirius out of the compartment, thinking of the numerous, highly detailed ways he could murder him later.

They peered through the compartment windows as they headed down the corridor, searching for any one of their Slytherin rivals. They had so many that it was a surprise they didn't find one in the first few compartments they checked. Rather, James pulled a funny face in the window of a random compartment filled with little Second Year girls, causing half of them to jump up, squealing.

Laughing, he turned and continued down the corridor until a compartment door slammed open and a girl bounced out; she seemed to be in the middle of a laughing fit. The two Marauders paused in their tracks, as she was blocking the corridor. James stared as she shook with laughter, her long wavy red hair jumping up and down her back, and her green eyes crinkling so that it almost looked like they were shut. James didn't know what it was... there was just something about her that made him want to do something completely idiotic to impress her. It was like being around Veela...

Could it be? Was Lily Evans, for that was her name, part-Veela?

Oh. No. She was Muggleborn. Right.

"It's rude to stare, Potter." Lily's voice interrupted his thoughts and he focused his attention at her, grinning.

"I can't help it, can I?" he said truthfully, stuffing his hands in his pockets before realizing how sappy that sounded. "Don't worry, _you_ can stare at _me_ all you like," he winked.

She didn't find it funny. She rolled her eyes and began to walk back into her compartment, not even deigning to give a response.

"No?" he called after her. "How about we both stare at each other?"

She slammed the door behind her. James' shoulders slumped as he realized that he had just had another unsuccessful conversation with Lily.

"Tough luck, mate," Sirius clapped him on the shoulder, though James could tell he was trying hard not to smile. Great. It was fantastic, really, that his romantic failures had lifted his best mate's gloomy spirits.

"What is with her anyways?" James snapped, rounding on him. "She acts like I murdered her bloody grandmother or something."

Sirius shrugged and continued down the corridor. "She's just a girl, mate."

As James glanced through another window, he noticed he had clenched his fists and slowly released them. "Yeah. Right. Just a girl."

Sirius threw him a strange look, clearly baffled by his attraction to Lily. Then again, the two boys didn't have much time for attempting to figure out the inner workings of a girl's mind—they were too concerned with causing mischief most of the time to pay so much attention to the opposite sex… and their make up... and the giggling... he thought them to be a bit scary actually.

Lily Evans was different from other girls though. She didn't giggle, she laughed. She didn't slather stuff all over her face and she was still pretty. She was smart. She was _kind, _even to slimy Slytherins like Snape that didn't deserve it. She was nice to everyone.

Except, of course, to James.

"Prongs," Sirius whispered, gesturing for him to come over. He was grinning widely, having spotted some Slytherin targets. "The Cloak?"

James stared for a moment. "Yeah," he said, suddenly in the mood for a few pranks. "Yeah, I have it."

"Brilliant," Sirius grinned. "Now let's see just exactly how greasy Snivellus' boxers are."

**Notice: This story has been edited from first to third person.**

**A/N: **HELLO, alright I'd just like to say, lol that before you ex out of my fic, this chapter and maybe the next few chapters might be a little boring, but it PICKS UP, I PROMISE. Give it about three chapters.

Also, people who review are my best friends, so review so I can loveee youuuu.

X

D

This fic is named You Me At Six after the band, because I love them and I feel a lot of songs relate to Jily and I wanted to call it this and it's my fanfic so there.


	2. Home Is Where The Heart Is

The Potter Manor was an exceptionally big house – it stood, tall and grey and proud, all eleven acres of it. If passing by, one might expect it to be the home of nobility, or perhaps even the home of a family with at least twenty members. In reality, it belonged to Henry and Marie Potter, and they lived in it with their only son James Potter, and a few house elves. It wasn't the sort of house that you buy to show off to your neighbors just how rich you are. After all, _their_ closest neighbors lived at least half a mile away. It was the _Potter_ manor, where generations and generations of Potters had lived since the days of Merlin himself.

It was James' second favorite place in world. Right behind Hogwarts of course.

As he stepped into the familiar home for the first time since December, he grinned. He took in everything he'd missed at Hogwarts, from the dent in the wall where he'd crashed his broomstick years ago, to the numerous pictures of he and his parents grinning down from the walls. One picture of him and the Marauders, his favorite picture, caught his eye. They had taken that during the winter time of their fourth year. Scarves around their necks and the tips of their noses slightly red, the four of them stood outside The Three Broomsticks, Butterbeers held up high. Sirius' arm was casually thrown around James' shoulders and they were both roaring with laughter at Peter, who had a lump of snow on his head. Remus was attempting to help him brush it off, but even he couldn't stop chortling.

"I'm so glad you're back, James," his mother gushed for the umpteenth time that night as she came up behind him.

"I'm glad to be back too." He rolled his eyes, but still smiled inwardly. It was typical of Marie Potter to get a little emotional every time James came back home. One would think she would be used to it after five years, but apparently a mother's nostalgia had no bounds.

"I've missed you so much," she went, her voice getting a little shaky already.

He turned around and his eyes met her familiar face. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a messy bun, although a few stubborn strands framed her sweet, slightly-wrinkled face. He hardly looked like her at all. Except for the dimples, everything else, including the hazel eyes and the messy black hair, he'd inherited from his father.

"I missed you too mum, I did." He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm going to go settle down for a bit, though."

She lifted her arm and ruffled his hair slightly. "Alright, sweetheart. Dinner will be ready in an hour."

"Not trying to stuff the boy already, are you Marie?" James' father, Henry Potter, puffed as he dragged his trunk through the door. "Merlin, James what _do_ you have in here?"

"Nothing you want to know about, believe me," he grinned, his thoughts immediately jumping to all the products from Zonko's he'd bought last week.

"Right," he puffed again. "Right. For some reason I do believe you. Agrippa, this is heavy. Hang on– ah, there we go." He picked up his wand and waved it so that the trunk disappeared to James' room.

"Good to have you back ole' boy!" Henry boomed as he gave James a fatherly slap on the back. "I was getting so bored that I was tempted to teach the house elves to play Quidditch. Marie wouldn't let me, of course –"

"Henry, we've discussed this," Marie interjected as she walked briskly off into the kitchen, "I'll be having absolutely none of that in my house -"

" – she was being a boring stick up my arse," he whispered to James. "If you ask me, Moulkar would make a damn good Quidditch player."

He snorted in response. "Dad, Moulkar is afraid of heights."

"What? Since _when_?"

"Er… I dunno, since always? Remember that time you asked him to get your broom from the roof and he almost had a heart attack?"

"No?"

"Well, he is. Now, _Suri_ on the other hand – "

"Ah yes, she is rather tiny isn't she? Perfect for playing Seeker."

"She has excellent balance too –"

"You do know," Marie called from the kitchen, "that I can hear every word you're saying? Henry, get in here while I try once again to impose on you that you're not to use such language in front of James."

"Oh it's nothing he hasn't heard anyways," he waved her off.

James merely laughed, feeling glad to be home. "Well I'm off. I'll be down in time for dinner."

He jogged up the wide, spiral staircase until he reached the top floor. After taking a couple right turns, he arrived at his room and slammed the door open, beaming. Lights flared up as soon as he stepped in, filling the room with warm light. It was just as he had left it. The dresser next to his sky blue curtains was still cluttered with several useless materials like quills and Quidditch magazines. His four poster bed was still messily made, the Falmouth Falcons sheets thrown around, and his trunk lay in the middle of the circular blue rug.

"Home sweet home," he sighed, kicking off his shoes and adding to the ever-present mess.

Glancing at his trunk, he contemplated unpacking his things for a second, and then shook his head. He had the whole summer to unpack, why bother really? He threw himself onto his bed, grabbed a magazine and began to read.

"James!"

He jolted up and realized with a start that he must have fallen asleep at some point. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, James shuffled out of his room and jogged down the stairs. A delicious smell wafted through his nostrils and he hurried into the dining room, his stomach grumbling loudly.

"Brilliant," he said, sitting down opposite his father and to the left of his mother. "I'm starving. This smells great, Mum."

"Thank you, dear."

They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Henry turned to his son, looking curious.

"So James, how was school? Anything interesting happen?"

He shrugged, his mouth still full. "A dunno' I' wa' good a guesh th' usooal – hang on – that's better. Yeah, it was pretty good. Gave Hogwarts a little surprise after O.W.L's were over," he added, grinning.

"Ah yes," Marie said wearily. "Got a letter from Minnie for that one, we did. Honestly James, when _will_ you stop with these childish games and focus on school?"

"If you must know," James sniffed, "hey were _anything_ but childish. Do you think ickle First-Years would be able to make a giant cake explode in the middle of the Great Hall? No. They would not. There was a good bit of N.E.W.T level magic involved. Anyway, we all needed a way to cool off after all those exams we took."

Henry looked sympathetic. "That bad?"

"Eh. Not really. I mean, Divination was such a bloody chore - "

"_James,_" his mum exclaimed, looking scandalized.

"What I meant was, it was awful and, heads up, I might be getting a Troll on that exam, but who gives a damn - "

"My God, where _are _you picking up this language –"

"Mum, can I maybe finish- "

"Not if you keep using that language! We're having dinner, for Merlin's sake."

"Alright, alright, so I probably failed my Divination O.W.L but everything else was okay."

"Great," Henry said breezily. "Proud of you, but you know that. Met any birds you want to tell us about?"

James choked on the piece of chicken he'd just stuffed in his mouth.

"Dad," he rasped after he had managed to swallow it down. "Why would you _ask_ that?"

Henry's eyes sparkled as he swallowed the food he was chewing. "I don't know, _you_ tell _me_. Your mother and I were waiting for you in the station when we met that nice girl, Alice Prewett. There was another girl with her, she seemed to know you."

James rolled his eyes, refraining from telling him that _everyone _at Hogwarts knew who he was. Really, he'd nearly died over that piece of chicken for nothing. "Yes, well," he said dryly, "just because a girl knows me doesn't mean we're romantically involved. What'd she look like?"

Marie looked thoughtful for a moment. "I remember she had very pretty, red hair... and startlingly green eyes-" James' heart leaped to his chest suddenly. "-really quite the catch. Do you know her?"

"Hmm…" he considered, trying to sound casual."No… no, I don't seem to recall-"

"Don't lie to me, James," his mother waved his answer off. "Who is she?"

"Don't tell me you went off and got yourself a girlfriend and didn't tell me," Henry said, looking disappointed.

"Mum! Dad!" he cried out, scandalized. "Lily Evans is _not_ my girlfriend."

"Aha! So you _do_ know her!" Marie jumped on his reply like a mad wolf. "Is she in your year? Do you have any classes with her? Oh Henry, our James is growing up. I can't believe you're almost sixteen. You're already dating, pretty soon you'll be off getting married and having children and -"

It was perhaps the most mortifying moment of James' life. He held his head in his hands, trying to calm his flaming cheeks and mentally compiling a list of the quickest ways to kill himself. He'd heard the Killing Curse was really quite painless. Pity he couldn't use magic outside of school quiet yet. Then again, he'd be dead, so he supposed it wouldn't really matter.

"Marie, honestly are you _trying_ to kill him with embarrassment?" Henry asked, though he still sounded fairly amused.

"Excuse me for getting a little excited at the fact that my only son –"

"A _little_ excited? You look like you're about to pop an artery."

"Mum," James moaned, lifting his head up and shooting her a pleading glance. "I promise, I'll… I'll clean up my room if we just stop this conversation."

She huffed and impatiently swatted a fly-away strand of hair from her face. "What is wrong with you two? I'm just trying to find out more about this girl. If you _like_ her –"

"I don't!"

"Please honey, spare me the theatricals. I am a woman, therefore I can tell these things. Call it a hunch, intuition, a woman's sixth sense –"

"Insanity?" James muttered, though his mother didn't seem to hear.

"- it's pretty obvious that you do harbor feelings for her, and the sooner you admit it to yourself, the sooner you can make a move on her."

"I have!" he almost shouted in frustration, to which his mother finally shut up. "I have," he repeated sullenly, staring down at his almost empty plate. "Several times as a matter of fact. It's just… I… she doesn't like me."

"She doesn't like you?" Henry repeated blankly, as though the thought of anyone not liking his son was inconceivable. "Why ever not?"

"I don't… she doesn't – can we just not talk about this please?" he muttered moodily, picking at the scraps of food on his plate.

His parents glanced at one other and actually decided to drop it, much to James' relief. Another silence fell between them, this time longer and a bit more awkward. As their forks and knives tinkled against the plates, James' mind wandered back to Lily Evans. Why _did_ she hate him? What was so awful about him anyways?

James knew he tended be a little arrogant sometimes, but really, that was to be expected. It was all he'd known his whole life, to be loved, and it was from this his confidence had sprouted from. It had been working for him so far, and he'd only ever met that one girl who disagreed with the way he presented himself. It baffled him to no end.

The silence dragged on before he decided he'd punished his parents enough. "How is work?" he asked reluctantly. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but usually you would be droning about some mission you'd been on."

His father merely shrugged. "Work's actually been really quiet lately. Not much going on. Bagnold's getting her pants up in a knot with worry."

"Why would she be worried if not much is going on?" James asked.

"Oh she's just on some drivel," Marie waved off, "thinking that as the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, your father should usually be getting at least thirty calls per day from the other sub-branches. She thinks something is suspicious about the whole thing. What a load of nonsense. In my opinion, Bagnold's been Minister for so long it's starting to effect the way she sees everything."

James shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "But what if she's right?"

They exchanged looks. "Well that'd be unfortunate, wouldn't it?" his father remarked, looking thoughtful. "Although I do suppose… with all this Voldemort rubbish, it _is_ a little odd that the calls have stopped coming in. Used to be that the Magical Law Enforcement Patrol or the Auror office had reports pouring in. Reports of Unforgivables, a house raid here and there... nothing altogether too serious, but it's been keeping us busy. Apparently this Voldemort fellow is trying to recruit as many people as possible to his cause by whatever means possible."

James raised an eyebrow. "His cause? Which is what exactly?"

"We're not sure," he shook his head. "It all seems to be some sort of covert operation at the moment. But from what we've gathered, he has some strong aversions to Muggles and Muggleborns as well. Believes only wizards of pure blood should be given respect."

"Where does he get off with that?" James asked indignantly, his mind, of course, immediately jumping to Lily Evans. "Some of the best students in my year are Muggleborn! Their blood doesn't matter."

"We know, James," Marie assured, rising and gathering the empty dishes. James rose to help her and followed her to the kitchen as she continued to speak. "And I'm glad you're thinking that way, because we're completely against that sort of mindset. The thing is, not everyone sees it from our point of view; it's giving Bagnold a fair bit to worry about. Whether it's for fear of Voldemort's wrath, or they actually do share his ethics, the fact remains that more are joining his ranks every day. Also the fact that it's all being kept a secret makes it more difficult for us all. Rumors that he's infiltrated the Ministry have been spreading like wildfire ever since the whole Terry Gates debacle."

"Terry Gates?"

"Honestly James, do you ever think to pick up the Prophet once –"

"Don't badger him, Marie. The Prophet has strict orders to keep some stories from reaching the public." Henry joined them at the kitchen, arms laden with dishes. "Now James I don't expect you to go running off shouting this to everyone," he said sternly. "A few weeks back, a muggle family of four was found dead up north near the Hangleton community. The muggle police were baffled of course. No signs of any physical damage, or any mark that could've caused their death. The family was pretty healthy too. Eventually they concluded that their deaths must have been due to some poisonous gas in the air. We knew better, obviously. I sent a couple of ours – John Dawlish and Alastor Moody were more than eager to go – down there, and our suspicions were confirmed."

"The Killing Curse?" James guessed, although he already knew the answer.

"10 points to Gryffindor," he gave a grim smile. "That much was obvious. The only problem was that we didn't know – we still don't know – who _did_ it. That's where Terry Gates comes in. All evidence, from his poor defense to his lack of an alibi, pointed to him. It came as quite a bit of a shock, because if you knew Terry… he just wasn't the sort for that kind of thing. Has a wife and two kids that he loves to death. He was pretty well off, too, considering he was Head of the Department of Magical Transport. During his trial, he claimed to have been under the Imperius Curse because he didn't remember a thing about the situation. Of course, _that_ didn't help his defense much. Poor thing is in Azkaban now."

"What?" James exclaimed, outraged. "How does that even – of _course_ it was Voldemort and his little cronies that – that cursed him!"

Marie rubbed her temples wearily. "You _would_ think that. You don't understand. You couldn't. The world isn't in black and white, James. Everything is more of a bland, boring grey. He isn't the first one to claim being under the Imperius. It's driving the Wizengamot crazy, because it's hard to tell if one's lying or if they're actually telling the truth."

He was speechless for a few moments. For some reason, he couldn't help but wonder what on earth would happen to his children. Would they grow up without a father, he wondered. Would they be a teenager like him and sit in their room someday thinking about how their father was a murderer? Would the man even survive Azkaban? What if he was innocent? Who did this Voldemort person think he was, killing people off for no other reason than prejudice?

His mind instinctively jumped to Lily again, and he heard her voice ringing in his head, loud and clear.

_"...showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can — I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."_

Suddenly, James felt ridiculously small. Every little hex and prank he'd pulled was coming back to him and the pointlessness of them hit him hard. Abruptly, the thought of sending a Bat-Bogey Hex to a Slytherin for no reason seemed a lot less funny and a lot more mean. Using magic to make a little eleven year old trip when he was running down the corridor because he was late for class seemed unnecessary and immature when people were dying and being sent to Azkaban.

"It's not for you to think about, James," Marie said softly, observing his bowed head and misinterpreting his silence. "The Wizengamot are professionals, they know what they're doing. We just have to trust them."

James said nothing. There's some sort of lump in his throat that he couldn't seem to get rid of.

"Er," he tried after a few moments. "I think I'm going to go up to bed now. Excellent dinner, mum."

He threw her a smile and then hurried out of the kitchen, trying to empty his head.

"…_A nice prank on the Slytherins, yeah?..."_

James couldn't help but wonder why they got so much enjoyment from hexing the Slytherins, anyway. Yes, they were an evil lot… and they did occasionally hex them as well… but if the Marauders were hexing them merely for entertainment, didn't that bring them down to the Slytherins' level? Was the line between arrogance and superiority that thin?

"… _Believes only Wizards of Pure-blood should be given respect…"_

What was the difference really? He was coming to the realization that it had been what Lily had been saying all this while. She'd had him down to a science, known more about him than he'd even known.

"_You make me SICK."_

"_Whether it's for fear of Voldemort's wrath, or they actually do share his ethics…"_

"_The world isn't in black and white James."_

He gave a long sigh and crawled under the covers of his bed, his head still buzzing.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Terribly boring chapter, forgive me, it had to be done lol

Still review thoughhh! :) xx


	3. Brain Versus Brawn

The next couple of weeks went by smoothly for James. It was quite a cold, wet summer, so he spent a lot of his time cooped up at home. On the days were the sun shone bright and hot, he went to the neighboring muggle city, Teirm, for an ice cream or played Quidditch with his father. Henry had been getting plenty of time off work, and even though it worried him slightly, James was enjoying it immensely. They soared over the mini pitch behind the house, racing to catch the snitch that he'd nicked from Hogwarts. It was a bit surprising to see how much better than his father he'd grown over the school year – his father had only caught the snitch twice before James, and that was only because he'd been distracted. Then again, it wasn't all _that_ surprising. Being on Gryffindor Quidditch team at Hogwarts did have its perks.

One chilly night, James lay snoring in his bed when there was a loud knock on his bedroom window.

_Knock_.

He grumbled into his sheets and stuffed his pillow over his head, trying to shut out the noise.

_Knock. Knock._

"Go away mum, Merlin," he moaned, trying to drift back off into sleep.

_KNOCK._

"Good Agrippa, what _is_ that?" he muttered, and he opened his eyes in a squint. It was pitch dark in his room. Faint moonlight streamed through the windows, illuminating a square path on the floor. For a second, he thought he'd imagined the knocking, but then it came again.

KNOCK.

He turned towards the window, full of confusion. There was nothing outside the window, but he was positive the noise had come from there. Jamming his glasses on, he untangled himself from the sheets and stumbled towards the window. The cool summer air hit him as soon as the window was open, but he paid it no attention. Down below, by the fountain of a hippogriff he'd become so familiar with, stood a lone figure staring up at him.

James immediately recognized the person.

"_Sirius_?"

The person blinked. "James?"

James rubbed his eyes, making sure that he was fully awake. "Sirius, what are you doing?"

"Just popping in for some tea, what the bloody hell does it look like I'm doing?"

Ignoring the comment, James stared at him for a moment before turning away from the window and quickly pulling on a shirt over his head. For a brief second, he considered taking his Invisibility Cloak, but then he realized he was at home, and not Hogwarts. Sneaking around at home was permitted, for the most part. When fully dressed, he hurried out of his room and down the stairs, tiptoeing over the creaky floorboards. It wasn't long before he was slipping through the front door and approaching the fountain. Sirius was still there, perched on the edge.

"Padfoot," he said as he walked up to meet him. "Under normal circumstances, I'd love to have you at my house. However, seeing as it is three in the morning, and you've interrupted my much needed sleep, I'm sure you understand why I ask: what the bloody hell are you doing here?"

James raised an eyebrow as Sirius slowly rose, though he was secretly glad to his best friend. Merlin knew his summer had been terribly boring so far. James smiled, but the smile quickly fell as he caught sight of the strange look on Sirius' face.

"Padfoot..." he said uncertainly.

Sirius looked at him blankly, and James fought the urge to step back. In the dark, with his windswept hair and the dark circles under his eyes, Sirius looked a little mad. "I can't believe I did it. I... just did it."

"Did what?" James asked slowly. Sirius was still staring at him, a dazed look on his face. Then suddenly, as James glanced to his feet where a large trunk was laying by a broomstick, it all started to make sense. "You left." he said, the realization hitting him. "You left for good."

Sirius nodded dumbly. James was momentarily struck speechless. He'd actually run _away_. He'd finally done what he'd been threatening to do since he was twelve. He'd left his family!

"Sirius, mate," he said breathlessly, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he let out a low laugh. "I can't believe you actually ran away."

He didn't answer for a while, so James sat gingerly on the fountain edge, a grin forming on him face.

Sirius made a small noise at the back of his throat. "Technically, I _flew_ away."

James rolled his eyes, though he was glad he sounded normal again. "Technically, you're an idiot."

"Really helping my self-assurance there, thanks mate."

"Anytime."

There was a pause as Sirius took a seat beside him. Finally, he was smiling slightly, the top of his shaggy brown hair seeming silver in the moonlight.

"This goes without saying," James nudged his side with his elbow, "but you're welcome to stay for as long as you want. Mum dotes on you."

He shook his head, grinning too. "She does, doesn't she? I reckon she loves me more than you, actually."

"Oh, so you've noticed _too_? It's always 'Sirius this, Sirius that.' I don't think she realizes how much of a bad influence you are on me. Anyway, what happened? How did you get here anyway? Surely you didn't fly all the way_,_ did you?"

He shrugged. "Mummy Dearest caught me writing to Kira Sanjay – that bird from Ravenclaw, you know her don't you? Flew into a rage about me talking to filthy 'Mudbloods'. She said no son of hers would associate with people like that and… I dunno, I kind of just… lost it and I told her I wasn't her son. Then I grabbed my trunk-" he pointed at the black trunk at his feet "-and strapped it to my broom. One Featherweight Charm and three uncomfortable hours of flying later, here I am."

James was about to tell him that Kira Sanjay wasn't _that_ fit to initiate his _flying_ away, when lights flared up through his room window. Evidently, he hadn't been as quiet as he had hoped.

"Come on, mate," James yawned, suddenly realizing it was dawn. "Let's head in. Mum's probably having a heart attack finding my room empty."

And so Sirius Black began living with the Potters. And as it was only the middle of the summer holidays, they spent the next month almost always together. They began to get bored soon, though, after the novelty of having a friend's company wore off and there really wasn't much to do except to play Quidditch and maybe visit Remus or Peter once or twice. So one morning, they went to Teirm. As luck would have it, they met two muggle girls who took an interest to them and invited them to a party they were throwing. Ridiculously excited, James and Sirius decided that they _had _to go. All they had to do was convince James' parents.

"No, Padfoot, listen, I'm the brains and you're the brawn, alright? I came up with the plan, so now you carry it out, it's really simple," James whispered to Sirius as they jogged down the crystal staircase. It was the morning after their visit to Teirm.

"What?" Sirius exclaimed loudly, and James gesticulated wildly with his hands, shushing him. Sirius dropped his voice to a whisper. "You've always _insisted_ you were the brawn! Besides, brawns don't do things like... plead and negotiate. We get in there and we throw a few punches and _that_, my friend, is the brawn lifestyle, something you obviously don't know very much about."

"Well, I'm not asking you to punch my parents," James hissed, "I'm asking you to get permission from them! Look, Sirius -"

They stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and James raised up his hands in a soothing manner. "Sirius, do you know how often I get invited to a muggle party around here?"

He sighed. "Prongs-"

"Never," he interrupted. "That's how often. Never. And now, out of the blue, we meet a pair of muggle girls at Teirm who want us to come to their party and you want to just pass this _away_? Mate, this is an opportunity of a lifetime!"

"I think you're being a little bit dramatic," he rolled his eyes. "Why can't _you_ ask them? They're your parents!"

"Sirius, we both know my parents love you more than they could ever love me. It's been established. Use their love to our advantage. Like I said, I came up with the plan, and you've been delegated to carry it out."

"So now I work for you?"

"No, we're partners," he replied, shoving Sirius into the sunny kitchen where James' parents were having breakfast. Sirius sighed and slid into the seat next to Henry. Giving him a thumbs up, James poured himself some orange juice.

"Morning, dears," Marie smiled as she stood washing the dishes in the sink. "Do you want some toast? Your father ate all the pancakes."

They agreed to have some, and James took his place at the table. Henry was already finished with his breakfast and he was reading the Prophet, his glasses perched on the tip of his nose. He looked slightly comical but James was too busy silently communicating with Sirius to laugh. _Ask now_, he told him with his eyes. Sirius shook his head just as Marie placed a plate full of buttered toast in the middle of the table.

"Wow, this is great mum," James said cheerfully, grabbing some and placing it on his plate. "I really love it when you cook, you know that? I really just love you in general. You're so great. You as well, dad."

Henry peered at him from behind his newspaper. Sirius snorted into his plate, but James went on. "Wow, Sirius, have you noticed how attractive my parents are looking these days? Really, what is it you're using? A new body wash? Glamour Charms? It's working, let me tell you that."

His parents exchanged glanced before Marie shrugged and returned to the sink. Sighing, Henry put down his newspaper, and pushed his glasses higher up on his nose. "What is it you want, son?"

"There's a party tonight," James replied promptly. "A muggle party to be exact. In Teirm. Sirius and I want to go."

"Absolutely not," Marie cried, whipping around from the sink. "James, you know how we feel about you going to Teirm as it is, and now you want to go to a _party_?"

_"_Mum," he began, but Henry cut him off.

"Hang on, Marie," he said curiously. "How did you get invited to a party in Teirm?"

"We met some Muggles when we went over there the last time," James shrugged. "We had a good time, so they invited us to their party, no big deal. Please? I'm going to be sixteen soon, and you won't even let me go to a party? Plus I got nine O.W.L.s, _including_ an O.W.L. in Muggle Studies!" He figured if pleading wouldn't work, maybe he could guilt them into it.

"I don't care if you're going to be thirty or if you got seventeen O.W.L.s, James," Marie said, shaking her head, "I just don't feel comfortable letting you go to a party full of muggles -"

"Says the person opposing the anti-Muggle mindset," James shot back.

She glared at him and placed her hands on her hips. "James Henry Potter, that has nothing to do with this and you know it."

James groaned. It was obviously going nowhere. He turned to Sirius, who was watching with an amused expression on his face. "Sirius, your turn. Say something. Anything."

He rolled his eyes, but he still folded his hands together and said, "Mr. Potter. Mrs. Potter. We'll be back by midnight, there'll be no drinking, drugs, or fighting. We'll keep safe and even leave our wands home, so nothing happens. If anything happens, we'll leave right away and find a way to contact you as soon as possible."

James' jaw dropped open as uncertainty passed over his mother's face. It was a rare occasion that Sirius was ever responsible, so it was strange to hear him sound so put together. No wonder James' parents loved him. Sirius shot him a quick wink and waited for Marie to answer. She looked at Henry, who shrugged and turned back to his paper.

"Oh, alright," she said unwillingly and James cheered.

"Brilliant," he said, rising up and kissing her on the cheek. "We'll be safe, I promise."

"Not a second past midnight," she warned, "or you're sentenced to house imprisonment till you're thirty."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Reviews = sex

xxx


	4. No Drinking, Drugs or Fighting

"Bye Mum!" James called over his shoulder as he and Sirius walked down the sloping driveway.

"Be safe," she called back, waving her dinner spoon in the air by the door.

They walked through the iron gates and onto the stony lane that led to Teirm. It was a windy day and the sun was setting already, and James figured it would already be dark by the time they got there. He glanced at Sirius, who grinned back at him.

"This better be worth it, Prongs," he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. After hours of muggle observation on their broomsticks, and careful consideration, they'd formed a general idea of what muggles would wear to a party. The girls wore something _entirely_ different, but for the boys, they'd assumed a pair of jeans and a plain shirt would be enough for them to blend in. "I mean," he continued, "what if muggles don't even have parties like we do? What if their idea of a good time is to… I don't know, sit around and talk about their feelings?" James snorted. "No really! Or sit on their arses watching their televisions or whatever they're called."

"Sitting around watching the telly _is_a good time," James said indignantly. "My mum's cousin's recently married a muggle, and we went over to visit him and let me tell you…"

He went on to explain to Sirius the wonders of the telly as they walked over the hill that separated his house from Teirm. It was a large hill, so they were breathing rather hard by the time they reached the crest. The view was astounding. Teirm was quite a small town, but in the dark, they could still see it stretched out for at least two miles. James had never been to Teirm after dark before, seeing as his parents were so paranoid about it, and it was a pity, because it was a lot more fascinating at night. Tiny pinpricks of light lit up the city, and their cars zoomed up and down the roads. Gaping, the two began to descend the hill.

They walked through the roads, barely being able to pass by eye-catching things. They must've looked like foreigners, especially to the people they asked for directions from. Even with the directions, they got lost a couple of times, but eventually they approached a large house with blazing lights and loud music blaring so loudly, they could feel the vibrations in their feet.

James' jaw dropped open. On the front lawn of the house, there were about a dozen people, most of them girls (scantily clad girls), talking and laughing with plastic cups in their hands. If he knew anything about alcohol, they were all piss drunk. Looking through the open front door, he could see there were more people – a lot more people – in the house, dancing and laughing and falling around.

Simultaneously, both Sirius and James turned to look at one another, grinning widely.

"Oh hey, you made it!" A trilling voice came from the house and two girls walked over towards them, each with a wide smile on her face. They were the girls they'd met at Teirm last week. Though last week, they'd been wearing baggy sweatshirts and had thrown their hair up into messy buns; today, they wore skirts that would've given James' mother a stroke, and skimpy tops that showed their stomachs. Somehow, James didn't mind.

"Couldn't miss it," Sirius grinned. "It looks like a great party."

"It should," the blonde one – her name was Tricia if James remembered correctly – flipped her hair, smiling. "I _am_turning seventeen, and you only turn seventeen once, right?"

"Happy birthday," James said politely, but he didn't think she heard him. She was too busy fingering the edge of Sirius' collar. He wasn't sure whether to laugh, or to look away awkwardly as she inched closer to Sirius, who had a dumbstruck look on his face.

The brunette beside him – er, Lana wasn't it? – laughed and rolled her eyes. "She's drunk," she told me. "She'll snog anyone. Your friend's not bad though, he's rather good-looking," she eyed Sirius. James blinked rapidly as he looked back; his best mate and Tricia were already locked at the lips. He looked away quickly when Sirius wrapped his arms around her waist and instead locked eyes with Lana.

Perhaps she noticed him staring at her because she smiled and said, "You know, you're not bad yourself. Here, let me show you around."

She tugged at James' sleeve and all but dragged him into the house, chattering on about how great it was that he came. He wrinkled his nose as the smell of alcohol and smoke hit him. He wondered what kind of alcohol the muggles drank, but not for long, because Lana dragged him to the table where little glass cups of a clear liquid stood, along with an assortment of food. She grabbed two cups and shoved one into his hand.

"Here's to meeting new people, eh?" she announced, holding her cup in the air. James grinned at her. "To meeting new people," he repeated and they both downed the drink. A burning sensation followed it down his throat and he almost choked. It vaguely occurred to him that he'd promised his mum there'd be no drinking.

Oh well.

Two hours later, he was on the dance floor with Lana and he couldn't remember where Sirius was. He couldn't remember much, really, what with the light buzzing in his head, and Lana kissing him. It'd been uncomfortable at first – he had known her for two hours after all – but it got nicer. She was a great kisser, and her hair was really soft. It wasn't red, though.

He pulled away from her quickly, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden. She glanced behind him – she'd been doing that a lot – and her eyes widened. She quickly pulled his face towards her and smashed her lips against his, rougher than before.

"Mmph," James protested against her mouth, and pulled away again. "What the hell?"

She rolled her eyes and looked pointedly behind her. He turned to look at what'd been distracting her all night, and saw a muscular, curly-haired boy standing by the drinks, glaring at him.

You see, Lana had a boyfriend. _Had_ being the operative term. A few nights ago, Lana had been off to visit her cousin, Betty, when she'd caught her boyfriend of two years (Adam) hiding, half-naked under Betty's bed. Apparently, he'd been cheating on her for at least a month, and she'd been oblivious. Despite his protests, she'd broken up with him on the spot, declaring that she hated him and never wanted to see him again. Unfortunately for Lana, she _didn't_ hate him (how could she after they'd been dating for two years), she only hated what he'd done to her, and she swore to herself that she would pay him back. It was unfortunate for James that she'd chosen to use him in her plan for revenge, because Adam was a very short-tempered fellow.

"Who's that?" James asked in a low voice.

"My boyfriend," Lana explained.

He turned to stare at her in horror. "You have a _boyfriend_? What the – bloody hell, I-"

"_Ex_-boyfriend," she said quickly. "He cheated on me with this slag and I found out yesterday and – just ignore him, he has no right to be upset – oh, God, he's coming over here. _Ignore_ him. Just leave it to me."

James raised his hand to his forehead, not believing what was happening. She'd broken up with her boyfriend only _one_day ago, of course he was going to be upset. It was pretty much an unwritten rule: wait at _least_a week before snogging someone's ex-girlfriend.

"What do you want, Adam?" Lana's cold voice came and James raised his head to see the boy, _Adam_, standing quite too close to him for comfort, along with a couple of other boys.

"Who is this guy?" Adam asked her angrily, jerking a thumb in James' direction.

He was about to reply that he was James Potter, Quidditch Player Extraordinaire, just to see the look on their faces, when Lana cut him off, folding her arms. "Absolutely none of your business. Now leave."

"Lana," his voice took on a pleading note, and he grabbed her arm. "Look, I'm _sorry,_ it was an accident-"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said scathingly, "did you _accidentally_ shag my cousin, or did you _accidentally_ let me find out?" He tried to talk again but she grabbed James' shirt and began to walk off, dragging him along behind her. "Go to hell, Adam. And take that the little tramp of a cousin down there with you."

"Lana!" He grabbed her hand again and she yelped. Perhaps it was the Gryffindor in him making its way out, or it was the alcohol; either way, James felt he should step in at that point. He wrenched Adam's hand off of Lana and pushed him back. "Piece of advice, mate," he said, arching an eyebrow. "Next time, keep it in your shorts, yeah?"

James turned away and saw Lana smiling at him for a brief second, before he was pushed and pinned against the wall. Stars appeared in front of his eyes, as the crowd gasped and fell silent. As his vision cleared, he saw the Adam boy looming over him, anger written all over his face. Behind him, his cronies stood trying to look threatening; James would've laughed if the situation wasn't so dire. Where the hell was Sirius?

As it turned out, he wasn't too far away.

"Get your hands off him, you knob!"

Adam whipped around – there was a loud _smack_ and he fell back on to a table full of food, holding his jaw. Chaos ensued. It all seemed to happen very fast. James straightened up as he saw Sirius duck a blow from one of Adam's friends. The other one lunged at James, but he dodged it as well, and felt his fist connect with the boy's jaw.

People were fighting everywhere; He couldn't see Lana anywhere amongst the hot swell of bodies pressed around him. Sirens were wailing outside and people began to scramble about yelling 'Police!' Looking around wildly, James saw Sirius deliver another punch to a blond boy. Deciding they'd caused enough trouble, he grabbed Sirius's arm and tugged at him. Sirius whipped around, as if about to let loose another punch, but he lowered his arm when he caught sight of James. Together, they pushed their way through the crowded room and towards the back door, where people were scrambling to get out. Cars were being revved up and driven away, and, not for the first time, James wished he had one of them. He didn't know exactly what these 'police' were but he guessed they weren't people he wanted to meet.

The noise from the house faded as the two of them jogged down the street, lit with the lights from the other buildings. When they were far enough so that they couldn't hear the sirens, they paused to catch their breath. James' hand was throbbing slightly from the punch he'd delivered.

Sirius looked at him, his breathing still slightly heavy. "Well… at least we didn't do any drugs."

"Yeah," he panted in reply. "There's that."

Laughing, they walked through the town till they arrived at a street they recognized. It wasn't too hard to find their way back up the hill from there. It wasn't midnight yet, and there weren't any visible bruises anywhere from the fight, so they were confident they would be able to throw off any of Marie's suspicious questions. As they left Teirm behind and headed closer to James' house, he congratulated Sirius on his accomplishments for the night.

"Really, Padfoot, that was a very nice left hook," he said, impressed. "He _fell_, the wanker. He's not as tough as he acted."

"Well, I _am_the brawn," he smirked, and James punched him slightly on the arm. "I saw you too, Prongs. You gave that other guy a nice little bruise on his jaw."

He bowed. "Thank you. Ha, who knew muggles were so much fun? And the _girls_," he whistled. "That Lana girl was fit, wasn't she? And she was fun too… until Mr. Muscle showed up, obviously."

"Yeah, she was fit," Sirius agreed, as they pushed through the iron gates. "So was Tricia. That girl can do things with her –"

He trailed off and James glanced at him. "Do things with her _what_?"

He didn't answer. He was staring up at James' house, a strange look on his face.

"Sirius…" James followed his gaze up to his house and instinctively took a step back.

Hovering above it was a smoky, green skull with a serpent protruding from the mouth.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Mmmm, it's a bit American... Lol sorry I don't know how to not be American. Updates will _not_ be coming this frequently, I just had a whole day off today, and I got really into this. I rather like this chapter :)

Sooooo, tell me what you think? Seriously it literally takes like ten seconds. TEN SECONDS will make me happier than a mother hen. Do this for me please? Updates come faster with reviews, just sayyyyinnnnnnng'. :)


	5. Gone

"What the…"

James stared up at his house, a numb feeling spreading through his body. The lights blazed through the windows, but there was something unnaturally still about it. The green skull swirled amongst the clouds, the snake lolling out of its mouth. Sirius grabbed his arm.

"James," he said urgently. "James, we can't go in, we don't know what's happened-"

James wrenched his arm away from him and began to walk towards the house. Sirius was yelling at him to come back, but instead he sped up till he was running. Blood was pounding in his ears and his heart was beating so fast, he wanted to pause and take large breaths. But he couldn't. His _parents_ were in that house. He'd heard about the green skull, not a lot, but enough to know that if you saw it hanging above your house, it wasn't going to be something pleasant.

Fear gripped his heart as he reached the front door and turned the knob slowly. It was open. _It doesn't mean anything_, he told himself firmly, as he pushed it open completely. _Mum and dad leave the door open whenever I'm out._

The foyer was empty, he noticed, stepping in. The lights were on and everything was in place. There couldn't have been a fight or a struggle in here. Everything was fine.

"Mum," he called loudly. "Dad."

There was no answer. He tried again, but still to no avail. His heart thumped loudly, as it usually does when you're scared. Tossing his jacket on to the couch closest to him, he headed into the drawing-room and froze in his tracks.

The room was destroyed. The furniture had been knocked over, the large, red couch on its side completely torn apart by wild slashes. The bookshelf was on its back and picture frames on the wall were damaged so badly, the inhabitants of the pictures had left. Papers and rubble lay all over the floor, and in the middle of it all was…

"Mum!" James yelled hoarsely. "Dad!"

They would have looked like they were sleeping, only their wide open eyes made it clear they were not. He lunged forward, his breathing suddenly shallow. He didn't seem to be able to breathe right. The room spun dizzily for a moment as he staggered towards them.

"Mum." He reached her first and dropped to his knees. Her blue eyes stared emptily up at the ceiling, and her hair scattered all over her face. James pushed the stray hairs away and shook her slightly. He wasn't sure why he was shaking her. He knew… it was obvious… but surely she _couldn't _be gone. She couldn't.

"_Mum_," he repeated desperately, his voice barely above a whisper. Why wasn't she answering? James shook her, harder and harder, begging her to wake up. His mother _always_ answered him. She was always there. She couldn't be _gone_.

"Dad," he cried hopelessly, now turning to his father's slumped body. His eyes were narrowed as though he was concentrating very hard, but there was no light in his eyes. There wasn't that sparkle that was usually there whenever he was riling up James' mother, or he and James they were playing Quidditch together. There was no hint of that fatherly smile he threw about when James returned from Hogwarts, or when they were having dinner. He just _stared_, that hard look of concentration never leaving his face.

"Dad!" he yelled once again, frustration taking over. "What are you doing, get _up_! Both of you! Why are you doing this to me?"

Something hot and wet touched his hand, and he looked down. A drop of water sat on his pale and shaking hand, and he realized he was crying. He hadn't cried since he was ten, when his father had refused to buy him a new broomstick he'd wanted. He was too young, but he hadn't cared. He'd wanted the broom, but Henry Potter had said no. He'd told his father that he hated him.

"Help!" James shouted hoarsely, though he knew it was pointless. There was no other house near them for at least half a mile. Still, he couldn't repress the panic rising through him. He looked wildly around and scrambled to his feet. Running through the foyer again, he saw Sirius walk through the front door, his face stricken.

"James," he said, staring at his best friend. "Mate, what… you're-"

"I need help," James choked. "_They _need help… someone came… attacked…"

His face turned white as a sheet. "I've contacted the Ministry," he said. "They should be here soon…"

"They should be here now!" James yelled. "My parents might be… might be…"

He couldn't say it. He couldn't. Sirius moved quickly past him and into the kitchen, stopping just where James had. He didn't follow Sirius in—he already knew what his friend would see. James put his head in his hands, slumping against the wall. This had to be a nightmare. Some mad, _weirdly_ vivid nightmare. Or maybe it was a joke. Maybe his parents were playing some sick joke on him and would pop up laughing any moment, saying, "Gotcha!"

The tears ran hot and fast down his face, but he made no effort to wipe them away. Why should he? He knew times were dangerous but he didn't think… they were _purebloods_… if only he'd been there. If he hadn't gone to that stupid party, he might've helped. They wouldn't be… He gulped. He simply couldn't shake the idea that it was his fault. They'd needed him, but instead he'd been away drinking cheap booze and kissing equally cheap girls.

_Be safe! _His mother's voice rang loud and clear in his head. So clearly that he raised his head quickly to see if she was there. She wasn't, of course.

_Right_, he thought bitterly. _You can't even follow your own advice_.

He dropped his head to his hands again and, unable to control himself, he broke into sobs.

* * *

><p><strong>an:** wow embarrassingly short chapter...

Sorry, the next chapters are longer! Review me maybe? (That was a call me maybe reference if no one caught that)


	6. A Curious Thing

The lights on the chandelier James had once thought twinkled merrily cast a dull light through the foyer. He stared at them intently, studying each facet. Each crystal droplet held a multitude of colors, each reflecting off of one another. They were kind of entrancing, really. Strange that he hadn't noticed them before.

"Mr. Potter."

He heard his name as though from far away, and with great effort, he pulled his gaze away from the lights and refocused it on the man that loomed over him from his position on the ground. It was a rugged man with bright blue eyes and grizzly hair who seemed pretty familiar. James vaguely tried to place where he'd seen him before, but then realized that he didn't care much.

"Mr. Potter," he repeated in his gruff voice. His arm extended towards James and he blinked before finally taking it. "I'm terribly sorry for your loss," he continued as James slowly straightened up.

There were plenty other people in the house, swarming around the drawing-room, talking in low voices and writing in notepads. James knew they were Aurors and were only doing their job, but he couldn't help wanting them to leave. As soon as the healer had taken a look at his parents' bodies and shaken her heads, James had been unable to pay much attention to any of them. Sirius wasn't taking the news well either. He was trying to be strong by answering all the Aurors' questions, but he was constantly staring into space and James saw him brush away a tear once or twice.

"Mr. Potter?"

He snapped back to attention. The man was looking at him, annoyed. "Did you hear a word I just said?"

"Er..." he croaked."I'm sorry, I just -"

"You just lost your parents," he said bluntly. "Quite understandable of course, though I did hope you'd be able to answer some questions for me."

_You just lost your parents._

The thought swirled around in his head. He'd lost them. Lost.

"Yeah," James heard himself saying. "Yeah. Questions. Shoot."

The man nodded and took out a notepad, squinting at it. "I see the others have already covered your accounts, so there'll be no need for me to ask you to repeat them." He shut the notepad and peered at him with inspecting eyes. "Alastor Moody, Head Auror of Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

The name struck a bell in his head. Yes, he'd definitely seen him somewhere before. Maybe this Moody had come to visit his parents at some point.

"Now," he continued, "there are some issues that need to be covered after this incident. For instance, we just recovered your parents' will, and sure enough they left you most everything. A few things went to the Ministry, and a few hundred galleons went to the young Mr. Black. Their will had to remain with the Ministry but you're welcome to come any time and take a look at it if you like."

He wanted to say something. Anything. But the lump in his throat stopped him. He couldn't stand here and listen to him hand out his parents' possessions. It made it too final. After trying and failing a few times, he settled for a nod.

It was clear that Moody noticed his discomfort, because he stared at him strangely for a moment, before carrying on in a gentler tone. "How old are you, Potter?"

"Sixteen," he replied dully.

"Sixteen," he repeated in a low voice. "And when do you turn seventeen?"

"March ."

He looked at James strangely again before sighing. "Listen. I understand Mr. Black has taken up residence with you this summer. Now unfortunately, you're both still minors, and after this attack, the Ministry can't allow you both to continue to stay here, considering the high possibility that the attackers may return –"

"Where am I supposed to go?" James' voice cracked.

"Well," Moody said carefully, "it would probably be best if you stayed with some other members of your family…"

"There's no one else," he retorted. "My grandparents are dead, I'm an only child, and everyone else lives too far away."

"Well, Mr. Black –"

"I'm not going to live with Sirius' parents. And neither is he. School is only a couple weeks away; we can rent a room in Diagon Alley till then."

Moody looked at him carefully, his eyes searching James' face. He stared back at him firmly, refusing to budge. There was no absolutely no way he was going to go and live with someone else.

"Very well," he said finally and James let out a sigh. "I'll be telling the Ministry that you're with a relative so it is _imperative_ that you lie low at Diagon Alley."

James nodded, thinking the conversation to be over, but Moody seemed to be hesitating.

"Is there a problem?" he asked. _Aside from the obvious._

"Actually," Moody said, glancing around. "You should know, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, but considering the instability of the Wizarding world and the growing amount of pressure on the Ministry, I'm sure you understand… the news about this attack will not be released to the public."

It took James a few moments to process what he was saying. "Why not?" he asked slowly. "All other attacks have been announced."

"Yes, well," Moody said gruffly, "Bagnold has a new policy. The less the people know, the better they're off."

"That's bullshit," he said bluntly. "The more people know, the more they know how to protect themselves and what to protect themselves from."

The corners of Moody's mouth titled up in a smile, but it was gone before James could be sure it was there. "Bagnold has different opinions. She thinks the illusion of a strong government is necessary to maintain order."

He could feel anger rising up inside of him. Rather unplaced anger, seeing as he didn't really know who it was directed at. Bagnold, perhaps. "So, basically, Bagnold wants people to think she knows what she's doing so she can stay Minister."

Moody regarded him for a moment before saying, "Yes. Exactly."

With that and a swish of the dark green robes which all Aurors wore, he was gone, and James was left with his thoughts once again.

* * *

><p>It was a gloomy, rainy, summer day, though James supposed he'd rather it'd been gloomy than sunny. It felt appropriate somehow, that the sun wasn't shining on the day he had to bury his own parents.<p>

It wasn't the first burial he'd been to. He remembered standing at his aunt's burial at the age of eight, with his mom holding his hand while his father spoke, teary-eyed, at the podium. It'd been raining that day as well. He recalled because later, after the burial, he sat on his mum's lap and she'd told him a special story about how the heavens were crying, because someone special had died.

The memory didn't make him feel better, but neither did it make him feel worse. He didn't feel anything really. The whole burial had sort of been a blur. It wasn't a big one. Like Moody had said, the attack had not been released to the public, so almost no one knew about the Potters' death. James'd been allowed to tell his distant relatives, but writing to each and every single one of them, as well as his parents' friends about it had been too painful, so he'd only managed to get about fifteen people there, in the backyard of his house.

Henry and Marie's friends had tried to make the backyard look presentable, knowing perfectly well that James couldn't do it on his own. The grass was cut smooth and white flowers had been set up everywhere. James thought white flowers were a bit ironic at a funeral, but they were pretty so he didn't mind much. He found out later that they were lilies, and naturally his mind jumped to Lily Evans. It was strange thinking about her, like she was from another world completely. He thought maybe he should've invited her to the funeral. Then again, she probably wouldn't have shown up.

All in all, James thought his parents deserved more than the small gathering, but in some way, he was glad. He didn't really want to speak anyone. Remus and Peter, of course, had arrived that morning full of sorrow and sympathy. He'd told them not to worry about it, and they'd fallen silent, exchanging glances. He supposed it was going to be like that now—people walking on eggshells around him, constantly worrying about him. At first, thinking about the Ministry withholding the news about the… attack made James' blood boil, but now he was starting to realize, in a way, it was a good thing.

"… a good man, vibrant and full of life…"

His great uncle was still talking, and James wished he would stop. He wished it would all stop. He winced every time someone used the past tense to describe his parents, and hearing how they were so very alive was like a punch to the stomach. At least, it'd stopped raining. Marie Potter would've been furious if her only son had worn wet robes to her own funeral.

In no time at all, it was James' turn to speak, and as he approached the podium that stood in front of the large, white coffin, he found he hadn't prepared anything to say.

He cleared his throat and opened his mouth, but couldn't think of anything. What was he supposed to say? What does one even say at their parents' funeral? It went against the simple rule of nature: that parents were to die before their children.

He tried again, but to no avail. He was about to mumble an apology and step away, but he caught sight of the Marauders standing huddled together towards the back of the garden. Next to them was a short blonde girl, with pretty blue eyes and a blotchy face from crying. Alice Prewett. Her parents had been close friends and she was one of Lily Evans' best friends. She was a lovely girl. James wondered how he hadn't noticed her arrival.

All four of them were smiling encouragingly. Taking a deep breath, he gripped the sides of the podium and tried once more.

"Er… mum, dad," he started shakily. "Thanks for… for everything. I couldn't have asked for better parents." He heard his voice crack and stopped, blinking rapidly behind his glasses. "I wish… I wish you got more time. I - Goodbye," he mumbled before stepping away.

It ended pretty quickly after that. Goodbyes were said, tears were shed, the coffin was lowered into the ground and his Henry and Marie Potter were gone. A lot of people were talking to Jamesand he felt as if he were on auto-pilot, repeating "I'm fine," and "Thank you," and "I really appreciate it," over and over again. The only conversation in which he actually paid any attention was with Alice.

She enveloped him in a big hug, tears streaming down her face and he hugged her back tightly. They stayed like that for a while, and James found he didn't mind at all. It was the first meaningful comfort he'd received all day. Over the top of her head, James caught sight of the Marauders talking in low voices near the back door. He wondered what it was about momentarily, but his focus went back to Alice as she began to speak.

"James," she sniffled pulling away. "Oh, I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be," he shook his head. "It's not your fault."

She nodded and wiped at her red eyes, then looked at him worriedly. "How are you?"

He shrugged. "I don't really know, to be honest."

"You look awfully tired," she said, her voice anxious. She was right. He hadn't slept a wink since that night – four nights ago to be exact, and the lack of sleep was starting to take its toll on him. "And a bit skinny, actually. Have you been eating? Do you want me to come over for a bit? I can cook, you know. Where are you staying anyway? I heard, you're leaving to the Leaky Cauldron but if you want, I can -"

"Alice," he stopped her, tempted to smile but found his face muscles were not willing to move in that direction. "I'm fine, really. I thought about going to the Leaky Cauldron, but I think I'd rather just stay here. Say goodbye to the house elves, pack my things and all that. I don't think I'll be coming back to this house after we leave for Hogwarts."

She stared at him. "But I thought… the Ministry –"

"They don't have to know."

Alice didn't look like she liked the plan at all. "Are you serious? Where will you go?"

"I turn seventeen in March," he shrugged. "Right before summer. I can get a smaller place somewhere else. I know Sirius is getting his own flat soon, so maybe I'll move in with him, I don't know. I just can't stay here anymore."

She looked like she was trying to process the thought of him leaving the house where his ancestors had lived, and he didn't blame her. He could barely process it himself.

"If you're sure," she said uncertainly.

"I am."

She nodded and hugged him again, telling him that he should owl her if he needed help.

"Oh, and Alice?" James called as she began to walk away. "Er… I'd rather you didn't tell anyone about the – the attack. I kind of want to come to terms with it on my own. At least for now."

She nodded vigorously, her curly blonde hair bouncing around her face. "Of course, James."

And she was gone.

* * *

><p>"James, you can't just not eat."<p>

_Watch me_, he was tempted to say, but he figured it was a tad childish. Instead he flipped over in his bed so his face was squished in his pillow.

"I'm not hungry, Remus."

His voice came out muffled, but Remus understood what he was saying. After all, it was all he'd been saying for the past week.

"Come on," he whined from the door. "At least just have some dinner. Alice cooked all that food, surely you don't want it to go to waste."

"You lot are eating it, aren't you?" James asked, raising his head tiredly to look at him. "Look, I'm really not hungry. But I'll force down some dinner if you want."

"Yes," he said, looking relieved. "Yes, good. Come down soon."

James nodded and let his head fall back on the pillow as Remus shut the door behind him. It was nice for Remus – Sirius and Peter as well – to stay with him till they left for Hogwarts tomorrow, but James didn't see why he was so worried about his eating habits. Perhaps he'd been able to eat enough to feed a small village before, but he just wasn't hungry anymore. Besides, he _was_ eating. Hadn't he eaten those three slices of toast this morning?

He sighed and thought about the next day. They were returning to Hogwarts tomorrow, and in all honesty he didn't think he was ready to fall back into the tedious routine of schoolwork. He'd owled Dumbledore and asked whether he could at least spend another week at home. His reply had only come this morning with a tawny Hogwarts owl. The letter lay crumpled on the floor near the rubbish bin, but James had scanned it so many times, it'd been memorized.

_Dear James,_

_I cannot tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I knew your parents well, and it would be hard to find people as good and brave elsewhere. I wish I could've made it to the funeral to offer my condolences, but unfortunately, I was out of the country and unable to return on such short notice. I apologize. It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. A bit like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things._

_I understand what you are going through, James, but I must say, with the surprising agreement of my staff, Hogwarts needs you. What shall we do without the annual Welcoming Feast Prank? Your friends need you, and you need them. I know you would like nothing more than to sit at home and do nothing, but I knew your parents, and, forgive me, I doubt it is something they would want. And it is for this reason that I expect to see you in the Great Hall,__come__September 1st ._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

_P.S – Professor McGonagall sends her love._

James had been so angry that he'd told himself he wouldn't go to school anyway, just to spite Dumbledore, but then realized there was some truth to his words. At least, for the Marauders, he would go to school. James needed them, and they needed him. It had always been like that and it always would be. He snorted at the idea of planning a prank for the Welcoming Feast, though. He could barely pull up the energy to feed himself, let alone plan a prank. Maybe Sirius, Remus and Peter would plan it on their own.

Sighing again, he tried to drift back off to sleep. The only time he'd been able to sleep lately was when he simply couldn't reject sleep any longer. And most of the time, it was during the day, when he was busy or distracted. But once he settled down for the night and tried to close his eyes, all he could see was his parents' blank faces staring up at the ceiling and the flash of green light that surely killed them.

The Ministry hadn't found any leads on his parents' murderers, but James knew who'd done it, and unless the Ministry was full of idiots, they knew who'd done it as well.

And if they wouldn't catch them, he thought with conviction, he would.

* * *

><p>AN: Hello there! Longer chapter now :) I hope you like it! Thanks for the lovely reviews! Now if you could just leave some more ;)

Shout out to Lemony Snicket for his quote used in Dumbledore's letter.

**REVIEW**

**OR I WILL EAT YOU**

**SERIOUSLY I'M NOT EVEN JOKING**

**l**

**l**

**l**

**l**

**V**


	7. Return to Hogwarts

"Now don't forget sweetheart, be good, and keep making us proud. And for the love of God, please behave. That's the fourth letter we've gotten! I mean, blowing up a _toilet_? Isn't that a bit too much?"

"It was an _accident_!" Lily Evans protested into her mother's shoulder as they embraced tightly. "I think four's pretty decent, actually, compared to some other people. You should see the things people get up to in my school. This bloke, James Potter –"

"I don't care about a James Potter," Rose Evans scolded as she pulled away from her daughter and held her at arm's length. "I care about _you_, and I want _you_ to behave. Especially considering you're a Prefect again this year."

Behind Lily, the train whistle blew, signaling that they had five minutes before it left. People were hustling on to the train, waving back at their parents, some even crying. Not wanting to be left behind, she hurriedly gave her mother a kiss on the cheek.

"Alright," Lily agreed, "I'll behave. Bye mum. I love you. Say bye to Daddy and Tuney for me," she called as she scrambled onto the train with her trunk.

Rose sent Lily a wave and she waved back as she felt the floor of the train begin to rumble, her bright green eyes tearing up slightly. It was always tough realizing that she would not see her mother or father for a good three to four months.

She'd stuffed her trunk in the luggage compartment when the train began to move, and she had to grab the door of a compartment to steady herself. She looked around, idly wondering where her friends were seated. She'd come a little late today, so she had no idea where they were.

Stupid Petunia, Lily thought, rolling her eyes. If her bratty sister hadn't insisted on sneaking out last night to go see her whale of a boyfriend, Vernon (or Vermin, as Lily liked to call him), her father would have never caught her trying to sneak back in, he wouldn't have grounded her for pretty much the rest of her life, they wouldn't have had a massive row about it, and Lily wouldn't have been late for the train. Of course, it was just like Petunia to not give a flying hoot about her return to Hogwarts.

"Lily?" The redhead whirled round to see the face of a pretty blonde poking out from the compartment door she'd just passed.

"Alice!" Lily squealed, and headed towards her. "Oh Merlin, I've missed you!"

"Not as much as I've missed you!" They hugged each other tightly and pulled away grinning. "Alice, your _hair_!" Lily exclaimed, running her fingers through her best friend's locks. "You got a hair cut?"

"It's not too short, is it?" Alice asked anxiously. "I told the lady shoulder length but she went ahead and –"

"It's beautiful," Lily insisted. And it was. Her usually long, curly blonde hair was cut a little bit above her shoulders. It suited her, but then again, Alice could be bald and still be beautiful.

"Good," she nodded. "I thought I needed a change, you know? This summer's been the absolute worst."

"Really?" Lily asked worriedly, searching Alice's face. Lily's summer hadn't been great, but it hadn't been _awful_. And for Alice, who was rich and beautiful with loving parents, to have a bad summer was a bit odd, seeing as she was constantly traveling around the world. "Why do you say that?"

Alice seemed to hesitate for a moment before shaking her head and walking back into the compartment. Slightly confused, Lily followed her in to see her two other girls lounging casually on the seats – Marlene McKinnon and Mary McDonald.

"Lily!" they cried simultaneously, getting up to hug her as well. She laughed as she embraced them both, feeling the familiar sense of home creep through her. She'd missed them so much.

It took a total of about thirty minutes for the four girls to finally calm down enough to sit down and actually talk about their summers. Even with their trading of stories, Lily was still a bit concerned about Alice. She looked gorgeous of course, but Lily could see dark circles under her eyes that she'd obviously tried to hide with makeup. She was usually such a happy-go-lucky sort of person, and to see even a glimpse of sadness in her eyes bothered Lily a lot.

"So, Alice," she started, settling back on the seat, "Are you going to tell me why your summer was so awful?"

"Yeah, you look a little bit peaky," Mary piped up and Marlene nodded vigorously as she munched on a Chocolate Frog.

Alice ran a hand through her now-short hair and sighed. "I don't know," she looked gloomily out the window. "It's just…"

"Just what?" Lily pressed.

"It's… it's this war that's been going on. This Voldemort fellow."

Marlene snorted. "Oh, that tosser? I wouldn't worry about him, Alice, he's just another one of those crazy pure-blood lunatics. It'll blow over soon enough."

"So you really believe that?" Lily was surprised to hear the ice in Alice's tone as she turned to look at Marlene. Alice was _never_rude to anyone. Marlene blinked rapidly and looked around the compartment, confused.

"Well –"

"Don't be stupid, Mar," she snapped, shocking them even further. "I suppose none of you have even bothered to pick up a Daily Prophet since June. Lily and Mary are Muggle-born, so it isn't all that strange… but come on, Marlene, you can't seriously tell me you think this isn't serious?"

Silence fell over the compartment, as they all exchanged glances. "Alice," Lily said urgently, "did – did something happen... is your family –"

"They're fine," she said, waving her hand as if to shoo her question away. "I'm a Pureblood, remember? Though apparently, even that doesn't matter anymore." She muttered the last part under her breath, and at this point, Lily was completely clueless as to what she was talking about.

Lily opened her mouth to try to calm Alice down, but was promptly interrupted. "Four families," she said loudly. "_Four families_ killed over the summer just because they were Muggle-born. They were brutally murdered too, not just simple Killing Curses. Four families and three Aurors – _and_ I'll have you know, they have a son who happens to go to Hogwarts. Muggles were tortured somewhere down in South London, and a whole muggle village went up in flames… all led by _just another one of those crazy pure-blood lunatics._You know, it's exactly that same mindset that's giving us so much trouble. If the Ministry doesn't stop babying us, and let us know the _facts_, then we'd know what we're actually dealing with." She stared back out the window, a bitter look on her sweet face. "Then maybe we can put an end to this."

If Lily thought the silence was thick before, it was nothing compared to how it was now. Marlene and Mary had stunned looks on their faces and she couldn't imagine her face looked much different. She looked at her hands, not sure what she was more upset about: the way Alice was acting or the information she'd received.

The news was certainly disturbing enough. Lily was Muggleborn, but she'd still heard some whispers in the muggle world about a psychotic serial killer. Stories like that were always popping up though, so she'd hadn't exactly given it much thought. Thinking about it, it was shameful now that she hadn't even made the connection to the Wizarding World. She'd _heard_ the stories about the Voldemort person, she'd even heard he was crazy and trying to get rid of Muggles and Muggleborns, but like Marlene, she'd figured he'd be stopped soon enough. And it scared her knowing that he hadn't. In fact, he was growing stronger. If the Ministry couldn't catch him now, when would they ever be able to catch him?

She gulped, hoping the rest wouldn't hear it and turned to look at Mary. She was staring blankly at her hand, but a muscle was twitching by her temple, and Lily knew that meant she was thinking hard. About what? Her family? They were both Muggleborn, so they were primary targets. Was it that serious? Did they really have to be worried about their families' safety?

Lily shook her head, trying to shake off all the negative thoughts. She really needed to subscribe to the Daily Prophet—a knut a paper was practically nothing.

"Alice?" Mary asked tentatively into the silence. "The... the boy whose parents were killed... you said he goes here? Who is he?"

Lily saw her clench her fists and unclench them before she answered, "Does it matter?"

And before Lily could protest that yes it did matter, the compartment door slid open and Sirius Black walked in, along with Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

Sirius looked the same as he always did, except she suspected he grew several more inches over the summer. He was getting really tall now, with his dark hair and his stormy grey eyes that were usually full of laughter. At the present moment, however, they were full of concern and something else she couldn't place.

"Girls," he nodded at them, before turning to Alice. Lily blinked, finding it a little odd that he'd been in the room a whole five seconds and he hadn't yet made a suggestive comment. "Oi, you haven't seen James around, have you?"

Alice's eyes widened. "What? No, I haven't, I thought he came with you three."

"Well, he did," Peter, a short blond blue-eyed boy said uneasily, "but we sort of lost him…"

Alice stared at them. "How do you _lose_ a person?"

There was silence in the compartment for a moment, before Marlene made a snorting sound and said: "You forget to cherish them." Mary and Lily promptly burst out laughing, ignoring the glares from the others. It was apparent Alice and the boys did not find Marlene's joke funny. In fact, Alice told the two of them to be quiet, and that it wasn't funny at all.

"Geez Al," Lily said, feeling the need to defend both herself and Mary. "What's up with you today? You seem a tad stressed, maybe you should lighten up. I really wouldn't worry Potter, he's such a git. He's probably off torturing some little First years somewhere," she continued with a shrug. It was probably true. James Potter was probably the most annoying human being to talk the planet. With his arrogant attitude, and his _stupid_ smirk, and the way he walked around hexing people for no reason, it was a wonder why people seemed to love him at Hogwarts. Not to mention the fact that he seemed to be utterly besotted with Lily and wouldn't leave her alone. Perhaps from any other person, it would have been slightly flattering, but James seemed incapable of being anything but incredibly annoying.

Sirius, probably annoyed at her for insulting his best friend, rolled his eyes and sat down, followed by Remus and Peter. Lily smiled at Remus, another one of James' best friends, but he didn't smile back, which surprised her. They were both Gryffindor Prefects and they got along pretty well… unless he was goofing off with those silly mates of his.

Why was everyone so surly today?

Lily turned to Marlene and Mary, seeing as they seemed to be the only ones acting their usual selves in the compartment.

"So how was your summer, Mar?" she asked.

Marlene immediately launched into an extremely detailed story about her trip to Spain and her summer romance with a guy named Rafael. She rolled the R on his name every time she mentioned it, sending Lily into a fit of giggles. Marlene was as boy crazy as they went. She couldn't resist them, just as they couldn't resist her. She had gorgeous, long dark hair with piercing blue eyes and the longest eyelashes to exist on a person. It wasn't really surprising that she got at least two date offers every week.

Lily and Mary were a bit more on the reserved side. Mary, with her shorter brown hair, and chocolate brown eyes, had a steady boyfriend – Seth Rogers from Ravenclaw House– so she was off the dating market. Lily, on the other hand, _was_ currently on the dating market, but due to a certain dark-haired, bespectacled git who'd apparently claimed her as his property, no boy dared to approach her (well she _hoped_ that was the reason).

"And then I opened the door and there were flowers just _sitting_ there –"

Marlene's dreamy reminiscing was cut short by the compartment door sliding open. They all turned to see who it was…

"Prongs!" Remus' relieved voice came, and honestly, if not for his exclamation, Lily might not have guessed who it was that stood in the door way of the compartment.

She gaped at the boy standing in front of her and could feel Marlene and Mary staring as well. What happened to him? His hair was messy – messier than usual, he had dark circles under his eyes and his face was paler than hers was in the winter. And the most jarring thing: there was no smirk on his face.

James Potter was not smirking.

If this wasn't a sign that the world was coming to an end, she didn't know what was.

"Remus," he nodded tiredly at his mate as he moved forward and took a seat between Alice and Sirius. Remus nodded back at him.

"Where'd you head off to?" Sirius asked.

James shrugged and leaned back in his seat. "Bathroom." Then he closed his eyes and spoke no more.

Lily was so stunned, she sat there for a full five minutes simply staring at him. Where was the smirk? Where was the usual comment, "I'm here and your lives just got so much better"? Where was the flirting? He hadn't even so much as looked at her!

"Er..." Marlene, cleared her throat. "Hello James. How was your summer?"

He didn't answer for so long that Lily was almost sure he'd fallen asleep. But then, without opening his eyes, he answered, "Great."

She wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not. It was hard to tell with the blank look on his face and the flat tone in his voice. She exchanged looks with Mary, who looked stumped as well. The Marauders were being extremely quiet, which was strange enough on its own. The compartment fell into an awkward silence. It was so bad that when the food cart came through they all jumped to our feet - except James - and scrambled out the door at the same time. Naturally, there was some shoving and confusion but eventually, Peter struggled out of the huddle and stepped forward.

"Ouch! Back off McKinnon, I'm going first. Er, yeah can I get three licorice wands and ten Chocolate Frogs?"

By the time they'd all bought enough to feed the whole train, they walked back into the compartment. James was still awake, staring out the window at the passing scenery. There was an extremely strange look in his face that Lily couldn't exactly place, but he looked almost... angry.

She couldn't stop herself. "What's got your knickers in a twist, Potter?"

He didn't even bother to look at her as she retook her seat. "Leave me well enough alone, Evans."

She blinked rapidly, stunned at his response. He told her to leave him alone. _He_ told _her_ to leave _him_ alone. As if _she_ was the annoying one… as if it wasn't usually _him_ bothering _her_. Was he serious?

"Did something crawl up your arse and die?" she asked hotly. "It was a simple question."

Alice glanced worriedly between them, a Chocolate frog half opened in her hands. "Lily..." She had that warning note in her voice that always came up when it came to James and Lily. Alice had never been happy with how her best friend felt about James. It was understandable, as she and he were close to some degree, but it still baffled Lily how Alice really expected her to get along with him. He was absolutely intolerable. He was nothing but an arrogant bully and if she really thought Lily would tolerate that, she was out of her mind.

"No, Alice," she said icily, feeling her temper flare up. "Don't _'Lily'_ me. He's an arrogant git and I think I have every right to say whatever the hell I want."

"Arrogant git," James repeated bitterly. "I see you've really come up with some new inventive insults over the summer. Listen Evans, I'm really not in the mood -"

"Oh, you're not in the mood?" she snapped. She wasn't sure why she was so angry at him. He was just so... so... _Potter_. "And you think all of last year, when you wouldn't stop bothering me that _I_ was in the mood? You thought that when you turned my hair purple, or when you pushed me in to the lake, or when you embarrassed me in front of the entire school, _I_ was in the mood? It doesn't work that way. I know your parents spoil you rotten, and mummy probably tells you every night that you're the center of the universe, but, newsflash, you're _not_."

She glared at him, expecting him to shoot back some smart answer, but he didn't. The little color that remained in his face drained away and he stared at her, his arms falling limply by his side. Tension seemed to rise up in the compartment as James continued to remain silent. It even began to get slightly awkward before he finally spoke.

"Right," his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "Right. I... I won't be bothering you in the future." And with that, he was on his feet and out the compartment faster than she could process what was happening.

Lily gaped at the door. Did he really just... walk away? And was she going crazy or had he just agreed to leave her alone?

"What the fuck." Marlene said, summing up Lily's thoughts in exactly three words.

"Way to go Evans," she heard Sirius snap and she swiveled towards him.

"What?" she demanded, more exasperated at everyone's strange attitudes than defensive. "What's going on? What's wrong with him?"

"What's wrong with _you_?" he almost shouted. "You know, I really don't know why James bothers with you in the first place, you're such a... a _bitch_."

She continued to gape, opening and closing her mouth a few times until she surely resembled a goldfish. She'd seen Sirius angry a number of times, but then his anger had been directed at deserving Slytherins or maybe at his brother, Regulus. Being on the receiving end however, was a bit unnerving.

"Are you serious?" she spluttered. "It's Potter, we argue all the time -"

"Yes, well," Remus interjected, ice clear in his voice, "maybe it's _you_ that needs to grow up, Lily, and realize that it's possible for things that happen in the past to stay in the past."

He folded his arms and glared at her, and her cheeks burned as the compartment fell into silence once more. In all the six years that she and James had bickered, Remus had never once spoken to her like that. Granted, Sirius had snapped at her a few times, but she knew he didn't like her much, and as the feeling was mutual, she'd shrugged it off. For Remus to say it, however, left her feeling incredibly guilty.

"Whatever," she muttered, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. "Just... I have to get to the Prefects' Compartment."

She would usually have waited for Remus so they could go together, but she had the feeling he didn't really want to be alone with her at the moment. So, she left the compartment alone.

The Prefect meeting was as boring as usual. Patrols, duties, points... Lily even dosed off at one point, but was woken when Remus finally arrived. He apologized to Frank Longbottom, the Gryffindor Head Boy, for being late and took the seat beside her, so she assumed he didn't completely hate her. Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that it was the only seat available. She hoped it was the former.

Eventually, the meeting was over and they were free to go. Before Lily could leave however, Frank called out to her.

"Hey Lily, could I have a word?"

She turned to look at him curiously, but he wouldn't meet her eye. Sighing, she leaned back against the wall as the compartment cleared out, almost sure he would chew her out for falling asleep during the meeting.

"Listen, Frank," she said as soon as they were alone, "I promise I won't doze off again, I'm just having a rough day -"

He smiled, waving off her excuses. "No, no it's fine. Trust me, I was so boring, I wanted to fall asleep myself."

Lily grinned, feeling immensely grateful that Frank was the new Head Boy. "Well, you weren't too bad," she teased. "You're much better than Malcom was last year at any rate. Oh, and by the way, congratulations on the Head Boy post! I can't think of anyone else who's deserves it."

"Thanks," he smiled, revealing rows of small white teeth. "I've wanted it since Third Year, you know? I just hope it doesn't completely stress me out..."

"Oh, don't worry about it. If anyone tries anything funny," she mimed hitting something with a bat, "I'll knock them right out."

He laughed, his sandy hair falling into his face, and she grinned. "Us prefects are here to help, Frank," she continued, "you'll be fine."

He nodded and then shuffled his feet. "Er... I kind of do need your help with something."

"Ah," she nodded. "The real reason you wanted to talk to me. And here I was thinking it was because of my fabulous personality and charming wit."

"Well there's that," he laughed, and then he scratched the back of his neck. "And um... well... you're - you're friends with Alice, right? Alice Prewett?"

She knew where he was going before he even finished his sentence, and she couldn't help grinning widely. "Why, yes, as a matter of fact, she happens to be my best friend."

Frank nodded. "Yes... well, er... see, I... um... I was wondering-" He caught the look on her face and scowled at her. "You're making fun of me!"

She couldn't help it. She burst out laughing, and Frank whined, "You're not making this any easier for me!"

Lily patted his shoulder, still laughing. "It's okay, Frankie boy, Prewett is single and ready to mingle. Tulips are her favorite flowers, she likes romantic, moonlit walks and she hates guys with short hair."

Frank grabbed at his cropped hair and Lily smiled. "Just kidding."

She waved goodbye and turned to leave. As she exited the compartment, she heard Frank yell out "Thanks Lily!"

Her grins slowly faded as she walked down the train, reluctant to return to her compartment. She felt strangely nervous to see James after what had happened. As it turned out she had nothing to worry about, because he hadn't returned when she walked in. In any event, the tension in the compartment had lifted and her friends were all laughing at something Sirius had said. She took a seat quickly, hoping no one would bring up how much of a bitch she was. She wasn't generally a mean person, after all. Well, she tried not to be at any rate. It was just something about James that ticked her off constantly. She had no idea what it was. Like this afternoon, he hadn't really done anything wrong...

A pinprick of guilt flickered in the pit of her stomach, but she pushed it away. What she'd said hadn't been that terrible! Merlin knows she'd said much worse to him, and he'd shrugged it off in a way that only James could. So what was going on?

Slowly, as the train traveled past fields and empty barns, the skies darkened outside the window, signaling that they would arrive at Hogwarts soon. Potter still had not returned. Where had he run off to anyway? Sirius had said to give him space, but why?

"Oh look we're here," Mary's voice came, and Lily realized with a start that the train had stopped. She shook her head to clear it, and her red hair went flying everywhere before she brushed it back impatiently.

As usual, it was a chore getting off the train, even with Frank and Allison, the Head Girl from Ravenclaw, leading the way for the hundreds of students swarming to get out. Lily winked at Frank as she passed and he shot her a wink back. It wasn't long before she, Alice, Marlene, and Mary had found their way off the train and onto the horseless carriages that led them to the castle. Lily caught a glimpse of the Marauders as they trotted off down the path. Well, three of the Marauders anyway. They looked agitated and she could only guess that the absence of their fourth member was the reason for this.

She sighed. They'd barely even started the new school year and Potter had already ruined her day. Typical.

Seth Rogers came to meet them as soon as they got off the carriage. He grabbed Mary and kissed her fiercely as if they hadn't seen each other for months, but Lily happened to know for a fact that they'd met up only about two weeks ago.

"Ugh," Marlene said disgusted. "Get a room, will you?"

They broke apart, Mary blushing furiously. Lily supposed they made a cute couple. They both had brown hair, and though Seth was a little on the short side, Mary was even shorter. They complimented each other: Mary was sweet and a little on the quiet side. Well compared to Marlene at any rate. Seth, however, was more outgoing and amiable. He could make friends with literally anyone and was the Captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. They were different, but they made each other happy and that was the most important thing in Lily's opinion.

"Nice to see you too, McKinnon," Seth grinned. Marlene stuck out her tongue at him and marched forward towards the doors to the grand castle that stood before them.

"Ignore her," Alice rolled her eyes. "She's just upset because her great summer romance came to a flop, just like every other one of her relationships."

"Yeah," Lily nodded. "This one was special too. Flowers and a tan and everything."

"You know," Marlene called from ahead, "you guys are supposed to be my _friends_."

Lily smiled. It was great to be back. Even as they walked through the giant doors and through the enormous Entrance Hall, she still felt that sense of awe she'd felt on the first day. Hogwarts was really like no other.

They filed into the Great Hall, chattering excitedly. The atmosphere was infectious. People were screaming and hugging and talking rapidly as if to make up for all the time spent apart. The enchanted ceiling revealed a rainy September night, but it didn't ruin her mood. The candles were burning, the teachers were smiling down at them and everything was the way it should be.

"Oh Alice," Lily sang as they took their seats at the Gryffindor table. Seth kissed Mary goodbye and headed towards the Ravenclaws. The golden plates and goblets were empty and she felt her stomach rumble. "Guess who asked about you today?"

"Who?" she asked curiously.

"Frank Longbottom."

Alice's reaction was a bit comical. Her jaw dropped open and her eyes widened so much that Lily was scared they would fall out of her head. "Frank?" she asked, gaping. "Frank Longbottom, the Head Boy, asked about me? Whatever for?"

"Apparently," Lily said, watching as Professor McGonagall placed the dusty old Sorting Hat on the stool. "Someone has a huge crush on you. He was all nervous and everything. It was a bit cute actually."

"Oh my god," Mary cried. Just then the Sorting Hat burst into song, and she lowered her voice quickly."I totally called it! You should've seen him at the End of the Year Gryffindor party last year, Alice, he could not keep his eyes off you."

A few minutes later, the Sorting Hat was finished with its song and they applauded along with the rest of the students in the Great Hall. Soon the First Years were lining up to place the Hat on their tiny heads. The first ("Aleyfer, Michelle!") was a curly haired, grey-eyed girl who marched brightly up to the stool and jammed the hat on to her head.

The Hat shouted "Hufflepuff!" and their table erupted into cheers.

Lily clapped absent-mindedly. "What party was that?"

"The one you wanted no part in because it was the Marauders throwing it and you hate the lot of them because they are irresponsible juvenile delinquents?" Marlene offered.

"Ah yes, that's the one," Lily said. Speaking of the Marauders, where were they anyway? , She craned her neck to view the whole of Gryffindor table… Oh, there they were. Sitting further along down the table, and... oh, for the love of Merlin, had Potter really not returned yet? Lily couldn't help feeling slightly irritated. It was a little bit dramatic, running away over something so trivial. Was he _trying_ to make her feel bad?

"Stupid Potter," she muttered, tapping her fork against the empty plate.

"Delaney, Hazel!"

The Sorting dragged on until she was almost crying from hunger. Finally, Jared Zale was sorted into Ravenclaw and Dumbledore, the greatest, most senile old man Lily knew, stood up and spread his arms out widely, as if he wanted to give them all a great big hug. Which she suspected he did.

"Welcome, welcome," he spoke merrily. His piercing blue eyes twinkled behind his glasses as they gazed aroud the Great Hall. "Welcome all to Hogwarts School and Witchcraft and Wizardry. I will delay you no longer from the delicious food prepared for you tonight. But, I can't help but notice everything seems to be in place..."

Titters broke out in the Hall as Dumbledore peered at the three Marauders. Lily's brow furrowed as she realized he was right. Usually, the four boys planned some stupid prank at the beginning of the year. Most of them were played on the Slytherins, so she didn't really mind, if she was being honest. Sometimes they were a right good laugh. She supposed Potter wasn't around to carry it out, but it was a little bit odd that they hadn't done something.

"I see," Dumbledore said, his smile falling slightly as he looked at them. "Well, eat up!" He clapped his hands and Lily cheered as the delicious food appeared on the plates.

"That was odd," Mary said, confused. "Why the hell are the Marauders so bloody quiet? I'm starting to get a little freaked out."

Marlene shrugged, putting a bit of everything on her plate. "It is a bit odd, isn't it? But honestly, I couldn't be bothered right now. I am _so_ hungry,"

"I thought you were on a diet?" Alice asked, raising an eyebrow. Not for the first time, Lily admired the perfect curve of her best friend's eyebrow raise. Alice's eyebrow raises were the most intimidating things she could think of.

"I am." Marlene replied, staring guiltily down at the huge pile of food on her plate. She made a motion as if to return some of the food but then she huffed, and then shrugged. "Oh, I'll just start again tomorrow."

"Mar, you've 'started your diet again' every day since last year," Alice said dryly. Mary and Lily giggled, as Marlene stared sadly down at her plate. It was true; Marlene probably couldn't diet if Merlin himself asked her to.

"Oh give up, Marlene," Lily grinned. "You're beautiful, anyway. Here, have some peas…"

They ate and chatted for at least an hour. By the time Dumbledore rose again, they were too full and sleepy to pay much attention. He mentioned the alarmingly large list of forbidden objects that the crazy caretaker, Mr. Filch, had posted up. The new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher was introduced: Professor Darcy. He looked nice enough, but they would have to attend one of his classes before anyone could actually say. And then Dumbledore said something that caught their full attention.

"Many of you have heard of the growing dangers arising in our world today." The hall immediately fell silent, and the grave tone Dumbledore's voice had taken was easily heard. "Some of you have even been involved in it. I will not lie to you. The situation is grave."

Lily's breath caught. If Dumbledore, the most calming man in the world, was telling them this, it must've been even worse than what Alice had explained back on the train.

"Now," he continued, as the candlelight glinted off his glasses "in times of danger, Hogwarts remains safe. But unless we stay strong from within, these walls will crumble and leave us exposed. I cannot imprint on you the importance of a strong bond. United we stand, divided we fall. To our Seventh Years, this is your final year. I very much hope you keep this in mind when the time comes for you to venture forth into the world."

It was as silent as a grave in the Hall now. Up until then, none of them had even known it could be possible to hear the crickets chirping from outside the castle.

"And on that cheerful note," he said, smiling sadly, "I bid you all goodnight."

In no time at all, the chatter rose up again. They stood from their seats and Lily joined the other Prefects to lead the students to their dorms. She was distracted the whole time. What had Dumbledore meant by 'these walls will crumble?' Who were these people involved in the war? How was Voldemort getting so powerful? _And where the bloody hell was Potter_?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Your reviews were _so _nice, I love you guys :') I think I got like 6 reviews! Thanks a whole bunch. If you could just leave some more right here, it would make **MY LIFE.**


	8. Dreams

James could see the thestrals.

He wasn't sure why. Last winter, Professor McGonagall had been so frustrated with him and his silly pranks that she'd sent him down to the Forbidden Forest to help Hagrid, the half-giant gamekeeper. Trudging through the snowy woods, they'd run into some thestrals and Hagrid had explained to him that he couldn't see them because he hadn't witnessed death.

Maybe Hagrid was wrong. Because he hadn't actually seen his parents _die_, only their dead bodies. And yet, he could clearly see the thestrals standing before him. They resembled horses, only skeletal in form and with wide, leathery wings that resembled a bat's.

He stumbled back as he caught sight of them. They were right there, pawing their hooves on the ground as if impatient to leave.

_"Oh, yeh can't see them, can yeh? Nah, don' worry abou' them, they won' hurt yeh, contrary teh what people seem teh think. They're thestrals. Dead useful creatures. Pretty too. Pity mos' people can't see 'em. Yeh have to have seen death."_

James hadn't been exactly sure what Hagrid meant by 'seen death,' but he'd been too cold and annoyed to ask. And he thought that Hagrid must have had a little too much whiskey that night, because the thestrals definitely were not pretty. They were the farthest thing from, actually. Everything about them was spooky, especially the glittering, white, expressionless eyes.

James took a deep, shaky breath and looked around, hoping no one had noticed his brief breakdown. People bustled all around him, shoving and calling out to their friends to get in the carriages. Thankfully, his friends were nowhere in sight. He wasn't in any particular mood for talking.

He hurriedly walked away from the flow of people streaming out of the train. Those thestrals creeped him out way too much—he wasn't going near them. He would have to walk. Hogsmeade wasn't so far from Hogwarts anyway.

He exited the station quickly, stuffing his hands into his pockets and raising up the hood on his jacket. He hadn't changed on the train, but he didn't care much. He could just change when he got back.

It was already dark outside - as it usually was when they arrived at Hogwarts - and the sky was filled with dark clouds that signaled it would rain soon. He hesitated. Maybe it would be better if he just went on the carriages. He could just imagine what his mother would say...

_"James Potter, you get back in that station right now and on to the carriages. A storm's coming, you'll catch your death out there!"_

Her voice rang so clearly in his head that he flinched. Yes, he was definitely walking.

Looking around to make sure no one was watching, he turned onto the street quickly, hanging his head. Hogsmeade was not the safest at night - as he and Sirius had learned from their nightly rendezvous - so it was best to just lie low.

Slowly, the cheers and chatter from the station melted away. It was a quiet night. Lights streamed through the windows of the pubs, but the streets were empty. It seemed Hogsmeade had changed drastically since he'd last been there in June. Then, it had been bustling with life and activity; now a large percent of the stores were boarded up. Wanted signs hung over the windows and walls. Only one or two people passed him, walking in the same hurried pace. It was all a painful reminder of the state of the Wizarding world.

A lone paper flew gently past in the chilly wind, and he pulled his jacket tighter. Just his luck that it would rain on the one day that he was walking to Hogwarts.

Then again, he thought bitterly, everything was just his luck, wasn't it? Just his luck that he'd decided to go to a party on the night his parents died. Just his luck that his family was attacked in the first place. Just his luck that the Minister of Magic had suddenly decided to keep information from the public. Just his luck that Lily Evans had decided to bring them up on the train.

James clenched his fists, feeling the sudden urge to punch a hole through the wall. How dare she? How dare she even bring them up?

_She doesn't know_, the more logical side of his brain said.

That much was obvious. She'd barely even acknowledged him on the train, hadn't asked him how he was doing, or if he was okay. Not that he wanted her to ask him. He didn't even want her to know. He'd thought that since everyone that knew about the attack was treating him so delicately - as if he was some piece of china that was about to break - some normality around him would be good. He'd counted on Evans being her usual snippy self... He'd just forgotten how snippy she could be. It had taken him off guard on the train. He'd thought he could handle it, but there was just too much swirling around in his head for him to deal with, let alone having someone scream about how much of an arrogant git he was.

Thunder boomed in the sky and it began to rain. James sighed. This was going to be a long walk.

"""

He arrived on the grounds of Hogwarts, freezing cold and wet. Rain was still pouring heavily around him. It'd taken him a while to convince that caretaker, Filch, to let him in. He'd tried to pretend he didn't know who James was, when, in reality, he'd been the one to assign James detention at least twenty times. In fact, James was pretty sure he and Sirius were the only ones in the entire school whose names Filch could remember.

"Stupid caretaker," he muttered as he scrambled up the stairs to the doors.

He entered the Entrance Hall as quietly as he could. He couldn't tell exactly what time it was - his watch had stopped working in the rain - but judging from the silence of the Great Hall, he assumed everyone had already left to their dorms.

He shivered violently and began to climb up the stairs. His eyes were drooping already, and he wanted nothing more than to fall on his bed and sleep for at least three days. He desperately needed to catch up on his sleep if classes were starting soon.

After who knew how long, he arrived in front of the portrait of Fat Lady, who apparently had company.

"My my, look it's James Potter," the Fat Lady chortled to the woman in purple beside her. "Don't you look wet? What have you been up to?"

"J - j - just open t - t - the door," he shivered.

"Afraid I can't, dear." She shook her head. "Not without the password."

He looked at her incredulously. "Are you serious? You've seen me walk in and out of here for five years!"

"Well, how do I know you're not some imposter?" she asked, sniffing. "How do I know you're not using Polyjuice Potion or something of the sort? These are dangerous times, James. You can't just expect to walk in here without a password."

"Trust me," he hissed testily, "if anyone knows how dangerous times are, it's me. But honestly, I've had little to no sleep in the past week, and I'm a little on edge, so if you would just -"

"Fairy Lights."

He swiveled around to see who'd spoken. It was Lily.

"It's _fairy lights_," she repeated, stepping forward. Her red hair shone in the flickering torchlight and her emerald eyes sparkled with curiosity. James felt himself staring at her for a moment, before he remembered that he was angry with her.

"What are you doing here?" he tried to spit, but it came out as a tired question.

"I'm a Prefect," she said simply. She cocked her head to the side as though she was inspecting him, and he looked away. "You on the other hand are not. Where have you been?"

"That's none of your business."

"Actually, Potter," she said smoothly, "it happens to be my business, because as I mentioned before, I am a Prefect. Or are you incapable of retaining information?"

He sighed. He could feel a headache forming, and he was still wet and cold. Lily's taunts were not appreciated at all.

"Whatever Evans," James sighed wearily, turning towards the Fat Lady once again. "Fairy Lights."

The portrait swung open and he scrambled through the hole. The warmth of the empty Common Room hit him like a blanket, and he almost stumbled as the need to sleep grew even stronger.

To his slight irritation, he heard Evans scramble through behind him. Maybe he could just walk up to his dorm without her interrupting him.

"Hang on there, Potter."

Of course not.

Sighing, he turned round to face her and thought he saw a hint of concern on her face, but he quickly shook the thought from his head. Wishful thinking was a waste of time.

"You weren't at the Feast," she pointed out, folding her arms. "You were missing for half the train ride, and you look like you just took a dip in the Lake. What happened?"

"It's raining outside, Evans. One tends to get wet in the rain."

Her eyes widened. "You were outside this whole time? Are you mad? Whatever for?"

"Again," he snapped, "that's none of your business. Look, do me a favor, and leave me the bloody hell alone, alright. I mean it this time. I -"

"Haven't gotten enough sleep?" she said scathingly, and he flinched. So she'd heard. "That's why you're so crabby? The mighty James Potter failed to get his required eight hours of sleep and so the rest of the world must walk around him in eggshells. It's what I expect, of course, but really, Potter, don't you think that little stunt you pulled on the train was a little too much?"

James gaped at her. Was she serious? Was she really serious?

_She doesn't know, she doesn't know, she doesn't know..._

"That's not it," he managed. "I'm just... just stressed."

"You?" She looked genuinely confused at the thought of James Potter being stressed. "About what? Quidditch?"

He would have laughed if the pounding in his head wasn't getting worse by the second. "Quidditch?" he snorted. "Yeah, right. Look, Evans, stop... stop trying to figure me out. I'm going to bed."

He turned, determined to reach the staircase before she could stop him. She spoke again, however, before he could.

"Oh, I've got you all figured out James Potter," she called. He didn't turn round. "An irresponsible, immature jerk, that's all you are. I'm surprised you even know the word stress, let alone to feel it."

And out of nowhere, he felt something stir in the pit of his stomach. White, hot rage so strong that his vision turned red and sparks flew out of his wand. He whirled round, intending to scream at her until he felt at least a tiny bit better. What did she know? Had her parents been killed, leaving her with no other family or guidance left? Did she know what it was like to walk around in an empty house that once held so much life? Did she know what it was like hoping to return to school to leave the memories behind, but then have it shoved back in your face? Did she even know what thestrals were?

She stared at him, challenge in her eyes, as if she was waiting to see if he would finally scream at her. His hands shook and he balled them into fists. He wanted nothing more than to curse someone. To curse those people who'd killed his parents. To punch a wall at least.

But he stood there, shaking. There was nothing he could do anyway. They were gone.

Taking a shaky breath, he turned on his heel and walked up the stairs, feeling like an idiot. He'd nearly broken down in front of her and that wasn't an option.

Feeling utterly miserable, James climbed slowly till he reached the door to the Sixth Years dorm. He entered, hoping against hope that Remus, Sirius, and Peter were asleep. Of course, with his luck, they were wide awake, sitting on their beds. They'd only just been back and clothes were already scattered all over the floor. The trunks were thrown open, various objects spilling out of it. There was a sudden hush in the room as they turned to look at him. A hush that could only mean they'd just been talking about him.

"Prongs!" Peter exclaimed, his tone laced with relief.

"Where have you been?" Sirius demanded. It occurred to him that that was the second time he'd asked that question in less than 24 hours.

"Out." he said shortly as he crossed the room. He didn't feel like talking much.

"In the rain?" Remus asked suspiciously. "Were you trying to drown yourself or something? It's pouring out there!"

He sighed. "Sorry, I just -"

"It's Evans, isn't it?" Sirius guessed.

He headed towards his bed, saying nothing. Though sometimes it turned out to helpful, it was annoying how easily they could guess what was bothering him.

"Look, Prongs, Evans is -"

"Forget her," he cut Sirius off harshly. He rummaged through his trunk for some pajamas and began to pull off his wet clothes. "Bloody girls. She's insane. I don't know what I saw in her in the first place... she's _crazy_. Quite frankly, I really don't want to deal with her this year. I'm done."

There was silence as he pulled on a plain grey shirt over his head.

"Done?" Peter asked tentatively. "Like... for _good_?"

"For good," he replied. Then he flung himself on his bed and pulled the sheets around him, knowing that once again, he would lay in bed unable to sleep until the wee hours of the morning.

"""

_It was dark. Two men stood in a spacious, lavishly decorated room filled with plush furniture and majestic oil paintings that seemed to gleam in the dying firelight._ _One of the men was sitting in an armchair that faced the fire, so his face was not visible. The other, a tall, blonde boy with steely grey eyes, stood nervously by the door. He looked about nineteen and seemed to be in a twitchy sort of mood as if he was ready to bolt at the last second._

_The only sound to be heard in the room was the crackling of the fire. The silence drew on until finally the man on the chair spoke._

_"You have news for me, Lucius?" His voice was high and cold, so cold it sent shivers down the boy, Lucius' spine. He stepped forward quickly, almost tripping in his attempt._

_"Yes, my lord," he replied. "The mission was a success. The Potters are dead."_

_Another silence._

_"Very good, Lucius," the man replied finally. There was an amused tone to his voice. "You have completed your first assignment. Many more will come in due time. I only hope you continue to serve me with the same... dedication."_

_"Of course, my lord," Lucius replied fervently, bowing slightly._

_Silence fell again. Lucius looked uncomfortable. It appeared he thought the conversation to be over but he hadn't been dismissed. The man on the chair shifted slightly._

_"And what about their son?"_

_"My - my lord?" Lucius jumped._

_"The Potters. They had a son; an exceptionally talented one, I hear."_

_"Ah... The boy didn't seem to be around at the time."_

_Lucius seemed to be sweating. He pulled nervously at his collar as he waited for his master's reply._

_"That boy..." he murmured. "Captain of the Quidditch team, blessed with brains, incredible talent, excels at Transfiguration and dueling, of pure blood... I think he would be an excellent addition to our cause, do you not Lucius?"_

_"O-of course, my lord."_

_The man paused as though he was pondering something. Finally, he said, "I want you to bring him to me."_

_Lucius said nothing so he continued. "Be very cautious with him, as he's sure to be angry about the death of his parents and will not come willingly. Do not kill him, but you may use any means necessary to bring him to me. I will deal with him from there."_

_"But my lord!" Lucius had found his tongue. "He's still at Hogwarts for the school year, under the constant watch of Albus Dumbledore, to reach him would be almost impossible -"_

_"Are you suggesting that you are not up to the task?" For the first time, the amused tone in the man's voice was gone. Now it possessed a silkier note to it that seemed to make his voice hiss on even after he'd stopped speaking. A more dangerous note._

_Lucius audibly gulped. "No, my lord."_

_"Very good. You now have your second assignment."_

"""

James lurched up in his bed, gasping and sweating and tangled in his sheets. His eyes darted around his bed, trying to reassure his mind that he was not in the dark room he'd just seen in his dream. His heart thumped so loudly in the dark silence he was almost positive his roommates could hear it.

Still breathing heavily, he pushed his curtains aside to look at his alarm clock.

4:27.

Great. After hours of tossing and turning, he'd finally managed to fall asleep at three. He'd only had one hour of sleep before that- that nightmare had woken him up. If it had been a nightmare at all. He'd had his fill of nightmares after all, and none of them had been so sharp… so vivid that James could still see the frightened face of that boy, Lucius, imprinted behind his eyelids.

Perhaps a vision? But if it were a vision, that would require what he'd just seen to be true… and it couldn't. It just couldn't be true. What would anyone want with him? And Lucius – it couldn't have been him that killed his parents. He'd just graduated from Hogwarts two years ago – it just couldn't.

And yet James couldn't shake off the horrible suspicion that it was.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** omg hi guys! Sorry this chapter isn't that long *sheepish grin* the next one will be longer I promise!

Omg I feel like I should tell you, I just saw The Amazing Spiderman oh my god it's so fucking perfect oh my god I love it so much Andrew Garfield is the most beautiful person on the planet.

Haha anyway thank you guys for the reviews! :') I would reply to them only I can't at the moment. So just know I loved all I them and they made me smile! Review pleaseeee!


	9. Mornings

_Up you get, Miss Evans, it's a beautiful day!_

Lily smiled in her sleep as her alarm clock sang cheerfully from the side of her bed. Most people thought it was annoying - Marlene had actually thrown it against the wall at one point - but Lily thought it was a brilliant way to start the day.

Yawning, she rose up in her bed and stretched. It was 7:15, she noted as she glanced back at her clock, so that gave her plenty of time to get ready and grab some breakfast.

"Time to get up," the redhead sang as she threw her legs over the bed. "It's the first day of school!"

Alice was already up and, telling from the sound of running water, in the shower. She was usually the first out of four of them to be ready. Marlene and Mary on the other hand were absolute nightmares in the mornings.

"McDonald. McKinnon. Up," Lily ordered. Mary didn't even respond.

Marlene, on the other hand, stirred in her bed, her long dark hair splayed prettily on her face. Lily scowled at her sleeping form; it was so unfair how Marlene still looked drop dead gorgeous even when she was asleep.

"Yikes," she muttered as she caught sight of herself in Marlene's bedside mirror. Lily definitely did not have her luck. Her red hair was tangled and sticking up in every direction and the makeup she'd been too lazy to take off last night was smeared all around her eyes. In short, she looked like she just escaped from a desperate struggle in the woods.

Lily hurried off towards the shower and entered the second stall. About ten minutes later, she stepped out feeling considerably better about herself.

"... only been the first day back, and you're already touching my stuff!"

"Will you calm down, it's just a brush!"

Marlene and Alice appeared to be bickering. Lily crossed the room with her towel tied tightly around her, unperturbed. After knowing and living with each other for so long, she _expected_ them to argue constantly. Like sisters. Well, like normal sisters anyway. Nothing as intense as the rows she and Petunia got into.

"Ugh," Marlene said, dropping her face back into her pillow. "At least ask me if you're going to use it."

"Fine then, can I use your brush?"

"No."

Lily got dressed quickly, throwing on some jeans and fitted black t-shirt, then her robes. Her hair and makeup took a little more time. Her hair was naturally wavy, but with a bit of charm work, it was pin straight and in a ponytail in less than ten minutes.

"You ready?" Alice asked her as she stood by the door.

"Yeah," Lily replied breathlessly. "Just let me grab my bookbag..."

She hitched her bag onto her shoulder and took a final look in the mirror. Okay. Presentable.

"Oi!" She called to Mary and Marlene, who were still motionless on their beds. "You two will be so late, and McGonagall will have your heads for it. Don't say I didn't warn you."

They exited the room and made their way down to the Great Hall, speculating on how different their timetables would be; she and Alice were looking towards different careers. She wanted to be an Auror, and Lily was looking more into journalism. Hopefully, their schedules would at least be a little similar.

The Great Hall was considerably emptier than it had been last night. It was still early, and since most people had trouble readjusting to the school schedule after summers filled with late nights and sleeping in, it would remain empty for a long time. They took their seats on opposite sides of the Gryffindor table and began to dig in.

"At least we'll still have Charms together," Alice said, as she piled pancakes onto her plate. "We'll both need that."

"You need Charms for journalism?" Lily asked, surprised.

Alice gave her a strange look. "Lily, aren't you the one looking into journalism?"

She shrugged, feeling a little ashamed of herself. After their OWLs, the need to pick a career weighed down heavier upon her and everyone else in Fifth Year. In her hurry, she'd chosen the only career she could actually see herself doing - Journalism. She couldn't see herself being an Auror like Alice—she was too clumsy and would probably end up running away in fright. Being a Healer like Mary wished was also out of the question, seeing as she could barely even stand the sight of her own blood. Maybe she could be a Gringotts curse breaker, like Marlene. Then again, she'd heard they were known to disappear for months on end. To where?

She didn't want to find out.

So journalism it was. She didn't think it was necessarily a bad career. They made a decent amount of money, and they didn't get too involved in all the crazy stuff happening out there. It was a safe job.

Maybe too safe?

She couldn't think much more on it, though, because the doors to the Great Hall opened and James Potter walked into the Great Hall, without Remus, Sirius, or Peter by his side. He looked awful, like he hadn't slept a wink. His hair stood on end as if he'd been running his hands through it, and the dark circles under his eyes were even more prominent than they were yesterday.

Alice caught her gaze and followed it to where James was taking a seat. Instead of grabbing his plate and eating everything in sight like she'd seen him do so many times, he just stared at the empty plate.

"What's wrong with him?" Lily heard herself say. He looked so... tired. Maybe there was something a little more serious than not getting enough sleep bothering him.

Alice didn't answer. She only stared at him, a little frown forming on her face. Lily looked at her suspiciously. She got the strangest feeling Alice knew what was wrong with James. She just didn't understand why she wouldn't tell her.

_Because she thinks you don't care. And you don't._

That's not true, she chastised herself. Okay, he was a total git. Incredibly annoying. But it didn't mean, she just... didn't care. He was her fellow Gryffindor, after all.

_Well then why were you such a bitch to him last night? He looked pretty beat up, and you went ahead to call him a jerk..._

She groaned. Her conscience had not let her rest since last night. She'd acted like a complete harpy to James last night, and for no justifiable reason. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She just got irrationally angry whenever he was around.

Before she could inspect him further, Mary walked into the Great Hall. Lily could tell she'd done one of her rapid get-ready routines, because her hair was still wet and she hadn't even put any makeup on.

"You know," she yawned, as she reached them and took her seat. "The good thing about having a boyfriend is that I get to look like total shit and still not give a damn. It's great - what are you two staring at?"

She followed their gazes and squinted at James. It must have looked a little odd, all three of them staring at him openly, but he didn't even seem to notice.

"Wow, he looks really beat up, doesn't he?" Mary said worriedly. She turned to look at Lily suspiciously. "You two didn't have another row, did you?"

"What?" she exclaimed, though she felt a little guilty. It seemed that was the only emotion she could muster since she'd returned to Hogwarts. "What makes you think anything I would say to him would make him look like _that_?"

She shrugged. "You have no idea the effect you have on him, Lily."

Then she filled food on to her plate and said no more about the matter. Lily glared half-heartedly at her. Mary had the strangest ability to say the things she least wanted to hear.

"You know, you could go apologize," Alice suggested.

"What for?" Lily cried, shooting an exasperated look between her friends. "I swear, I don't know why he looks like that, okay, so can you two just please get off my back about it-"

"I'm not saying it's your fault, Lily," Alice said, raising her hands in placation. "I'm just saying that, I don't know, maybe it'll make him feel better to know that you don't hate him. You don't hate him, right?" she added after glancing at her worriedly.

"Of course not," she said. "Yes, he's annoying but I don't... I don't hate him. He knows that."

"You know, Lily," Alice said, turning again to look at James, "I really don't think he does."

They fell into silence as they watched James run his hands through his hair. Not in that cocky _look-at-me_ way she'd come to despise, but in a frustrated sort of way.

Sighing, Lily rose up in her seat.

"You go, Lily," Mary cheered, her mouth full of food.

She rolled her eyes and moved past her. Marlene entered the Great Hall as Lily made her way over to James. She gave Lily a quizzical look, though she only shook her head in response. Then Marlene shrugged and headed over to Mary and Alice.

She felt strangely nervous as she got closer and closer to him. Hopefully, none of his friends would walk in as she talked to him – it was doubtful that any of them were particularly fond of her at the moment.

"Potter," she said awkwardly when she reached him. His head snapped up to look at her and she almost stepped back. He looked even worse close up.

"Evans?" he asked, frowning slightly.

She cleared her throat. "Er... I... Are you..." Ugh, this was so much harder than she thought it would be. Sighing again she took a seat opposite from him, ignoring the confused look on his face.

"Look, Evans," he started warily, "if you're here to tell me off-"

"No, no," she interrupted, waving her hand. "I'm er, actually here to... well. Are you… er, are you good?"

Smooth, Evans, Lily mentally sighed. Smooth.

"What?" he asked blankly.

"Are you alright?" she tried again, trying desperately not to blush. "Is everything okay? You look really tired, and... and you're not eating."

Merlin. She was really bad at this.

"Since when did you become so interested in my dietary habits?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lily leaned back in her seat, folding her arms. "You're really not making this easy for me. I just... Listen, I don't hate you, okay?"

For a second, she thought he was going to laugh—an act she certainly wouldn't have appreciated. There she was, pouring out her heart to him! Well, not really.

"Thanks," he said wryly. "I can sleep easy now."

She made a mental note to kill Alice when she returned from this conversation. Huffing, she prepared to leave, before she remembered something else.

"Your friends were really worried about you last night," she added hesitantly. His face hardened and he looked away. "And I don't know exactly where you went, but if it's anything I said, I'm sorry."

And Lily scurried away before he could see her blush.

"That was mortifying," she announced as she returned to her seat. Her so-called 'best friends' were sniggering amongst themselves, so she knew they'd been listening in.

She retook her seat, glaring at them. "Alice, you git, you just wait till I find Frank -"

"Language, Miss Evans."

She whipped her head around to see the stern face of Professor McGonagall peering down at her. She had that unmistakable 'McGonagall' expression on her face - strict and impatient.

"Professor!" Lily said, flushing. "I didn't see you there."

"Apparently," the Transfiguration teacher said dryly. She shifted the stack of papers she had in her hands - schedules. "I expect to see you four in my office today to discuss your schedules for the rest of the year. Miss Evans, you'll be going first. Be in my office in ten minutes. Miss McDonald will be going right after you."

And with that, she left to give other students in the slowly filling Great Hall their schedule.

"Aww, shoot," Lily groaned. "I'd barely eaten too."

She tried to stuff as much food in her mouth as she could. It must not have looked very attractive, but she was in too much of a hurry to care much.

"Alright, I'll see you all later," she said, scrambling out of her seat and wiping crumbs of food off herself. "Don't get too lonely without me."

"We won't!" Marlene called as she left.

She made her way out of the Great Hall (Sirius, Remus and Peter had arrived) just as the owls swooped in to deliver the mail. With a start, she remembered that she wanted to subscribe to the Daily Prophet today.

_I'll do it tomorrow_, she told herself.

The door to McGonagall's office was slightly open when she arrived. Wondering how on earth she had reached the office before Lily had, she pushed it open and walked in.

"Ah, Miss Evans." McGonagall looked up as she entered. "Welcome back. I trust you had a good summer."

"Yes, thank you," she said politely as she took a seat in the hard-backed chair in front of her desk.

"Good," McGonagall said, briskly. She pulled out some files from the drawer and looked through them. "Now, from what I see here, Miss Evans, you received seven O.W.L's last year in Charms, Potions, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, Transfiguration, Arithmancy and Defense against the Dark Arts. I must congratulate you. Especially for pulling an Exceeds Expectations in my class. I must say I was very impressed."

She shot Lily a rare smile, who in turn beamed back at her, swelling with pride.

"However," she continued. "You failed to receive an Acceptable or higher in History of Magic and Divination. You will be unable to continue in both subjects."

"Oh, that's fine," she said hurriedly. Maybe a bit too hurriedly. Whatever. She hated those subjects with a passion, anyway.

"Hmm," McGonagall looked at her, a slight frown on her face. "I was under the impression that you wanted to be a journalist, Miss Evans."

She nodded.

"Ah," she said, "but History of Magic is required for that field."

"Oh..."

"'Oh' indeed. Did you not do any research?"

Lily hung her head, feeling very ashamed of herself. "Not really, no."

She sighed and Lily shrunk further into her chair, wanting the ground to swallow her whole. If there was anything she couldn't stand, it was having teachers disappointed in her. This was just like the toilet explosion incident all over again.

"On the bright side," McGonagall added in a kinder tone, "you passed in the crucial subjects of most careers. There's not much you cannot do."

Lily nodded, still feeling a little depressed.

"If I may make a suggestion, Miss Evans, have you ever considered a career as an Auror?"

She snapped her head back up. "An Auror? Me?"

She half-expected McGonagall to snort and say, "Just kidding!", but she just nodded, her expression remaining quite serious.

"With all due respect, Professor, I really doubt I could be an Auror. Merlin, I've never even been in a fight before. Besides, the restrictions are so tight..."

"Not anymore," McGonagall said, shaking her head. "In the present situation the Wizarding World is in, we need anyone we can get. Granted they're not completely hopeless. And you, Miss Evans, are not completely hopeless. Like I said, there's not much you can't do." She pushed the papers together neatly in her desk and rifled through her drawer for some more. "Seeing as I am your Head of House, and that you currently have no other option in mind, I'm giving you a schedule similar to prospective Aurors. I have faith that you can handle it. Please send Miss McDonald in after you. Your classes begin in twenty minutes."

She waved her wand and words appeared on blank paper in front of her. Sensing, the conversation was over, Lily grabbed her bookbag and the schedule on the desk.

"Thank you, Professor."

McGonagall nodded at her and she walked out the office, feeling strangely relieved.

* * *

><p><strong>an: **This is the part where i beg your forgiveness for changing this story so much and then begging for reviews.

Speaking of reviews, I promised to reply to them!

**.InSoMnIa**: Thank you so much ahahah, I know I love fics like that too. There doesn't seem to be a lot of them so that's why I'm writing this!

**Annie2000**: Thank you for favoriting my storyy ^.^ And I don't know about James letting his parents' death slip (more on that later;)) but as you can see, Lily wasn't so horrible in this chapter. :)

**Clarinetier:** Hi omg I love you for reviewing on almost every chapter! And your compliments were so lovely, thank you :) As for how many chapters are going to be in this story? I have absolutely no clue. It seems I write short chapters, so I'm thinking maybe 30 chapters or more. And in my opinion, Lily wasn't a total goody two shoes lol. For some reason, a lot of fanfics portray her as Hermione-ish, but come on, she married James Potter, she had to have some devious side to her. It was an accident, anyway =P

**twilightstargazer**: Yes, I know, poor Lily and poor James :(

Thank you to everyone else who reviewed in the past! If you have any more questions, the review box is right there :D

Hugs and kisses,

D


	10. First Days

_Ring_

The sound of the bell drowned out Lily's long string of curses as she dashed down the stairs. There was absolutely no way she could be late on the first day, especially for her Defense against the Dark Arts class. That new teacher, Mr. Darcy, would be teaching, and she couldn't have him thinking she was irresponsible. She cursed herself again for forgetting her brand new quills in the dorm – it was the reason she'd had to dash all the way back to the Gryffindor Tower after her meeting with Professor McGonagall.

She turned the last corner and breathed a sigh of relief. The bell had rung, but her classmates (which, unfortunately, included the Slytherins) were still filing lazily into the room. It was a new teacher, and so no one was too bothered about punctuality.

Still breathing heavily, Lily walked past a couple of girls chattering by the door and walked into the classroom.

"Lily!"

"Oh, thank Merlin." The redhead sighed as she caught sight of her three best friends at the back of the room. Good. That meant their schedules were similar. Mary, Marlene and Alice waved her over, and she scurried over to them.

"The worst thing's happened," Alice whispered to her, as she took the empty seat next to Marlene.

"What?" Lily said absent-mindedly. She was craning her neck to see where the new teacher, Mr. Darcy, was but he didn't seem to be around.

Without a word, Alice bent over and fished through her book bag till she pulled out a scrunched up paper. Biting her lip, she straightened it out and stretched forward to push it on Lily's desk. It was an article from today's Daily Prophet.

"What the -"

Lily stared down at the article, horror washing over her. In the smallest of print - it obviously wasn't featured heavily in the newspaper - it read:

_At 10:56am, September 1st, an explosion rent the air in the muggle town of Teirm, killing 6 Muggles and injuring 16. Signs of magical sources were spotted by Aurors who arrived only minutes after the attack._

_"It's hard to believe this was a random act of violence," said one Auror. "Because this isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, it's been happening quite a lot lately. We've been noticing patterns in the various attacks, and I can't say much, but I think it's safe to say that one person is behind all this. And it seems to me that whoever it is has some strange prejudice against Muggles."_

_Suspects are being investigated and questioned by newly appointed Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Mr. Barty Crouch. Look below for the list of the victims."_

Lily was almost sure that despite the loud amount of chatter, everyone in the room could hear her gulp. She'd never even heard of Teirm, but she couldn't help holding her breath as her eyes roved over the list of casualties. Random names jumped out at her, but with a sense of relief that made her feel guilty, she realized that there was no one she knew on the list. With slightly shaking hands, she pushed the paper back to Alice.

"Awful, isn't it?" Marlene whispered gravely. "Beth Macfarland's been taken to Dumbledore's office. Her sister was on the list."

"Macfarland?" Lily scrambled to remember. A tall, blonde Seventh-Year from Ravenclaw came to her mind. "Isn't that the bird Chad's dating?"

Chad Hilton was also a Seventh Year Ravenclaw that Marlene had dated back in Fifth Year for about three weeks before he'd cheated on her with the same Beth Macfarland. Marlene had been so angry, she'd sent them both to the Hospital Wing for a week. Though she'd insisted that she didn't care and that "he couldn't snog for shit anyway," Lily could tell it had definitely had a negative impact on her best friend's self-confidence.

"Yes, well, it all seems a bit irrelevant now," Marlene said, cupping her chin in her hand and staring down at the table.

Slightly surprised at Marlene's unusual seriousness, the four girls fell into silence. The class was slowly quieting down as people took their seats and drew out their books and quills. Lily sighed, pushing her red hair away from her face. It was best to stop thinking about it; thinking would only upset her.

"Where's the bloody teacher?" Mary muttered from her seat behind Lily.

It turned out she didn't need to wait much longer. As soon as the question left her lips, the door at the front of the room opened and the man they'd seen at the feast the night before walked in, arms laden with messy papers.

"Terribly sorry," he drawled, dumping the papers on his table and turning to face the class. "'Afraid I was held up at the Headmaster's office. I shan't waste any more time. You might or might not remember, but my name is John Darcy. You shall refer to me as 'Sir,' 'Professor' or 'Professor Darcy.'"

Professor Darcy was a tall man with a slightly lanky frame. He had short, dark hair that was combed neatly to the back of his head and dark brown eyes that looked almost black. Though he had a kind enough face, he stood in stiff, no-nonsense way and spoke with an authoritative voice that commanded the students' attention. It was clear that he wouldn't be a teacher to be messed with.

"I will be your Defense against the Dark Arts teacher for the year," he continued, gazing calmly around the class. "If I'm correct, this is a Sixth Year class, so I'm assuming you know a little bit on the subject. You will be receiving tests today so I can see exactly where it is you are. If I catch you cheating, you will receive a detention with me. Throughout the year, you will receive tests like this every three weeks. I'm not sure exactly how competent your past teachers have been, but this year - the year before your N.E.W.T.s - is going to be a lot of work, I can assure you. Are there any questions?"

Lily had a lot. Who was he? How old was he? How did he get a job at Hogwarts? Was he offered it or did he request it? Did he work for the Ministry? And why did he keep saying for the year? Did that mean he was only staying temporarily?

But she kept her mouth clamped shut. There was something about the way his eyes were glinting, almost as if he were daring them to challenge him.

"No?" he asked mildly. "Alright. Now, if you could just pull out your quills -"

He was interrupted by the sound of the door opening again. All the heads in the room swiveled to see James Potter walk in the room. Lily blinked in confusion. She hadn't noticed he wasn't in the room. Perhaps she'd been too distracted. She glanced quickly at the Marauders, who weren't sitting too far from her, then back at the James. He looked awful. Well, he'd been looking awful a lot these days, but he looked as if something bad happened in the few minutes since Lily had seen him last. He wore grey sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt, without donning a robe over them. He hadn't even bothered to get dressed after breakfast.

"Can I help you?" Professor Darcy asked, frowning.

"Who are you?" James asked flatly. Lily remembered with a roll of her eyes that he'd been absent from the feast last night.

"The Defense against the Dark Arts professor," he said, with a raise of an eyebrow. "Who are you?"

"Your student," the dark-haired boy replied. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and made his way to his seat. "Nice to meet you."

Irritation instantly rose up in Lily, pushing away the tiny hint of concern she'd been feeling for him. It really was just like James Potter to walk into a classroom late, and expect to get away with it. He _would_ get away with it. He always did.

"And where do you think you're going?"

James paused, halfway to the empty seat beside Sirius, and turned around to face the still frowning professor. "To my seat."

"You're late," Professor Darcy said.

"I'm capable of telling the time, thank you," James snapped, and a few people gasped from their seats. Lily saw Remus sigh and run his hands through his hair from the corner of her eye.

It seemed everyone was holding their breath as they waited for Mr. Darcy to react. He'd been firm enough so far, but this was the moment when the class would know exactly how far he could be pushed.

"Tell me," Professor Darcy said mildly. "What is your name?"

"James," he replied in that same flat, monotonous voice. Lily wondered what on earth was wrong with him. "James Potter."

"Potter, you say?" Something flashed behind the professor's eyes. He looked hard at James for a moment before speaking again. "Well, Mr. Potter, tardiness will not be tolerated in my class. I will let you off for today, but if it happens again, you'll be spending an entire week of detention with me. Is that understood?"

James pursed his lips. "Yes."

"Yes, _sir_," Professor Darcy corrected.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. And ten points from Gryffindor for your cheek."

There were angry mutters from the Gryffindors in the room as James slouched into his seat without another word. Lily gazed open mouthed at Professor Darcy, half torn between irritation at already losing house points and admiration for the teacher. Most teachers stumbled around and stuttered on their first day, but he'd only been in the class a couple of minutes and had already put James Potter in his place. Perhaps he'd previously been a teacher at another magical school?

Before Lily could voice her thoughts to Marlene, Professor Darcy spoke again.

"I want you all to pull out your quills. You will begin an aptitude test in five minutes. There's no need to panic." He eyed a blonde Slytherin girl who'd pulled out a textbook and started flipping through it frantically. "As I said, it's merely to place where exactly you are on the curriculum. There will be no grade given for this."

He flicked his wand and the papers on his desk zoomed towards each student. There was a flurry of movement as they began their test, but it was quiet soon. Lily sighed as she scrolled down the three foot long parchment. The questions were easy enough, but there were about two hundred of them; it was sure to take at least an hour.

Sure enough, an hour later, Lily dropped her quill and scanned briefly over her parchment. There would be no need to revise. It was just an aptitude test. She raised her head to see that at least half the class was finished and were muttering quietly to each other. Marlene wasn't done yet, she was still scribbling furiously in what looked like the essay section.

With no one else close enough to talk to, Lily sighed and prepared to lay her head on the desk, when the voice of a certain Marauder drifted into her ear.

"...not your fault, Prongs!"

Eavesdropping was something that Lily completely disapproved of. It was a violation of privacy and it showed complete and total immaturity – oh, who was she kidding? She turned her head slightly to see that both Sirius and James had finished their tests and the former was whispering furiously to the latter. Curiosity taking over her, Lily casually shifted closer to them in her seat, straining to hear what they were saying.

"Yes, it is," she heard James say. He was staring forlornly at his desk. "If not for me-"

"What, you think that just because you talked to her for a couple of hours, they attacked her?" Sirius whispered. "Hate to break it to you mate, but you're not that important."

There was a pained look on James face, as if he wanted to say something but didn't know how he could. "No... Sirius. I... there was a ... a dream -"

_RING_

Once again, the sound of the bell muffled Lily's curses as chairs were scraped backwards and people hurried to submit their tests to the front desk. _What the hell was that about_, she wondered as she handed her parchment to Professor Darcy. What did James think was his fault? It sounded like someone had been attacked... a girl...

Lily shook her head vigorously. Why was she getting so concerned about the affairs of James Potter, anyway?

"Oi, that was bloody easy!" Marlene exclaimed, bouncing up next to Lily. She stuffed her quill into her bag as they made their way out the classroom and into the crowded corridor.

"You copied off of me, didn't you?" Lily asked, grinning.

"No!" Marlene looked offended. "Well, maybe a few, but I did most of them on my own. Bet you a galleon that's the easiest test we get all year."

"I'll take you up on that bet, Marlene," Mary said brightly from behind them. She and Alice fell into place beside Lily and Marlene. "Professor Darcy seems nice. Maybe he'll go easy on us."

"NICE?" Alice asked, a bewildered expression spreading across her face. "Um, were you in the same class as I was? He's... he's menacing!"

"No, he's just a tiny bit strict," Mary insisted.

"Tiny? He took ten points off us!"

"Yes, well, Potter shouldn't have been late."

"I agree," Lily interjected. "He thinks he can just walk into class anytime he wants. Well, he can't. And I'm glad someone finally put him in his place."

Alice looked like she wanted to argue, but thought better of it and kept quiet. Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes. Why Alice was constantly taking Potter's side was beyond her.

The four girls headed down to the first floor where Marlene departed for her Ancient Runes class. They waved her off and headed past the Entrance Hall, out the doors and towards the greenhouses for their Herbology class. Professor Sprout was her usual, cheerful self, though she did stress on them the importance of their N.E.W.T.s. Apparently they would be dealing with even more dangerous plants this year ("What could be more dangerous than the ones that tried to rip our heads off?" Alice mumbled,) and she would be assigning them partners to work with for the year.

Lily was not pleased with her partner. In fact, she let out a groan before Professor Sprout had even finished saying: "Evans, Lily and Black, Sirius."

"I'm flattered, Evans, I really am," Sirius grinned as he slid into the seat beside her. Lily noticed it didn't quite reach his stormy, grey eyes. "Your enthusiasm is overwhelming."

"Did you know that sarcasm is the last refuge for the imaginatively bankrupt?" Lily asked, staring ahead to the front of the class where Professor Sprout was wrestling with a plant half her size.

"Consider me imaginatively bankrupt." He tapped his quill on the desk.

"Intelligently as well."

"Ouch."

"The truth hurts."

She supposed it could have been worse. For instance, she could have gotten Davy Gudgeon from Hufflepuff who was known to be a terrible mouth breather. Or Alice, who (though Lily loved to death) was absolutely horrible at Herbology. Or Potter.

Besides, Sirius could be funny sometimes. Although, he was an absolute git when he refused to touch the plant Professor Sprout had assigned to them.

"What do you mean _you won't touch it?_"

"Evans, do you see the size of that thing? It could swallow you whole."

"You're exaggerating." Though looking at it, Lily wasn't so sure he was. "You can't just not help me. We get grades for this. What if it _does _swallow me whole?"

"I think I'll be able to live with the guilt." He nodded.

Lily sighed. "I swear, I'm more man than you are." Pulling up the sleeves to her robe, she said, "Fine. But you're doing the essay."

After Herbology was lunch. Lily had to walk to the Great Hall on her own because Professor Sprout had Alice stay behind and Mary had to dash to the library to meet Seth. Thankfully, the rest of the day went by much faster. Charms was a breeze for Lily, as usual. She didn't want to toot her own horn, but Charms was definitely her specialty. It was one of the only classes in which she excelled over James Potter and Sirius Black. Today, they didn't do much except to listen to Professor's Flitwick's lecture on the importance of Sixth Year, but Lily couldn't wait to see what new charms they would be learning.

Next was a free period, which she and Marlene spent outside on the grounds doing their Charms homework. Well, trying to do their homework. After a total of ten minutes, they were distracted by the giggles of a group of fifth year girls that sat not too far away from them.

"Typical," Lily rolled her eyes. Upon further inspection, they'd seen the object of the girls' amusement: the Marauders. They were sitting lazily under the birch tree, talking amongst themselves.

"You know," Marlene mused, shutting her textbook close. There would be no more studying with those girls around. "The Marauders have been awfully quiet since we got back. You've noticed it too, right?"

"Definitely," Lily agreed, also shutting her books. "Not even one prank. Do you think they're up to something?"

"Hmmm..." Marlene leaned forward as she stared at them, a frown forming on her pretty face. "If you ask me, something happened over the summer. Something bad. And it affected James the most. Remember the train? He looked the most beaten up."

Lily nodded, thinking hard. "I think you're right. He's been the strangest... He's not making mischief every five seconds, he's not being a total prat, he's not _smirking_... but what could've happened that would make him lose sleep over it?"

"Lose sleep?" Marlene looked surprised. Lily realized that Marlene hadn't been with her last night after her rounds. She quickly explained the conversation she'd had with James, and, after a brief hesitation, what she'd overheard in DADA class.

Marlene's frown deepened as her eyebrows knitted together.

"A girl got attacked, you said?"

"That's what I heard," Lily said. "And Potter thinks it's his fault. I think he talked to her or something, and she got attacked. Maybe it has something to do with that muggle town, Teirm."

"It probably does," Marlene agreed darkly. "I know Teirm. It's right next to where James lives."

Lily paused, surprise lighting her features. "You know where Potter _lives_?"

"You didn't know?" It was Marlene's turn to be surprised. "I'm a Pureblood, Lily, and so is he. Our parents are really good friends. It's just how it works in the Wizarding World. Most Purebloods know each other. Hell, most Purebloods are related to each other. Don't want to poison the line and all that rot, so they get married to each other." She shrugged, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "I wouldn't be surprised if James is my fifth cousin twice removed or something."

Lily blinked. She'd always known Marlene was a Pureblood, but the thought of her being related to James was nothing short of alarming.

"We could go to the library," Marlene suggested, gesturing at their books.

Lily shook her head. "Nah. I think dinner should've started. Let's head in."

They packed up their things and headed back into the castle. Not many people were in the Great Hall – it was still a bit early – but dinner had been prepared. The two girls took their seats and dug in. They remained there until the sky above them was dark and the hall was full. Mary and Alice still hadn't returned, so they made their way to the Gryffindor tower to check for them.

As it turned out, Mary and Alice _were_in the Common Room.

"Where have you been?" Alice demanded as Lily and Marlene walked in. She and Mary had taken off their robes and were seated cross-legged on her bed.

"Where have _we_ been?" Lily asked, taking off her shoes. "Where have _you_ been?"

"Oh my God," Alice moaned, ignoring the question. She flopped unto her bed and buried her face in the pillow. When she spoke again her voice came out muffled. "The worst thing's happened."

"What now?" Marlene demanded.

"Ignore her," Mary rolled her eyes. It was apparent from the exasperated look on her face that she'd been listening to Alice complain for at least thirty minutes. "She's definitely exaggerating."

"I am not!" Alice said indignantly. She sat up and looked miserably at Lily. "I suck at Herbology."

"Yes, dear," Lily said patiently, taking a seat on Alice's bed as well. "We know."

"No, no. Like, I really _suck_ at Herbology. The only reason I'm in the class is because Professor Sprout pulled some strings for me since she really respects my decision to be an Auror. She had me stay back to tell me that she wants me to get some extra help this year."

"You mean, like a tutor?" Marlene asked.

Alice nodded sadly. "Guess who?"

"Frank?" Lily guessed. When Alice nodded, she burst out laughing. Of course it would be Frank. He was pretty much the best at Herbology in the entire school, _and_he was in the year above them. It was perfect.

"This is a good thing!" Marlene exclaimed, grinning. "You fancy him, don't you?"

"No!" Alice said, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks. "Well… I don't know. I _thought_I didn't. But today was… absolutely mortifying."

"What? You talked to him today?" Lily asked, still laughing. "I'll bet Frank was _thrilled_."

Alice moaned. "He didn't _seem_ thrilled. I mean, it wasn't as though he was upset, it's just… he was so… normal."

"Normal?"

"He was so cool about it! Sprout called him up and he just gave me a smile, and said 'Alice Prewett, right?' And I don't know what came over me – maybe it was his eyes, they're so _blue_ – I just couldn't talk, so I ended up nodding like a dolt. Then he suggested we go to the library, and we were walking, and it was kind of awkward, and I tripped about fifteen times, so now he must think I have some disability that prevents me from walking right."

Marlene tried to interrupt – probably to console her – but she kept on going. "And as if that wasn't bad enough, he kept on making cute, little jokes in the library and just generally being really nice and sweet, and I was just so nervous, because he's _older_ and he's the _Head Boy_ and I had absolutely _no_ idea what he was talking about, so he probably thinks I'm mentally challenged –"

"ALICE," Lily said loudly, cupping her hands over Alice's mouth. She widened her blue eyes and glared at Lily.

"Alice," Lily repeated, more seriously. "Frank's sweet. He _likes_ you. Just be yourself."

"I don't think so, Lily," Alice shook her head as Lily lowered her hand. "I really don't think he likes me. And even if he did, he definitely doesn't like me now."

She stared down at her sheets, looking extremely depressed. Lily suppressed a smile. Alice liked Frank, no matter how much she denied it.

"That's rough, Al. I'm sure he still likes you though. How could he _not_? You're Alice Prewett," Marlene said, as she pulled a sweatshirt over her head. She turned to Mary and put her hands on her hips. "And where were you all day, Mary?"

Mary blushed slightly. "Mostly spending some time with Seth."

"And by spending some time, I'm assuming you mean a huge snogging session, yes?"

"Shut up, Marlene."

Marlene snickered and flung herself unto Alice's bed, so they were all squished. "Alright," she announced. "So we all had shitty first days. Except Mary because she's a git. I say we celebrate anyway."

"Celebrate?" Lily asked, though she knew what was coming.

"Yes, celebrate." Mary jumped off the bed, making it bounce, and padded over to hers. She reached under it and pulled out two bottles of firewhiskey. There was a mischievous smile on her face as she approached the bed again and tossed one of the bottles to Lily.

Lily caught it deftly in her hand and grinned. "Alright. We celebrate."

Alice rolled her eyes, and snatched the bottle from Lily. In one swift motion, she popped open the bottle and took a long swig straight from it. She only stopped when Marlene let out an indignant, "Oi, let me get a chug!"

Not for the first time, Lily was grateful for the fact that they all had one room to themselves. Laughing slightly, she thought about how she was a Prefect and was supposed to be a good example to the younger students. Oh well.

"Here's to shitty days," Marlene announced, holding up the bottle she'd taken from Alice.

Lily took the second bottle from Mary and raised it up as well. "To shitty days!"

And they cheered.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** omg you hate it didn't you?

_DIDN'T YOU?_

I TRIED OK. I kind of liked it! A little boring maybe. And not so much Jily action in it. But there _will _be! And at least you're getting some Sirius and Lily stuff now :D I remember someone asked me to make them friends lol. What do you think about Professor Darcy so far?

And oh my god, i got about eight or NINE reviews in the last chapter thank you thank you thank you!

Now if you could just leave some moreeee ^.^

**l**

**l**

**l**

**l**

**V**


	11. Exhilaration

James Potter was depressed.

He didn't know the symptoms of depression, nor did he know anyone who was depressed, but he was almost certain of it—he was depressed.

He couldn't eat. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't even get out of bed without an enormous amount of effort. Even now, as he lay staring up at the top of his four poster bed, getting up seemed like the hardest thing he could possibly do at the moment.

He sighed and ran his hands through his already messy hair. It was still dark outside, and the three others he shared the dorm with were still snoring peacefully. James rolled over in his bed, feeling something like jealousy rise up within him.

He wanted to be able to sleep peacefully. He wanted to be able to forget his troubles and slip into the warm bliss of unconsciousness. He wanted to be able to close his eyes and not see terrible things in his dreams. But he could not, especially not since last week.

The paper had come on the very first day of school in the claws of a grey owl, along with the other owls that swooped down to deliver mail to their owners. Remus had grabbed it and cheerfully thrown the owl a Knut. Then, after rifling through the pages for a few minutes, he paused and then spat out the orange juice he'd been drinking right into Sirius' face.

"What the bloody hell?" Sirius had demanded.

Perhaps too shocked to speak, Remus had shown them the article soundlessly, and James felt his heart sink like a stone.

Lana Bolchevik was on the list of the dead.

He wished there was some uncertainty as to whether it was the same Lana he'd kissed, talked with, laughed with, fought with - but there was none. The small picture of her grinning face next to her name was enough to prove to him that it was her, and it was real.

He couldn't believe it. He hadn't been particularly attached to her—after all, he'd only spent one night with her—but still. She was gone. She'd been murdered.

And what made it even worse, James thought bitterly, was that he was almost positive it was his fault. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. The paper had said 10:56 on September 1st - minutes after he'd left for school. James was willing to bet all his money in Gringotts that someone—that Lucius man—had come to his house in search of him, and when he'd failed, he'd attacked the little town near his house. Perhaps he was even looking for information about him.

Or maybe James was just being self absorbed, as Sirius had suggested. Maybe the attack had been purely coincidental and it had nothing to do with him at all.

Or maybe it did.

Alright, James thought grimly. Enough thinking for today.

He sat up quietly in his bed and drew his hangings aside. The alarm clock that sat on the table beside his bed read 5:46. James sighed before he threw his feet over the side of his bed.

There were Quidditch tryouts today.

He still couldn't believe he was Quidditch Captain. Professor McGonagall had informed him in a letter the day before they returned, and of course he'd been elated for a brief moment. Now, he remembered the amount of effort that had to put into the Captainship. The team didn't even have enough players for goodness sake. So of course, the first thing James had to do on his long list of duties was to hold tryouts, which he knew was going to be incredibly tedious.

Getting onto his knees, James reached under his bed and pulled out his sleek broomstick. Just holding it made him feel better. He gripped the wooden handle tightly and glanced once more around the room. It was slightly less dark in the room, but his friends were still sound asleep. Not wanting to disturb them, he pulled on his Quidditch robes as quietly as he could and slipped out of the dorm.

The Common Room was empty, except for a couple of third years who seemed to have fallen asleep by the fire doing homework. James smiled as he climbed through the portrait hole. He still remembered being that small.

"Out causing more mischief, I presume?" the Fat Lady chortled as James shut her portrait behind him.

He didn't bother to respond.

The castle was thankfully deserted, even though James did run into Peeves, the castle poltergeist, who looked like he was trying to set fire to Filch's office. Not liking the caretaker much, James had pretended to not notice. Hopefully he wouldn't cause too much damage.

It was a clear and windy morning, James noticed, as he walked out the doors to the Entrance Hall. Though the sky was still a dark mix of pinks and oranges, and it was almost completely clear of clouds. Perfect Quidditch-playing conditions. When he reached the Quidditch Pitch, James took a deep breath and climbed delicately onto his broom. He hadn't flown in what seemed like an eternity. He'd almost forgotten what it felt like.

He kicked off the ground as hard as he could and immediately let out a loud whoop. The wind pushed his hair out of his face and pulled at his clothes and James was zooming around the pitch and it was the best he'd felt in weeks. He was awake. Fully awake. He dipped and twirled and spun; he was grinning so wide, he thought his face would get stuck that way. Why had he stopped flying again? Nothing could ever be better than this feeling of _exhilaration_.

He didn't know how long he spent in the air, trying new dives and twists, but when James looked down again, there were about four figures standing on the pitch. The sun was fully up and a few people were already seated on the stands, no doubt to support their friends or something of the sort.

"Stop showing off, you git!" Sirius – it had to be Sirius – yelled up at him from the ground. "Get down here!"

A little disappointed, James dove to the ground, wishing he could skip tryouts all together.

"How long have you been up there?" his dark-haired best friend raised an eyebrow as James slid off his broom.

"A while," James said vaguely. He inspected the other three that stood by Sirius: the rest of his team. The first was a tall Seventh Year girl with long, blonde hair, and large blue eyes. Abigail Scott, a Chaser on the Gryffindor team. She had a pretty face, a strong arm, and had been on the Quidditch team just as long as James had. She looked tired, but she shot James a dazzling smile when his eyes landed on her.

The next person was his Keeper. She, Victoria Roberts, was dark-skinned and a little on the short side, with curly, brown hair, and chocolate brown eyes that were always sparkling with mischief. In many ways, she was the complete opposite of Abigail, but James knew they were just as good friends as he and Sirius were.

The last was a small, scrawny Fourth Year called Matthew Spooner. He had short brown hair and bushy eyebrows. Being the youngest member of the team and the only Irish, he was usually the butt of the Quidditch team's jokes, but he shrugged them off with an easy-going smile and an infectious laugh. "Oh, shut up, the lot o' ya," he always said, and they would all laugh again. James adored the little guy; he, being the seeker, had won them many, many games, including the game against Slytherin last year that had resulted in their winning of the House Cup.

That was all of his team, including Sirius, of course, who played as Beater. That meant James was short one Beater and one Chaser.

"Congrats on th' badge, mate!" Matthew exclaimed, patting James on the arm. "I knew you would get it!"

"Me too," Victoria piped up. "You deserve it."

"Thanks guys," James began, but Victoria raised her hand to stop him. "Don't thank us, Potter. Just bring us that Cup."

"We already have it!" James protested, as Sirius snickered beside him.

"And we're going to keep it," Abigail nodded, and her blonde hair bounced. "Those Slytherins are getting _crushed_ this year. And if they try to knock me off my broom again… ooh, they're going to get it."

"Not to worry, Scott," Sirius reassured her. "They're not getting anywhere near you." He mimed hitting a Bludger with his bat, nearly taking out James' eye in the process.

"I'm guessing there's no need for a pep talk, then," James said, eyeing Sirius' bat warily. "Which is a good thing, I guess. I'm rubbish at them."

"Well, then I hope your pep talk skills are a little better than your captainship skills," Matthew said brightly. He pointed at the end of the pitch where a crowd of about thirty people were approaching. They marched across the pitch like an oncoming storm, buzzing with excitement. James grimaced at his team.

In a few moments, the huge crowd of potential teammates stood in front of him, still chattering loudly. Abigail, Victoria, Matthew, and Sirius stepped back as James stepped forward.

"Oi, quiet down," he shouted, and immediately the noise ceased. James blinked, pleased. "Welcome to the Gryffindor Quidditch team tryouts. For those of you who don't know me, I'm James Potter, newly appointed Captain. Let me start off by saying this: if you aren't in Gryffindor, get the hell off my pitch."

There were a few grumbles and then six people detached from the crowd and slinked back towards the changing room. James rolled his eyes.

"Good. Now, today we're looking for two new members: one Chaser and one Beater. They both require a lot of arm strength, so if you have trouble carrying your books from class to class, you're wasting your time and my time."

James was being completely serious, but there were a few titters. He kept on, glancing around from face to face. "First, we're going to take a few laps around the pitch, all right? Get you warmed up…"

They grabbed their brooms, and some even started to climb before James looked at them oddly. "On the ground," he said patiently. Looks of disbelief were shot at him, but he only smirked and pointed ahead of him, signaling them to begin.

At the end of the lap, the only people still upright were James and the other members of the team. The rest were either holding their sides or doubled over gasping over. James grinned, enjoying the pleasant feeling that came when he exercised. He waved his wand and conjured a whistle out of thin air, then put it to his mouth and blew.

"Alright, good warm up!" He called. "Now we can really get started!" He heard a few groans, but continued on as if he hadn't heard them. "If you're trying out for Beater, move over to my left – _my_ left, Johnson. Chasers, to the right." As they shuffled around, James turned over to his teammates. "Sirius, I'm going to need you to handle the Beaters."

"Aye aye, Captain," Sirius saluted. He dodged the punch James threw at him and headed over to box were the balls were kept.

"Victoria, I'm going to need you to head over to the hoops," James continued. "Take it easy on them at first till we weed out the really terrible ones, then we can actually get to it. Matthew, I don't know, take the snitch and play around with it. Don't lose it or Hooch will murder you. Abbs, you and I are going to toss the ball around, alright? Get a feel of how they play…"

James was surprised how easily it was all coming to him. He simply had to say something and it was carried out in the blink of an eye. He didn't feel even slightly nervous, only that vague hint of exhaustion (he was _definitely_ not getting enough sleep) and excitement. Quidditch was his passion – it had always been that way.

A couple of hours later, the tryouts were fully underway and the stands were considerably more occupied. Mostly Gryffindors, of course. As James tossed the Quaffle to a third year, a glimpse of red caught his eye and he spotted Lily Evans in the stands, chatting animatedly to Remus and Mary McDonald. There was a slight flip in James' stomach and he turned quickly before they caught him staring.

Finally, when the sun began to set, they all dismounted from their brooms and James stood in front of about twenty people – he'd sent the rest away for just being god awful.

"Good job today people," James called, unable to keep the weariness from creeping into his voice. "No, really, you all did great. I wish I could use you all, but I can't. The list will be posted in the Gryffindor Common Room by next week. Thanks for coming out tonight."

There were calls of 'goodnight, James!' as they all dispersed and headed back to the changing room, leaving James with the rest of his team.

"So what did you think?" he asked them, as they shuffled around in a circle.

"Pretty good haul, I say," said Matthew just as Victoria said: "They were all terrible."

James sighed. This would be the hardest part of the night.

"Come now, Roberts," Sirius rolled his eyes. "They weren't all bad. I thought Joyce Killian was actually pretty decent."

"Yes, well are you just saying that because you thought she was good, or because she has nice legs," Abigail snorted. "Seriously, she's always whimpering and simpering all over the damn place; she couldn't hit a fly, much less a bludger."

"I agree with Abbs, sorry mate," James said, rather unsympathetically earning a glare from Sirius. "Killian is not a good candidate. It seems to me there wasn't really much competition for the Beater position. Andrew Juxenberg was clearly the best."

To James' surprise, there were no objections. He raised an eyebrow at his team. "So that's it? Andrew Juxenberg for Beater? All in favor?"

"Aye," they chorused, and James nodded.

"Now, as for the Chaser…" It took them a good deal of time to figure out who the Chaser would be. Matthew argued that Rudolph Peppler looked pretty speedy on a broom, but Victoria thought he was much too confident and that Marco Touney was a much better candidate–plus, he'd bought her a birthday gift last year. Sirius thought Delois Breakfield was pretty accurate with her shots, but Abigail insisted that she was a complete ball hog, to which James agreed. Eventually, they went with Marco Touney, and Victoria pumped her fist happily in the air.

"Oh, can I tell him, please, _please_," she begged James. "He'll be so happy, I'm _sure_ he'll forgive me for forgetting his birthday. Please?"

James laughed. "You can tell him the night before I put up the list. I don't want the news spreading too fast, you know?"

"Perfect," she beamed. She gave him a little wave, grabbed Abigail by the arm and dragged her towards the changing rooms, all the while prattling on about something or the other. James watched them go, amused.

"Well, I'll be heading up now, mates," Matthew yawned. "Got a shitload of homework to do."

"Wait, till you get to Fifth Year," Sirius shook his head. "Then you'll just be dying to throw yourself off the Astronomy Tower."

"Ugh, don't remind me," the Fourth Year muttered. He nodded at both Sirius and James, gripped his broom in his hand and left, whistling a tune that sounded distinctly Irish.

"Well, that wasn't too bad," Sirius commented lightly. James smiled slightly but did not reply. Together, as they'd done many times before, they grabbed both ends of the wooden box that held the balls and headed towards the small cabin at the end of the pitch.

The sky was a light purple with shades of pinks and oranges from where the sun was halfway down. For some reason or the other, James and Sirius did not return to the castle after they'd cleared up. Rather, they soundlessly leaned against the wooden cabin and stared down the large expanse of grass that was the pitch. They stood in silence until Sirius slid down to sit against the wall.

"So," he began as James slid down beside him. "Quidditch Captain, eh?"

James turned to see him pulling out a lighter and a cigarette from his pocket. He frowned. "I thought you quit."

Sirius shrugged. He flicked the lighter and ignited the cigarette before taking a long drag out of it. "I'm stressed."

As he exhaled, James found himself staring at the smoke as it rose and swirled up into the air in an almost enchanting way. He felt an urge to take a drag as well, but he shook his head quickly.

"Yeah," he said, answering Sirius' question. "Insane, isn't it?"

"Not really." Sirius took another drag, looking amused. "Good on you, mate."

They were silent for a while. James glanced at his best mate from the corner of his eyes. Sirius looked uncomfortable, as though he was struggling to say something. He waited patiently, but Sirius still did not speak. Eventually James sighed and leaned his head back against the rough wall.

It was a windy evening. The wind tugged at their hair and their clothes and sent the smoke from Sirius' cigarette whirling away. They could see the castle from here—it rose from the hill it sat on like an enormous glittering rock. The lights blazed from the windows and even from here, figures could be seen moving around within.

James felt a sudden rush of affection for the place. This castle was where he spent most of the last five years. It was where he'd met his best friends; it was where he'd learned the things he knew; it was where he'd become an Animagus; it was where he'd met Lily Evans; it was where he'd seen so many great things; where a good percent of his best memories were from. He'd used to think of Hogwarts as his second home, but now – now that there was nothing left for him outside of Hogwarts, it was his only home.

"Dad always wanted me to be Captain," he spoke quietly.

He saw Sirius freeze from the corner of his eye. "James…"

"Mum didn't ever see it happening," he continued in a rush. He'd started, and now he couldn't stop. He could feel the words pouring out of his mouth like a relentless flood. "She always said the day Dumbledore put me in a position of authority was the day that pigs would fly, and then dad would say that he'd actually seen a couple of them do that, and then they would start to bicker. They bickered all the time, did you notice? But it was in that way that people who really love each other bicker. I… I loved them. I _love_ them. I… I wish…"

The lump in his throat stopped him from going any further. He clenched his fists, and looked down, determined not to cry. Crying would not help and it would not bring them back. He needed to be strong. For who? He didn't know. Maybe for Sirius, who was fiddling with his cigarette, obviously tense.

James took a deep breath. "I had a dream, Sirius."

Sirius' head snapped towards him, but James avoided his gaze as he continued on. "I had a dream… in it, there was this… this man. He was talking to Lucius Malfoy-"

"Malfoy?" Sirius asked sharply. "The Slytherin Prefect from two years ago?"

James nodded. "He was talking to this man, and I swear… I _swear_, he said killed my parents."

Sirius drew in a sharp breath, but he did not reply. James kept his gaze down. He didn't want to see the disbelieving look that was sure to be on his face.

"Who was he talking to?" Sirius asked with a calm that seemed forced.

"I didn't hear his name," James said, shaking his head. "Malfoy kept calling him 'my Lord.' I didn't see his face either, but I'm almost positive he's the guy behind all the attacks lately. Voldemort. He sent Malfoy to… to kill them as some assignment, I think. Some sort of initiation."

Silence hung in the air as the sky darkened around them. Sirius seemed to be struggling with his words again. He took another drag from his cigarette and folded his arms, staring at the red pinpricks of light.

"So you're going to go after him? he asked finally.

James wasn't surprised Sirius knew exactly what he'd been thinking. It would have been more surprising if Sirius had asked 'What are you going to do?'

He shook his head. "From what I saw, I won't have to." He explained how the man had told Malfoy to bring James to him. There was a scowl on Sirius' face when he finished.

"Prongs, you have to go to Dumbledore," he said tersely.

"What, so he can throw me in St. Mungo's for impending insanity?" James said, folding his arms. "No, thanks."

"That's not the reason you don't want to go, and you know it," Sirius snapped. "You _want_ to let him find you so you can pay him back for killing your parents."

James glared at him. "And so what if I do? He _killed_ my _parents_."

"He'll kill you too!" Sirius said loudly. They glared at each other for a few moments before his expression softened and he sighed. "James, we're sixteen. You think your parents didn't know what they were doing? They were experienced Aurors. This... this Voldemort must have some very powerful people at his command if they were able to get the better of your parents. We're… we're just… we haven't even left Hogwarts yet. Let's… let's wait." Seeing the look on James' face, he quickly added. "At least till we leave Hogwarts. Then we'll have more experience and time to find him. Please."

James was silent. He didn't want to wait. He wanted to find Lucius Malfoy and inflict as much pain on him as he possibly could.

"I have detention with McGonagall tonight," Sirius muttered. He got to his feet and brushed the grass of his robes. Glancing at James, he extinguished his cigarette and dropped it to the floor, then used his foot to crush it. "I'll see you later."

James watched him walk away, wondering what on earth he'd done to earn a detention already.

Dusk had fallen when James finally decided to head back up into the castle. The sky was a dark purplish color and was dotted with hundreds of stars that twinkled down - it seemed to James - merrily. It made him reluctant to leave. Sighing, he rose from the ground and picked up his broom. After surveying the pitch once for any forgotten items, he threw his robes over his shoulder and made his way through the pitch and onto the grounds. To his satisfaction, they were completely empty. Of course they would be. At this time? Dinner was probably over by now, though he couldn't be sure. His watch was still broken.

The lights from the castle blazed through the windows as he approached it. Cursing himself for not thinking to bring his Invisibility Cloak, James cautiously opened the door just enough for him to wiggle through. Then he shut it behind him as quietly as he could. It wasn't as though he cared much about getting in trouble for staying out past curfew. He just didn't want to go through the bother of being _caught_. And so he plunged his hand into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled, old parchment. The Marauder's Map.

"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," he muttered.

The torches on the wall provided enough light for him to see the extremely detailed map of Hogwarts that spread across the parchment. His brow furrowed as he concentrated on the hundreds of dots that spread across the map. Most of the dots were in clumps (in the common rooms of their houses) and some were solitary (the staff of Hogwarts in wherever it was they stayed). There was, however, a clump of dots that stood out oddly to James. They weren't in a Common Room or in a dorm. They were in the corridor of the third floor. James squinted at their names, half expecting them to be unfamiliar, but then blinked when he realized that he _did_ know them.

The Slytherins.

To be more specific: Marcus Avery, Theodore Nott, Garrick Mulciber, Bellatrix Black and Severus Snape. What were they doing on the third floor corridor at who knew what time of the night?

Nothing good, James thought grimly.

With a start, he realized that he hadn't had a confrontation with them since they'd returned to Hogwarts. Not really. What an odd thought. In his eyes, he, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had always been at war—yes, war—with the Slytherins. Confrontation between them was as regular as breathing. Now, with another start, James realized that he didn't _want_ to have a confrontation with them.

Not really.

Maybe he was growing up.

With that uncomfortable thought rattling around in his head, he raised the map higher and closer to the torch for better legibility. He'd originally planned to go through the third floor corridor, but under the particular circumstances, he had to find another way to the common room. Another dot jumped out at him, and he felt his heart beat slightly faster.

Lily Evans.

She probably had a reason to be up. Prefect rounds, most likely – James knew for a fact that Remus had rounds tonight as well. James found himself staring at her dot as it moved up the second floor corridor, and then up the stairs...

"Bugger," James said.

She was heading straight for the Slytherins.

She could take care of herself. James had learned that now. She was no weakling. Yet, he couldn't stop himself from contemplating how much damage it would cause for him to simply 'bump' into her.

His feet were already moving before he'd even made a decision.

* * *

><p>Lily sighed and slumped against the wall. How long had she been patrolling these corridors?<p>

She glanced at her watch and groaned. The time read 10:32. That meant she'd only been patrolling for thirty minutes. It seemed like she'd been at it for at least two hours.

Sighing, she pushed herself off the wall and continued down the corridor. It was eerily quiet in the castle. Not for the first time, Lily wished Remus was patrolling with her, but patrols were to be done in separate areas of the castle. The rule had been established after Professor Dumbledore had found out that prefects often got... distracted when they were alone together.

She turned the corner, slightly amused at the thought of her and Remus getting "distracted," and then -

WHAM.

"Ouch!" Lily cried, rubbing her forehead. She'd just slammed into someone tall and knocked her head against their chin.

"Potter?" Lily squinted. James stood in front of her, rubbing his chin. His hazel eyes widened as he caught sight of her, and Lily quickly took a step back from him.

"Evans," he said, hurriedly stuffing something in his pocket. "Alright there?"

"No I'm not bloody alright. What's your chin made of? Steel?" she said crossly, rubbing the spot where she hit him. "Never mind, what are you doing here? It's past curfew."

"Oh," he said, feigning innocence. "Sorry, Ging. I lost track of time."

She rolled her eyes. "First off, _don't_ call me that. Second, you really expect me to believe you forgot it was ten o' clock at night because you were too busy playing Quidditch?"

As Lily eyed the broom in his hands and the robes that were slung over his shoulder, she thought it wasn't that strange, really. It was common knowledge that James was obsessed with Quidditch. He opened his mouth - probably to make up some excuse - but Lily cut him off.

"Forget it," she said wearily. "I'm not particularly in the mood for filing any reports, so I'll let you off this once."

He grinned and Lily blinked in surprise. She hadn't thought about it before, but seeing him smile now, she realized that she hadn't seen that smile since... well, a long time. He'd been so strange since they'd gotten back, walking around looking like he wanted to drown himself in the lake. Maybe he was getting over whatever had happened. She hoped he was. With the grin on his face, he looked like the old James. The one that laughed constantly, and strutted around playing silly pranks, and asked her out every five minutes...

"… the Common Room."

Lily realized she hadn't been paying attention and quickly refocused on him, blushing slightly.

"Er... what was that?"

James rolled his eyes, but she could see the corners of his lips tugging upward. "I _said_, no worries, I'm heading up to the Common Room. Want me to walk you?"

"Oh. No thanks," she said, waving her hand vaguely. "I still have an hour left of patrols left, unfortunately –"

"Forget the patrols," James said hurriedly. "Just for one night."

"Why?" Lily was immediately suspicious. She squinted at him, folding her arms. "You're up to something, aren't you? You _said_ you were just playing Quidditch-"

"Relax, I'm not up to anything!" He raised his hands up as if to defend himself. "Seriously. Can't a guy just play the knight in shining armor every once in a while?"

"Right. Go to sleep, Potter." She moved past him. Well, she tried to move past him, but he suddenly moved to the side, obstructing her path.

"Erm, you're in my way."

"Am I?" he asked mildly, but he did not move. Lily sighed. It seemed James was returning to his usual, annoying self. She knew it couldn't last long.

"Yes. You are," she said, impatience evident in her voice. She stepped to the side again but he moved to the side as well.

"Cut the bullshit, Potter," Lily snapped. "Get out of the way before I hex you." She pulled out her wand from her pocket to prove her point.

"Let me walk you back up," he pressed. "I'm being serious."

There was something akin to nervousness on his face. Lily stared at him apprehensively, twitching her wand.

"What's going on?"

For a moment, she saw James hesitate. When Lily opened her mouth again, however, he glanced around them quickly as though someone was going to pop out of the walls at any second, and spoke.

"Alright," he said in a low voice, "if you must know, there's a large group of Slytherins lurking around on this floor doing Merlin knows what. Snape's among them, and I know he's your friend, but I can almost guarantee they're up to no good -"

"What?" Lily interrupted him harshly. "So, you think you need to _protect_ me or something?"

"No -" he began hurriedly, but it was too late. Lily glared and shoved past him, making sure to bump into him with her shoulder.

"If they're up to no good," she said, as she walked away, "they should be stopped. Go to sleep, Potter."

James sighed, but of course, did not listen to a word she said. He was James Potter, and he rarely did what he ought to. He was scarily persistent, a fact that Lily was all too aware of. Still, it only increased her irritation as she moved down the corridor. Why did he constantly feel the need to play hero? Did he think it would impress her? Or did he genuinely care about her well-being?

By the time Lily reached the end of the corridor, she was thoroughly annoyed. She could hear the Slytherins up close now. They were talking and laughing in low voices that indicated they weren't too bothered about getting caught loitering in the dead of night. Determined to change that, Lily stomped by the corner and straight into their midst.

The first thing she noticed—it was always the first thing she noticed—was that Severus was present. A bitter feeling rose in Lily's chest as the Slytherins turned to face her in surprise. Of course he was present. He was one of _them_ now. She hadn't spoken to him since the school year before – despite his best efforts – and seeing him standing here now amongst the very people he'd chosen over her made her feel a strange mix of anger, regret and resignation.

"Afraid we'll have to break up this little tea party," Lily said flatly. There were four other Slytherins, excluding Snape: Avery, Nott, Mulciber and, the only female in the group, Bellatrix Black. Lily supposed that if you could see past her god-awful personality, she was pretty; she had long, thick, shiny dark hair with heavily-lidded eyes and a strong jaw. Her eyelashes were long and her lips were thin, and currently, they were set in a smirk.

"Why, if it isn't the little Gryffindor Prefect!" Bellatrix exclaimed, amusement clear in her voice. "Come to tell us what to do, I expect. Pity no one cares what a Mudblood has to say."

Snickers rose from her fellow Slytherins. It didn't please Lily to see that Snape was not laughing. She didn't care. She didn't.

"How about you do us both a favor here, Black," she said, trying to keep her voice calm. "You go back to your dungeons and I won't have to go to the bother of writing you up."

Nott snorted and Lily quickly glanced at him. He was a short, blonde boy with dark eyes and a mean stare. Lily didn't know much about him, except that he was completely useless at Charms. She noticed that he'd pulled his wand out, and was glad she'd thought to pull hers out before. In a duel, it could make all the difference in the world.

"Write us up all you want, Evans," Avery, a tall, lean dark-haired boy, said casually. "There are worse things in the world than detention."

"And you would know all about that, of course," Lily snapped.

Bellatrix let out a giggle and stepped forward, closer to Lily. The flickering torchlight on the wall beside her cast her face into sharp relief. "Trust me, darling. We know things that would make your pretty red hair stand on end." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "I'd watch my step if I were you, Evans."

"Are you threatening me?" Lily asked coldly. She couldn't deny that Bellatrix's words had sparked up a tiny flicker of fear in her abdomen, but she'd be damned if she would let her know.

"And if I was…"

"Come now, Bella…"

Snape had finally spoken. He was looking at Bellatrix with a bored expression on his face, but Lily had known him for too long to be fooled. He was fingering his wand with his thumb in circular motions – he was nervous.

"Don't need to go round making pointless threats to Gryffindors, do we?" he asked mildly. Bellatrix scowled at him.

"They're not pointless, you prick –"

"This whole conversation is pointless," Lily interrupted loudly. "You all need to leave. _Now_."

Her words did not have any effect on the group. Rather Bellatrix directed her scowl at the redhead and pulled out her wand.

"I said it before, Evans," she snapped. "No one cares what a stupid Mudblood has to say –"

"Use that word again, and I'll be forced to wash your mouth out with soap. _Bella_." The entire grouped jumped as James Potter appeared from behind the corner. His wand was out and pointed at Bellatrix as he moved forward and stood beside Lily. She gave him an exasperated look, but he paid her no mind.

"Evans here has very kindly asked you to leave," the dark-haired boy said calmly, never taking his eyes of Bellatrix's. "I'd do it if I were you. She's a very talented witch."

"What is Potter doing here?" Snape suddenly spat, glaring at Lily as though she'd been the one to conjure him up. "He's not a Prefect."

"And neither are you," Lily shot back. She glared at him, making eye contact with him for the first time, and he glared right back. The atmosphere in the air had changed from tense to downright dangerous. Sensing this, Avery and Nott raised their wands and pointed them at James, who was still looking at Bellatrix.

Bellatrix let out a little laugh. "Out for a walk tonight, Potter?" she purred in her silky voice. "Something on your mind lately? No bad news, I hope."

For a moment, James faltered, and lowered his wand by an inch. But before Lily could even wonder what the statement meant, his face was hard again and his wand was raised.

"None that should particularly interest you." His words were light, but Lily thought she detected a strain to them.

"Will you all just drop the bloody wands!" she said exasperatedly, hoping to end what was looking like a full out duel before it started.

To her dismay, the only response was from Snape, who drew his wand with an ugly scowl on his face as he pointed it at James. James swiftly directed his wand at Snape instead, and in his distracted moment, Bellatrix raised her wand and pointed it at him. Before she could cast a spell, however, Lily's wand was pointed at her chest, straight and steady.

"You wouldn't dare," Bellatrix spat at her.

"Hmm," said Lily. "Interesting theory."

And then there was a BANG, and then there was smoke.

* * *

><p>The smoke cleared out, leaving five unconscious Slytherins, an annoyed Lily Evans and a bewildered James Potter.<p>

"Fucking Slytherins," Lily sighed, prodding the body of Mulciber with her toe.

"What the – how did… what-" James tried to speak, but Lily was already heading in the opposite direction.

"Well, come on," she called, turning back to look at him. "I expect Filch will be here soon enough. You're sure to get written up then."

It took James a few moments to gather his thoughts and quickly follow her through to the next corridor. He pondered asking her about what had just happened, but then he shook his head. Lily was… something else.

But then, he'd always known that.

"I'm thinking I'll take you up on that offer from before," she said wearily, breaking the silence. "I don't think I'm up for the rest of patrols tonight."

"Yeah," he agreed. 'Yeah, sure."

They made their way through the castle in silence, navigating through steps and staircases. James didn't mind the silence. In fact, he treasured it. His mind was still reeling over what Bellatrix had said. _No bad news, I hope._ Did she know? How could she know about his parent's death? Maybe she'd heard it from her family… or maybe, from someone directly involved with it… it was no secret that the Blacks and the Malfoys were very good acquaintances….

"Potter," came Lily's tentative voice, and James snapped out of his trance. They were approaching the Fat Lady's portrait.

"Yes?"

She hesitated, and then paused in front of the portrait as she turned to face James, who couldn't help staring at her. Lily was beautiful, without doubt. There was so something so completely captivating about her… whether it was her vivacious personality… or her ability to show kindness in any situation… her pretty green eyes… her tendency to double over laughing whenever something was only remotely funny… whatever it was, it entranced James totally, and drew him to her like a moth to a flame. But he'd learned from previous occasions that if he drew too near, he would surely be burned.

"What Bellatrix said back there," she began, and James felt dread settle at the bottom of his stomach. "About some bad news."

"It's nothing," he said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Just Bellatrix spouting her usual garbage."

She looked at him hard, her green eyes narrowed slightly. James shifted, determined not to look down. "Are you sure?"

"Quite sure," he said firmly. "Fairy Lights."

The portrait swung open as soon as he said the password, and James scrambled through the portrait hole so quickly, Lily didn't react for at least a few more seconds.

He hurried past the chairs and to the boys' staircase, determined to avoid Lily's questioning. Unfortunately, Lily was still talking as she crawled through the portrait hole.

"Potter, I really don't think you're telling the truth - "

"What do you want, Evans?" James sighed, turning around to face her. She had a puzzled look on her face.

"Excuse me?"

"What do you want from me?" He repeated. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, unable to keep the bitter note from his voice. "You're standing here, questioning me as if… you, well—…" James couldn't bring himself to say _care_. "You… you keep trying to figure me out for some unknown reason. Because it isn't exactly hard to figure out that we're not friends—"

"Well, maybe we _could_ be!" Lily blurted out.

James blinked rapidly behind his glasses as she flushed deeply. An awkward silence filled the room, broken only by the crackles of the dying fire in the fireplace. James wildly wondered if she'd been affected by that spell she'd cast on the Slytherins.

"_What_?" he said finally.

Lily flushed again, but when she spoke, her voice was strong, albeit a little defensive. "I know it sounds strange, and a little mad, to be honest, but maybe we could be friends, Potter. I want to be your friend."

It was James' turn to be suspicious that night. "Why? Is this because you feel sorry for me or something? Because if it is—"

Lily sighed. "Can we just pretend for one second that the world does not revolve around you? I'm doing this more for myself than for you, truthfully. I can't stand this… this animosity I feel towards you. I don't want to snap at you, and call you a prat, and generally be a git towards you, alright? There's this thing I have—call it a conscience, or guilt if you like—and it hasn't let me rest since we got back. And—and you aren't all bad… not really. You can be quite nice when you want to. You're dead smart. And who knows? There must be a reason so many people are obsessed with you, right?"

James was pretty sure his jaw was hanging open. For the first time since he could remember, he was speechless. Utterly and completely speechless.

Catching sight of his expression, Lily blushed and quickly added, "I mean, of course, that's only if you want to. I just thought—it… I was just putting it out there. So, it's… it's your call."

And she turned and all but ran up the stairs to the Girls' dormitory, leaving James more stunned than he'd ever been in his life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hi there, look it's a long chapter! I hope you guys liked it, I did! :) I can't wait for you to read the next chapter, It's a good one *hint hint*

What did you think? Tell meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee.

Please? It's really sad when I see that people add my stories to their alerts and such and don't review! It's like walking into someone's house and eating their food and walking out without saying thank you:(

Thanks for the people who _do_ review. I'm so glad you guys like the third person POV! I think it gives a more serious note to the story, which is kind of what I'm going for. More Mr. Darcy in the next chapter! There's a bit more drama as well haha. I can't wait. I've already written half of it, so it should be up soon.

Reviews are love!

x


	12. Feuding

"Lily. Hey - Lily!"

Lily's high ponytail swung wildly as she turned around to see who was yelling her name so loudly in the crowded corridor.

"Oh, no," she mumbled.

It was Johnny Peppler.

Lily Evans was not usually one to care much about people's appearance. After all, she had been friends with Severus Snape for about five years, and he certainly wasn't the most pleasing to look at. She usually tried to be fair and nice to the people around her – the primary reason Professor Dumbledore had chosen her to be a Prefect. But there was just something about Johnny Peppler that seemed to breach through all her rules for non-judgment.

Johnny was probably the most uncoordinated wizard in the history of mankind. It didn't help that he was tall and gangly, with short orange hair the color of a carrot, and an infinite number of freckles. His long arms knocked down everything in sight and his feet tripped over things that weren't even there. Even now, as he hurried towards Lily in the narrow corridor, the book bag he carried on his back knocked into at least five people, and judging from the scowls and grimaces on their faces, Johnny was not traveling light.

"Hey, Johnny," Lily said awkwardly, as he approached her breathing heavily. "Er... how can I help you?"

Johnny straightened up, his face red from running so fast. Lily stepped back quickly, not wanting him to accidentally step on her or something of the sort. "Hi… Lily! I... give me a moment." Johnny placed a hand on his side, gulping down large breaths of air as if he'd just run miles. "Phew. What a workout, eh? Anyway, I was wondering if I could have a word. Alone."

He shot a look at Marlene, who was standing next to Lily with an obvious look of disdain on her face, and she huffed away. Lily wished she hadn't.

"Alright," Johnny said in a low voice, as they moved over to the side of the corridor to avoid the flow of people. A nervous look crossed his face. "Right. Okay, well um… see… you – you're a Prefect right? So you must know when the next Hogsmeade date is?"

"Oh." Lily nodded, relieved that he just wanted the date. Johnny usually had some problem he needed fixed, and for some annoying reason, it was always Lily he sought to fix it. "Yeah, we just had a meeting about it yesterday actually. I'm pretty sure it's on the 5th of next month; that's the Saturday after the next."

"Ah." Lily smiled at him, watching as he took several more deeps breaths before continuing. "Well, er… that's great! Because I was kind of wondering... well, um more _hoping_ really, if - if maybe you wanted to maybe go with me to um, to Hogsmeade, that is of course, if - if you don't have any other plans..."

He trailed off, looking red. Lily, stunned for a few seconds, was blushing just as furiously.

"Er…" she said uncomfortably. "Um…"

He blinked at her and Lily cringed as she spoke, "I'm... I'm really sorry, Johnny but I - I have plans."

"Oh," he said, looking crestfallen. She wanted to kick herself. The truth was she actually hadn't made any plans, but, though Johnny was a really nice person, but he was just... Johnny.

"I'm really sorry," she said as apologetically as she could. In that moment, she wished desperately that she actually liked Johnny so she would be able to say yes to him. But seeing as she didn't, she couldn't. It would be completely unfair to both of them if she said yes out of pity.

"It's fine," he mumbled quickly. "You're probably going with some other bloke… stupid of me… should've known…"

"No," Lily exclaimed, horrified at his reaction. "No, Merlin, I – I just…"

"Lily! Class is about to start!" Marlene yelled from across the corridor. She tapped her foot against the floor impatiently and crossed her arms. Lily silently breathed a sigh of relief and made a mental note to get Marlene something nice when the Hogsmeade trip came.

"I'm really sorry, Johnny," Lily said hurriedly, stepping back. And she was. She slung her bag over her shoulder again and gave him one last smile before scurrying away as fast as she could.

"What did _Peppler_ want?" Marlene asked, not nearly as quietly as Lily would have liked. They squeezed their way off the main third floor corridor and into one of the much quieter corridors where their Defense of the Dark Arts classroom was located. As usual, the Slytherins lounged around the door, as if it was some unspoken rule to enter the classroom only after the bell rang.

"He asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him," Lily moaned, dropping her head into her hands.

"Really?" Lily didn't have to look at Marlene's face to see that she was suppressing laughter. "What is he, the third one this week?"

"The fourth," Lily replied miserably. They walked through the door – Lily did her best to avoid looking at the Slytherins. The memory of that eventful patrol night was still fresh in her mind. "I swear, it's like they've all planned this or something. Four guys asking me to Hogsmeade in one week? It has to be some sort of joke."

Marlene let out a giggle. "It's probably because James has stopped bugging you so much. You're open territory now, Lily." They took their seats in front of Alice and Mary, who were playing what seemed like an intense game of Tic-Tac-Toe. "Tell you what," she continued. "When an attractive one comes along, say yes, and you two can come along with me and Andrew Juxenberg. He asked me just yesterday and I _had_ to say yes. Did you know he made the Quidditch Team? And he's absolutely delicious…"

Lily tuned Marlene out as she noticed James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter walking the room. James looked around the room and Lily quickly ducked her head, pretending to search for something in her book bag. It had been exactly eight days since she'd last spoken to James about their possible friendship, and _not one word. _He hadn't spoken even _one word _to her since that day.

It was extremely frustrating. In fact, it almost seemed like he was avoiding her. He would make excuses and leave the room whenever she entered; he and his friends made sure to sit as far away from Lily and her friends in the Great Hall; he wasn't even sneaking around corridors after curfew. Lily had admittedly expected (and perhaps hoped) he would so that she could corner him during her patrols.

It confused her to no end, and it was becoming apparent to her that James did not harbor feelings for her anymore. How she felt about it, she wasn't sure. It was nice that he'd stopped pestering her, but still… she didn't want him to hate her.

She continued to look down at the table as Marlene chattered on beside her, staring down at the countless drawings engraved upon it by students, no doubt bored out of their minds. The bell rang and shortly after, the door opened and Professor Darcy walked in briskly. There was a flurry of movement as the Gryffindors and the Slytherins took their seats and began to pull out their quills and textbooks.

"Hang on," Professor Darcy called. He was poised in front of the class, wand in hand, with a slight smile on his face. "You won't be needing your books today. Just your wands."

Excited noises filled the room. Lily and Marlene exchanged glances, but then shrugged. Practical lessons were a hell of a lot more interesting than normal lessons.

"I want you all to get up on your feet and file up on the sides of the room," Professor Darcy instructed.

Immediately, chairs were being scraped backwards and the students were moving towards the ends of the rooms. Lily rolled her eyes when she saw James quickly glance at her and then hurry over to the opposite wall on which she leaned. How immature. If he didn't want to be her friend, he could just say so, rather than avoiding physical contact with her.

Professor Darcy raised his wand and all the desks and chairs vanished, leaving a large area of space in the middle of the room. He nodded, stuffed his wand back in his pocket and stepped into the circle.

"For the past two weeks, we've revised all the spells you learned in your Fifth Year," he said, his voicing ringing through the quiet classroom. "Today, I want to see how many of you actually retain the information being given to you and whether or not you are able to apply it. I will be sorting you into pairs, one from Gryffindor, one from Slytherin, and you will duel with your partner." Mutters filled the room, but Professor Darcy raised up a hand. "I don't expect you to use… _dangerous _curses, but if you've perfected your Shield Charms – which you should have done last year – I don't see how it should be a problem."

"But Professor, surely you must be joking," Alice said blankly. "You can't expect us to duel with _them_."

The DADA professor raised a smooth black eyebrow. "And why not, Miss Prewitt?"

The answer was clear on Alice's face. _Because we'll tear each other apart_! She seemed to think better of it though, because her mouth snapped shut.

"I don't see any reason why not," Professor Darcy said, calmly. "And unless anyone of you can provide a good, _valid_ reason against it, you will be dueling the members of the opposite house."

There was no response as his dark brown eyes roved the classroom. Again, Lily got the feeling that although he'd invited objections, it would be a mistake to object.

"Very well," he said, pulling a piece of parchment out of his robes. "Here are your partners…"

"Partners," Mary muttered, as he announced Sirius and Lance Bulstrode as a pair. "More like opponents."

"Or attackers," Lily offered. "Merlin, I hope I don't get Bellatrix. That won't turn out well at all."

Luckily, Lily did _not _get partnered with Bellatrix; rather, she was paired with Tricia Keely, who was actually one of the friendlier Slytherins. She even shot Lily a smile as she approached. Marlene and Mary were not as lucky, however. Marlene was partnered with Snape, and Mary, Mulciber. Lily shot them sympathetic glances from across the room.

"Alright," Professor Darcy called. It was hard to spot him as the room was filled with so many of them, but eventually Lily spotted him in front of the room. "Get into your positions. At my say, one of you will attack, and the other will defend themselves. There is always an attack and a defense. If there are two attacks or two defenses, needless to say the duel has taken a bad start. It is important to observe your opponent, understand them, deduce their next move. Don't just blindly attack or it will end up the worse for you. Understood?"

Lily nodded along with the rest of the class, fingering the wand in her raised hand. Tricia had her wand raised as well, and they stared at each other, green eyes boring into pale blue ones. Yes, Tricia seemed nice, but in a duel, there was no _nice_. There was only the drive to best your opponent—to win.

There was a momentary silence, and then Professor Darcy shouted: "Duel!"

Some attacked immediately, and there were the inevitable noises of things flying across the room and shattering. The others, like Lily and Tricia, rounded each other, waiting for the right moment to strike. Eventually, Tricia twitched her wand – an obvious sign she was about to attack. Lily's shield charm was up before she could even finish shouting the spell.

They went back and forth for a while, alternating between offense and defense. There was no clear winner; sometimes Lily would get hit, but other times, she would send a hex so powerful, Tricia would have to step back a few feet to keep her shield charm up.

They ended it when they were both breathing heavily, and shot each other congratulatory smiles. Most of the class had stopped dueling, with the exception of –of course, James Potter and Marcus Avery. There stood in the center of the room with intense looks of concentration on their faces as they shot spell after spell at each other. Lily couldn't help but stare in awe at James. The fluidity and accuracy with which he moved was shocking. He dodged and slashed and jabbed with his wand, all at the same time managing to look calm and collected. It was obvious from the twisted scowl on Avery's face that he was having some trouble keeping up with him. She didn't blame him—she wasn't scared of James, but she definitely did not want to be on the receiving end of his wand. He wasn't the brightest student in their year for nothing.

Their duel went on for at least another five minutes. Lily spotted Professor Darcy, still at the door, staring intently at them along with the rest of the crowd.

"Isn't he going to stop them?" Alice whispered as she snuck up from behind Lily.

It was as though Professor Darcy had heard her, because seconds later, he lifted up his hand and called, "Enough!"

They didn't stop, though. If anything, it got more intense. Avery's scowl had turned into a snarl, and he shot darker-looking curses at James, whose eyes narrowed behind his glasses. He blocked them with a swipe of his wand, and released a jet of red light. It flew straight towards Avery, hit him in the chest and he flew back against the wall with a heavy thud.

There was a heavy silence as Avery slid down the wall, fully unconscious. James turned white.

"I _said_ enough!" Professor Darcy's furious voice came as he pushed his way towards the middle of the class.

"I – I didn't mean-" James stammered.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor," Professor Darcy snapped, as he headed towards Avery's limp form and crouched down beside him. There were gasps from the Gryffindors around the room. Sirius' jaw dropped in surprise_. Fifty points?_ That was pretty much everything they'd earned since they'd started school. It would put them right back at the bottom!

"Professor," Lily said, shocked. "Surely, you can't be-"

"I assure you I am perfectly serious, Miss Evans, and unless you are looking to lose even more points, you will be silent."

Lily snapped her mouth shut, flushing slightly. She glanced at James, who was looking down at his wand as though he couldn't believe what he had just done before he finally looked back at Professor Darcy. The Defense against the Dark Arts teacher was checking over Avery with his wand. He muttered to himself as he waved it over him, gave a small satisfied nod, and straightened up.

"He's not hurt," he announced to the class, as if they were really bothered about Avery's health. He wasn't popular among the Gryffindors, and the Slytherins weren't particularly big on loyalty. Vengeance, perhaps, but not loyalty. They stood with mixed looks of anger, indifference, and disdain as Professor Darcy propped their fallen house-mate on an invisible stretcher. "Maybe a minor concussion, but nothing serious."

Just then, the bell rang, signaling the end of class, and Lily pushed her hair out of her sweaty face before she crossed the room to grab her book-bag. "Your homework is a one-foot essay on the various techniques of dueling and their advantages and disadvantages," called Professor Darcy, as his students milled about the room to retrieve their possessions. There were grumbles in response, but some of them scrambled to write it down on their parchment. "Potter!" he called, and James whirled round. "You stay after class."

Lily eyed him as she walked out of class with her friends. James didn't look remorseful. Of course, he didn't. He simply looked cross, whether at himself for misjudging the power of his spell, or at Professor Darcy for taking away so many house points, Lily wasn't sure.

"Fifty points?" Marlene burst out as soon as they were out of the classroom. "_Fifty points_? Can he even do that? Is that allowed? What the bloody hell!"

"That'll put us right back at the bottom, it will," Lily sighed. "I don't know why he would do that."

"Because he's foul," Alice said gloomily, as they crossed the corridor and turned into the main third floor, where the flow of people got considerably thicker. "I _told_ him it was a bad idea, I told him."

"That wasn't even James' fault!" Alice added after a moment's thought. "Well, I mean, technically it was his fault, but it was obviously an accident. Accidents happen all the time. Besides, those were some nasty looking curses Avery was sending at him."

"Exactly!" Lily agreed, and they all turned to look at her in surprise. "What?" she asked defensively.

Mary laughed. "That's the first time I've ever heard you defend James Potter before, Lily."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Mary, I'm not _evil_. If he needs defending, if he's justified, then I see no reason not to. The thing with James Potter, though," she mused after a bit, "is that he doesn't think he needs defending. He thinks he should be the defend_er_. Which is complete bullshit, because everyone needs to be defended sometimes."

They traipsed down to the Entrance Hall, leaving Marlene to go to her Ancient Runes class, and it was there they saw the four hourglasses that stood against the wall, large and glittering and… empty in Gryffindor's case.

"Bugger," Mary said, staring at the hourglass that once held fifty red rubies. "People aren't going to like that."

Already, as they passed the small group of people that were staring at the hourglass, they heard traces of "the sixth year's fault." Lily, slightly irritated at the rate which gossip travelled in the school, was very tempted to stop them and tell them that it wasn't _collectively _their fault, but James Potter's alone. Sadly, it would seem highly hypocritical, seeing as she'd just talked about defending James to her friends.

It was a boring Herbology class that day. They sat and took notes for the whole hour they were there, only once interrupted by James entering the class from his talk with Professor Darcy. He had a murderous look on his face as he stomped to the back of the class where Sirius was sitting. Lily imagined the talk did not go well.

Word had already spread over school by the time their Herbology class was over. According to the rumor mill, James Potter, along with the rest of the Sixth Year Gryffindors, had been attacked by the Slytherins, and in their battle to the death, Avery had been severely injured. Professor Darcy had come to stop it just in time, and in the total chaos, James had accidentally shot a balding spell at the professor, who'd been so furious at the loss of his hair, he'd taken away fifty points from Gryffindor.

"You've got to be kidding me," Marlene said bewilderedly to a Third-Year boy who'd stopped her on her way towards her Lily, Mary and Alice. They were standing by the doors of the Great Hall waiting for her so they could go in for lunch. "Look, kid, I did _not_ get a look at my teacher's bald arse okay, thank goodness for that. Excuse me."

"It's okay Mar," Lily consoled as Marlene walked towards her, a stricken look on her face. "Apparently, I died three times this morning. It's getting slightly ridiculous."

"Ridiculous indeed," Marlene replied.

Avery had returned from the Hospital Wing, apparently. He was sitting in his usual place by the Slytherins, a dark look on his face. His head snapped up as they stepped into the hall, and he threw a scowl at them. Ignoring it, they each took a seat on the Gryffindor table, where James and Sirius were having what seemed to be a very heated discussion.

"… said I don't need to take my anger out on innocent people –" James' rant stopped short as soon as he noticed the four girls take their seats next to him. He glanced darkly at them, muttered something under his breath and turned to his food, glaring at it as if his lunch had done something to offend him. Sensing his foul mood, none of them spoke for a good half of their lunch time, until Remus decided to break the tension and ask about the Transfiguration homework.

"Oh bugger!" Lily let out a loud groan, earning a few shocked looks from the First Years near them. Professor McGonagall, being Professor McGonagall had assigned them a four foot essay that was due tomorrow. Lily's was currently sitting by her bed, not even third of the way done. There was no way she was finishing all four feet by tomorrow.

"Hey, Mar," she gulped down the food in her mouth. "Do you think I could borrow your Transfiguration Essay? Mine's not even halfway done."

She shook her head absent-mindedly. Lily wondered what she was thinking about. "Sorry, Lils, I already gave it to Mary to copy. You could wait for her to be done..."

"It'll be too late," Lily shook her head dismayed. "Mary writes slower than a flobberworm moves. What about yours, Alice? Can I borrow it?"

Alice shot her a sympathetic glance. "Turned it in early for extra credit."

She groaned again. "What am I supposed to do now?"

To her total surprise, James replied after a moment's pause, "You can borrow mine, Lily. I'm done with it."

She blinked at him, not sure if she should be more surprised that he had actually finished his homework on time, or that he was offering it to her. He'd barely even looked at her in the past week, and now he was offering her his homework? Then again, it would be stupid to refuse. She knew James was fantastic at Transfiguration. If anyone knew what they were doing, it was him.

"Er, okay thanks," she said awkwardly.

"No problem," he said. "I'll go get it for you now, since I'm done here." He gestured at his half eaten food and rose from his seat. Lily stared at his retreating back. Why was he being so... nice?

She glanced at Sirius, hoping to find out if this was some sort of prank - he'd definitely be grinning if it was - but he only shrugged at her and continued to shove food in his mouth.

"Beats me," he said, sending bits of food flying out his mouth.

Lily shrunk away from him disgustedly. "Ew, Sirius, would it kill you to chew your food before you swallow? Your table manners are atrocious."

"It comes with the package, love," he grinned at her, after he'd swallowed the huge lump of food.

She rolled her eyes at him and glanced back at James. She expected him to be out the door by now, but it looked like something was wrong. He'd frozen in his tracks, his whole posture tense. It didn't take Lily long to figure out why: he was standing by the Slytherin table, and though she couldn't hear what he was saying, she could see Avery speaking to James, his eyes narrowed maliciously.

"Oh no," she murmured, drawing the attention of the others. Simultaneously, their heads swiveled around to follow her gaze.

"Oh no," Peter repeated. Sirius narrowed his eyes but said nothing.

"C'mon Potter, just ignore them," Lily muttered as she watched James clench his fists. It would not do for another duel to break out in the middle of the Great Hall, especially since Gryffindor did not even have any more points to lose. What would happen if a teacher took points off when there were none to take, anyway? Would Gryffindor then have negative points? Lily didn't know, and she really didn't want to find out. "Be the bigger person. Just this once."

The Hall had gone quiet to watch the scene unfold. It was almost a guarantee there would be a fight if James Potter and Slytherins were involved. Whispers began to break out, however, when James took a deep, calming breath and walked right past the Slytherins without even drawing his wand.

Lily let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. It appeared James Potter had made a complete turn-around from last year. He wasn't showing off, he wasn't flirting with her every second, he wasn't even fighting with Slytherins anymore –

Avery called out, a taunt that rang clearly throughout the Hall: "Tell me Potter, do you miss them?"

It happened so fast, Lily didn't have time to process it. One second, James had his back turned, and then the next, there was a loud crack and Avery was on the floor, holding his nose. There was a collective gasp from the crowd and the sound of wood scraping on the ground as people rushed out of their seats and away from the two Sixth Years.

James was standing over Avery pointing his wand at him. Lily had never seen him like that before. His face was contorted with such fury, anger and helplessness, that she didn't doubt that James wouldn't hesitate to kill Avery on the spot.

She didn't know why, but Lily found herself rushing out of her seat and towards him. Maybe it was because she felt it was her duty as a Prefect to prevent the death of a student, Slytherin or not. The teachers weren't doing anything, that much was clear. They all seemed to have gone temporarily deaf and blind to the fact that James had just punched Avery.

"Potter," Lily tried to say quietly but the hall was so quiet, she might as well have yelled it. As she drew nearer, she raised her hands as if to placate him. "James, please put the wand down."

Either he didn't hear her, or he was ignoring her. Lily Evans did not like to be ignored. Taking a deep breath, she moved forward till she was standing between the tip of his wand and Avery's frozen body. "James. _Listen_ to me. He's not worth it. He's just a slimy, good-for-nothing Slytherin."

He looked at her, and she flinched at the look in his eyes. They were full of pain and anguish so strong that Lily almost stepped out of the way. Whoever made James Potter look that way deserved to be punished in the worst way possible. But she was very aware of every eye in the Great Hall on them.

"Lily," he croaked. His wand was still raised and pointed at her chest. "Lily... You- you can't.., you don't..."

"Prongs mate, she's right." Lily didn't realize Sirius had come up behind him, but she almost cried with relief when he put his hand on James's shoulder and pulled him back slightly. James didn't resist. He stumbled back, almost hitting Sirius.

"Come on, mate," Sirius murmured.

Then Avery spoke again. His broken nose mollified the silky smoothness of his voice, but the words did not lose their effect. "Just like you, Potter, to sit back and let others protect you. Hiding behind your friends and parents' skirts, as usual. Ah, but I guess there's no more of mummy's cuddling now is there?"

The color drained out of James' face. He froze again. Suddenly inexplicably angry, Lily whipped around and pointed her wand right where she assumed Avery's heart of ice would be. The Slytherin smirked at her, his pale gray eyes glinting. They glared at each other for a few moments as Lily fingered her wand, fighting the urge to curse the living daylights out of him.

"One more word, Avery," she snarled. "I don't know what you're on about, but one more word and I swear -"

"Oh, you don't know?" Avery laughed his scary laugh. Lily wondered whether he practiced it in front of a mirror regularly. It seemed that way. "Didn't want the Mudblood to know, Potter?"

There were a few gasps from around the hall. It was a sign of how shaken James was that he didn't even think to reprimand Avery for the use of the foul word. He simply stood there by Sirius, who'd stopped holding James back and looked like he had half a mind to jump the Slytherin himself.

"Whatever Potter wants to keep to himself is fine with me," Lily said, injecting as much ice as she could into her voice.

"Oh?" he said casually. "My mistake. I rather thought you would find the fact that his parents were murdered a few weeks ago interesting."

Lily almost dropped her wand in shock as the Hall burst into whispers. He was lying. The filthy snake was lying. He had to be. And yet, the crushed expression on James' face said otherwise. _His parents were murdered._ Murdered…. The word swam around in Lily's head, pushing away all thoughts of cursing Avery into oblivion. Murdered… ministry officials… aurors… Alice… she should have known… James Potter, an orphan? Her heart swelled in pity as her brain tried to match up the information she'd just received to the events of the past few weeks... The changed attitude, the bitterness, the expression in his eyes... And then Lily remembered with overwhelming guilt:

'_I know your parents spoil you rotten, and mummy probably tells you every night that you're the center of the universe, but, newsflash, you're not.'_

"Oh my," Avery said, feigning surprise. "Isn't it funny how things happen to just… _slip_ out?"

"You bastard," Lily said, trying and failing to keep her wand from shaking. "You're - you're evil."

Avery laughed again and dropped his voice to whisper so only they could hear him. "Tell me Potter, did you hear them scream for mercy?"

Lily was pushed out of the way so hard that she fell to the ground and scraped her knee. There was a huge roar in the crowd and she turned to see James on top of Avery, punching him in every area he could reach.

Avery deserved it. He should be beaten to a pulp. Yet the sight of the blood was sickening.

"No!" She cried, scrambling to her feet. "James, stop! Stop!"

It only got worse. One of Avery's cronies rose to help but Sirius knocked him down in one punch. Others joined the fight, and soon the whole hall was in chaos. Food was being thrown, and people were screaming about the hair and their brand new robes, and people were dueling. Those like James and Sirius had abandoned their wands and we're resorting to the muggle way, fists and all.

Lily looked at the teachers' table and found to her dismay that Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore were absent. They were the only two teachers that had enough authority and respect to bring an end to this. That much was obvious by the way the other teachers were trying and failing to placate them ("Children, please stop fighting!").

She dodged a punch that was being thrown and looked around for James. It was hard to find him in the utter chaos, but she spotted him and Avery rolling around in a full out brawl by the Hufflepuff table. As she rushed towards them, Lily caught sight of Severus heading in the same direction. She let out a relieved breath. Maybe he would help end the fight. Not for James, but maybe for Avery.

"Severus!" she cried, reaching up to him and grabbing his arm. He spun around to face her, and his expression changed from panic to a strange mix of relief and anxiousness. "Lily," he said breathlessly.

"Severus! Get Avery off him! They'll kill each other!"

His expression darkened as he glanced at James and Avery, still fighting on the floor. "Sorry, Lily," he spat and wrenched off her arm. Lily stared at him. "But if you asked _my_ opinion? Potter deserves it. Every bit of it. His parents ought to have died long ago, and maybe he wouldn't have turned out to be such an arse."

Lily didn't know what came over her; maybe it was the violent atmosphere in the Great Hall, or just the ugly look on Severus' face, but something snapped. She drew her fist back and drove it into her former best friend's nose as hard as she could.

He didn't fall to the ground like she'd hoped, but she was satisfied to hear a loud CRUNCH at the impact. He gasped and stumbled back, looking at her as if she'd grown two heads.

"You know what, Snivellus?" Lily said. "I _didn't_ ask your opinion."

And then everything froze. Literally. Everyone froze and silence came over the Great Hall. Lily felt like she'd been Petrified. She couldn't move, but from where she was standing, she could see exactly what had happened.

Her heart sunk.

Professor McGonagall was standing in the doors to the Great Hall looking angrier than Lily'd ever seen her in her life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Oooohhhhh, looky there. Everyone knows about James' parents now. :( Fucking Avery... Hehehe, it's a terribly cliche chapter, but cliches are fun everyone once in a while, I think. Sorry for the lonnngggg wait. For those of you who didn't notice, I changed the rest of the story to third person (I really hope you don't hate me for it) simply because I started this story a while ago, but my writing style has changed and I don't really like first person anymore, unless it's humorous. Anyway so yeah, that took a bit of time, but all the thanks goes to my beta **Pointless Nostalgic**, she's such a doll. :)

Sooo, what did you think? I'd just like to say that I got like what, 16 reviews in the last chapter?

OH MY GOSH.

I don't know I've just never gotten that many reviews for one chapter I'm so excited and just ajkdsgjfdkgfldskgf you guys awww! Thanks. A lot. I mean it. :) I'm kind of scared I'm going to mess up and you guys will hate it and hate me forever, but i'd love if you'd continue reviewing.

xx


	13. I'll Make A Man Out Of You

"…can't even believe this is what it's come to! Never, in _all_ my years of teaching, have I seen such an appalling display of violence!"

The not-so-dulcet tones of Professor McGonagall rang through the first floor corridor of Hogwarts. Her anger surfaced in every syllable of her voice with such intensity that those who walked past the door glanced at it in fear and walked away hurriedly before she could emerge and unleash her wrath upon them.

The Transfiguration teacher was furious; with her tight lips and flaring nostrils, she looked ready to breathe fire. She paced in front of her desk, still speaking loudly to the three students that stood in front of her. James Potter, Sirius Black, and – this came as a surprise – Lily Evans. The two boys stood with their heads lowered, both sporting multiple injuries and bruises. Lily, on the other hand, only sported scraped knees and bruised knuckles. More shocking, though, was that she stood with her head straight and her mouth set in a defiant scowl.

However, astonishing as Lily's behavior was, Professor McGonagall would not be thrown off.

"Absolutely _shameful_," she said, finally pausing in front of them. "I am completely disgusted with you three. And to think you're Sixth Years! Fighting with fists! What on earth will Professor Slughorn think of us now? Your past shenanigans with his students have been bad enough, but now, starting a full out _riot_ in the Great Hall?"

"But Professor, it was Avery-" Lily began, but Professor McGonagall cut her off.

"Miss Evans," she said coldly, "you've informed me that Mr. Avery 'started it' at least seven times now. However, you've refused to tell me exactly _how _he started it _and_ what happened, and so I must rely on the information from other witnesses. From what I've gathered, there were three Gryffindors – you three – up there when the fight started. One of them a _Prefect_, nonetheless. I must confess myself immensely disappointed with you in particular, Miss Evans. _You punched Severus Snape in the jaw_! What on earth were you thinking?"

At the question, Professor McGonagall's voice softened slightly. But only slightly. Lily hesitated for a moment, her green eyes flickering with uncertainty. She glanced at James, who hadn't raised his head throughout the entire exchange, and back at her Transfiguration teacher.

"I…" she said finally. "I–I was provoked."

Professor McGonagall's nostrils flared again, but Lily did not back down. They stared at each other, till a muscle in Professor McGonagall's jaw twitched and she focused her gaze on the boys instead.

"And what do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Black?"

Sirius looked up at his name, a deep scowl set on his handsome face. "I'm glad I gave those filthy Slytherins a piece of my mind."

Though she hadn't expected much differently, Professor McGonagall closed her eyes for a few brief, calming seconds, before she took a deep breath.

"Mr. Potter," she said. James did not respond. "Would you like to give me a _justified_ reason as to why you three started a full out brawl that resulted in thirty-two casualties? I'm afraid being provoked is not a justified reason."

He didn't even raise his head, and once again, Professor McGonagall was shocked at the reversal of roles tonight. He should have been the one standing there with confidence and defiance, not skulking dejectedly as though he had no fight in him. She gave him a suspicious glare before, turning and marching back towards her desk.

"Detention," she announced. She reached into her drawer and pulled out a roll of parchment with a large quill. "Every Friday night for two months straight."

Lily gasped, looking horrified. She looked ready to protest but was quickly silenced by the glare Professor McGonagall shot her. "Be grateful I didn't take away any points as it is," she said shortly. "Assuming Gryffindor had any points to be taken away – due to an incident that I've heard you Sixth Years were involved in as well."

Now Lily dropped her head in shame. Suddenly feeling weary, Professor McGonagall dropped into her seat and folded her arms.

"That will be all," she said wearily, gesturing at her door. "Mr. Black and Miss Evans, you may leave. I expect dinner will be over by now. You are to head straight to your dorms, am I understood? Mr. Potter, you stay. I want to have a word."

Sirius looked hesitant to leave his best friend, but when Lily nodded and exited, he followed her out, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Sure enough, the corridor was eerily silent, a sign that dinner was in fact over and the students of Hogwarts had all vacated to their common rooms. The two Gryffindors stepped out unto the torch lit corridor and paused.

"Maybe we should wait for him..." Lily said, biting her lip, and Sirius snorted.

"No offense, Evans," the dark haired boy said, sounding like he had every intention of offending her, "but you're probably the last person Prongs would want to be around at the moment."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily said. Sirius did not answer. Instead, he turned around and stalked away from her, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Hang on there!" Lily called. When he didn't stop, she huffed and hurried after him, wishing he didn't have such long legs. "Black, you can't seriously be suggesting that this is my fault? I mean... alright... So he was on his way to get his homework for me... but... I didn't - I tried to stop it, you know I did, I -"

"That's not what I meant," Sirius said quietly.

He didn't look like he particularly wanted to elaborate or like he was going to, so Lily merely narrowed her eyes at him and fell silent. As they walked silently through the corridors of Hogwarts, she couldn't help but wonder what Sirius was thinking. It had no doubt been a long, stressful day for him. She'd heard he'd moved in with the Potters that summer, and she'd often heard him and James discussing James' parents. He must have been very close with them – practically their son.

Lily couldn't even imagine losing _her_ parents, let alone having to be tormented about it in school. She glanced at Sirius from the corner of her eye again, but his expression hadn't changed from when they'd left Professor McGonagall's office. She had never really been able to read him. He was very good at keeping his emotions off his face, an ability that Lily both admired and disliked.

It was only when they were approaching the portrait of the Fat Lady that Sirius finally spoke.

"Do one thing for me, Evans," he said, so suddenly that it made Lily jump.

"What is it?" She asked quickly, stopping in front of the portrait (from the corner of her eye, she noticed the Fat Lady quickly shut her eyes in an attempt to feign sleep). She knew she shouldn't feel guilty, but that unpleasant knot of remorse twisted in the pit of Lily's stomach and she wasn't even sure why. All she knew was that she couldn't stand the almost _accusing _look on Sirius' face, and if there was anything she could do to take it away, she would.

"Don't…" Sirius started. "Just... give him space."

For a moment, it was silent in the corridor as it registered in Lily's brain that he was talking about James. "I don't understand," she said slowly.

Sirius sighed. "Here's the deal, Evans. His parents died. He's going through some shit obviously, and your incessant bitching isn't making it any easier for him." Lily winced but either Sirius didn't notice or he ignored it. "But at the same time, it'd be really phony of you to go soft on him because of it. Don't act all sympathetic towards him because, believe me, he's going to get enough of that from the rest of the school."

Lily winced again, thinking of how she'd planned to apologize profusely as soon as she laid eyes on James. At the moment, she felt nothing _but_ sympathy for James Potter. She had never seen this side of him before: after Professor McGonagall had Petrified them all, James' anger had been so strong, he'd broken through her spell and continued to attack Avery. It had only been after three teachers managed to physically restrain him that he'd gone limp. They'd taken him out of the Great Hall, and Lily had to wait till Professor McGonagall had scolded the entire school body, questioned them, and had Madame Pomfrey clean them up till she laid eyes on him. She and Sirius accompanied Professor McGonagall into her office to see him quiet, slumped in his seat, as if he'd given up on fighting. Despite her history with James, Lily had just wanted to give him a big hug.

She sighed as she mulled it over. "Sirius, I can't just pretend as if I didn't say some harsh stuff to him. I feel awful. I _have_ to apologize."

Sirius shrugged. "Of course you have to. You're Lily Evans. And that's exactly why I'm asking you to stay away from him for a little while."

Lily blinked, unable to keep the hurt off her face.

"What?" Sirius said sharply. "You can't honestly be surprised. You -"

"No, no," Lily said quickly, swallowing. She wasn't surprised. After all, Sirius was right. Her presence around him wasn't such a good idea anyway, considering he probably hated her now. Why else would he ignore her after she had offered to be friends? He obviously wanted to be away from her. "I get it. You're... you're right."

Sirius looked a little surprised at her cooperation, but he recovered quickly and nodded. "Right," he said awkwardly. They both paused for a moment, then Lily gave him a forced a smile and said the password. Soon, after the Fat Lady made a big show about yawning and stretching and complaining about being woken up, they were both clambering through the portrait hole. There were still people lounging around the common room, predominantly stressed-looking Fifth and Seventh Years trying to finish up their homework.

"Well... goodnight," Sirius said, as they reached the medium dividing the two staircases that led up to the dorms.

"Goodnight, Sirius," Lily replied quietly. For a moment, it seemed as though he was going to say something else, because he had a strange look on his face. But then he shook his head very slightly, turned on his heel, and walked up the stairs. Lily followed his lead.

To her surprise, Mary, Marlene and Alice were not awake, eagerly anticipating her reports on what Professor McGonagall had said when she arrived at the dorm. It was dark and quiet in the room, and Lily felt the need to tiptoe across the floor for fear of waking her friends. Suddenly feeling drained and ready for a long night's sleep, she slowly changed into her pajamas and drew open her bed hangings.

"Alice?"

The blonde was curled up on her bed, snoring slightly. Her hair was splayed all over the pillow and her hand was wrapped around Lily's stuffed teddy bear (named Eugene). She had probably stayed up for Lily to return, but knowing Alice, she had also probably been the first one to fall asleep. Lily smiled tiredly at her best friend and closed the curtains. Stifling her yawn, he made her way towards Alice's empty bed instead. She would tell her what happened tomorrow morning.

* * *

><p>"So he really told you to stay away?" Marlene asked for what seemed the thousandth time that morning.<p>

"Yes!" Lily replied loudly, glaring at her best friend. "Honestly, Marlene, we started a brawl in the Great Hall, James Potter's parents were murdered, I punched my ex-best friend in the face, I have detention for two months, and all you can focus on is the fact that Sirius asked me to keep my distance."

"What?" She asked defensively. "It's important!"

Lily sighed. She gloomily wrapped her hands around the mug of hot chocolate that sat in front of her. It was fall now, and the weather was rapidly changing. Today was a grey, chilly day outside, which meant it was freezing in the castle. In light of the terrible day before, Lily, Marlene, Alice, and Mary had decided to skip breakfast and head down to the kitchens for their own. The house elves had been more than happy to whip them up some eggs and steaming mugs of chocolate frosted with whipped cream. It tasted almost exactly like the chocolate Lily's mother made for her, and it helped to lift her and her friends' gloomy spirits.

"What _I_ can't believe," Mary said after a while, as they sat huddled around the wooden kitchen counter, "is that you actually broke Snape's nose."

Lily grimaced as her friends giggled into their mugs. "He had it coming."

"What did he say anyway?" Alice exclaimed. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun today, though it was so short, the strands kept falling out of the scrunchie she'd used. "What could he have possibly said to make Lily Evans punch him in the face?"

It suddenly dawned on Lily the reason she'd punched her best friend. In the heat of the moment, she hadn't had time to mull it over and think about what it meant but now she realized: he'd been talking about James parents and she'd snapped.

Lily turned red, already knowing what her friends would say.

"He - he was talking about James parents. Said he deserved it," she mumbled, half hoping they wouldn't hear. Naturally they did, and in less than three seconds flat, they all had identical mischievous grins on their faces.

"As awful as this may be," Marlene began, grinning widely, "I can't honestly say I'm disappointed that greasy git uttered those words. Do you know why? Ask me why, Mary."

Mary complied immediately. "Why, oh why dear Marlene?"

"Well, I'll tell you why, I will. You see, Mary, at the utterance of these words, something stirred within our friend Lily over here," she gestured towards the redhead, who was rolling her eyes, "something strong and burning with the intensity of a thousand suns that drove her wild with passion -"

Alice let out a gasp so fake, Lily was tempted to laugh. "Heavens, it couldn't be!" The blonde exclaimed overdramatically.

"Say it isn't so!" Mary pretended to sob as she put the back of her hand against her forehead in a swooning manner.

Marlene shook her head gravely. "I'm afraid it is," she affirmed somberly. She looked around and dropped her voice to a whisper. "It's the worst case of I-Fancy-The-Pants-Off-James-Potter-itis I've ever seen."

At this they all burst into giggles, startling the house elves that scurried to and fro past them. Even Lily cracked a smile at her friends' ridiculousness. So, yes, she was slightly amused, but for the most part she was irritated.

"Hardy har har, laugh it up," she said annoyed. "I punched Snivellus because he was being a git, not because of James. So what if I did anyway? I told you, I don't have a problem defending him of he's in the right, just like I would do for any other person."

"Ah yes, but James isn't just any other person, is he?" Marlene insisted, after she'd calmed down enough to speak coherently. "He's the boy who's been in love with you since Third Year, and ironically, the boy you've hated – alright, _strongly disliked_ since Third Year. Now you're going around asking to be friends, punching people in the face for him... Come on, Evans, you can't honestly say you're not developing feelings for him."

"I am not," Lily cried. "James is -"

"You even say _James_ now. Not _Potter_. Not _that git_. _James_."

"That's his name, isn't it?"

"Never stopped you before. You like him."

"Stop it, Marlene," Lily snapped, folding her arms across her chest. "Really. I don't like him, and in case you haven't noticed, he doesn't like me anymore either. Now drop it. And I don't even want to be friends with him! I only asked him because, quite frankly, all this fighting is getting tedious… but if he doesn't want to be friends and decides to keep his distance from me as though I have the bloody plague, then I'm more than happy about it! In fact, I'm _thrilled_!"

She took a sip of her chocolate and slammed her mug down on the table a little harder than necessary. Marlene, Mary and Alice exchanged looks of amusement, but did not pursue the subject. Instead, they each took their own sip and stayed silent till it looked like Lily had calmed down.

"I still can't believe Alice knew about Potter's parents this whole time," Mary said, glaring at her blonde friend. "And she didn't even say a _word_!"

"I'm sorry!" Alice exclaimed, "He asked me not to, and y'know, I don't exactly blame him. The way this school gets when anything out of the ordinary happens…"

"They latch on to it like hungry piranhas, yes," Lily agreed, appearing to have emerged from her huff. "Savages, the lot of them. Especially those Fifth Years. A galleon says Katherine Heigl and the rest of the Pothead Posse will be holding meetings dedicated to helping each other get over this traumatic event."

They all laughed. Katherine Heigl was the leader of what Lily and her friends had dubbed 'the Pothead Posse.' It consisted of Fifth Year girls that were, to put it simply, obsessed with the Marauders. They were the sort of girls that tried to slip love potions into the boys' food on a weekly basis and drop incredibly unsubtle hints about going to Hogsmeade with them. To make matters worse, they hated Lily because they'd concluded that the reason for James Potter's complete lack of interest in them was him being utterly besotted with her, when in fact, it was because he and his friends thought they were the most annoying people to walk the planet.

Mary shook her head. "It'll be just like a support group."

"Hi everyone, I'm Katherine and I actually do suffer from I-Fancy-The-Pants-Off-James-Potter-itis," Lily mimicked in an annoying high-pitched voice.

"Hiiiii, Katherine," Mary droned, and she and Lily sniggered.

Marlene and Alice stared at the two girls with confused look on their faces, then Marlene's expression changed to understanding and she nodded. "Oh," she told Alice, rolling her eyes, "they're doing that thing where they talk about Muggle things that make absolutely no sense."

"Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it makes no sense," Mary stuck her tongue out. "Oi, you lot, Hogsmeade is coming up. What are you doing?"

Lily looked startled. "I thought we were all going together."

Marlene snorted. "We haven't all gone together since Fourth Year, Lily. Mary will probably be with Seth; I have that date with Juxenberg - didn't I tell you about that?- and Alice -"

"Tutoring with Frank," the blonde replied promptly, to which Marlene raised an eyebrow.

"That's an awful lot of tutoring sessions you've been having."

Alice went pink, but her voice was nonchalant. "I need all the help I can get."

"Sure you do. Anyway, so I guess that leaves only you, Lils. Better buck up and find yourself a date. Else you'll be stuck in the castle with annoying Firsties and antisocial Slytherins."

Lily groaned and leaned forward till her forehead was touching the wooden counter and her red hair was fanned across the table. Why was nothing going right?

After the four girls had warmed up enough, they decided to leave the kitchens. Also, they'd begun to feel bad for overstaying the house elves' welcome (they didn't seem to mind much, though). They headed back up to the Gryffindor Common room, which was unusually packed. It seemed every Gryffindor was in today. The fire was blazing and the Seventh Years sat on the cushion chairs around it - their unspoken territory on days like this when everyone was in.

Andrew Juxenberg, the handsome dark haired Seventh Year that Marlene wouldn't stop talking about, waved her over as soon as they walked through the portrait hole. Delighted, Marlene waved back and dragged her friends over to him and his Seventh Year friends. As it turned out, some of the Seventh Years were having a 'little get-together' in the boys' dormitory that night, and Andrew urged the four girls to make an appearance. Marlene immediately agreed and, knowing they had no other plans for the day, Lily, Alice, and Mary did not object. The Seventh Years were fun to be around anyway.

Some hours later, after the sun had set, the four girls slipped into the crowded dormitory; half an hour after that, they were seated comfortably among the Seventh Years, laughing and chatting. Much to Alice's (secret) delight, Frank was also in the dorm ("How could I not be? It's _my_ dorm.") though he claimed he was only there because he felt it was his duty as Head Boy to make sure no one went too crazy with the Firewhiskey. Lily highly doubted that was true though, because saw him taking large swigs out of a bottle himself. She took some swigs herself, but she made sure not to get _too_ sloshed. She did some stupid things when she was drunk and she didn't want to say anything she would regret, especially since she was talking to a brown haired boy with pretty sea green eyes and a funny laugh.

"Oi, get a room will you?" someone yelled. Lily turned to see Marlene and Andrew sitting squished together on his bed with their noses centimeters apart, as though they'd been about to kiss. At the yell, Marlene closed her eyes, gave a sheepish grin, and drew away from Andrew, who was glaring at the boy who'd yelled.

Lily felt a slight twinge of annoyance and as she usually did when she was drinking, she felt herself speaking exactly what was running through her mind.

"Oh, bully for Marlene," she said to the green eyed boy that sat next to her on the window sill. "She always has all the fun. Though, I don't blame Andrew –she's bloody gorgeous. Hell, I would date her if, you know, I was a bloke."

The boy, his name was Jeremy, had a fantastic sense of humor it appeared. He laughed loudly at Lily's comment. "Come on," he said cheerfully, "don't be so hard on yourself. You're pretty gorgeous as well."

Lily blushed, but she beamed at him. "Thank you, that's so lovely of you to say. It's not true though."

"'Course it is," Jeremy replied promptly. "You're one of the prettiest girls in your year. Everyone knows it. I bet you have loads of blokes begging to go to Hogsmeade with you. Like James Potter, for instance."

"Oh no," Lily raised up her hand to stop him, shaking her head. "No, stop right there. James Potter - me - I... no, just no. He - no. We would never... No. No, believe me-"

"Wow," Jeremy said, sounding amused. "What was that, ten 'no's? I don't think I have a choice."

He gave Lily a teasing grin and she shook her head, flushing.

"Actually, if you must know, I'm not going to Hogsmeade as I have no one to go with, not even Potter," Lily sighed. But then a thought popped into her head, and for a second she contemplated whether or not it would be a good idea to say it. She mentally shrugged. _What have you got to lose?_ "Hey, why don't you go with me? You seem like a pretty interesting bloke."

"Me? I'm afraid I'm not as interesting as you think. I'm rather boring actually," Jeremy admitted. "Besides I have a girlfriend."

"Oh, really?"

"Janice Fry. You might know her, she graduated last year."

"I don't think so..." Lily shifted around on the hard seat of the windowsill as she thought about it. Janice Fry... a pretty, tall, black-haired girl came to mind though Lily could not remember exactly how she looked. Janice had been in Gryffindor as well, but Lily couldn't remember interacting with her much. "_Someone's_ self-absorbed. I wasn't asking you on a date. You're not _that_ attractive," she teased.

"Excuse you," Jeremy sniffed. "I'm plenty attractive. And you're going about this all wrong. Usually when asking other people out on a date, it's tradition to flatter them with compliments and nice sounding words. Seduction is also an available tool," he added, musing. "You're not doing a very good job."

"It's not a date!" Lily insisted. She folded her arms and tucked a piece of red hair behind her ear. "It's a... a friendly trip. Yes, I know that sounds like a date in disguise," she added quickly when Jeremy raised an eyebrow, "but in all seriousness, all my friends are busy and I don't want to be stuck in the castle alone. I need someone to go with."

"I don't know, Lily Evans," Jeremy said seriously, though Lily detected the playful tone underneath. "I think I'll have to look at my schedule. I'm incredibly busy you know. See if I can slot you in somewhere.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'd be honored."

She didn't see Jeremy for the rest of the week. Considering he was a Seventh Year and was probably always busy, it didn't bother Lily much. Unless he had only been particularly drunk that night and was regretting talking to Lily in the first place, though she hoped that was not the case.

She didn't see much of James Potter either. He skipped almost all his classes – well, she assumed he skipped as he was nowhere to be found - with the exception of Transfiguration. No one skipped Transfiguration unless they were prepared to face the wrath of Professor McGonagall. He barely ever came down to the Great Hall for food, even when his friends did. The few times she did see him, he barely even glanced her way, always wrapped up in his own world. He barely resembled the carefree outgoing James Potter he had been the year before. The Slytherins were smug, Lily could see it on their faces whenever James walked past them. They'd won; they'd finally broken James Potter.

This made Lily very angry.

It was awful and hypocritical of her, she knew, but she couldn't help feeling annoyed with James for giving in. He hadn't played a single prank on those Slytherins since the year started and it struck Lily as ironic that now, they really deserved it. He didn't even respond when they sniggered behind his back or yelled things to him across the corridors. He was quiet and brooding a good ninety percent of the time, and by the time it was Friday, Lily was highly irritated with him.

"Not even a single bloody word," she muttered at the Gryffindor table, after a particularly boring Herbology lesson.

It was lunch, but Lily couldn't focus on her food. She was too focused on the fact that the Slytherins were making pantomimes and jests of James parents from across the hall while the same James had his head planted on the table. How could he just sit there and listen to them say such awful things?

"They need to be taught a lesson," Lily hissed at her friends.

"If Potter can ignore them," Mary pointed out, slowly chewing her peas, "so can you."

Sensing the truth in her words, Lily rolled her eyes and returned back to her plate. "You'd at least think his friends would do something about it. They're just sitting there."

It wasn't entirely true. The four boys didn't rise to the Slytherins' jests but Sirius, Remus and Peter did not look very happy about it. Sirius looked just about ready to break the spoon he held in his shaking hands and Peter kept switching back and forth between glaring at the Slytherins and glancing with concern at James. Even Remus, amiable Remus who had never been quite as drawn to conflict as his best friends, had clenched his fists so hard that they looked as pale as a ghosts'.

They weren't the only upset people at the table. After all, it was James Potter. The atmosphere at the Gryffindor table was so tense, it was almost tangible. It appeared everyone at the table was about three more taunts away from rising from their seats and sending the nastiest curse they could think of at the Slytherins - including, surprisingly enough, Lily Evans.

"Look, it's an owl," Alice said, her brow furrowed. She pointed at the tawny owl that soared above the Gryffindor table. Before anyone could question what it was doing delivering post at lunch, it soared right over Lily, dropping a scroll by her plate and upsetting her glass of water. A few seconds later it dropped two scrolls in front of James and Sirius as well.

"Detention," she announced to her worried friends, when she unfurled the scroll. "From McGonagall. Says I have to meet with her tonight in front of the Great Hall. Brilliant," she added moodily, letting it roll back up on the table. "Today officially cannot get any worse."

"I wouldn't say that if I were you," Marlene said darkly, just as the Slytherins burst out laughing again.

Lily closed her eyes and breathed.

* * *

><p>"What do you mean I have to go with Filch?" Sirius said loudly.<p>

"Exactly what I said, Mr. Black," Professor McGonagall snapped. "_You_ will go with Filch to the trophy room, while Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans will remain in the Great Hall to clean it up. I will not have you two together during my detentions."

James felt a twinge of sympathy for Sirius as he stood there, jaw clenched tightly, eyes glaring holes into Professor McGonagall. Detention with Filch was not pleasant (he looked particularly menacing tonight with that leer on his face), but James would rather go with Filch ten times over than stay alone with the girl that he'd tried so hard to avoid for the past two weeks.

"Now," Professor McGonagall said, nostrils flared, "you will follow Mr. Filch. I'll be keeping your wands till you're through."

Sirius glared.

"Come along now, boy," Filch purred from beside the Transfiguration teacher. He gave Sirius a creepy smile and Sirius returned a disgusted look. After giving James a resigned look, he sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Fine," he muttered. Filch nodded and made his way towards the grand staircase, Sirius close behind him.

Now it remained, James, Lily and Professor McGonagall in front of the doors of the Great Hall.

"Well, I trust you two know what you're doing," the teacher told them wearily. "The tables have been removed, and you're to scrub the floors clean. You'll find what you need in the hall. I'll be back for you at twelve. No _fighting_. Am I clear?"

Lily responded for them both. "Crystal."

"Good."

And then she left them both.

Before James could even think about how awkward the situation was, Lily had shot him a glare, opened the doors and stomped into the Great Hall. He blinked in surprise. That was not the reaction he had been expecting.

_Well, what were you expecting?_ he asked himself harshly. _Hugs and kisses and apologies?_

_Well… yeah._

James shook his head quickly to empty it and followed Lily into the Great Hall. It looked bigger than it usually did; like Professor McGongall had said, the four long tables that usually stretched across the room were pushed against the wall, leaving the dirty floor visible. Two large buckets stood on opposite sides of the hall, and next to them both was a mop and a scrubbing brush. James sighed resignedly and dragged himself towards the bucket on the right side of the room, feeling exhausted. And not without reason: he'd estimated that he'd gotten only about four hours of sleep this entire week.

As he dropped to his knees and began to scrub, he noticed Lily was ignoring him. She had her back turned to him as she scrubbed, and her shoulders were hunched in that way they were whenever she was irritated. A few weeks ago, he would not have given this a second thought. After all, all she ever did was try to ignore him. However, he'd thought that after she'd offered to be friends… and after what had happened last week, she'd at least have stopped hating him.

_You _have_ been avoiding her_, James reminded himself. _Maybe she thinks you don't like her anymore._

But that was so far from the case, it was almost a ludicrous thought. Besides, even if she thought he didn't fancy her anymore, Lily wouldn't be upset about it. She would be ecstatic, wouldn't she?

He mulled it over and over again in his head till he couldn't take it anymore; he had to know.

"You're angry with me."

It was a statement, not a question, but James still expected Lily to respond. Her hand stopped the motions of furious scrubbing, and for a moment it was completely silent in the Great Hall. He watched as she paused, raised her hand to brush some hair out of her face then realized it was filthy, then dropped it back down limply.

"When am I not angry with you, James Potter?" was all she said.

James wished she would at least turn around so he could read her facial expressions. He couldn't be sure how to approach the conversation if he didn't know how she would react.

"Well," he said slowly. "I'm not sure why you would be now, especially considering I haven't even done anything-"

"Well, that's just it isn't it?" She finally turned her head and James affirmed that she was indeed angry. A scowl graced her delicate features and her green eyes sparked with that anger and irritation that he'd grown to be so familiar with. "That's _exactly _it. You haven't done _anything_."

He blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. "What?"

Lily huffed, and turned back to her scrubbing. "Just forget it, Potter."

There was silence.

"No," James said simply. Suddenly feeling energized, he threw his sponge to the ground and marched over to stand in front of the redhead so she had to crane her neck to glare up at him. "I won't just _forget it_. You have something on your mind, Evans? Say it."

He glared right back at her, ready for a fight. It was a routine they'd practiced many times before: push until the other backed down. More often than not, it was he who would usually give in or come out for the worse. Tonight, however, was different.

For the past week, he'd been dragging himself around the castle not feeling up to the simplest tasks, like getting out of his bed or going to meals. To put it simply, he'd been wallowing. But tonight, here in the same place he'd started that fight with Avery, he was finally alone with Lily (despite his very best efforts) and even though she was glaring at him with those brilliant eyes of hers, he felt _alive_.

"Fine," Lily said. She dropped her sponge, flicked the soap suds off her hands, rose and folded her arms across her chest. "Fine. You want to know what's on my mind? You, James Potter, are a coward."

Whatever James was expecting, it wasn't that. Once again, he was left blinking like a confused owl as he tried to form an intelligent response: "Excuse me?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "You heard me."

Irritation washed over him. He glared at her again, suddenly wishing he hadn't started the conversation with her at all. "How do you figure that?"

"Where were you yesterday?" she asked hotly, ignoring his question.

"I…" James hesitated. Where had he been yesterday? Not in class, that was for sure. He'd been particularly tired and he'd spent a good percent of his day alone at Hogsmeade, against the many arguments of his best friends. "That's none of your business."

"Skipping, I assume," she answered for him. "Tell me, Potter, did you hear about that Third Year boy that got sent to the Hospital Wing?"

He paused, interest piqued. "No."

"Right. So you didn't hear _why_ he got sent to the Hospital Wing?"

"Where the hell are you going with this, Evans?"

"Funny story, really: the boy, Will, tried to sneak in to the Slytherin common room to prank a few of them because he didn't like the things the Slytherins were saying about you. Some Fifth Years caught him and hexed him. Nothing permanent, but serious enough to be sent to the Hospital Wing."

James paused again, his mind whirring. How had he not heard about that? Or maybe he had and hadn't just been listening – that had been happening a lot lately. "That's unfortunate," he replied finally.

Lily stared at him incredulously. "That's it? Unfortunate? My God, you are such an _arse_!"

"What?" he snapped. "I didn't _ask_ him to go running after the Slytherins, did I? And quite frankly, he must not have a lot of sense if he actually tried to get into the dungeons."

Lily's jaw dropped open. She seemed unable to articulate her words. James stared at her, his jaw set. She would not make him feel bad about this. He hadn't done _anything_.

"Well, someone needs to be standing up for the right thing around here!" Lily said loudly once she'd found her voice. "And since _you're_ not going to do it-"

"Standing up for the right thing?" James echoed scathingly. "Oh, I'm sorry, is that what you're calling it now? Because just a few months ago you were calling it 'arrogance' and 'being a prat.'"

"That was different."

"Why? Because you say it is?"

"No! It's…" Lily paused. She closed her eyes and calmed herself down. "That's not what I'm saying, Potter, stop twisting my words. What I'm saying is, there's… there's a difference, alright? You can't just prank and humiliate people for the fun of it… that's cowardly. But, letting other people take the fall for you, that's cowardly as well."

"I didn't ask anyone to take the fall for me," James almost shouted in frustration. "I don't care what the Slytherins are saying! I don't _want_ anyone to take the fall for me."

"Well, sometimes it doesn't matter what you want," Lily countered frostily. "You are many things, James Potter, but modest is not one of them. Strange and perplexing as it is, the entire population of this school adores you and you know it. The Gryffindors and Slytherins are on the verge of World War III for goodness sake. Don't pretend as if you don't know that people will line up to defend your honor, because you do; you saw it yourself at that fight."

James blinked. He couldn't even believe that Lily Evans was telling him this. He ran a hand through his hair taking a deep breath. "So what exactly are you telling me here Evans? I'm… confused. You _want _to me to get back at the Slytherins?"

"Well, you can't just let them walk all over you!" The redhead glared. "What are we, Hufflepuffs? Where's the old James Potter? The one who would rather cut off an arm that let a Slytherin look at him funny?"

"Maybe he died along with his parents," James snapped, sending Lily into silence. For a brief moment, James wished he hadn't said it. But only for a brief moment. "You know Evans, you're just a fucking hypocrite. You think you're so much better than everyone around you, but here's some news for you: the moment you start plotting against the Slytherins, you're in the same boat with the rest of us."

"I… How can you… I don't…" she struggled to keep her voice from wavering. "I am not a hypocrite! This is different Potter. You heard Dumbledore! Times are changing. I… _people_ need people like… like you to stand up and take responsibility -"

"I. DON'T. WANT. RESPONSIBILITY," he bellowed, and Lily shut up. There it finally was; that bubble of anger and frustration he'd been carrying around since August had finally burst, and it hurt. It was as though there was a hole inside of his chest, raw and painful, and now by talking about it, he was prodding at it. "Maybe I already have enough responsibility to last me a fucking lifetime! I had to set up my own parent's _funeral_ – I had to sell my house; I had to free my house elves; I had to tell my aunts and my uncles that their brother and sister are _dead_; I had to handle my parents' will; I have to lead the Quidditch team, I have to focus on school, I have to hold my life together – isn't that enough responsibility for you?"

Lily tried to speak but, he went on, pacing around and rubbing his knuckles and feeling a strong need to break something. "I guess not, because apparently, I'm supposed to hold this school together as well! No one gives a damn about how fucking empty I feel – like – like there's this huge hole inside of me, and I'm slowly sinking into myself; like there's just no point to _any_ of this. Points, tests, exams, Slytherins… I don't fucking _care_! All I want," he breathed shakily, closing his eyes, "is for my parents to be alive and breathing again. But it just really sucks because nothing in this world can bring them back, and well, I'm sorry, Hogwarts and I'm sorry, Lily, for grieving over my parents. Just out of curiosity, when another member of my family dies, how long of a mourning period is acceptable for you?"

"That's not funny, Potter," Lily said in a small voice. "You know that's not what I meant-"

"NO," James interrupted. He turned to face her, chest heaving with emotion and eyes sparkling with the tears that he would not – _could_ not shed. "No, I don't. I don't – I – it hurts, Lily. It _hurts_ and – and I don't know what to do – I'm _so _lost – Merlin, I can't even take care of _myself_-"

And Lily did something he did not expect. Blinking back tears, she put out her arms. Almost automatically, James stepped forward and hugged her.

The scene was incredibly strange. James Potter and Lily Evans hugging in the middle of the empty Great Hall, buckets of dirty water and sponges to the side. The absurdity of the scene did not go by either of them. After a few silent moments, Lily let out a shaky laugh over his shoulder. "This is so weird."

Not really, James thought. He felt like he'd hugged her a thousand times before and would like to a thousand times more. Her hair smelled of warm vanilla and it tickled his nose slightly. His stomach was fluttering. He should be emotional more often if it meant hugging her.

Sadly, she pulled away soon enough.

"You have to fight," Lily said blinking furiously up at him. She was still close enough that James could see the light dusting of freckles across her nose. "And I wish I could tell you that everything's okay, but it's not, so I can't. I… I don't know how it feels, and I couldn't even imagine what you're going through, but surely this isn't what your parents would want. They'd… they'd want you to be strong, wouldn't they?"

James stared at her, as the candlelight flickered across her face. Slowly, numbly, he nodded.

"So you'll be strong," she said simply.

With that, she turned and walked slowly back towards her bucket. And just then, James decided that it made him very sad to see her walking away from him. Voice cracking slightly, he called out:

"So what does this mean?"

She stopped in her tracks, just as he'd hoped, and turned around to face him. "What does what mean?" she asked curiously.

Suddenly, James felt very awkward. He raised his hand to ruffle his hair, and then when his hand was halfway up, he remembered how much Lily hated that. He dropped his hand limply, feeling even more awkward. "Er… what does this conversation mean? Do we go back to…" he struggled with his words. "Whatever we were before? Or are we on the same side now?"

Lily cocked her head to the side and folded her arms. James felt the unsettling sensation that he was being analyzed. "I don't know, Potter."

"Actually, I can answer that for you," he said, smiling slightly. "You punched Snivellus in the face for me. I think we've been on the same side all along."

She glared at him, the warmth of the conversation slipping away gradually. "I did _not_ punch him for you. I punched him because he was being a git. I only punch people in the face for my friends, and as I recall, we aren't exactly friends now, _are we_?"

She glared at him and James smiled sheepishly at her. She was looking for an explanation as to why he'd ignored her these past couple of weeks, he knew. But what was he supposed to tell her_? Sorry, Lily, but I can't be friends with you because I'm crazy about you and being around you, but not actually_ _being_ with_ you will probably kill me._

He mentally shook his head. He'd given it some thought, and he'd arrived at the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, he could learn to be friends with her.

Baby steps.

"Listen Lily, I'm sorry about the past week, I just…"

"Don't want to be mates. I get it. It's fine, I just wish you'd told me-"

"No," James interrupted quickly. "No, I... I _do_." He breathed. "I know it sounds strange, and a little mad, to be honest, but I want to be your mate, Lily Evans."

Lily paused, searching his face. It was quiet in the Great Hall as the two teenagers faced each other, both sweaty and grimy. James wildly wondered whether Lily was going to laugh loudly and tell him she had been joking, she didn't _actually_ want to be friends with him.

"You're on probation," Lily announced, and turned back towards her bucket.

"_Probation_?" James echoed, bewildered.

"Probation," Lily replied cheerfully. She glanced at the clock (ten thirty) and picked up her bucket. "As in, a potential mate. If you manage not to annoy me for the next week, you can stick around."

James realized that they were done cleaning and she was leaving. He hurried towards his own bucket. "And if I don't?"

But when he turned around, she'd already slipped out of the doors.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:Hello, wow so I actually it's been a month since I last updated! I'm super sorry, I wish I could update more often but then I would rush through it and make tons of mistakes and I'm really trying to be careful about this. Plus the chapter is long! Almost 8000 words, it's the longest chapter! Gosh, I hope they don't get longer because they do seem to be getting gradually longer.

Anyway, so thanks to all you lovely reviewers, I think it's so so so so nice that I get at LEAST ten reviews for each chapter now :) It actually makes me so happy haha, even though I don't reply, I assure you i AM reading them all (ajdvkjsfsj I can't wait to get to a 100 reviews). Though I wish other people would review too. Because more than 80 people follow my story, so I imagine they ARE reading along but not dropping off any of their thoughts in the review box, which makes me sad because I've taken the time to write an 8000 word chapter :(. Review please, they make me happier than a mother hen!

Thanks bunches bunches bunches to Pointless Nostalgic for taking time out of her busy college schedule to beta :) And thanks for reading! REVIEW.

Let me know what you think about Marlene, Mary, and Alice, will you lovelies?


	14. Double Dated

**Previously:**

_Henry and Marie Potter - along with a few Muggles from Teirm - were murdered, and James suspects Lucius Malfoy (Slytherin Prefect that graduated two years ago). James and Lily get into a fight with the Sixth Year Slytherins and in revenge, Avery lets his parents' death slip in front of the entire school. James falls into depression and avoids Lily, who had previously offered to be friends with him. Lily meets Jeremy Killian at a Seventh year dorm party and she asks him to go to Hogsmeade with her, just as friends. Marlene is going with Andrew Juxenberg and Alice is being 'tutored' by Frank Longbottom. Lily and James have detention together and they get into a fight, but then quickly resolves it when James pours out his feelings towards her. He agrees to be friends with her._

* * *

><p>James Potter returned with a vengeance.<p>

It was strange—almost miraculous—as though he'd been in some deep trance, and someone had finally shaken him out of his slumber.

It was just a casual Monday; the students of Hogwarts milled around the Great Hall right before lunch was about to start, as they usually did. It was a good day—no bad news had arrived in the Prophet, and it was bright and sunny outside, albeit a bit chilly. In fact, the day seemed almost perfect, right until -

"Oi, Potter! Still crying yourself to sleep?"

A hush fell over the crowd as the loud, obnoxious voice of Garrick Mulciber rang through the air. James Potter, who'd been chatting merrily to his friends, turned slowly towards the clump of sniggering Slytherins huddled near the wall.

"What was that, Mulciber?" the Gryffindor asked coolly.

If any heads weren't turned towards their direction before, they were turned now. It wasn't unusual to hear the Slytherins being nasty, but since last week, seeing James respond was something else entirely. Even Mulciber looked slightly surprised, but a smirk soon graced his features once again. "Didn't hear me, Potter? I asked whether or not you're still crying yourself to sleep over your dead-"

Somehow, in less than three seconds flat, James managed to cross the distance between himself and Mulciber, whip out his wand, and point it directly at the Slytherin's throat. The crowd parted immediately, scrambling to get out of their way.

"One more word," James breathed, though everyone could hear him quite clearly. "One more word about my parents, and I swear to Merlin himself that you'll regret the day you thought to besmirch their memory with your filthy mouth."

Mulciber stood frozen, staring at the wand pressed against his neck. He made a slight whimper and put his hands up as if to pacify James. Then, as the two boys stood staring at each other, there was the sound of a clap from the crowd, then another clap, then three more and soon they were all applauding and cheering and yelling things like "You go, Potter!" and "Finally!"

"Alright, alright people, break it up!" an authoritative voice came, and James felt his heart sink.

Lily was pushing her way towards him and Mulciber, and James quickly dropped his wand out of habit, until he noticed that she did not look angry or irritated. Rather, she was grinning at him, her emerald eyes glittering. He watched as she paused in front of him and placed her hands on her hips.

"Hullo Potter," she beamed.

"Er..." James said awkwardly, reaching his hand to scratch the back of his neck. "Hullo, Lily."

"Evans!" Mulciber, who seemed to have found his voice, barked. He glared at the redhead, seeming slightly flushed. "You're a _Prefect_! Potter here just attacked me! Surely, you'll see to it that he's punished appropriately, lest I'm forced to conclude that all you Gryffindors are really just a bunch of-"

"Oh, shut the bloody hell up, Mulciber," Lily rolled her eyes. "And ten points from Slytherin for being a pain in everyone's ass. Oi, you lot! Get into the hall before Professor McGonagall gets here!"

Mulciber's jaw dropped open as Lily turned her back on him and directed her attention on the chattering crowd.

"I'd say take it up with Dumbledore," someone said behind James and he turned to see the smirking faces of his three best friends, "but I doubt he'll disagree," Sirius finished.

Mulciber looked around him, but when he found that none of the other Slytherins were at his side, his face turned into nasty scowl. He glared at the four Marauders.

"This isn't over, Potter," he snarled, stepping away.

"Oh, I know," James said mildly. "In fact, it's really only just started."

And so it had. The very next morning, the Slytherin dungeons were awoken to the sound of yells from the Sixth Year dorms. The inhabitants of the dorm scrambled down to the common room, looking incredibly peculiar. Apparently, someone had charmed their shower heads to release a gold and red dye, leaving the Slytherins looking like walking and talking Gryffindor propaganda. Bellatrix was especially furious, trying a vast array of spells to remove the dye, none of which worked. In the end, she and her house-mates had to stomp to breakfast, hair a nice shade of scarlet and gold.

"You're looking marvelous today, Bella!" Sirius Black called as soon as she stepped into the Great Hall. The hall promptly burst into laughter, and even a few of the Slytherins could be seen snickering into their goblets. If any teachers had a suspicion as to who was responsible, they did not let on. Professor Dumbledore merely chuckled and though the corners of Professor McGonagall's only twitched _slightly_, it was enough for everyone.

"That's bloody brilliant!" Mary laughed at the Gryffindor table, much to the agreement of her friends.

Lily eyed James, who sat two seats across from her, and said with amusement, "I wonder who's responsible,"

Simultaneously, he, Sirius, Remus and Peter turned to look at her, the same innocent expression on their faces.

"I wonder indeed," Remus said mildly, and Sirius nodded.

"Whoever it was, they must be amazingly intelligent to come up with such a spell."

"Not to mention," James added, "clever enough to get into the Slytherin common room."

"Ruddy brilliant, if you ask me," Peter said casually. "Ruddy brilliant."

"Mediocre, at best," Lily teased, but she knew it wasn't.

The rest of the week was considerably more exciting than the last. The atmosphere in the castle had changed dramatically; it seemed people had forgotten about the horrible events of the summer, the attack on Teirm, and the murder of the Potters. Laughter rang in the hallways and there was generally more cheer in the air. Lily didn't understand how it could be so, but she knew it was mostly due to James Potter. She didn't understand how just one boy, or four she should say, could affect the mood of an entire school. The boys were back to how there were before the summer started—perhaps not as rambunctious, but certainly up to some of their old tricks (which consisted of sneaking around after curfew and playing harmless pranks on people).

For some inexplicable reason though, Lily didn't find them as annoying as she had last year… and all the years before that. Perhaps it was because they had made some unspoken pact to leave Snape alone, or that the things they did now only earned laughs and didn't send anyone to the Hospital Wing. Whatever the reason was, Lily found herself around the Marauders more often. She and her friends almost always sat next to them at lunch these days, and they had even studied together in the common room at one point.

James... wasn't bad, Lily thought to herself as she headed towards the common room on Friday. It was the fourth of October and a particularly chilly day. Wrapped up in bundles of scarves and sweaters, Lily, Alice, Mary, and Marlene had spent the remainder of the day outside watching the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice for the first match of the year (against the Slytherins). Even though she'd left early, she could tell that James was working his team to the bone.

"You do know your first match is still a month away," Lily had told him that morning at breakfast, after he'd insisted she come to watch the practice.

"That's barely enough time!" James had exclaimed with his mouth full. It appeared his table manners were just as appalling as Sirius'. "I've got two new players, and I've got to come up with new plays and go over old tactics and practice them over and over again, because we are NOT losing to those wankers. Just come out and watch, Evans. It's not like you have any other plans."

"Well, maybe I do," Lily had said defensively.

"Plans that don't involve being an antisocial prig?"

To which Lily had scowled at him.

Still, despite their bantering, Lily concluded that yes, James really wasn't _all_ that bad. It had almost been one week and he had managed not to aggravate her so badly. He wasn't flirting shamelessly with her anymore, and comments he made that had once seemed arrogant and immature began to seem... well, funny.

"Oi! Lily!"

Lily paused in her tracks and turned around to see Jeremy Killian running towards her, brown curls bouncing on his head. He slid to a stop in front of her, grinning widely and Lily felt a grin forming on her face as well.

"Jeremy!" She exclaimed. "My God, I was beginning to think you'd disappeared off the face of the planet."

Jeremy grinned again and fell into step beside her so they were now both walking down the deserted corridor.

"I wish," he said, as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Bloody N.E.W.T.s... bloody stressful, let me tell you. I'm really beginning to contemplate dropping out of school and fulfilling my life-long dream of being the male Celestina Warbeck."

"Celestina Warbeck? You can _sing_?"

"No, but neither can she, so I think it's alright."

Lily wrinkled her nose. "She's absolutely awful, isn't she? My best friend, Alice... she loves her. Thank Merlin _you_ don't have to fall asleep listening to some old lady warble on about how she needs someone to stir her cauldron."

Jeremy winced. "That sounds terrible."

"It is."

He turned to look at her curiously. "Where are you headed off to?"

"The Owlery," Lily replied breezily as they ascended the stairs to the seventh floor. "I just got a letter from my mum asking me how I am so I want to reply soon or-"

"Or she'll think you're dead," Jeremy finished for her, nodding. "Same with my mam. Crazy old lovable bat. She's gotten a bit too paranoid about this whole Voldemort affair. As if he would ever attack this school."

Jeremy snorted. Lily didn't bother telling him that she'd never told her parents about Voldemort and the rising danger in the Wizarding world. She knew it would only worry them, but she still couldn't help feeling a pang of guilt for lying to them. Well… technically she hadn't outright _lied_ to her parents, but it still counted as lying by omission.

"I have to dash," Jeremy informed her as he glanced down at his watch, just as they reached the bottom of the West Tower. "My friends are expecting me."

"You have friends?"

"Funny. Anyway, I actually wanted to let you know that I'm gonna take you up on that offer for Hogsmeade tomorrow. It should be fun."

"Brilliant!" Lily cheered. "Merlin, thanks Jeremy, I'd have been bored out of my mind otherwise."

"Yeah, yeah," he waved her off, already heading back down the stairs. "Just don't try to kiss me or anything. I mean, you're cute, but I have a girlfriend."

And then he was gone, leaving Lily amused and thinking about how wonderfully strange he was.

* * *

><p>"And they return," Remus announced from his bed as James and Sirius dragged their sore bodies through the door. They were muddy and cold, but they both had large grins on their faces. Remus looked at them with dull eyes and a tired frown on his face. He and Peter were both seated on their beds, the former reading a magazine while the latter sat amongst a pile of textbooks, desperately trying to finish up his homework.<p>

"You've been out there for hours," Remus remarked. "We were wondering whether the storm had carried you off."

"It's not storming yet," Sirius observed, glancing out the window where dark clouds swirled in the night sky. "Though it sure as shit will. Nah, James was just being extra annoying tonight, because Lily was around, I reckon. _Ten more laps, come on, just ten more left_!" he mimicked as he carelessly dropped his robes onto the floor.

"You won't be complaining when we win the Cup," James retorted, also slipping out of his robes. "And I was _not_ trying to impress Evans! She and I are just... friends. Don't give me that bloody look Sirius, I know what you're thinking. Stop. Anyway - Moony, sorry about that. How are you holding up?"

"I'll live," Remus replied grimly, falling back on his pillow. "Unfortunately. You guys really don't mind missing out on Hogsmeade tomorrow?"

"Christ Moony, you must've asked that question at least forty three times in the pasty twenty-four hours alone," Sirius said, the exasperation evident in his voice. He poked his head out from the clean shirt he was changing into and glared at Remus. "No, we _don't_ _mind_. I'd much rather be out with you on a full moon than at Hogsmeade."

"Yeah, we go to Hogsmeade all the time anyway." James added. "How often do we get to run around with a werewolf, eh?"

"Way too often," Remus sighed.

"Oh shut up. Besides, we won't miss all of Hogsmeade. We'll just have to leave early."

Just then, Peter made a noise that sounded like a cross between a dying whale and a strangled cat as he slumped back in his bed. "I. DON'T. UNDERSTAND," he bellowed into his pillow.

"What don't you understand, Pete?" James asked kindly, getting into his own bed.

"I think the question is," Sirius pointed out, "what DO you understand, Pete?"

Peter rose and glared. "Git. It's Darcy's homework. The one about Inferi and their differences to ghosts. How – and why – the bloody hell should I know? Jeez, put two of them together and the one that tries to kill you is the Inferi."

"That's the spirit," Sirius said at the same time that James snorted.

"I'm done with mine," the latter yawned into his pillow. "You can see it-" _yawn_ "-tomorrow… After Hogsmeade…"

"Thanks James," Peter gushed, but the Captain was already asleep.

* * *

><p>Lily awoke brightly with a warm feeling in the pit of her belly—that feeling she usually got when she thought it would be a good day. Stretching, she pulled her curtains and swung her legs over the bed, at once noticing that the dorm was empty and feeling slightly hurt that her friends had not thought to wake her. As she rose, a note slipped from her sheets and floated to the ground. She bent to pick it.<p>

"Sorry Lils," she read aloud, running her hands through her tangled hair. "Thought to wake you but you seemed _really_ comfortable and quite frankly the sound of breakfast was calling to us much more strongly than our concern for your unusual sleeping pattern. Love, Mar."

Lily rolled her eyes, but feeling slightly mollified, she made her way into the shower resigned to the fact that she would not be eating breakfast that morning.

After she'd showered, pulled on a pair of dark jeans and an oversized sweater she was partial to, she left the bathroom. The clock that sat next to Mary's bed read 9:26; she had exactly four minutes before it was time to leave for the village. Cursing, Lily lunged for her purse and inspected herself once over in the mirror. Her hair was still wet, but with a flick of her wand, it was dry and wavy around her shoulders. She didn't have enough time for more than a few layers of mascara and a light gloss over her lips, but she thought she didn't look bad.

With one more glance at the mirror, she dashed out the room, down the stairs and out the portrait hole, hoping Jeremy wasn't a terribly impatient person.

The Entrance Hall was swarming with bodies when she arrived. The doors were wide open revealing a surprisingly clear blue sky. The air that blew in from outside was frosty, however, and Lily instantly wished she'd thought to bring a hat.

"Lily!"

The redhead turned in the direction of the yell and she was relieved to see it was Jeremy waving her over from near the doors. She waved back and began in his direction.

"I'm sorry if you've been waiting," she immediately apologized as she approached him. "My lousy mates didn't think to wake me, and I spend a little too much time in the shower-"

"No worries," Jeremy said casually. He was dressed warmly, in light blue jeans and a black jacket. A white knitted wool hat sat on the mass of curly hair on his head and in his hands, he held a stack of toast wrapped in a napkin. When he noticed Lily looking at them, he stretched them forward, smiling. "Here, have these. Your lousy mates informed me that you might miss breakfast, so I thought I ought to grab you something..."

"Merlin - that's so sweet," Lily exclaimed, accepting the toast. "Thanks Jeremy!"

"Don't mention it. Can't have you passing out of hunger on me, can we?"

"No, I suppose not."

"Exactly... We should get a move on. Come on - you can eat your toast on the way..."

They made their way past Filch, who stood barking for permission slips at the doors and towards the horseless carriages that led them to Hogsmeade.

"I was wondering what to get for you," Jeremy mused aloud to Lily, who was munching happily on her toast. They entered the carriage closest to them; there were already a couple of Hufflepuffs on it so it started moving as soon as they shut the carriage door behind them. "I wasn't sure what you liked, but then I thought toast, because that's a safe bet, right? Everyone loves toast."

"Very true," Lily agreed. But after a second of thought, she blurted out: "Except Severus. He hates toast."

"Severus?" Jeremy echoed, blinking at her. "As in Snape. The really... er, creepy Slytherin? You're friends with him?"

Lily immediately regretted speaking. Sometimes she forgot that she and Snape were no longer speaking and she blurted out stupid things about him… Like his absurd hatred for toast. She blushed and said, "Yes... Well, not anymore... but I used to be, I don't know it's just - I can't really explain -"

"If it's anything to do about that... incident by the lake last year-"

"Oh God, you remember that?"

"Trust me, it's not something you can easily forget, seeing Snape's underwear."

Lily grimaced, fighting the urge to smile. But then she remembered that she had no reason to pretend as if it wasn't funny, and she cracked out a grin.

"Don't worry," Jeremy grinned back at her, green eyes sparkling. "I'll be putting that in my list of 'Things We Don't Talk About When Near Lily Evans'. New topic – how about Quidditch then?"

"That's safe," Lily nodded. "Over the summer, Marlene dragged me off to one of the games... The one with the Chudley Cannons and Puddlemere United-"

"You were there for that?! I had to sit beside the radio for _hours_ for that one…"

Just then the carriage stopped and off they stepped into the little village of Hogsmeade, talking about Quidditch. The village was already quite filled, as it was a good day outside; Christmas was still hardly over a month away but decorations already lined the streets; fairy lights hung over the roofs of the buildings and a large Christmas tree stood in the middle of the square. Rounding the tree, Lily and Jeremy headed off to High Street chattering happily.

Just as she'd expected, Jeremy was an interesting bloke. He was funny, easy to talk to and he didn't treat her the way other boys usually did—as though if they said one thing wrong, she would send them off to detention or something just as ridiculous. And he was attractive. Lily constantly found herself wanting to reach up and tug at one of his curls, just to see how long his hair really was. Plus he had very pretty eyes. But he had a girlfriend, whom he loved very much, and so Lily pushed any suggestive thoughts out of her mind quickly as she could. She imagined he was just like Marlene or Alice or Mary and it made her feel slightly better, simply walking around with him just as friends.

"Let's try Zonko's, yeah?" Lily suggested as they approached the packed joke shop. "Looks like they've got some new stuff."

Just then there was a bang and a flash of light from the shop and laughter quickly followed. Jeremy grinned. "I'm sure they do. After, can we stop at the Post though? My uncle just got a new job over there and I want to drop off a quick hullo."

"Only if we go to the Three Broomsticks after."

"Deal."

"Brill."

Zonko's was such a small building, it was always such a surprise that so many people could manage to fit in it. There was still smoke in the air when Lily and Jeremy entered, but there was also a sense of excitement; an obvious sign that whatever happened hadn't been dangerous.

As they squeezed through the aisles, Lily wondered what her friends were doing at the moment. She knew Alice was in the castle, being 'tutored' by Frank (Merlin knew what they really were doing), but Mary and Marlene were here with their boyfriends - or whatever it was Andrew Juxenburg was - and she had yet to see them. Perhaps they were in Madame Pudifoot's. Lily grimaced at the thought of the frilly over-romantic tea shop.

"Oi, Lily, come over here, will you?" Jeremy called delightedly from the end of the aisle. "Look at this."

She did. It was a little ornamental flower that came in and out bloom repeatedly. Surprisingly, without any kicks too. It was simply a pretty rose. Looking at it, Lily was hit with a sense of nostalgia, reminded of a time when she'd done something similar for her non-magical sister.

"... would like it?"

Lily snapped out her reverie. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Do you think Jan would like this?" Jeremy repeated patiently as he stroked the rose. "Of course, since you don't know her you can't be sure, but say your boyfriend got you this, would you like it?"

Lily blinked. Thinking about it, no boy had ever done anything as thoughtful as getting her a rose (except for James Potter, but she refused to count him). Yeah, she'd had a few boyfriends in the past, but none of them had lasted long… none had been SERIOUS relationships anyway. Then again, what else could she expect from thirteen and fourteen year old boys? Because that was when she'd dated – in third and fourth year. Fifth year, she'd simply too busy for all that.

"That's sweet, Jeremy," Lily replied finally. "Of course she'll like it."

He thought about it for a moment longer before grabbing the rose and heading towards the counter to pay for it. Lily followed him and after almost an hour waiting at the line, they finally left the shop, Lily wielding a few Dungbombs and Jeremy clutching his rose.

"And now to the post office!" Jeremy said cheerfully, as they crossed the somewhat busy streets. The sun was high in the sky now, though the air was still chilly. More Hogwarts students had arrived and they milled in and out of the shops, giving the village a more cheerful feel than it'd had in months.

"You're not cold are you?" Jeremy asked Lily, eyeing her arms folded across her chest. "Stupid question; 'course you are. Here... take this..."

"What? No," Lily protested as he began to remove his jacket. "Don't be stupid Jeremy, you're only wearing a shirt. You'll freeze."

"No I won't."

"Yes. You will."

"Take the jacket, Lily," Jeremy insisted, handing it over to her. He stood there in nothing but a blue t-shirt and jeans, an amused expression on his face. "At least for my mam – she'd have a stroke if she knew I let a girl walk around without a coat."

"I think she'd be equally disappointed if you died of pneumonia."

"You don't know my mam. Besides, I have a hat. Did you know that up to forty percent of body heat is lost through the head?"

"Let's have your hat then," Lily said stubbornly.

Jeremy gave her an exasperated look before reaching up and pulling his hat off his head. She grinned at him and took the hat gratefully.

"Toasty warm," she teased, tugging at the tassels that hung on the side of the hat.

"I'm sure."

The post office was nowhere near as crowded as Zonko's was. It was the first time Lily had ever stepped foot in the building; she'd never had reason to as her own owl, Cohen, and the occasional school owl were quite adequate in handling her mail. It wasn't much different from the school Owlery. It had the same open windows and the same smell of owl droppings. Countless owls were perched in their coves, of so many different sizes and colors that it was overwhelming.

In the middle of the office, was a large cluttered desk by which a man sat hunched over. As soon as the bell rang, signaling Lily and Jeremy's arrival, he looked up and his face split into a large grin.

"Jeremy, m'boy," the man boomed. "Finally came to see me, did ya?"

"Couldn't resist it, Uncle Pat," Jeremy replied, grinning.

Uncle Pat was a large man with a fittingly large mustache. If not for the green eyes, Lily would not have been able to see his relation to Jeremy. He had short jet black hair and warm eyes. He wasn't necessarily fat, but he was just - and there was no other word for it - big, such that, standing there, he took up half the standing space behind the desk. The white shirt he wore seemed to be straining under the pressure, and Lily was quite sure his button would pop out any minute.

"Been getting real lonely here," he grunted, drumming his fingers against the table and squinting at Lily. "An' who's the pretty young lass you got with ya?"

"This is Lily Evans," Jeremy introduced the blushing redhead. He placed his hands on her shoulders and led her forward. "She's a friend of mine."

"Just a friend, eh? You still dating that other one? Janice or somewhat..."

"Yes, Uncle Pat."

"Good," he grunted, again. "Tell ya what, you sure know how to keep a lass longer than I do, Jeremy, that's for sure. You hold on to tha' one, she's a keeper. Anyhow, it's nice to meet you Lily Evans."

He stretched a hand across the desk, which Lily took grinning. "It's nice to meet you too, sir."

"Oh, none of that, _sir_ rubbish," he waved his hand. "Call me Pat. Uncle Pat, if you'd like, doesn't matter to me. You both better come to the back for a cuppa. Ain't nothing to do out here anyway, is there?"

There certainly wasn't. The office was deserted, and so Uncle Pat led them through the door at the back, where there was a little room with wooden furniture and a blazing fireplace.

"Been getting real lonely here," Uncle Pat repeated, as Lily and Jeremy took off their hat and jacket. He headed to the corner and began to pull out tea items from the cupboard. "After working at the Ministry for so long, this place seems emptier than my Aunt Cecilia's grave, bless her heart."

"You worked at the Ministry?" Lily asked curiously, taking a seat before she ruffled her hair to give it more volume.

"For twenty years," Uncle Pat replied as he waved his wand and began to pour out the tea for them. "In the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Almost made it to the Head too."

"Here we go," Jeremy interrupted rolling his eyes and taking his seat as well. "He likes to brag about his position to anyone who will listen," he told Lily, not at all quietly.

"Well, there ain't nothing to brag about anymore, that's for sure," Uncle Pat grumbled, without missing a beat. "The whole place is going loony. What with that new head-"

"Barty Crouch?" Lily asked.

Uncle Pat finished making the tea and turned to face the two teenagers, a curious look on his face. "Tha's the one. You sure do keep up with politics, don't you lass?"

"I... I'm not sure," Lily frowned. "I think I remember him being briefly mentioned in the Prophet once."

He snorted. "And don't even get me started on that useless excuse for a newspaper - here ya go, don't drink up yet, you'll burn your tongue off. Anyway, you're better off finding out more current news from the old gossiping hags on the streets."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked. She was getting very interested, leaning forward in her seat, teacup placed on her lap. The complete opposite of Jeremy who began playing with his wand as though he'd heard this all a thousand and one times - which Lily suspected he had.

Uncle Pat looked more than happy to oblige. Huffing, he took a seat in the chair opposite from Lily and positioned himself comfortably. "Didn't you know?" He told Lily. "Bagnold's having the Prophet censored. Doesn't want things that could potentially 'worry the public' in the papers. It's all a mess, people dying left and right and no one knowing anything that's going on. And if you're thinking I'm an old loon because you DO see news of attacks in the Prophet, well then it's because the things in the Prophet barely begin to even cover half of what's really going on."

Lily gaped. "You've got to be kidding me. You mean... there's more... more attacks?"

"'Fraid so. And once the public finds out, Bagnold will get sacked faster than you can say 'idiot.' Though I'm not so sure that'll be a good thing. If Bagnold gets sacked, Crouch is right up there for next Minister for Magic."

"I still don't understand," Jeremy said lazily, twirling his wand, "why you hate that guy so much. It sounds to me like he's doing the right thing. So what if a few death eaters get what they deserve? What's that quote again? When the going gets tough, you kick the going in the arse and toss them in to Azkaban without a trial."

Lily didn't bother mentioning to him that he wasn't even a little bit close to the actual quote. Her mind was whirring, like it usually did when she'd just received more information than she could process. More attacks? Death Eaters? No trials?

"Yes, but it's the principle of the thing," Uncle Pat insisted. "You can't just send people to Azkaban without a trial, they could be innocent!"

"But they probably aren't," Jeremy pointed out.

"Terry Gates was," Uncle Pat retorted, leaving Lily completely clueless as to what he was talking about. "But that's beside the point. The point is that it's wrong, and if we're going to kill people on the spot, or send them to Azkaban without a trial, or use Unforgivables on them, then we're just as bad as they are."

It was starting to come together in Lily's brain now. It was like the Wizarding World was a big puzzle that had recently been scattered around by a temperamental five-year old. Lily mentally tried to piece it together in her head. There was a man... his name was... Voldemort. He was insane and he had some sort of vendetta against Muggles and Muggleborns... He was killing them by the hundreds and seemed unstoppable... He had many people on his side, people who called themselves Death Eaters... And the ministry was looking for a number of ways to stop them, even resorting to, so it seemed, illegal methods.

"It's a war, Uncle Pat," Jeremy said exasperatedly. "I don't care what Bagnold thinks it is, it's a _war_. And in a war, you've got to do what you've got to do, right? To defeat a criminal, you have to think like a criminal. We're not going to get out of this by… seeking compromise, or peaceful negotiations… They're fighting dirty, so if we're going to win, we have to fight even dirtier, and that's the simple truth of the matter."

It sickened Lily to say it, but she found herself agreeing with Jeremy. She wanted to go out there and send the nastiest curse she could think of at Voldemort. Who did he think he was to say her family wasn't worthy of life? And then it flashed Lily's mind that she would not hesitate to cast an Unforgivable towards anyone that threatened the people she loved, and it made her sick.

"Clear we're not going to agree," Uncle Pat grumbled. He rose - with some difficulty - from his seat and returned to the kettle. "You can believe that if you want, Jem. But as for me, I'm having none of that. It's why I left, you know. I'm too old for all this stress, you know. But if you ask me, it's not fighting dirty that's going to end this _war, _as you so nicely put it. Mark my words, it's going to be something or someone really unexpected that gets us out of this. Do you want another cup?"

* * *

><p>James couldn't say he was surprised to see Mary McDonald sitting cuddled up with Seth Rogers in the Three Broomsticks. After all, the two had been dating for over a year. They were one of those couples that everyone assumed would graduate and get married and have children together because they just <em>worked<em>.

He _was_ surprised, however, to see Marlene McKinnon hand-in-hand with Andrew Juxenberg on the same table, as if they'd joined Seth and Mary on their date. He'd seen quite a bit of her lately, and he didn't recall ever hearing her mention her interest in his latest addition to the Quidditch Team… which was strange enough because McKinnon never shut up about boys.

He mentioned this to his friends, as they surveyed the filled pub. They'd just spent the last few hours walking around Hogsmeade, not very entertained. Zonko's was always a laugh, but they came to Hogsmeade way too often to be terribly excited about the village.

"I think I did hear her mention him once or twice," Remus told them. He looked tired – more so than he usually did when it was not the day of a full moon.

"Shall we pay them a quick visit?" Sirius grinned mischievously.

James pondered it for a moment, and then figured he was comfortable enough around them for him to be a nuisance.

"There doesn't seem to be anymore available seats," he said in mock-thought. "Does there, Peter?"

"Sure doesn't seem like it, James."

The three boys grinned at each other. Remus rolled his eyes, but did not argue.

"Marlene! Andrew!" Sirius boomed as they approached the table. "My my, I didn't know you two were a thing! Tell me all about it, I simply _must_ know."

Ignoring the groans for the occupants of the table, the four boys pulled up chairs and took their seats around the crowded table. Remus shot them apologetic looks, to which Mary sighed and extracted herself from the arms of her boyfriend.

"James. Peter. Remus. _Sirius_," she said tiredly. "Hullo. Can we help you?"

"Now, now I might be mistaken, but I seem to be getting a negative vibe from you, Mary," Sirius frowned, tapping the table. "That's not anyway to treat your best friend, is it?"

"Lily is my best friend, Sirius."

"Hey!" Marlene protested, from the opposite side of the table. "Thanks a _lot_, Mary. I always knew you liked Lily better." She extracted her hand from Andrew's to throw a fry at the grinning brunette.

"You're my best friend too, Mar. I love you."

"Bint."

"Seth," Mary whined, burying her face into her boyfriend's chest, "Marlene called me a bint. What are you going to do about it?"

Seth, who had been watching the exchange with an amused expression on his face, laughed and stroked her hair. "I don't know, Mary. Sometimes…"

"Say I can be a bit of a bint sometimes and I will break up with you right now."

"Yes, ma'am."

They all laughed, and Seth looked at James and asked conversationally, "So Potter. Ready to get smashed at the game later on?"

And of course, this sent the three Gryffindor Quidditch Team players into protest. Soon they were having an argument over Quidditch – it was a friendly one because Seth was a good sport (one of the many things Mary loved about him). Eventually the conversation evolved into Sirius teasing Marlene and Andrew ("So is he a good kisser? Ho ho, that's not what I heard from Nancy Clutter. Speaking of hearing things, I heard you're already with child, Marlene? No? Sure? Because from the look of it…"), Mary chatting about the latest Transfiguration lesson with Remus, and Peter and Seth arguing about the Chudley Cannon's downfall. This left James out, but he didn't mind. He sat listening to their conversations and soon his eyes wandered over the pub, lazily taking in the scene. The fire blazed and the place was full of merry people with even more people arriving. The door opened once more and the bell rang and a couple walked in: a tall boy with curly brown hair and a pretty girl with red hair -

"Oh look it's Lily!" Marlene said happily from beside James and he felt his heart skip and then drop to the bottom of his stomach.

It was Lily, looking very nice he might add, but she was also with that boy - what was his name? Jeremy Killian. Usually James thought he was a nice chap, funny too. But now, watching as he made Lily laugh, he thought he would like to rip his funny little head to shreds.

_No_, James reminded himself. No, this was exactly the kind of behavior that had made Lily angry with him in the past. They were friends now. Only... friends. He had no claim over her. None. Zero.

He couldn't help but crane his neck to watch Jeremy tug at the tassels of Lily's hat. And when Lily whipped it off her head and placed it messily on his in a playful manner, James found himself clenching his fists tightly.

_Why is she flirting with him? He's not all that great. Are they dating? Merlin, I might just fling myself off the Astronomy Tower if they are_. James stopped himself and backtracked. _Alright, maybe that's a little extreme. She's just a girl, Potter, pull it together. You're friends now. She doesn't like you. She never will. So _move on_._

He told himself this so firmly, he might actually have believed himself and that would've been the end of that. But then Marlene called again: "Hey Lily! LILS! Over here." And so Lily heard, turned around and grinned. Soon she was pulling Jeremy along with her towards them.

James glanced at Sirius in panic and found that Sirius was giving him an amused look. "Play it cool," he mouthed.

"Hey, you guys," Lily greeted, as soon as she was close enough. "Oy, budge over, Remus. You don't look so well, you should go see Pomfrey. Anyway, guys this is Jeremy -"

"We know," James said, before he could stop himself.

The table fell silent as Lily gave him a suspicious look. James willed himself not to flush. "Jeremy Killian, yeah?" he asked, trying to sound casual. "We met last year at the end of the year party?"

"You remember that?" Jeremy asked, sounding surprised. He took a seat, squished very tightly against Lily. "I felt like you were so sloshed, you wouldn't even be able to remember there was an end of the year party at all."

They all laughed, and James, who had never been one to defend his misbehaviors or rule-breaking, found himself saying: "I wasn't THAT drunk."

"No, no, you were pretty drunk," Sirius interjected, a wicked grin on his face. "In fact, I think I faintly remember you kneeling at the base of the girls' staircase, singing about a certain someo-"

"Shut up, Padfoot," James snapped, now unable to stop the light spreading of pink across his face. He didn't need stories of his drunken serenades to Lily Evans being told at this particular time.

It was slightly more awkward after that, so James took to swirling around the remaining contents in his mug. Even when the conversation began again, he did not raise his gaze from the light brown Butterbeer. Instead, he listened to the conversations around him - more specifically, Lily and Jeremy's. They were exchanging funny stories about their mothers. It was frustrating how easily they talked, as though they'd known each other all their lives. James couldn't hold a conversation with her for more than five minutes before they began to bicker. Then again, had he ever asked her about her mother? Had he ever really _tried_ to get to know her?

And that's how the next hour went, James getting quieter and angry at himself for getting quiet, till Remus finally stretched and said, "You know, I think I will go see Madame Pomfrey, I feel unwell."

"I'll come with," James said suddenly. He was up on his feet so quickly, he almost knocked down his mug.

"Hang on," Sirius said after rapidly downing his drink. "Pete and I will tag along. See you later, ladies. Don't miss me too much."

Marlene and Mary rolled their eyes. "We'll try our hardest not to," the latter said sarcastically.

James tapped his foot impatiently, annoyed with Sirius' delay. "Come on, Sirius."

"I'm coming, I'm coming, don't get your knickers in a twist."

"Yeah, what's the rush, Prongs?" Peter questioned as he slid out of the booth.

James didn't bother responding. He waited till his friends had gathered their things, and then began leaving without making goodbyes. They weaved through the tables and were halfway to the door when –

"Potter!"

James wanted to bang his head against the rough walls of the three Broomsticks. He hadn't even made it out the door yet. It was strange how frequently this happened to him: him trying to escape and Lily stopping him before he could.

"Potter."

Sighing, the Quidditch captain signaled his curious friends forward and turned around to face Lily, who had a half smile on her face. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and she folded her arms and they looked at each other, waiting for each other to speak.

"Well, I'm assuming you called my name for a reason," James said finally.

"I did," Lily said simply.

James raised an eyebrow. "And?"

"Where are you heading off to?"

James looked at Lily carefully. Of course, he was going to prepare for their full moon escapades tonight, but Lily didn't know that, did she? Sometimes, she was too smart for her own good. Looking at her curious face though, James decided it was simply an innocent question.

"You heard, Remus," he replied. "He feels weird, so I was going to go with him to the Hospital Wing, maybe even grab a Pepper-Up potion, I dunno I think I feel a cold coming up. After, I thought I'd work on some Quidditch stuff, maybe even study for the Charms test, because Flitwick will have my head if I fail another one of those..."

James realized too late that he was rambling. He shut his mouth quickly, feeling frazzled. He needed to leave.

"Oh, I see," Lily nodded. James had the suspicion she was trying not to laugh. "You're sure it's because of that, and not because of-"

"What?" He interrupted. "Killian? No, he's a good guy... No, of course not."

"Right," Lily said quickly. "Right, because I just wanted to make sure-"

"No, no it's fine," James said just as quickly. "No explanations, right?"

"He and I, we're -"

"Lily, it's fine," James interrupted, feeling his heart sink slightly. "It's... fine. None of my business, really. It's fine. I have to go."

He shot her a smile, and walked out the door, slightly faster than he normally would have left and feeling immensely glad that he would be Prongs, not James, for the better part of tonight.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I'm the worst ugh I'm sorry for the late late late update. I shouldn't give excuses but I will anyway - I HAVE SO MUCH WORK. Anyway yeah thanks for the reviews. Funny thing, I really wanted to get the Christmas chapter updated by Christmas you know, but that's still about two chapters away so I will will will must must MUST - but probably won't - update again this weekend, I dunno we'll see.

Thanks for the fantastic reviews again *squeals because I got to a hundred reviews woo*

Leave meh some moree pls tnx

x

D


	15. Cliches

October passed quickly for the students of Hogwarts. As the days got shorter, the workload got larger and the Seventh Years seemed especially stressed; with the threat of N.E.W.T.s hanging in the air, they lashed out at anyone including little First and Second Years who were unfortunate enough to get in their way. In addition, the attacks going on outside of school had not receded; just a few days ago, Justin Garrow had received news that his Uncle had been put in St. Mungo's for resisting the Death Eaters. Hushed rumors of Voldemort spread around the school, how he was unstoppable, how he was not even human. People were so scared they began to refer to him as You-Know-Who, convinced that uttering his name would send him after their own family.

In short, it came as a relief when the end of October came around and the Halloween Feast quickly approached. It would be a short relief from all the tension that twisted around the guts of everyone in the castle (except perhaps the Slytherins, who seemed unaffected). And so the Prefects devoted their time to planning the Feast, determined to make it the best Hogwarts had seen in years.

They tossed around ideas amongst themselves, mostly of food and decorations. Lily was especially intent on implementing one of her ideas: this year, she wanted the students of Hogwarts to follow the eons-long muggle tradition of dressing up for Halloween. It was such a brilliant idea, so simply brilliant, that Lily could feel nothing but frustration when the other Prefects didn't seem to share her enthusiasm. For some reason or the other, the idea seemed to confuse them.

"But... why would I dress up as a witch if I'm already a witch?" Helen Brody, the Fifth Year Ravenclaw Prefect asked confusedly at the meeting.

"You don't have to dress up as a witch," Lily said patiently. "You can dress up as anything: a cat, a vampire, a werewolf..."

"But those are scary."

"Yes I know. That's the point."

Eventually they took it to a vote, and Lily was delighted when over a good seventy percent of them agreed. The only ones who disagreed were the Slytherin Prefects (some like Severus had opted not to vote) who thought it was "juvenile and pointless."

The news spread over the school and the Muggleborns who were familiar with the tradition were beside themselves. Their excitement was so infectious that soon, everyone seemed to be excited for the 31st. Lily was extremely proud of herself for pulling it all together.

"I have to be something cute," Marlene announced at lunch the day before Halloween. "Something cute, but something scary at the same time. And it has to look like I put enough effort into it, but not like I spent hours and hours on it."

"Which is probably what you're going to do anyway," Alice pointed out. "Just be a cat, Mar. They're cute."

"But they're not scary, are they?" Marlene said thoughtfully, popping a piece of shepherd's pie into her mouth. "Besides, half the female population is going to be a cat! I need to be different... especially considering Andrew and that bint Polly are both in my ancient runes class."

'That bint Polly' was Andrew Juxenberg's ex- Ravenclaw girlfriend who had apparently just heard of Marlene's interest in her ex. Still not over him, Polly had confronted Marlene and quite politely asked her to stay away from Andrew. She had not reacted very well when Marlene had told her to 'bugger the hell off,' and had now resorted to glaring at the Gryffindor from across the Great Hall and trying to outshine her in any way that she could.

Yet, despite Polly's possessiveness it seemed Andrew was actually considering returning to his ex, much to Marlene's disapproval. He had gently told Marlene that he needed SPACE to figure THINGS out. Naturally, Marlene had exploded at him - ("how can you even think of going back to that frizzy haired twat?!" [and it was no exaggeration, for she did have very frizzy blonde hair]) till she realized that if she wanted to reel him back in, she had to act as sane as she possibly could.

"I just have to pretend as if I'm okay with it," Marlene told them darkly, stabbing at her plate with her fork. "He's not going back to that slag if I have any say in this. All I need is a spanking hot costume and he'll come crawling back."

"Glad to know your relationship isn't based purely physical attraction."

"Shut UP Alice. Why do you have to be so goddamn cynical all the time."

"Me? ME? I'm not cynical. Lily! Tell her I'm not cynical."

Lily was not listening; she was having her own argument with James and Sirius, who sat opposite from her.

"I'll just dress up as a muggle and be done with it," Sirius was shrugging nonchalantly.

James agreed with him. "That's bloody brilliant."

"You most certainly will not," Lily cried. "Come dressed like a muggle and ill kick you out of the great hall, Sirius, I promise. You won't have a _bite_ out of that feast."

"Calm down, love," he said with that characteristic laziness. "You don't _actually_ expect me to cooperate with this, do you?"

"Yes. I do. We Muggleborns take our traditions very seriously."

"So I suppose you already have a costume all picked out and ready then?" He said through a mouth full of food. "What is it? A red haired hooker? Because we're supposed to dress up as something we're not..."

"Hardy har har," she replied dryly.

The next morning, the Sixth Year Girls' Dorm was an explosion of clothes, fabric and hair products as the four girls prepared their costumes. Lily stood in front of the full length mirror that was propped against the dresser, inspecting her costume.

"I don't know, Lils," Mary dead panned, cross legged on her bed, "it makes you look a little round."

Lily almost laughed. The costume consisted of a feathery bodysuit that made her look like... well, an owl that'd had one too many rats. Her legs and arms stuck out off the round costume awkwardly, making her look slightly comical. With it came a pair of medium sized wings and a hat for the owl eyes that Lily placed on her head.

"I look just like Cohen," she said happily, though she more closely resembled an oversized pumpkin than she did her owl.

"You look adorable, Lily," Alice complimented, from in front of the bathroom mirror. "Better than I do at any rate... Oh, this is silly, no one will understand my costume!"

Alice, mostly due to the insistence of Lily and Mary, was dressing up as Alice in Wonderland. With her blonde hair, and her blue eyes, she was absolutely perfect for the popular Muggle character, but Alice didn't seem to think so.

"Yes they will, Al," Mary said comfortingly. "A good twenty percent of the school is Muggleborn. They can't miss it. Here, just pin your hair up like this..."

It took Mary some effort to help Alice pin up her hair as her hands were covered with fake fur. So were her legs and the sides of her face. She had opted to dress up as a werewolf, and though the fake fangs and slitted eyes made her look slightly terrifying, Lily thought her costume was brilliant especially since Mary had made Seth dress up as an innocent boy who she'd attacked and bloodied.

"We have five minutes to get downstairs if we're going to get any breakfast," Lily informed her dorm mates, glancing at her watch. "Marlene, are you _quite_ _done_?"

"Almost!" Marlene cried from the dresser. "Just... one... more... There! How do I look?"

Marlene was a mermaid. After hours of consideration, she had finally settled for the not-so-scary look by transfiguring her robes into a long fake mermaid tail that resembled a sparkling, multi-colored bridal dress train."Beautiful," Lily replied truthfully. "You make a very good mermaid, Mar."

They headed down, chattering with excitement. Lily could barely stop beaming as she walked by the students in their various costumes in the corridors... there was a fish... some cats... some members of the Weird sisters. More than once, people would stop her in the hallway and praise her for coming with such a fantastic idea.

By the time Lily walked - or waddled - into DADA class for first period, she was the happiest she'd been in weeks.

Even the Marauders had dressed up. Granted they'd just dressed up as Quidditch players from the Chudley Cannons ("their team uniforms are the scary bit ") but at least they'd heeded Lily's warning and ditched the muggle outfits.

Sirius whistled as the four girls took their seats behind him and James.

"Festive," he said appreciatively, glancing them up and down. "Although I think Marlene's my favorite," he winked.

"Stuff it, Black," Marlene said, without missing a beat. "This outfit is for one person alone and quite fortunately, he's not you."

"I don't know, Padfoot," James said. He looked very much like he was trying not to laugh. "I think Evans' is my favorite. Are you supposed to be an owl?"

Lily stopped halfway from pulling out her textbook and said affrontedly, "What do you mean _supposed_ to be?"

"You look like a pumpkin, Evans."

"You just don't have an imagination," she countered.

James fully turned around in his seat, amusement clear on his face. Before Lily knew what he was doing, he raised his wand and tapped it twice on her costume. Immediately, the cheap faux-fur grew longer and softer, and the round shape transformed into one more similar to that of owl.

Lily stared down at it, speechless for a few moments.

"There," James said, smiling slightly. "Much better."

Just then, before Lily could thank him or yell at him - she hadn't decided yet - Professor Darcy walked into the room, and called for their attention.

* * *

><p>Night fell soon and the whole castle was abuzz in the Great Hall. The Feast was a total success. Plates upon plates of delicious food filled all four House tables, enough to surely feed a small city. The candles were ablaze, the enchanted roof revealed a clear, starry night, and spirits ran high through the students.<p>

There was, however, one student who was not enjoying the night's festivities. Rather, he was crouched behind the old statue of St. Barmy on the corridor of the third floor, hidden under an invisibility cloak and whispering into a handheld mirror.

"I've got them," James whispered. "Did you get the lacewings?"

A groan emerged from the mirror. "Damn, I forgot. I'm too far away. You have to go get them then."

"Damn it, Sirius," James sighed. "I don't have the map!"

"You'll be fine," Sirius insisted. "You've got the cloak, don't you? You just have to keep an eye out. Darcy might not even be there. And we know Slughorn is definitely at the feast."

"I'm more worried about Filch," James said. "If he catches me trying to sneak into the Potion's storeroom one more time, he won't give up till I'm expelled."

"Prongs, we can't make the potion without lacewings."

"I know that."

"Well, then stop being a little prig about it and go get them."

"This is _your _fault!" James pointed out. "You _forgot_. I mean, really…"

"Hurry up!"

"Fine. Meet me at the doors in ten minutes. If I'm not there, assume I've been caught."

"Roger dodger."

James stuffed the mirror into the pocket of his robes and took a deep breath. He paused for a few moments then rose from his crouched position and headed down the corridor.

He'd done this hundreds... thousands of times. Snuck into the potions storeroom, that was. But it was the first time James was doing it this year, and even though he could feel that familiar excitement that came with rule-breaking creeping up in him, there was also a certain caution with it.

Perhaps it was because this year, Professor Darcy's office had been placed adjacent to the storeroom. And though Darcy wasn't necessarily EVIL, he seemed a very no-nonsense sort of person that would not tolerate students stealing from the castle. Not to mention James had been particularly distrustful of him since he'd taken fifty points from Gryffindor. That had been totally unnecessary in James' opinion. And unfair. He hadn't MEANT to hurt Avery. Yeah, he wasn't particularly disappointed in the outcome but it hadn't been his original intention, something Darcy should have realized. He'd come to the conclusion that Professor Darcy really didn't like him much, especially when he'd made James stay after class to lecture him on the importance of sportsmanship. With Slytherins! He'd even gone so far as to bring up James parents, saying that he'd doubt they'd be pleased that their son went around taking out his anger on innocent people. As if he knew a thing about his parents. In fact, James was willing to bet his broomstick that Darcy had barely spoken two words to them before their death.

The thought made him angry. So angry that he only realized he was stomping till he arrived in front of the storeroom. Cursing himself for so being so careless (someone could've heard him), James silently placed his palm on the door and twisted slightly.

Of course, it was locked. A simple _Alohomora_ would take care of that.

But before he cast the spell it occurred to James that he ought to make sure he would not be interrupted. Tugging his invisibility cloak even further down, he crept to the door a few feet from where he was standing – Professor Darcy's door. And to his surprise the door stood partially open.

James frowned. Professor Darcy was still in alright. The professor's quiet voice drifted softly from behind the door, as though he were speaking very lowly. James cursed under his breath, quickly mapping his next move - maybe he would throw some Dungbombs to lure the professor out of his office? Before he could think much, however, he heard something that caught his attention.

"...not a mention of the Potters..."

James started.

The Potters? Why would Professor be talking about his family? And to whom?

Now intent on deciphering the conversation, James leaned forward till he was pressed against the door and peered through the crack. It was dark in the room, but there was enough light to see the silhouette of Professor Darcy crouched near the fireplace on the right side. Immediately, James knew he was talking to someone who'd used Floo Powder. It was a form of conversation his parents had adopted many times when they needed to quickly exchange information with someone who was far away. It had always come as a shock to him when he would walk down to the kitchen for breakfast and see someone's head floating in the fireplace.

"... said he'd like to keep it that way," Darcy was saying. "The less they talk, the more confident they must be. The next attack will be executed in the same way."

The person in the fire was saying something that was hard to decipher. More curious than ever, James strained his ears. It was a woman, he could tell...

"...be so certain. You're SURE the letter says to meet them at the Lestranges?"

"Right here in black and white." Darcy flourished something in his right hand and James caught sight of a piece of parchment. "And I'm positive Lucius will be there, though I hear he's been quite busy these days."

"I've heard the same."

"I just hope," Darcy muttered, "that I can get in and get out, and Dumbledore will be none the wiser."

James' heart was thumping wildly in his chest and his mind was whirring dangerously fast. He was trying to piece the few random bits of information he had heard... but in all ways possible it led back to... but no. No, it COULDN'T be.

"I've got to head back to the feast. We'll speak later," James heard Darcy say and he panicked. He only had time to see the professor stuff the parchment in the drawer of the desk before he stepped away from the door and pressed himself flat against the opposite wall. Seconds later, Professor Darcy emerged from the room, a grim expression on his face.

He turned and cast a _'Collopurtus'_ spell on the door, and headed down the hallway, his footsteps slowly getting softer. James remained on the wall, trying to calm his racing heart ...thinking hard...

Was Professor Darcy a Death Eater? Why else would he be talking about another attack? James knew the Lestranges. They were an old pure blood family who made their views against muggles very clear at every opportunity, even when they were at the dinner table. He was also almost a hundred percent sure that their son was a Death Eater. If it was anyone, it was the young, ambitious boy who'd laughed right in James' face when he'd mentioned that a Muggleborn was the best witch in their year.

Surely, James thought as he opened the door to the potions storeroom, the Lestranges were heavily involved with Voldemort by now. It was only likely that their house would be some sort of headquarters for the Death Eaters. That must be why Darcy was going.

Because he was a Death Eater!

_Come on, Potter_, James argued with himself. _Let's not jump to conclusions._ _Maybe it's not his letter. Maybe he's just heard about the meeting and is going to catch the Death Eaters. _

But why then, would he want to keep Dumbledore in the dark about it? If he wanted to catch the Death Eaters, surely he wouldn't be stupid enough to go on his own? Wouldn't he show Dumbledore the letter?

The letter.

Of course. Any questions James wanted would be in that letter, he was sure of it.

_Labiums... labrats... lacewings_!

There, on the row of alphabetically arranged potion ingredients, stood a small jar of lacewings. James pulled it off the shelf and quickly transferred a handful of them into his pocket. Satisfied with the amount, he placed the jar back on the shelf and turned to exit.

As he closed the door behind him, James looked at Professor Darcy's door and hesitated. It was very likely he would not get another opportunity like this again. He itched to know what was in that letter. And it would only take a simple unlocking spell... but no. He'd already wasted enough time and dinner was almost over.

Tomorrow, he thought with conviction. Tomorrow, right before the match when everyone was out of the castle, he would head up here and he would find out exactly what Professor Darcy was up to. For now, however, there were potions to be made and feasts to be attended.

* * *

><p>"Where the bloody hell, is he?" Sirius muttered to Remus.<p>

They, along with Peter, sat at the Gryffindor table, heads huddled close together. They paid no attention to the Grand Feast happening around them. Sirius was tapping his fork on the table impatiently and Peter's eyes kept drifting over to the Great Hall doors every five seconds. Remus, the ever-patient one, said calmly, "Give him time. He said ten minutes, didn't he?"

"But it's been twelve," said Sirius, testily. "What if he's been caught?"

"Darcy's not here," Peter interjected nervously. Together, the three boys glanced at the teachers' table and sure enough, the seat beside Professor McGonagall was empty. "I think he might have caught James."

"Bloody hell, we've got to go get him," Sirius moaned. "The whole plan is ruined."

"Will you two calm down?" Remus demanded. "It's only been twelve minutes-"

"Thirteen now."

"-James is no amateur. I'm sure he's fine."

And Remus was right. At that moment, the doors opened slightly and James slipped through, an unreadable expression on his face.

Sirius let out a sigh of relief. "What happened?" he demanded, as James approached them and took a seat beside Peter.

"Nothing," said James. "Darcy was in his office so I had to be careful."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "That's it?"

James' eyes flickered to Sirius' then down to the table. A sure sign he was lying. "Yes. That's it."

Sirius looked at his best friend suspiciously. He considered pushing the subject – it was very unlike James to lie to them – but there was something in his face that told Sirius that James really didn't want to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him. Maybe it had to do with Lily (that was usually the cause of James' gloominess). After all, he'd been sort of off since their trip to Hogsmeade when Lily and Jeremy had become increasingly close. Even now the redhead and the Seventh Year sat together at the other side of the Gryffindor table, flicking peas at each other. But James had barely even glanced at the two since he'd walked in, so that couldn't be it, could it?

"Are the lacewings all that are left?" Sirius sighed, deciding to let it go for now.

Peter pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and peered at it. "I think so," he said. "We need to add them in tonight at midnight, then let it stew for a week. After that, it _should_ be ready. Right Remus?"

"Why are you asking _me_?" Remus asked incredulously. "James and Sirius are the brilliant ones."

"Yeah but you're the one that got it from the library," Peter said. "It doesn't matter, anyway. I think we're on the right track."

"Brilliant," Sirius said briskly, finally turning his attention to his food. "We'll definitely be ready after Christmas is over."

"Yeah," James murmured.

All three boys glanced at James this time.

"You alright, Prongs?" Remus asked carefully.

James looked up. "Just nervous for the game tomorrow, that's all."

"You'll be fine, James," Peter offered. "You're much better than the Slytherins and you've been training for weeks. Over half the school is rooting for you. You have to win."

Then Peter dug into his food happily. Sirius and Remus, however, exchanged looks as soon as James looked back down at his plate. A single message passed between the two boys:

James was hiding something.

* * *

><p>When Lily awoke the next day, she was pleased to see a clear blue sky outside the window. The sun shone brightly down unto the grounds and she could faintly see the huge silhouette of Hagrid tending to the pumpkin patches near the leafless trees of the Forbidden Forest.<p>

"Perfect Quidditch conditions," she heard Marlene mutter as the brunette tied a red and gold scarf around her neck.

Yawning, Lily slipped out of her bed and stretched. "And what do you know about Quidditch conditions, Mar?" she questioned, walking across the room to the bathroom door. "Oi! Alice, I'm going to miss breakfast if you don't let me shower! Anyway, Mar – you still don't know half the rules of the game."

"I do too!" Marlene protested. "Don't I, Mary?"

"She does too," Mary echoed from under her sheets.

"I've been looking through that book – Quidditch Through The Ages, isn't it? Borrowed it from Andrew," she said proudly.

"She wants Andrew to think she's some sort of Quidditch expert," Mary's voice came again, "so she spent hours poring over the book while you were at your meeting last night."

Lily groaned. Marlene had become nothing short of obsessed with Andrew Juxenberg lately. All she did was scheme about how to win his affections, much to the chagrin of her friends. They had never seen her so determined on a bloke; most of the time it was the guy obsessed with _her_. "Marlene," Lily started exasperatedly. "Don't you think that you should at least try to be yourself and then maybe-"

"Spare me the speech, Lils," Marlene interrupted. There was a slightly annoyed tone in her voice as she fixed her hair in front of the mirror. "We can't all have reached self-actualization like you have."

"I just think –"

"Don't worry about it!" Marlene snapped. "I like him, okay? And I want him to like me back, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes. It would be nice if you all _helped _me, rather than put me down at every chance you get."

Mary finally emerged from under her sheets to glance back and forth between the two girls. "We do _not_ put you down!" Lily folded her arms, frowning. "Is it so bad that I just want my best friend to be happy with the bloke she likes?"

"I'll be _happy _once I start dating him."

"He's not right for you, Mar," Lily stated. "He clearly isn't if he's even hesitating to jump at the chance to go out with you."

Marlene hesitated. "He's just confused. It's happened to the best of us."

It was then that Alice emerged from the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body and a separate one wrapped around her hair. Sensing the tension in the room, she paused and looked around. "What's going on?"

"Once there's another girl in the picture, you've already lost him," Lily insisted, ignoring Alice. "You don't deserve to be a second choice, Marlene! You deserve someone that would move this bloody castle for you if he had to."

"Well, if you haven't noticed I'm a bit lacking in the department of love-stricken boys," Marlene said coldly. "I suppose you've got James, Mary has Seth and Alice has bloody Frank Longbottom. And who do I have? No one. So I'm sorry Lily but I'll take what I can get."

"Mar, _loads_ of blokes would die to go out with you-"

"But they don't actually like me, do they?" Marlene slammed the brush onto the table and glared at her reflection. "All they want is a shag."

"You think I can't relate?" Lily replied. "Potter –"

"Oh, shut up Lily," Marlene snapped. She whirled round and headed to her bed and began to stuff things into it. "You can't actually be serious. Potter is fucking in love with you, and if you can't see that, you're as blind as my great aunt Betty."

Lily gaped at her best friend. "Mar-"

"Drop it," she muttered. "I'm sitting with the Seventh Years at the game." And with that, she grabbed her bag and exited the room, closing it softly behind her.

Lily gaped at the door, trying to make sense of Marlene's words. Was she serious? Surely, Marlene didn't think Potter was really in _love_ with her. Because he _wasn't_.

"For what it's worth, I agree with you," Alice piped up, after several moments of stunned silence. "About the Andrew thing I mean, not James."

Lily did not reply. Rather, she huffed and stomped angrily to the dressing table, grabbed her brush and made her way to the shower.

It was only after she and Mary (Alice had left to sit with Frank) had arrived at the Quidditch Pitch an hour later, found some empty spots beside Remus and Peter, and had taken their seats, that Lily finally burst out:

"James Potter is _not _in love with me!"

Simultaneously, Mary, Remus and Peter turned to her with equally puzzled looks on their faces.

"He _isn't_," she repeatedly stubbornly. "Why would Marlene say that?"

Remus and Peter only looked startled. Mary, however, rolled her eyes and shot her best mate an exasperated look. "Lily," she said, "yes, he is."

"No, he's _not_! He doesn't even _know_ me. Not really. Besides, he hasn't asked me out in _ages_. Surely that means he's over me."

"If that's true, I'm a penguin," Mary said. "James was besotted with you. And feelings aren't like a switch – you can't just turn them off. Right, Remus?"

Any thoughts the sandy haired boy had of defending his best mate were quelled by the murderous look on Lily's face. Instead he coughed, "Erm, I'd rather you didn't bring me into this –"

"But he doesn't _actually_ like me," Lily snapped. "For Merlin's sake, all he wants is a shag, and just because I'm the only one who won't give it to him –"

As though heeding to the silent wishes of her friends, who were more than familiar with the James Potter Is A Git speech, there was a loud whistle and a swish of robes and a roar from the crowd; the game had started.

For the first day of November, it wasn't as cold as it should've been. As it was, all Lily had on was a Gryffindor scarf and a pair of light gloves and she found she was quite comfortable. Or perhaps it was the heat and the excitement of the atmosphere around her that kept her warm. The first game of the year was always one of the best of them all, coming second only to the last game.

However, exciting as the game was, Lily was having trouble concentrating. Marlene's words drifted around her head, twisting and turning and confusing the life out of her. _Well, if you haven't noticed I'm a bit lacking in the department of love-stricken boys…_ Lily had never really thought about it, but it was true. Marlene had never had a boyfriend. A proper, long-term boyfriend, that was. Sure, she'd had summer flings and she'd had _some_ relationships, but they'd all ended the same way: they would either cheat on her or they would leave her for another girl. Marlene tried to pretend like it didn't affect her; hell, she'd even convinced her best friends of it. But it was becoming apparent that it got to her a lot more than she let on.

"Lily, are you even paying attention?"

Lily snapped out of her daze and looked sheepishly at Mary. "Sorry. What'd I miss?"

"Slytherin just scored," she said grimly, her dark hair whipping in the wind. "Again."

Cursing, Lily focused her attention on the pitch and tuned into the commentary of Keith Chapman, an avid Quidditch fan from Ravenclaw.

"... now 70-30 to Slytherin! Lucky shot up there for Zabini. It's doubtful, and I mean really doubtful, that he could do it again."

There were boos from the Slytherins, but Keith kept cheerfully going.

"Seems the Gryffindors are having a bad day. First match of the season too. Could it be poor Captainship on Potter's part?"

A lot more boos and protests this time, mostly from the Gryffindors. Feeling a slight twinge of sympathy for James, Lily sought him out on the field. He was hovering near the rings, and though Lily was too far away to read his facial expression, she could almost feel the scowl forming on his face.

"Oh hush up, the lot of you," Keith said. "Anyway, Abigail Scott for Gryffindor's got the ball... clean pass to Tuney... he's making a clear shot for the goal... passed to Potter... nice catch... dodges a close bludger there, which Black returns with vengeance... Potter's going to make the shot... he feigns... And it goes in! Ten points for Gryffindor!"

The crowd erupted into cheers. Lily found herself cheering loudly as well. Remus pumped his fist in the air from beside her.

"Hopefully the rest of the game goes this way," He said excitedly after they'd taken their seats once more. "James really wants to win. First game as Captain and all."

"We're going to," Lily replied confidently. "Potter's a good Captain. We'll win. I'm sure of it."

Remus raised an eyebrow at her, the corners of his mouth tilted up slightly. "You think he's a good captain?"

"Yeah," she said defensively. "I've seen the practices. Anyone with two functioning eyes can see that he knows what he's doing."

"Oh, sure."

"Stop it, Remus."

"Stop what?"

"Stop using that knowing little voice of yours. There's nothing to know."

"Of course."

Lily would have glared at him. But right then there was a roar from the crowd and she quickly returned her attention to the game.

It was a long, dirty one. The Slytherins and Gryffindors showed each other no mercy. Sirius would smash a bludger into someone's back and in return, the Slytherin beater would knock a Gryffindor off their broom with a bat. Abigail would grab hold of the ball and would get elbowed in the stomach by a Slytherin Chaser. Try as they might, the simple fact of the matter was that the Slytherins were faster than the Gryffindors. Every single one of them had top notch brooms, while James and Andrew Juxenberg were the only ones with decent brooms on the Gryffindor team. As a result, the Slytherins were clearly dominating in the game. Eventually Abigail, James, and Marco Tuney had to resort to strange ways to avoid getting blocked by one of the Slytherins' nasty tricks.

Still the game dragged on, with Slytherin constantly ahead by at least twenty points. The Slytherins were elated, roaring their approval every time they made a goal. The rest of the school, even the Hufflepuffs and the Ravenclaws, gasped and moaned. No one wanted the Slytherins to win, not even Keith Chapman whose bias shone clearly through his commentary on those 'dirty, cheating Slytherin gits."

Dusk had fallen when, finally, Keith Chapman let out a gasp.

"Looks like the snitch has finally been spotted, folks!"

Lily blew on her hands (it had gotten much colder with the sun down) as she leaned forward eagerly. Matthew Spooner was diving towards the bottom of the pitch, small and speedy as a bullet. Lily felt Mary squeeze her arm.

"We're going to win!" The brunette said excitedly. "We're only ten points behind. We're going to win!"

They jumped up and down excitedly. But then almost out of nowhere, the Slytherin Chaser, Justin Garrow, was diving down towards Matthew. He was speeding up... he had caught up with him...

"They're both heading towards the ground! This better not be a feint!" Keith was yelling.

But everyone could tell it was not. There was no missing that glint of gold...

"It's a close one! Spooner's got the advantage here: he's smaller! And brighter too! No - Professor - sorry - Merlin this is close! Spooner pulls ahead... now Garrow... now Spooner! And... he reaches... Someone's got it! It's... it's... oh no..."

It was almost silent in the pitch. With the exception of the Slytherins, of course, who exploded with cheers once it became apparent that it was their seeker who had caught the snitch. Lily blinked rapidly, loosening her grip on Mary's arm.

"And Slytherin wins, 390 to 230," Keith Chapman was saying flatly. "Don't know where the hell that came from, but there you go. Slytherin wins the first match of the year."

Almost instantaneously, half the crowd stood and began to exit the pitch with angry murmurs. Lily, Mary, Remus, and Peter remained in their seats.

"What the hell just happened?" Lily demanded. "Slytherin won? Is this serious?"

Peter shook his head gravely. "Serious as a heart attack."

Remus was staring down at the pitch. "Oh no," he murmured. "James..."

Once again, Lily sought out James on the quickly darkening pitch. There he was, walking away from the huddled clump that was his team, broomstick slung over his shoulder. No one followed him or ran after him; he'd probably told them to let him be.

"We should get down there," she heard Remus say, and she agreed. Soon, the four of them were heading across the pitch towards the team.

They didn't say anything as they approached. It seemed as if the Gryffindor Quidditch team was stunned into silence by their loss. They stood awkwardly in a circle, heads down and defeated looks on their faces, only looking up to see Lily, Mary and Remus arrive.

"Er…" Mary tried, stepping into place beside Marco Tuney and Victoria Roberts. "Good game, guys."

They all turned to her and she quailed under their glares. Sirius only shook his head and beckoned the team towards the changing rooms. As the only person on the team with as much experience as James, it was only fitting that he be in charge when their Captain was unavailable. "Changing rooms, people," he ordered lowly. "If we hurry, we can catch some dinner."

He muttered a quick 'Catch you later,' to Remus and followed the rest of his team to change. With his slumped back and unusually strewn about hair, Lily could say for once in her life, she felt slightly sorry for Sirius Black. He and James were extremely passionate about Quidditch; to lose to the Slytherins must've crushed them. And while Lily agreed that it was fine, healthy even, for their egos to be smashed every once in a while, she wouldn't wish losing to Slytherins to anyone.

So she called out to their retreating backs, "It really was a good game, y'know."

It appeared only Sirius heard her. He stopped and turned to her, his perfect eyebrow curved up in a questioning manner.

"No amount of money in the world can buy talent, yeah?" she said, having to yell a little to be heard over the wind. "You lot are worth a hundred of the Slytherin team."

Sirius stared at her hard, till Lily felt uncomfortable. She pushed her flying hair out of her face and saw Sirius nod at her. "Thanks, Evans," he said. Lily smiled in return, though as he turned away she thought she heard him say, "But we still lost."

* * *

><p>They'd lost.<p>

The thought swirled around in James's head over and over again as he leaned forward against the rails of the Astronomy Tower.

They'd really, really lost. Perhaps if they'd lost by ten or twenty points, he could have called it luck. A fluke. A careless mistake. But they'd lost by a hundred and sixty bloody points. There was no excuse for that except lack of preparation and bad captainship. Keith Chapman had been right. It was all James' fault.

He was supposed to be Captain. How could he have been so blind? He had completely overlooked the high possibility that the Slytherins would have superior brooms. For Merlin's sake, if they added up all their money together, the Slytherins could probably buy out bloody Hogwarts if they wanted. He should've taken that into consideration... somehow incorporated it into his play strategies. Instead, he'd sent his team into a bloody battlefield without any knowledge of what the opponents had planned for them. And they'd been destroyed.

As if he didn't feel guilty enough, it would not escape James that he had been totally unfocused during the game. He'd snuck into Darcy's room right before the game, made a copy of the letter and stolen the original. However, he'd been short on time and had been unable to read it, so it had been all he could think about during the game: what did the letter say.

He found out as soon as he'd reached the Astronomy tower and was disappointed. It hadn't said much, only a vague call for a meeting that would take place at the Lestranges' Manor down south in Wiltshire, the day before Christmas. It was unclear who had been invited, but James was willing to bet his broomstick that both Lucius and Professor Darcy would attend. He _needed_ to go that meeting. If there was anywhere he could find out exactly why and by whom his parents were killed, it would be there.

Now the question of 'How was James to go about it?' remained.

He lifted the long cigarette in his hand, placed it in his mouth and took a long drag. As he watched the wind whirl the smoke away, James knew he couldn't simply confront Darcy about letter. As much as it stung James's pride to admit it, he probably couldn't take Darcy on his own. He also knew he could not, under any circumstances, tell Remus, Peter or even Sirius about the letter... yet he knew that if they ever found out (which they would, as it was nearly impossible to keep anything from them) they would not take it lightly at all. But what was he to do? He couldn't just throw his friends in the path of such danger. If everything he knew was true, _Voldemort_ was after him. This wasn't some prank, or something to be taken lightly; it was serious and dangerous and risky and James would have to handle it on his own. But could he take on entire team of well-trained Dark Wizards?

Frustration rose up in James like vomit. Without thinking about it, he whirled on his heel and he punched the wall beside him, almost crushing the cigarette in his hand. Pain shot up his arm but he ignored it. Everything was too much. Memories and thoughts sprung up behind his eyes all at once, crippling him.

_The sound of Madame Hooch's whistle calling the end of the game._

_The absolute silence of the Pitch that rang with disappointment and anger. It was James's fault they must be thinking... what a terrible Captain..._

_His father scolding him for the time he'd thrown a Quaffle at the chandelier in the Entrance Hall and it had come crashing down. _

_"This is your fault James! No one else's. So you're going to clean it up. Not suri, not Moulkar. You."_

_Lily Evans walking away him in anger, red hair flowing behind her. _

_"Evans, I'm sorry!"_

_"No," she snapped. "Severus and I are no longer friends and it's all your fault."_

_ His mother's still face, staring up at the ceiling and James calling her name, begging her to wake up. _

_"Your fault James. No one else's!"_

"No," he breathed, leaning on the railing to keep from falling to his knees. "I'm _sorry_. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry..."

_His father's face, hard with concentration. Unmoving. Dead. _

_This is your fault, James. _

_Your fault, James. _

_James..._

"You're such a fucking cliché."

James breathed in sharply, eyes still squeezed shut. From beneath his eyelids, he could sense the flood of light that surely must be coming through the opened door behind him. He knew that voice. He didn't want that voice here.

"I mean, really," the amused voice continued, gradually getting closer. "Smoking on the Astronomy Tower after a devastating loss; leaning a little too closely against the rails in a melancholy fashion. Tell me, Potter. Are you always this trite?"

James sighed. "You have a really annoying habit of talking to me when I least need to be talked to."

"It's part of my charm."

He sighed again as he felt her pull up beside him. "What do you want, Evans?"

She didn't say anything for a bit. James wondered if she would say anything about his smoking. After all, she was a Prefect and it was illegal within the castle walls. But she said nothing, only standing beside him and staring down at the grounds.

It was funny; last year, he would have given anything for Lily Evans to come looking for him, then stand beside him _willingly_ in the Astronomy Tower. His heart would have beat faster and he might have even been sweating with nervousness. Now, James was thoroughly fed up with emotions. Anger, hope, sorrow, nervousness, lust; he wanted none of it. All he wanted to focus on was his cigarette and his throbbing hand.

"So," Lily said slowly. "That game."

James groaned. "No offense, Evans, but I really don't want to talk about it with you."

"You know you actually did pretty well," Lily continued as though she hadn't heard him. "What was it, ten points?"

"A hundred and sixty," James corrected before he could stop himself.

"Before the snitch was caught, you prat," Lily mused. "Even with better brooms, you lot still managed to keep up with the Slytherins. So ultimately it came down to that snitch, which was something you had no control over."

James mulled over her words. It was true they'd managed not to fall so behind the Slytherins and would have won had the snitch been caught. But he refused to blame Matthew. _He _was Captain, and everyone knew your team was only as good as your Captain.

"If I'd just trained Spooner a little bit harder, he would have-"

"Died?" Lily offered. "You trained that team to the ground, James. There was really nothing you could have done."

Now fed up, with her easy attitude – she was talking to him as though he was upset over nothing, like it was just _some game_ – James turned his head to glare at her. Sensing his irritation, she raised her eyebrow at him in return.

"Don't you have patrols or something?" he asked, a little more harshly than he'd intended. "Why are you up here?"

The redhead frowned as though she were actually pondering the answer to the question herself. She turned away from him and pulled the scarf (Gryffindor) she was wearing around her neck tighter. "Technically," she replied, "you're breaking the rules by being up here. It's past curfew and it's my duty to make sure you head back to the tower."

"Bullshit," he muttered. "You're just bored."

Lily smiled. "Maybe."

Thankfully, she didn't speak after that, and James was free to be glum. Once again, he pulled up his cigarette, noticing with displeasure that it was almost done, and pulled it to his lips. He didn't intend to smoke again; it had been a brash move stealing it from Sirius' stash but he'd been stressed.

_This will be the last smoke_, he thought to himself. He had never really picked it up, as his mother had hated the habit. She'd hated it so much that Henry had to stop smoking in order to have any peace in the house.

_Those things will kill you_, _Henry_, Marie would shriek. _I can't have you dying on me over a stupid stick of ash_!

Ironic, James thought, that he'd ended up dying regardless.

"Can I ask you something, Potter?" Lily asked suddenly, turning round to stare at him. Her emerald eyes seemed to glow even brighter in the light of the half moon. "And don't take this the wrong way or anything, but I think I really need to know… approximately how much of the time are you thinking about getting a shag?"

James dropped his cigarette. "_What_?"

Lily sighed. "Just answer, yeah? Not just you, I suppose, but blokes in general."

James gaped at her completely serious face, and fought off the urge to laugh. "Geez, I dunno, Evans," he mused, bending to pick up the small white stick. "I'd say approximately forty percent of the time, to be honest. Why?"

"Forty?" she asked scathingly.

"I don't _know. _Maybe thirty. _Why?"_

She had an odd look on her face, like she didn't believe him.

"Are you going to tell me the reason for your question?"

She burst out: "I don't know, okay, it just seems to me like all you blokes ever think about it sex sex sex sex sex! It's so… _annoying_!"

James stared at her, startled. He suspected Lily was on the verge of bursting into a long I Hate Men speech (one that he'd head many times from his mother and his cousins that lived in Ireland) and he was totally unprepared for it.

"Er… it's not _all _blokes," he tried to amend. "And we don't think about it _that _much. Not really. For me anyway, especially since-"

"I mean, really!" she continued over him. "You all _do_ realize that girls have feelings? They aren't objects placed around for you to try to conquer and then play with. It isn't a _game! _It's just so _frustrating_ how boys don't seem to understand that-"

"Hey it's not like that at all!" James protested, feeling the need to defend his sex. "Some blokes are pretty decent, you know. Like Remus. Peter's really nice to girls too. And that strange one from Hufflepuff… erm, Jackson Waters. Always going on about feminism and all that. It _depends_."

"On what?" Lily asked disdainfully.

"Well," James said, making sure to keep his eyes straight ahead of him. "Like I said, on the bloke. It also depends on the girl. If you really like her – and I don't mean just thinking she's fit – if you like _her_… erm, well, sex won't be the first thing on your mind… you know? You'd think about… holding her hand, and – and listening to her stories and… kind of how pretty her hair is…"

He trailed off and coughed, thankful it was too dark on the tower to see his flushing cheeks. Lily stared at him hard, making him feel stupid and uncomfortable. Finally, she tucked a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear and turned away.

"I was talking about Marlene," she muttered. "Sometimes, I worry about her. I just don't think she's ever really happy…"

She trailed off in a way similar to the way James had, and when he replied with a quiet "Oh," they both fell into silence.

"Can I ask _you_ something, Evans?" James said after several moments. He fiddled with the cigarette in his hand, and then flicked it over the rails.

"You just did."

"Now who's trite?" he shot back, and Lily smiled. "Right… say you hypothetically found some information – dangerous information, that is. And you really felt you ought to do something about it, yeah? Because you can't just sit back and do nothing about it. But say you couldn't do it alone, and you might need help with it." James hesitated as he mentally decided what would be the best way to explain himself, without giving anything away. "Would – would you risk asking your friends, Macdonald, McKinnon and Alice, I suppose, and putting them in harm's way? Or would you keep them in the dark knowing they'd be angry at you for lying to them but that they'd be safe?"

Lily stared at him, bewildered. "It's all hypothetical, of course," he added quickly.

"Huh," Lily said. "That's quite a predicament you've got there."

James sighed. "I know."

She seemed to be mulling it over, and James didn't blame her. After all, he had been thinking it through for over two hours. He gloomily picked at the sleeve of his robes, not really expecting any sound advice from her.

"You _really_ can't leave it alone?" Lily's gentle voice came.

James's jaw tensed. "No."

"Then you should tell them."

He turned to stare at her incredulously. "You think I should, despite the danger? You don't think it would kill me to know that if anything happens to them it'll be because of me?"

Lily stood there, eyebrows scrunched and eyes searching James' face as though she were trying to find out exactly what he was talking about. But James refused to budge. He stared defiantly back at her, determined to reveal nothing.

Finally Lily sighed, and with the air of someone who was picking out their words very carefully, she said, "What I _think,_ Potter, is that you're impulsive… and angry. And rightfully so. But what you think is best at the moment… well, it probably isn't."

James opened his mouth to talk, nut she cut him off quickly. "I could be wrong, of course. But personally, I would tell my friends. For one, they're my best mates. They deserve to know. And who knows? I could be putting them in more danger by not letting them know. Ignorance isn't always bliss." She paused. "But it's all hypothetical, right?"

James did not reply.

"Didn't think so," Lily mumbled. She shot him one more glance and then took a step back. "Go to bed, James. Richard Peyton will be up to check here soon and he won't be as lenient or as fun to talk to as I am."

And then she was gone, leaving James with only the moon to look at.

* * *

><p>"Do you WANT me to play Mr. Responsible here, Prongs?" were the first words out of Sirius' mouth as soon as James climbed through the portrait hole later that night.<p>

Sirius folded his arms and glared at his best friend. Beside him stood Peter and Remus, both of whom were not as fed up as Sirius, but both of whom had also not lost a match to the Slytherins earlier that day.

James paused in his tracks, clearly not expecting to be caught slipping in at one in the morning. He peered at his friends, a slightly guilty look on his face.

"You left," Sirius said annoyed as he stepped from behind the red couch that sat in front of the gradually dying fire. "The team lost and you just fucking left! You're _supposed_ to be Captain."

A dark look crossed over James face, replacing the guilt. "Yeah. I already botched it all up anyway," he said lowly. "Why stop at losing the game?"

"I told you he'd be like this," Sirius heard Peter mutter from his side, but Sirius ignored him. After losing a quick game of Who Can Toss This Parchment Into The Rubbish Bin? Sirius had been elected to approach James about losing the game. So approach him he would.

"Prongs," Sirius started, rolling his eyes. "We ALL lost that game. You should've BEEN there to pep us up and tell us what we did wrong and how to fix it, like a _proper_ captain! So do yourself a favor, do all of us a favor really, and stop acting so bloody martyred all the time. We get it, alright? The world is against you, and you're angry and all that, but in the name of Merlin's pants, stop acting like you're the only one that has anything to complain about! Because you're NOT."

There. He'd said it. Sirius could feel Remus and Peter staring at him in shock, but he didn't care. Thinking about it, it really could have only been him that needed to talk to James. Peter was too meek and Remus was too gentle. No, only Sirius could really tell James exactly what he needed to hear. He was tired of walking around James on eggshells, like the bloke would break if they even mentioned his parents. He wanted the old James back, the one that could face anything anf laugh everything off. He wanted his best friend again, and damn it, he would bring him back.

They stared at each other, Sirius and James, the former with his arms folded, while the latter glared. It seemed Sirius' words had only angered him, as James merely shot one last glare and turned to walk up the stairs.

"Oh right," Sirius called. "Just walk away. That seems to be your answer to everything now, doesn't it? Your parents die, you walk away. Slytherins piss you off, you walk away. Evans finds a new date, you walk away. You lose a Quidditch match, you walk away. Why don't you just stop being a coward and face your problems like real man?"

James whirled around, his fists clenched and a look of fury on his face. He looked like he was inches away from punching Sirius in the face, and Sirius was pleased. Anger meant he sensed the truth in Sirius' words.

"I'm not a coward," the raven-haired boy snarled.

Sirius stepped forward to meet him. "Prove it."

And Sirius really thought James would punch him then, but all he did was say "Fuck you," and then he turned to walk away again.

"James, wait!" Remus called.

At the sound of the level-headed boy's voice, James paused in his tracks but didn't turn round. "What?"

"Tell us what's wrong," Remus said, a note of desperation in his voice. "Please. We can help."

"There's nothing wrong," James automatically replied.

"You're lying," Sirius shot back, angrily. "Why the hell are you lying to us? We tell you EVERYTHING."

James hesitated, tenseness evident through his hunched shoulders. The three boys stood in the absolute silence of the Common Room, as they waited for James' answer.

"There... there's nothing to tell," James responded quietly. And before Sirius could grab him and maybe punch _him_ for being a prat, he had gone up the stairs.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** *Hides behind wall to avoid getting rocks being thrown at me* Er... I'm sorry?

Junior year sucks, tbh. It just really really sucks. But thanks for all your reviews, they really inspired me to get this chapter done, especially the heart warming reviews like 'Fuck u u won't update'. So thanks.

I think the chapter's really choppy, idk because I wrote it over the space of three months so I might have lost my touch at some points AND I didn't get it beta'd because I just wanted to post it up. But it's up now so I can breathe. Please please please please review, they make me feel like all this is worth it, you know? :)

Next chapter will be exciting. **Let me know what/who you'd like to see more of. If you follow my story, leave me your thoughts or else I will get mad and kill everyone off in the next chapter k**


	16. Heart Skipped A Beat

**A/N:** **Sorry I don't usually do this at the top but I really just wanted to thank a few people for their reviews!**

**The last poison apple**:_ aww I know poor James :( sometimes idek I'm making him so angsty lol I hope he's better soon too tbh._ **Clarinetier:** _I LOVE you for reviewing so frequently and thoroughly. They really help me become a better writer! As for James ugh the thing is, I'm really trying to make it so that he's really AFFECTED by his parents death. Personally, I've never had a relative dead before, but I must imagine its terrible and not something that can be gotten over in a couple of chapters, you know? I really want this to seem realistic, but I do understand where you're coming from! Guess we'll see in future chapters :)_ **Twilightstargazer:** _lol thanks! And I know I can't wait for us to see James back to normal! _**Oomizoomi:**_aww thanks bby 3_**QueenElizabeth3andCourtJester**:_ lol but it's fanfiction! Anything is possible! Haha thanks bucket loads for your review!_ **LilyHeartsJames:** _First off, fabulous username. Aw I'm so so happy you feel like that about my story! I love you!_ **JaneeDohh:**_ no you're amazing._ **TonksReincarnation:** _hi lol I'm super glad you like Lily's friends omg I actually put in a lot of thought towards them lol. I write like outlines for their lives and families and stuff bc I don't want them to be shallow and two dimensional. I really love Mary too but I love all of them, they are my babies 3 _**AA:** _hello gosh I wish you were signed in, anyway, thanks for reviewing! As for mcgonagall, she didn't exactly know what Avery said, did she? Lily only told her they were provoked but nothing about James parents (I can't really remember my motive for writing it like this but oh well it's done*shrugs*). Though remember in OOTP when harry and George attacked malfoy for insulting their parents and mcgonagall was still livid despite their valid excuses! But she's just an authoritarian we all love her regardless :)_

* * *

><p>"He'll tell us eventually, won't he?"<p>

Sirius sighed. "For the millionth time, Wormtail. I don't bloody know. It's been what, three weeks?"

"Three weeks," the shorter, watery-eyed boy confirmed with a nod of his head.

"Three weeks," Sirius repeated, irritated. "Clearly, whatever he's hiding from us is going to remain hidden. So stop badgering me, Merlin."

Sirius didn't mean to be so short with Peter. After all, he had been the only one willing to accompany Sirius to the library to return a book he had nicked from the Restricted Section earlier on in the year. James simply denied with a shake of the head and Remus had claimed that his reputation as Prefect was 'barely hanging by its fingertips,' and had opted to spend his Saturday morning before the winter holidays reading in the common room. So Peter had tagged along, and though he served as an adequate form of encouragement, his stream of questions was never-ending.

And quite frankly, Sirius was tired of talking about James and how much of a complete tosser he was being by keeping something from his supposed _friends_.

"Oi, watch it, you little twit," Sirius scowled at a Second Year that was unfortunate enough to bump into him as he and Peter exited the library. The little boy's eyes widened as though he couldn't believe he'd run into - no, been _insulted_ by Sirius Black. Then he grinned widely and ran away.

Sirius sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He couldn't wait until winter holidays when he would be free to roam around the castle without interruption, as he certainly was never returning to that miserable place he called a home. Then the castle would be empty, free from homesick First and Second Years. Though the lack of people sometimes meant that the holidays were boring in the castle, a major reason why Sirius would much rather spend the time with the Potters like be usually did -

Oh. Right.

"You staying for the holidays, Peter?" Sirius asked, after swallowing.

Peter frowned. "I don't think so. My mum says she wants us to go to France. Like we haven't been three times already," he muttered, as they began to ascend a staircase to the seventh floor. "I suppose you and James will be staying?"

"It's not like we have a choice," Sirius said grimly.

A look of guilt and sorrow passed over Peter's face, and Sirius felt slightly guilty for making him uncomfortable. After all, it wasn't Peter's fault that he had a warm family to return home to.

"You know I would invite you both," Peter said lowly, "but mum just gets so prissy about family bonding time-"

"It's fine, Pete," Sirius sighed. "Just have fun at France, mate. Country of love, croissants, hookers, the whole lot of it."

"You and James will be fine?"

"Yes, Pete."

"And you'll work on the potion?"

"Yes."

"Do you know if Remus is staying?"

"I don't know, Peter."

"Do you hear that?"

"Wormtail, if you ask me one more question I swear to you that I will throw you into the Black Lake and let the Giant Squid feed on your flesh."

"No," Peter said. He stopped in his tracks and looked around the deserted corridor they were in, a confused look on his face. "I mean, _do you hear that_?"

Exasperated, Sirius paused as well and strained his ears, half expecting Peter to be hallucinating. But sure enough, he caught the sounds of sniffles, as though someone... a girl was... crying.

Peter's eyes widened and he turned to face the broom closet door that stood beside them. The sniffles seemed to get louder now that they noticed it. Half of Sirius was curious about who was crying and why, but the other half wanted nothing to do with the woes of other Hogwartians.

"Should we do something?" Peter whispered to him.

"Do YOU want to deal with a crying, possibly hormonal girl?"

"What if she's hurt?" Peter said, a look of concern written all over his face, and Sirius rolled his eyes at him.

"She's a girl, Pete. They're _always_ hurt. Bloody feelings and mood swings and whatnot. She'll be fine," He concluded, already stepping away.

Peter scowled. "I think you should go talk to her, Padfoot."

"Why me?!"

"I'm not good with crying girls."

"Do I look like bloody Jackson Waters? Neither am I!"

Just then, the crying stopped and a voice called out miserably, "I can hear you, you know."

Sirius sighed, now resigned to the fact that he _would_ be talking to a crying, possibly hormonal girl and stepped forward. After shooting a 'This-is-all-your-fault' glare at Peter, he grabbed the doorknob and pulled it open.

"_McKinnon_?"

Marlene McKinnon, dubbed the prettiest girl at Hogwarts at the tender age of fourteen, was sitting on the floor of an empty broom closet, clothes rumpled and makeup running down her face. Sirius felt his jaw drop as he stared at the usually well-put together girl, who was looking up at him half-depressed, half-angry.

"Just fuck off, alright?" She said as she attempted to wipe her face with her sleeve, her voice wobbly from tears. "That's what all blokes do eventually. Just fucking fuck off."

For perhaps the first time in his life, Sirius could find nothing to say. This wasn't just some random Third Year girl he'd found crying. This was Marlene McKinnon, the girl he'd lived with for five years, occasionally laughed with, flirted with, and even kissed briefly at a party back in Fourth Year. And though they'd never been particularly close, never in all his five years of knowing her, had he seen her shed even a tear. She was pretty, everyone knew that, but she was also strong and sort of a bitch.

"What the hell happened, McKinnon?" was all Sirius could manage.

"Spare me," Marlene said bitterly. "I know you don't actually care. Even Pettigrew's already left."

Sirius whipped around to see that Peter had indeed scampered away, leaving Sirius to fend for himself. He scowled at the empty hallway. That bloody coward.

"Just leave already," Marlene said, her voice breaking as though she was about to burst into tears again. And Sirius would've liked to. He hadn't been lying when he'd told Peter he wasn't good with crying girls. He'd never had a sister growing up, and the only female that was constant in his life was his psychotic mother who he suspected hadn't cried since she emerged from her mother's womb.

But McKinnon just looked so... sad.

Sure he would regret his decision, Sirius lowered himself to the ground beside her and shut the door behind him.

He grinned at her shocked expression. "Don't look so surprised. I can be quite sensitive when I want to be," he blinked innocently at her. "Tell me your troubles, McKinnon."

Marlene did not look amused. Rather, she jerked away from him, anger written all over her face. "Does this look like a joke to you?" She snapped, and Sirius caught a glimpse of the Marlene McKinnon he knew. "If you're here to take the mickey, you can just leave."

"Now, now…" Sirius said gently. "We both know I can't just leave you here to blubber all over the delicate broom closet equipment."

Marlene had a dangerous look all over her face, but Sirius only grinned. "Look I've got you all distracted now. It probably wasn't even that big of a deal."

"You have _got_ to be the most insensitive prat on the planet," Marlene shook her head disbelievingly, and Sirius caught a whiff of her jasmine-scented shampoo.

"Well, is it?" He challenged.

Marlene paused, staring at her knees. She didn't speak for a few moments – Sirius thought she was ignoring him. But then she let out:

"Alright, so my parents did get murdered, and my home didn't get destroyed, and all my limbs are still attached, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt..."

"What doesn't hurt?"

"Andrew broke up with me," Marlene let out with a sigh. "He picked Polly over me. Said they had history and we don't. If you laugh, I promise to throw you into the Black Lake and laugh while the Giant Squid strangles you."

Sirius looked at her with surprise. Why on earth would Juxenberg break up with Marlene? Merlin knew he barely stopped talking about her during Quidditch practices. It was always 'Marlene said this' 'Marlene said that' and 'Marlene is so pretty.' And why was Marlene was actually crying about him? She could get any bloke at Hogwarts with the snap of her fingers.

When he told her this, she seemed to get a little less angry with him.

"It's not really about Andrew," she sighed. "It's about the fact that this ALWAYS happens to me. Always. I don't know what it is about me that makes blokes think they can treat me like shit, Black. I try... and I try... so _hard_. But it never works out. And – and then girls like Lily and Alice come along… not doing a single bloody thing, yet they've got a trail of love-stricken boys that would do anything for them trailing behind. There's a difference, you know; between a boy that actually likes you and a bloke who's only looking for a shag. And somehow my blokes always end up coming from the latter category. Why?" She trailed off, seeming to be questioning herself more than questioning Sirius.

Sirius was surprised, to say the least. He had never taken Marlene as insecure. She was so bloody gorgeous and she walked around the halls like she knew all the blokes were staring at her. She HAD to know that the half the guys at Hogwarts were infatuated with her. But thinking about it, it was true that none of her relationships lasted more than three weeks and, from what he'd seen, had been purely superficial. But the same thing went for Sirius, so he didn't really see why she was so bothered by it.

"Well, maybe that's your problem right there," Sirius said finally. "Maybe you're trying too hard. Maybe you just kinda need to... let it flow."

Marlene looked at him, one perfect eyebrow raised. "Let it flow?" She asked doubtfully.

"You know. Not give a fuck!" Sirius said dramatically. "Be patient. Forget love and all that. Relationships are overrated anyway. I mean, are you trying to get married at the age of sixteen?"

"No."

"So," Sirius said slowly, making sure to look directly at her eyes. "Why do you care if it works or not?"

"But..." Marlene looked flustered. Pushing her hair back, she looked down and bit her lip as though thinking very hard. "That's not it. It's... What if - what if there's something wrong with me? What if I scare blokes off? What if I'm doomed to failed relationships for the rest of my life? I'm too aggressive, and... a BITCH... and I can be kind of clingy, but that's only because I don't want to get hurt AGAIN and-"

"Shh," Sirius shook his head, reaching up and closing her lips with his fingers. "Stop over thinking it. I don't usually say this, McKinnon, and now that I am, I say it a hundred percent sincerely: you're pretty cool, Marlene."

Marlene blinked at him, surprised, as he went on. "I mean, are you sort of a stuck up bitch a lot of the time? _Yeah_. Do you call people the word 'git' one too many times? _Pretty much_. Do you get way too emotionally invested into blokes? _Arguably so."_

Marlene's smile turned to a scowl and she smacked him on the arm, but Sirius dodged it and went on. "My point is: what girl doesn't, right? You just have to find the right bloke that can handle, well... all of your flaws. Accept you in your entirety and all that bullshit. Until then, just don't give a fuck. Right?"

Marlene seemed to be laughing. Pleased with himself, Sirius removed his hand from her mouth and settled back with a smug smile.

"I'm not sure what I'm more surprised about," Marlene smiled as she wiped her tears away again. "That I'm getting relationship advice from Sirius black, or that it was actually good advice."

"I live with James. I'm very good with relationship advice," Sirius said seriously. And Marlene laughed again. She had a nice laugh, he noticed lazily. Not too loud, but hearty enough that you knew she was genuinely amused. Silence fell over them as Marlene cleaned herself up, and Sirius gave himself a mental pat on the back. Perhaps he wasn't so terrible with crying girls after all.

He noticed suddenly that Marlene was really close to him. Really close. She was staring at him with those big, blue eyes, framed with her insanely long eyelashes, and then she was moving closer. Sirius froze. He considered saying something - he wasn't sure what but probably something along the lines of 'a little too close there, McKinnon.' But before he could saw anything, a determined look crossed over Marlene's face and she leaned forward and pressed her lips softly to his.

Naturally, Sirius' instinct was to wrap his hands around her waist and snog her within an inch of her life. Marlene _was_ gorgeous after all. But Sirius knew it was wrong. She was emotionally unstable, which was almost equivalent to being drunk. So he held her chin and gently pushed her away.

"What the hell, Black?" she protested, removing his hand from her chin. "Are you denying my advances? After all that shit I just spewed to you?"

"McKinnon," He said, shaking his head so his shaggy hair flew around. "I told you to wait for someone who was right for you. Someone who would treat you the way you deserve. And, if we're being totally honest, that's not me."

Marlene stared at him, mouth slightly open and Sirius wanted to kick himself. What the hell was wrong with him?

She eventually rolled her eyes and scooted closer to him. "You're right," she announced. "You are definitely not the one for me, Sirius Black. I don't even like you very much. But for once, this is me not giving a fuck, yeah?"

And she pressed her lips to his again. This time, Sirius mentally shrugged and complied.

* * *

><p>"Write me at least three times, alright?" Alice said tearfully, hugging Marlene so tightly it was hard for the latter to breathe.<p>

"Calm down, Prewett, it's only two weeks," Marlene said rolling her eyes over Alice's shoulder, but nevertheless hugging the blonde back tightly.

"Budge over, Alice, it's my turn to hug her," whined Lily. She pushed Alice aside and embraced Marlene warmly, swinging her slightly from side to side. "If there's anything you need –"

"Write you," Marlene finished. "Got it."

"And if you're feeling lonely," Mary interjected from beside her. "You can –"

"Floo over, anytime. Yes."

Marlene's three best friends stood around her, equally anxious looks on their faces. It was clear each of them felt guilty for leaving her on her own for the entire Christmas holidays. For the past five years, it was either they all left Hogwarts, or at least two of them remained in the castle. But this year, Lily's parents had demanded she come home to spend some time with her sister's brand new fiancé ("Why anyone would say yes to that whale of a man is beyond me," Lily had said disgustedly.); Alice's parents were dead set on taking her to Germany; and Mary, who was Muggleborn missed her little brother, George, too much to pass up an opportunity to see him. As for Marlene, her parents were on yet another mission. She would have to remain at Hogwarts.

"You're going to miss your train," she said, as the whistle blew behind them, then looked down at her watch. "And I'm going to be late for McGonagall."

"Right," Lily nodded. "We'll see you in two weeks. Try not to get into so much trouble, yeah? Merlin knows what you did to land yourself a detention with McGonagall yesterday…"

"Er," Marlene said awkwardly. "About that…"

The warning whistle sounded and Lily, Mary, and Alice hurried towards the gleaming red train, yelling their goodbyes. Glad for the distraction, Marlene watched them as the boarded and, feeling a little sad, waved until the train disappeared from her sight.

"Merlin, I thought they'd never leave."

Marlene turned round. Standing behind her was Sirius, a smirk placed on his face and his hands stuffed in his pockets. Startled by his sudden appearance, Marlene blinked twice up at him.

"Black," she said blankly. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd keep my favorite Gryffindor company," Sirius said cheerfully, throwing his arm around Marlene's shoulders and steering her away from the platform and outside into Hogsmeade. "Also I came to drop Peter off, but that's beside the point. I figure we could be really good mates, McKinnon."

"Ugh shove off," Marlene said annoyed as she pulled his arm off from her. She shot him a quick glare, straightened her robes and marched on down to the bottom of the stairs, where the horseless carriages were waiting to take the few stragglers back to Hogwarts.

"You weren't saying that yesterday afternoon," Sirius pointed out, grinning fully at her pointless efforts to shake him off. "In fact, you were saying the opposite of that, if I remember clearly…"

Marlene groaned loudly, stepping into a carriage with Sirius close behind. There were many, many things she regretted in life. So many that she probably could fill about five inches of parchment if she wrote a list. But snogging Sirius Black in a broom closet was definitely high up there on that list. Not that it hadn't been nice, because it had. No, it wasn't the snogging that she regretted, it was with whom.

For one thing, _he was Sirius Black._ Feeling somewhat ashamed of herself, Marlene had completely avoided letting her friends know of her little sexual rendezvous, although more for their sakes than hers. Mary and Alice would wet their pants laughing and Lily would probably break something. Not that it was really that big of a deal… after all, she and Sirius had already kissed in Fourth Year. It was remembering the fact that to this day, her friends had refused to let her forget about it that convinced Marlene that it was really better for everyone if she kept the information to herself.

"Ready for detention tonight?" Sirius asked her brightly, as they rolled along the bumpy roads. Marlene glared at him again. The other reason she regretted what she'd done: Professor McGonagall had caught them.

The Transfiguration teacher had wasted no time in yelling their ears off, preaching to them about their loose morals and lack of Gryffindor dignity, and then swiftly handing them three night's worth of detentions when she found out they would be staying for the holidays. Marlene had been mortified.

"I can't believe we got caught-"

"Well, if you'd stopped being so _loud_ –"

Marlene felt herself turn scarlet. "I was _not_ being loud! And if you'd stopped pushing me around so much -"

"Clearly, you've never been in a broom closet before." Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, because I actually have standards," Marlene retorted.

Sirius smirked. "Dropped them yesterday, did you?

Marlene refused to talk to him for the rest of the carriage ride. Sirius, who was clearly as thick as a concussed troll, refused to let her fume in silence. He goaded her the rest of the way, through the strangely empty Entrance Hall and all the way up the stairs.

"Don't you have someone else to go bother?" Marlene finally snapped when they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. "_Cornish pixies_."

"No," Sirius said swiftly as the portrait swung open and Marlene crawled through. "James is in the library doing Merlin knows _what_, and Moony's asleep."

But it appeared both had finished those things when they stepped into the common room, which was almost completely empty with the exceptions of a couple of Fifth Years and three Seventh Years (Marlene was exceptionally glad Andrew was not among them). James and Remus sat in the chairs in front of the fire, the former staring out the window, a calculating look on his face (he seemed to be thinking very hard) and the latter reading a book placed precariously on his folded knee.

Marlene had stayed over the holidays a few times and she had never seen James remain for the holidays. Everyone knew he lived in an amazing manor in which his doting parents waited for him to return every four or so months. Watching him gaze out the window, Marlene felt a pang when she realized this must be his first holiday without them.

Before she knew what she was doing, she was walking up to him, saying "Fancy a game of chess, James?"

James started, turning round to face her. "Oh…er, sorry Marlene… not really feeling up to it-"

"Well, I am," she said brightly. She summoned her chess board from her dorm and placed it in front of him. James seemed taken aback for a moment, but then he smiled and shifted to attention in his seat.

"Fine."

The game was actually very entertaining for Marlene. She happened to be brilliant at Wizard's chess, a fact that came as a big surprise to the three boys around her. But James was almost just as good, and soon the game turned into a very heated one indeed. As she watched James yell at his one remaining knight to destroy her castle with fervor, ("Get him… _pummel_ him, you've got a bloody sword, you idiot…") Marlene couldn't help but giggle.

"Oh no…" she glanced at the clock that hang on the side of the wall; it read five minutes to eight. "We're going to be late, Sirius, we'd better start going."

Sirius grudgingly bade his mates goodbye, and soon, he and Marlene were trudging down the deserted corridors towards McGonagall's office. Despite Sirius' stream of lame one-liners, the castle seemed slightly more ominous without the comforting knowledge that there were a thousand kids throughout the building. It was freezing as well, and pulling her robes around her more tightly as they descended the stairs, Marlene suddenly felt sad and lonely.

Why did her parents have to work anyway? For Merlin's sake, it was _Christmas_. Couldn't they take two measly weeks out of their oh-so busy schedules to spend time with their only daughter? This last summer had been fun, hadn't it? They'd gone to Spain for an entire month and she'd been able to spend some rare quality time with both her parents. Why couldn't they do it again for this one holiday that was primarily centered around family- time?

Feeling thoroughly depressed, Marlene walked into McGonagall's office, willing to do anything that would take her mind of the empty feeling in her stomach.

"You'll be grading these," Professor McGonagall announced, thrusting a thick pad of papers towards each of them, and peering sternly at them. "I assume you are capable of handling First Year level transfiguration, but I ask that you kindly refrain from giving credit simply because _they tried_… which I remember was your excuse all through your First Year, Mr. Black."

Sirius appeared quite unabashed. "Righty-o, Professor," he saluted. "You can trust both me and Marly."

Clearly Professor McGonagall did not think this. She shot them a suspicious look as she exited the room.

"Call me Marly one more time," Marlene said flatly as she took her seat, "And I will curse you into next Tuesday."

Sirius whistled. "Someone's in a right foul mood."

"I wonder why," Marlene said sardonically. "Because we all know sitting in detention with you is exactly how I'd like to spend my holidays."

"Yes, we do," he winked.

Marlene rolled her eyes and looked down at the paper she was grading. "Why can't you ever take anything seriously?"

She had muttered it under her breath more as a question to herself than to Sirius, but when she glanced up at him again, he wore a thoughtful expression on his face as though really thinking hard about it.

"Well," he mused. "Why sit here and brood about how shit our lives are when we could sit here _make jokes_ about how shit our lives are?"

Marlene scribbled a cross on the parchment (honestly, how could you get Switching Spells wrong?) and said dully, "I don't know about you, Black. But my life is not shit."

Sirius let out a derisive snort. "You think so?"

She was ready to retort with a childish "I know so," when she really thought about it. Here she was, spending a dull Christmas holiday without her friends – who were all off enjoying themselves – in detention, grading the papers of what seemed to be half-witted First Years, in the company of Sirius Black, because her parents had been too busy to spend time with her. And to top it all off, she had just recently been broken up with her boyfriend, who technically had never _really_ been her boyfriend in the first place because he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend.

Marlene sighed. "Joke away, Black."

And Sirius laughed.

The rest of their detention went off dully, with both of them sitting quietly and Marlene getting more and more irritated with the First Years to whom the papers belonged. She even went so far as to write '_You are a dolt'_ on the paper of one particular student who had left half the paper blank.

Finally, after two hours, Professor McGonagall returned to relieve them, and Marlene made her way wearily back to the common room. Sirius, who was apparently now immune to the soporific power of detentions, hummed the entire way behind her.

The next day was even worse. Marlene spent half of it on her bed, reading all her past issues of Witch Weekly, utterly convinced that the next day would be her worst Christmas yet. She was so bored, she seriously considered going down to visit Hagrid the gamekeeper, though she had only spoken about ten words to him the entire five years she'd been at Hogwarts. Eventually, she pulled on her coat and made her way down to the common room, determined to go and see the gamekeeper (Lily had told her he was really nice), whether it was awkward or not.

"Where are you off to?" Remus Lupin asked her when she got downstairs. He was the only one in the common room, looking tired but almost as bored as Marlene herself. "Do you want to play Exploding Snap with me?" he pleaded.

Marlene freed her hair from her coat and asked, "Where are your mates?"

"They went off to the kitchens," Remus shook his head. "Sirius eats a lot when he's bored."

Marlene tutted. "I'm off to see Hagrid. You can come too if you want."

Remus' eyes brightened and he leaped off the chair so fast that Marlene blinked.

"Brilliant! Let me go grab my coat."

He bounded up and down the stairs in less than a minute flat, and he and Marlene made their way out on to the frosty grounds of Hogwarts, delayed only by a quick run in with Peeves the poltergeist who stood by the doors ready to chuck several Dungbombs at their heads.

"I hate him," Remus muttered, his feet making crunching noises on the frosty grass as he wiped his hair to make sure there were no Dungbomb remains. "It's why we're planning this really funny prank on him…"

"What is it?" Marlene said eagerly, pulling her coat tighter. It was really cold outside; even the Black Lake had frozen . Yet it had not snowed since November, and it left Marlene even more upset that they would not have a white Christmas this year.

"Can't say," Remus grinned in a way that reminded her strongly of Sirius. "Marauder secret."

"Oh that's rubbish," Marlene protested. "You can tell me, I won't tell a soul…"

But Remus refused and told her that she would see when the holidays were over.

When they arrived at Hagrid's hut, they were disappointed. His curtains were drawn and there was no familiar smoke unfurling from his chimney; they tried knocking, but after twenty minutes of it, they gave up and headed back towards the castle for dinner.

The decorations in the Great Hall were splendid. Twelve massive Christmas trees stood around the hall, each glowing brightly with hundreds of fairies and light dancing around them. There was enough food to fill the stomachs of a small village, despite the fact that there were only about twenty students and the teachers in the Great Hall. Still amazed at the brilliance of Hogwarts, Marlene made her way to the Gryffindor table with Remus, where Sirius was already digging in.

"Where's Prongs?" Remus questioned as they took their seats.

"Adunnow," Sirius shrugged through a mouthful of food. "She iwazzun utew dinah."

"Said he wasn't up to dinner," Remus translated for Marlene who was staring at Sirius with a revolted look on her face.

But James did miss out because the food was marvelous. In fact, by the time the feast was over, Marlene no longer felt like she might take up Mary on that offer to Floo over to her house. And even better, towards the end of the feast, one of the Seventh Years pointed excitedly up at the enchanted ceiling, calling to everyone's attention that snow had begun to drift slowly down from the sky.

Immediately Remus and Sirius insisted that they go outside and play in the snow. And so they did, despite Marlene's protests that there was barely any of it to play around in. But the snow fell fast and stuck to the grounds and soon they had started a snowball fight so vigorous that the other students from other houses came to join them as well.

Marlene's mood was considerably lifted by the time she and Sirius arrived at McGonagall's office for another night of detention, cold and wet. She found Remus and Sirius' company not all so bad. They made her laugh a lot and they were really quite intelligent, prat-ty as Sirius may be. But she supposed she was getting used to his ridiculousness.

Remus dropped them off and headed to the common room, saying he was off to look for James, and Sirius and Marlene entered the office. Same as the night before, McGonagall handed them several papers to grade, told them she'd be back in two hours, and then left the room.

And so they began to mark the papers in the flickering candlelight. They had not gone far, however, when the door opened again softly, and Remus's head poked through, a strange look on his face.

"Moony?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"Is McGonagall gone?" he whispered.

Marlene nodded and Remus stepped in, closing the door behind him quietly. "I have no idea where he is," he began hurriedly, a panicked look on his face, "I double – triple – _quadruple_ checked the Map but his name isn't showing up anywhere, and I really think he might have left the grounds, but I just don't see how that's even _possible-_"

"Remus," Marlene interrupted, dropping her quill and getting up. "Slow down. What's happened?

Remus took a deep breath to steady himself. Then in a strained voice, he said, "It's James. James is gone."

* * *

><p>It was a sturdy big building, more closely resembling a manor than a house. A lavish garden decorated the front yard, though the place didn't appear to be one that was frequently watered. The windows of the building were barred shut, and in front of it stood a wrought iron gate that towered ominously over James.<p>

The sixteen year old stared at the house and swallowed. It was stupid of him to come here, he knew. It was mad of him to have stolen some Floo powder from Professor Flitwick's office, and even madder of him to Floo to his house and then hop on the Knight Bus from there. There was absolutely nothing to be gained from this visit, except perhaps anger, pain, or even death.

"_Impulsive_," a voice that sounded like Lily's drifted through James's mind. "_Angry_…"

The responsible, mature thing to do would have been to go to Dumbledore... tip off the Ministry about the letter. He really should just let the Aurors get involved and do their job… but then the empty, cold silence of the house James had just left flashed across his mind and with sudden conviction, he pushed open the gate, which creaked much too loudly for his liking.

_It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap_, rang in his head over again like an incessant alarm clock, but he paid it no mind. He had already come so far…

He stepped quietly through the lightly frosted driveway till he reached the front door. There was an ornately carved snake head on the knocker and any doubts James had about this being the wrong place slipped away. He hesitated again, his heart thumping wildly. Perhaps bursting through the front door wasn't exactly a smart idea.

A back door, he thought. There must be a back door.

Peering around in the darkness, as if to make sure no one was watching, James stepped off the front step and crept towards the side of the house. There was a narrow space between it and the brick wall that surrounded the entire building; it was through this space that he crept, slowly and carefully. He found himself wishing it were a full moon tonight, so he would at least be able to see more than a few feet ahead of him. Then again, if it was a full moon, he supposed he wouldn't be here.

He reached the end of the path and rounded the back. There, so easily and conveniently _there_, was a wooden door, already slightly open.

The warning bells went off in James' head, telling him to turn around, and that surely they were expecting him, and did he really think he could fight off Merlin knew how many Death Eaters there were? But again, James pushed these thoughts away. He just needed to... well, he wasn't even sure what he needed to do. He just knew he couldn't stand and wait outside like a good little boy when his parents' murderer sat inside this house.

He crept towards the door and paused again, his hand hovering inches over the doorknob. But before he could get cold feet, he took a deep breath, pushed the door open a little wider, and slipped through.

It was dark, and that was the only way James could describe it. He waved his hand in front of his hand and saw nothing. Naturally, this could complicate things. Lighting the room up with his wand was clearly not an option - then he would get caught faster than he could say 'Nox.'

Taking a deep but quiet breath, James raised his hands and began to feel his way around. There was a dresser or something of the sort in front of him, but nothing else, giving James the impression that he was not in a room, but a corridor. Slowly, he made his way forward, his heart beating so fast that he was sure it would give him away. Why had he come here? Cold sweat trickled down his sides, he felt blind, and the wand in his hand might as well have been a useless stick. What did he really think he could do against a man that killed both of his highly experienced and well-trained parents?

Stupid, stupid, stupid, he thought to himself numbly. Turn back now. Now.

But he could not bring himself to do it. He needed answers. He needed to know WHY his parents had been killed. He needed to inflict as much pain as he could on whoever had done it. He needed to.

He kept going.

After several minutes of blind groping, his hand hit something smooth and round… _a doorknob_. Thinking that if he didn't leave the corridor soon, he would be walking down it forever, James grasped the doorknob and, with his heart beating even faster than before, turned it slowly. Then he opened the door ever so slightly and slipped through, thanking every god he knew of that there had been no creak.

It was almost as dark in the room as it was in the corridor. The only difference was that there was a window on the right side of the room through which little moonlight streamed steadily. Half expecting to hear someone scream _'Avada Kedavra_', James turned around on his heel slowly as his eyes readjusted.

He was in a dungeon. The room was small and musty, with dirty grey brick walls and several pipes that seemed to be leaking crisscrossed across the ceiling. The temperature in the room had dropped dramatically, as though a Heating Charm had been placed through the entire house except here. There was an ominous feeling in the air and splattered on the walls were dark stains that look suspiciously like…

"Come to finish me off, have ya?"

James jumped so violently, he nearly tripped. Pointing his wand, he swiveled around to the direction of the voice and froze. There in the corner of the room where the light did not touch was a crumpled figure. James wildly wondered whether it was a house elf, perhaps even a dangerous wild animal, before he remembered that animals could not talk. He didn't spend much time pondering, as in that moment, the figure leaned forward into the moonlight.

James could barely hold back a gasp. It was a man, an old man with a long unkempt beard and dirty, matted hair. His face was bruised and bloody and the skin around his eye was black and swollen. He wore dirty brown clothes that hung limply off his frail body; yet, despite his thoroughly beaten appearance, there was a look of defiance and strength on his aged face.

"Well, just bloody do it already," the man snapped at James, who stood with his wand still raised, "or do you need to get permission from your fool of a master?"

It took James several moments to realize that the man was... telling him, James, to hurt him.

"DO IT!" The man shouted and James jumped again.

"I'm not going to hurt you," James said lowly and hurriedly. "Please. Keep it down or I'll get caught."

The man stared at him blankly. It was just then James realized that the man was chained very heavily to the wall, which explained his stooped position. Without thinking about it, James was moving forward to free the man.

"Get caught..." The man said, thankfully lowering his voice as well. He spoke very slowly with a croaky voice that was hoarse from disuse and thirst. "Who are you? Why are you here?"

"James Potter. I don't know," James said feverishly, crouching to the man's level tapping the chains with his wand. The chains remained still, however.

"You don't know..." The man echoed, goggling at James through very intense grey eyes. "You just happened to walk in here?"

James stiffened. He didn't want to tell this old man why he was here. He knew he would sound foolish. Immature. Naïve.

"Whatever mission you're on," the man said flatly, as though reading James's mind, "abandon it. It's suicide; a fool's errand. They will kill you."

His words, spoken so calmly and simply, sparked irritation and anger within James, driving away a little of his fear. Who did this man think he was anyway? He knew nothing about James and what he could do. Nothing.

He scowled at the man, having half a mind to leave him in his chains, but the man shot him a pitying look.

"It's a damaging trait of you young ones," he murmured slowly. "Admirable, but damaging all the same that you think yourself immortal. That nothing can harm you. You alone can do what the adults cannot... you alone feel what they do not…"

"That's not what I think at all," James spat, removing his hands from the man's chains as though burned. "You don't - you don't know - a single thing about how I feel – you haven't got a clue -"

"Don't I?" The man asked calmly.

James stared at him.

"The Death Eaters took something away from you," the man croaked, staring steadily into his eyes. "They took something or someone you love dearly, and now you feel cheated, as though you must take revenge. You thought you would walk in here, cause a couple of people pain, and then walk right back out unharmed, feeling proud and satisfied..." As the man talked, James could see it all in his head, exactly as he had imagined himself a few hours ago. He'd imagined himself storming into the building in a blaze of anger, brutally questioning Malfoy, and then when the filthy Slytherin had admitted to killing his parents, he would beg for mercy... then James would look at him in disgust and curse him so badly he'd be crippled for months...

"But you're wrong," the man said simply. "You will walk in to that foyer, and after the first step, they will kill you so quickly that you won't even know you're dying... and you _will_ die, with that anger and bitterness still in your chest… while they laugh around your still body... sneering at the foolish little boy who thought he was strong enough to handle Lord Voldemort himself..."

"Enough," James said, springing too his feet, momentarily forgetting that he was to be quiet. He was shaking from head to foot, white with rage and, if he admitted it to himself, fear. The man's words spun around in his head, making him feel dizzy... because as disturbing and stooped and wizened as the man was, there seemed to be a grain of truth in his words. He, James, should have realized... he had been blinded by righteous anger... not seeing the full picture. But he'd be damned if he let that man, who was now openly laughing at him, know.

"You could still try to get out now," the man grinned, revealing several missing teeth, "Merlin knows I've tried. It's always teeming with those damned Death Eaters around here. Some sort of headquarters I reckon. But, what do I know right? Just an old Auror... I'm sure you'll do perfectly fine getting out..."

James stared again. "You? An Auror?"

"You bet," the man nodded, still smiling. "One well past my retirement as you can probably tell. Ah, the infernal curse of age and time. It was my downfall... the cause of my capture at Teirm. An old man's bones are not as they were fifty years ago," he added almost wistfully.

James could not imagine this terrible old man as an Auror. Aurors were supposed to be _good_ people...

"You're wasting valuable time, m'boy." The man shook his head, no longer smiling. "Tonight was the worst possible night to come here."

"What do you mean?" James asked quickly, feeling his pulse speed up even faster.

"Tonight, there's going to be even more of them." The old man dropped his voice to a whisper so low that James had to lean forward to hear what he was saying. "_All of them_. I've been hearing them... whispers and snatches of conversation... Tonight, it's something _big_. Something they've all been dreading and anticipating. A meeting of all meetings... tonight, HE'S coming..."

Something clenched in James stomach, and he fought to keep the panic that was slowly rising within him at bay. The old man in front of him did not seem to share his dread. In fact, there was a sort of maniacal gleam in his eyes as though he were envisioning... no, _relishing_ in the thought of what would happen if the darkest of all wizards showed up tonight... For the first time, James briefly wondered whether he'd been driven insane.

"You're mad," he said tensely, taking a step back. "You know that, right? Raving. Absolutely loony. Totally fucking insane -"

"Now now, Potter. We must watch our language," came a voice from behind James.

James swiveled around and felt his heart fall to his knees. There, standing and blocking the entrance to the door, were at least five masked Death Eaters, each with their wands pointed directly at James' heart.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: reviews will make me upload faster, so... your choice.

:)

Here I'll help you out: Favorite parts? Worst parts? Marlene: like her? hate her? Indifferent? James: stupid? or brave?


	17. The Headmaster's Office

Lily used to like Christmas Eve, she really did.

Back when she was about ten, Christmas had been one of her favorite days of the year. Her parents, Petunia and she would gather round the crackling fire their father had made on his own, snack on the cookies their mother baked fresh that morning, and then sing the old Christmas songs that Lily and Petunia had learned from school. Then after they had opened their gifts, they would each say something they were thankful for that year, and then they would settle down for a night of Christmas movies.

She didn't know exactly when the tradition began to die down and when exactly they stopped filling her with joy, but now, standing in the kitchen of her house that sat along the snowy streets of Spinner's End, Lily could comfortably say this particular Christmas had to be the worst of them all.

It was stony silent in the nicely heated kitchen. Lily's mother sat beside her in the high stool, an annoyed look on her face, while Petunia stood with her arms crossed on the opposite side of the counter, looking ready to throw something out the window.

As Lily pulled the plates out of the cabinet a little too forcefully, her mother said stiffly, "I want both of you to go inside that living room as SISTERS," she said dangerously glancing at both her daughters. "If I smell so much as a hint of discord, both of you will be spending the entire Christmas holiday in your rooms. Am I clear -"

"Mother," Petunia began to protest in her annoying high-pitched voice. "Honestly, I'm of age - I'm going to get married for goodness sake -"

"AM I CLEAR?" Lily's mother bellowed.

"Yes, mother," Petunia muttered, falling into the stool beside her.

Lily's mother gave them one last glare as Lily stacked up the plates, then she opened the door and made her way back into the living room. Lily scowled at her back. Honestly, like any of this was HER fault.

She heard Petunia growl at the back of her throat and prepared herself. With their mother out of the earshot, she knew Petunia would be waiting for her chance to argue it out.

"This is all your fault," Petunia hissed at lily from behind the table. "If you had just left it alone -"

"Well, excuse me for having an opinion of my own," Lily said loudly, staring forward and gripping the handle of the water jug.

"You're not allowed to have opinions on my fiancé," Petunia shrieked. "I don't care if you don't approve, and I don't care if he doesn't like you-"

"Well, you should care at least that he looks like a bloody whale. Petunia, he could literally sit on you -"

"You're just jealous," Petunia spat and Lily almost began to laugh.

"Are you joking?" She choked out. "You think I'm jealous of Vermin? Ha! He wears ties to sleep and doesn't know the definition of the word 'fun', but thank you Petunia, for bringing that to light. Maybe now that it's out there, I can try to reign in my jealousy."

Lily noticed Petunia's lip was trembling through her reflection on the cabinet glass, and for a moment she allowed herself to feel guilty. If Petunia really did love Vernon, it wasn't her place to insult him... and yet, she'd said nothing when he'd called Lily an attention-seeking freak to her face minutes before.

"He's snooty," Lily said flatly. "You're my SISTER. How can you just sit there and let him insult me like that? He thinks I'm some sort of mental nutjob that's bringing the entire family down with my issues-"

"Well, that's because that's what I told him," Petunia hissed, and Lily fell silent.

"You WHAT?"

Petunia did not look unabashed. She stared straight at Lily's disbelieving face and held her nose up high. "That's what I told him, Lily, alright? I told him that you went to a really expensive private school for strange and misguided kids and might occasionally let some things that didn't make any sense slip."

Lily could not believe her ears. "You told him I was a nutjob?"

"No, I said you were strange and misguided -"

"Petunia!"

"Whatever, Lily, spare me the 'you're an emotionless, uncaring, insensitive bitch' speech," Petunia snapped. "What was I supposed to tell him? That you know how to turn kettles into rodents and you can fly to the moon on magical broomstick that defies all the laws of gravity and physics? Besides it's not so far from the truth anyway if you really think about it-"

"I hate you." For a moment, Lily didn't even realize she was the one that had spoken, her voice cold and unfamiliar. She stepped back from her sister, who was blinking rapidly.

"What did you say to me?" Petunia gaped.

"I hate you," Lily repeated faster this time. She could fill her heart pounding faster, a lump forming in her throat and a slight wetness in her eyes, but she refused to cry. "I thought we would move past this, Petunia, I really did. But I'm starting to realize that's never going to happen, and now I hate you. And I think you hate me too."

She didn't wait to see the look on Petunia's face, simply grabbing the dishes and heading back to the living room. Her mother and father were sitting with forced smiles on their faces as Vernon talked about, surprise surprise, drills.

"... really excited to take over my father's position as soon as he leaves. Of course, he's devastated about having to leave the company, really, who wouldn't? But I do think retirement will suit him. Who knows, maybe I can even spruce things up a bit over there. I went there a fortnight ago, you know, to meet future coworkers and all other sorts of important people and the office was in a bit of a mess. That won't be happening while I'm there, that's certain -"

"Dessert's ready," Lily interrupted rudely, dropping the dishes in her hand without much ceremony. She caught the glare her mother sent her, but she was way beyond the point of caring.

"Might wanna ease up on the cheesecake, Vernon," she said carelessly as she took her seat again. "Merlin knows you don't need the extra calories."

There was loud clatter as the fork dropped from her mother's hand, just as Petunia walked back into the room.

"Lily!" her parents went simultaneously.

"What did you just say?" Petunia snarled, the tops of her cheeks turning red.

"I said," Lily snarled back, "that Vernon doesn't need the extra calories because he already looks like a beached baby whale."

Vernon, who had chosen the wrong moment to take a sip of wine, began to choke at the same time Lily's mother stood up, a dangerous look on her face.

"Up to your room right now," she breathed, her red hair flying about. "We don't treat guests with such disrespect, Lilian -"

"No, no, it's quite alright," Vernon let out, apparently recovered from his choking attack and everyone turned to stare at him. "It really is alright. Petunia warned me this might happen -"

"Oh, she did, didn't she?" Lily said loudly, rising to her feet.

"Sit down, Lily!" Her dad said firmly.

"No, she's going upstairs!"

"I'll go wherever I please!" Lily said furiously, kicking back her chair. She didn't know what had come over her. She'd never been rude to her parents for as long as she remembered, never even been rude to Vernon in all the while he'd known Petunia. But something had snapped within her in the kitchen; the flimsy rope connecting her and Petunia that she'd been clinging on to since she was eleven had been severed. And it didn't only hurt; it pissed her off beyond belief.

"I can't believe you're picking him over me," she threw at Petunia. And as far as dramatic exits went, it would've been great to leave right then. But before she could move, a loud SWOOSH came from the fireplace, and the fire and flared roared high and hot within it.

"What the bloody hell?" Lily heard Vernon say. She moved toward the fireplace just as it began to burn low again, wondering the same question.

"Lily?" came a very familiar voice.

Petunia shrieked and ran to Vernon, as if to shield his eyes from what was happening, but there was no missing what had just happened. Sitting in the fire was the head of Lily's best friend.

"Marlene?" Lily said, shocked.

"Oh great, it worked!" the brunette said, relief lacing her tone. She turned her head in the fire as if speaking to someone next to her. "Oi, Black it's worked! Lily, goodness, hi. You look smashing, but what else is new? Is that your family? Hello, you lot! Gosh, have I startled you? You all look very startled. Terribly sorry about that, but there really was no other way to contact you in such short notice."

Lily would have laughed had the situation not been so dire. Her parents seemed frozen to the spot, Petunia looked as though she might die from shame and fear, and Vernon looked like his eyes were seconds away from falling out of his head.

"Marlene," she said, her voice strangely calm. "What's happened?"

"I know you said to Owl you," Marlene said apologetically. "But it's a bit of an emergency."

"What's happened?" Lily repeated.

Though Marlene's head was being swirled around by the fire, it was still easy for Lily to tell she felt reluctant to say much. "Well... ugh, this is stupid. I doubt you would care much or even think it's anything to worry about... Hell, you probably don't even know anything about it -"

"Marlene!"

"James has gone missing, alright?" Marlene sighed, sending sparks flying from her nose. "He's supposed to be here for the holidays and no one knows where he's gone. It's a bit worrying, really. Sirius and Remus say he had that whole 'I'm going to do something really stupid' look on his face, and of course, we've assumed it has something to do with his parents. But we're completely stumped as to where exactly he could've gone."

Lily's mind whirred as Marlene talked. James was missing. Missing...

"How do you know for sure?" she asked, stepping forward. For a moment, she forgot her whole Muggle family, including Vernon Dursley, was watching intently from behind her. "How do you know he's not just gone to Hogsmeade or something?"

"Well, Sirius and Remus seemed certain." Marlene hesitated, then with the air of someone who was telling a great secret, she leaned forward and whispered. "They have some sort of Map, you see. It shows where everyone and everything in the school is. It's really brilliant, though slightly creepy. And James is nowhere on it. I said we should go to Dumbledore of course. But Remus and Sirius nearly bit my head off, saying that if James was doing something illegal, no professors should get involved. Which sort of makes sense because, really, when ARE those boys doing something legal?"

Lily frowned. James going missing could very well be nothing serious. He might have gone to visit family without letting anyone know, or he might really have only gone to Hogsmeade and that Map was dysfunctional. It really could easily be nothing. Yet, what family did James really have to go to? Hadn't Alice mentioned that they all lived too far away? And when had the Marauders ever made anything that wasn't functional?

Lily sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair. "This sounds bad," she admitted to Marlene. "But I really don't see how I could possibly help with this. It's not like he's ever really told me what exactly is going on in that brain of his..."

But then, with her hand frozen in her hair, Lily remembered a night when James Potter did tell her what was on his mind... a cold night of a Quidditch match on the Astronomy tower... It flashed in Lily's mind, James standing beside her with a white cigarette in his hand, his hair blowing all about in the wind and his hazel eyes staring at her intently.

_"...say you hypothetically found some information – dangerous information, that is. And you really felt you ought to do something about it, yeah? Because you can't just sit back and do nothing about it. But say you couldn't do it alone, and you might need help with it."_

"Well, thanks anyway, Lily," Marlene was saying. "I'm not sure what we're going to do -"

"Wait," Lily breathed. "Wait, Marlene. I think - I think - Oh my God. I think James has done something stupid."

"Yes, well, we know THAT -"

"No, no, no I mean something REALLY stupid," Lily said, trying to keep her voice level. She could feel something that felt strangely like panic rising up in her stomach. "Marlene, I don't care what Sirius says, we have to go Dumbledore."

"What - but WHY?"

Lily wasn't listening to her best friend anymore. She turned around and gazed at the stricken faces of her family, and felt that her anger at them had evaporated. Still, she was very happy to say the next words.

"I have to go back to Hogwarts," she said as she made her way past her father and dashed up the stairs. In less than five minutes, she'd thrown everything she needed into her purse and dashed back down the stairs, her feet echoing throughout the house like thunder. "I might be back tomorrow, I really don't know, but I promise to send you an owl if anything goes wrong."

She was only inches away from the fire when her mother finally said in a small voice, "Lily... Is everything okay?"

Guilt hit her like a pillow when she turned around to see her mother's scared face, her father's confused one and Petunia's face scrunched up as though she were trying hard not to cry. In the heat of the moment, Lily had forgotten that Vernon knew nothing about magic and she would have to explain everything to him. Whether this would bring an end to their relationship, Lily didn't know. But the thought, which only moments ago would have filled her with ineffable joy, made her feel incredibly guilty.

"Erm..." she swallowed, turning to face her mum and trying not to think about the fact that she was leaving her family on Christmas Eve, "I'm not sure, Mum. But going to go make sure it is, okay?"

Her mother stared for a moment and then nodded. "Be safe. Just... be safe."

"Of course." Lily swallowed again. "Bye, dad. Petunia. Vernon," she added as an afterthought. Then with a quick wave, she stepped into the fire, where Marlene had vacated but was still glowing green, and moments later, she was on the floor of the Gryffindor Common room.

Remus and Sirius did not look surprised to see her, so she assumed Marlene had explained to them what had happened. Far from a warm welcome, they pounced on her as soon as she straightened up.

"Why exactly do we have to go to Dumbledore?" Sirius demanded.

"Lily, did James tell you where he went?" Remus asked quickly. "Did he say anything to you?"

"Did he mention he had somewhere to be on Christmas?"

"What about Peter? Do you know if he told Peter anything?"

"Agrippa, will you let the girl breathe?" Marlene snapped, pushing both Sirius and Remus so they fell into the couch behind them. "She's only just got back, and she said she didn't know much."

"I don't," Lily shook her head, not missing the crestfallen looks on the two boys' faces. "I just remember that he told me he had some information that he might need some help with but didn't know what to do. Naturally, I told him to tell you lot," she gestured at them," but clearly he didn't take my advice. From what I gathered, whatever he's up to, he's going to do it on his own."

There was silence in the room as Sirius rubbed his hands over his face. When he took them away, there was a weary look on his face as if he was tired of approaching the subject. "But why?" He asked lowly. "Why won't he tell us things anymore?"

Lily hesitated. It was strange to be standing opposite Sirius Black, telling HIM things about James that he didn't know. "I think he's trying to keep you safe. I think... I think..." Lily scrunched up her nose, trying to remember...

_"Would you keep them in the dark knowing they'd be angry at you for lying to them but that they'd be safe?...You don't think it would kill me to know that if anything happens to them it'll be because of me?"_

Lily sighed. "I don't know what I think... I just know that whatever it is, it's dangerous and he cares about you too much to get you involved."

It was silent again. Lily felt strangely awkward and at fault as Sirius, Marlene, and Remus stared at her. They were probably thinking she could have talked him out of it - whatever IT was - and maybe she could have. She hadn't really tried, had she? Yeah, she'd told him to tell his friends, but shouldn't she have pushed him even further? Forced him to tell her what it was and then talked him out of it?

Guilt rose like vomit in Lily and she found herself ready to apologise profusely, but then Remus said, "So... whatever this thing is he found out... he can't do it on his own... but he's gone and done it on his own anyway."

Lily gulped. "Well... I'm guessing so."

Then, out of the blue, Sirius stood up from the couch, nearly knocking Marlene over. There was a look on his face that Lily had never seen before and never really expected to see... it was fear.

"Merlin," he breathed, turning pale, "I think I know what James has gone to do."

* * *

><p>"Drop the wand boy. You're ridiculously outnumbered," drawled the robed man in front.<p>

James heart beat furiously but his hand remained up and steady. He was in the most perilous danger: surrounded by five assumed murderers each trained in magic so dark Hogwarts could not even begin to compare. And yet his mind was oddly clear.

"I said put it down!" He snapped again.

"Let me go," James said, his mind working furiously. "People know where I am. If you don't let me go, they'll come straight here."

The sound of derisive laughter filled the air. James noted that even the old man was laughing and he felt the urge to hit him grow stronger.

"You know," said the man in front, chuckling, "if it wasn't clearly obvious you were lying, I might have said that it doesn't matter anyway."

"Why?" James asked, his breathing beginning to shallow.

"Because dear boy, you will be dead by the time they get here," he replied, stepping forward. It was dark in the room and he wore a mask over his head but James could clearly make out the pale grey eyes that shone with malice. They stared at James, triumph and derision written all over them. "But it doesn't have to be that way, you know," he continued. "You can simply surrender yourself. As you know, we're having a very special guest over tonight, and he'll be very pleased to meet you, Potter."

James heart sunk even lower when the man spoke his name. How exactly they knew who he was, he didn't know but it could not bode well for him. He wished his wand didn't start shaking slightly then.

"How do you know my name?" he asked, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. Perhaps if he kept them talking, he would be able to figure out a way to escape alive. "Did Darcy tell you? I already know he's with you lot. What, he told Lucius that I found his letter and was coming tonight? And now he's here to kill me, yeah?"

There was a murmur in the group as they turned to look at each other, and James allowed himself a moment to feel pride in unsettling them. He knew he had been right. Darcy was in this house, maybe even under one of those masks, working with Voldemort and all these other murderers. How could Dumbledore have been so blind...

"Who the bloody hell is Darcy?" came a gruff voice from the back, and they laughed.

"Oi, look, Garrick," another one said, laughing. "The boy thinks he has it all figured out."

They laughed, a lot more uproariously now, and James began to panic in earnest. He should just curse them now, while they were distracted, but he was frozen in his spot, stunned that he might have been wrong this entire time.

"Like Lucius could manage to plan something even as juvenile as that," the man in front, Garrick, chuckled. "We don't know who this Darcy fellow is, do we lads?"

There was a general noise of dissent, and he went on: "As for Lucius, he's famously incompetent Potter. Much to your advantage, I should say. After all, he has been after you for what, four months now? And yet, here you are still alive and well. No need to say the dark lord has been much displeased with the lad. Sent him on some jacked up mission in Ireland that he's sure to fail again. Maybe by the time he's returned, he'll be more of a man. As it is, he couldn't kill a fly much less a boy like yourself."

"He killed my parents," James said quietly. His head was whirring. Darcy wasn't a Death Eater and Malfoy wasn't even in the country, let alone the house. This entire trip had been pointless.

"Well, I guess that says more about your parents, doesn't it?" Garrick said cheerfully. "But enough talk. This can go two ways, Potter. You can either fight your way out of here and fail, quite possibly dying in the process, or simply hand yourself over so we can keep you nice and safe till the Dark Lord arrives."

"Like hell," James snarled And before the Death Eaters could respond, before he could convince himself otherwise, he flicked his wand and cast a nonverbal Reducto Curse straight at the group of Death Eaters.

BOOM.

The strength of his spell caught even James by surprise. At the impact, the door behind the Death Eaters exploded, and pieces of the hard concrete flew around hitting most of them. One got a particularly nasty hit on the head, dropped like a bag of sand, and moved no more. The other four scrambled about, nursing their wounds and cursing at James. But James had already moved from where he was standing, moving faster than he could recall ever moving. He lunged for the door and grabbed the handle, pushing it open with all his might. It flew open hitting against the wall with a resounding crash.

He didn't wait a moment longer. Heart pounding furiously in his ears, panic almost blinding him, James pushed himself past the door and down the dark corridor he'd come through. He could hear the Death Eaters recollecting themselves and sprinting after him and he tried very hard not think about what would happen if they caught him.

"STUPEFY."

It must have been as a result of his Quidditch training that James then performed a move that was very similar to the Sloth Grip and Roll tactic they'd performed last year. The spell sailed right over him and he kept going.

_They're trying to Stun,_ he thought wildly, dodging another spell. _They're trying to Stun, not kill. That's got to mean something._

"CRUCIO!"

Fuck.

The Cruciatus did not hit James, but he was so shaken by the fact that these men were really trying to hurt him - these men were not common Slytherins looking for petty revenge, but highly trained killers - that he stumbled. Soon, he was on the ground and he could feel the Death Eaters gaining on him. They were only seconds away. One of them was on top of him with a triumphant look in his gleaming eyes, ready to curse him -

"Impendimenta," James gasped from the ground, and the robed man flew back knocking into two of his comrades.

Now panicking in earnest, James returned to his feet, and began to run. the door was so close... but his robes were too long, he was tripping over them; he was too slow - and then there was a hand around his neck and he was being slammed into the wall, stars appearing in front of his eyes.

There was a smell of bad breath, then the sound of a maniacal laugh. James' vision swam slowly into focus, and he could see the same grey eyes, Garrick's, staring into his. His face was only inches from James, and if he were being choked to death, he might have found the situation fairly uncomfortable.

"Get off the floor, you dolts," Garrick snapped at the three Death Eaters that were still sprawled on the ground. "Can't even take down a sixteen year old boy! The Dark Lord will be hearing about this, you mark my words, you filthy pieces of bat droppings."

They were groaning and muttering at Garrick, but soon they were up and straightened. It was then James noticed through watering eyes that more Death Eaters had joined the group, probably having heard the commotion downstairs. There was a terrible feeling of dread in his stomach. Why had he come? Why hadn't he told anyone where he was going?

Before he could wallow too deeply in self-pity, Garrick drew back his fist and there was an intense pain in James stomach. He tried to double over, groaning, but Garrick's fist sailed into his stomach again and then once more. Black spots danced in front of his eyes as the wind was completely knocked out of him. But gasping for air did not work, as Garrick's fist was still holding his neck against the wall. He couldn't breathe.

"You damn Potters," Garrick snarled, ignoring James's clawing at the fingers wrapped around his neck. "You always have to make things so damn complicated for everyone. Your parents were the same way. Filthy blood traitors who didn't know when to be quiet and let the world work the way it needs to work."

His words echoed in James brain, making sense but not making sense at the same time. James was dying, he could feel it, but he could do nothing but stare into Garrick's terrible eyes.

"They were a nuisance," the man spat, "that we needed to get rid of. What with your father's Pro-Muggle legislation and your mother standing behind his every word, they were moving their way up a little too quickly in the Ministry. So the Dark Lord ordered for their execution. And I reckon you'll meet the same fate, unless you've got twice the brains they did."

And even though James was dying, his vision was swimming, and he was sure his lips were turning blue, it could not escape him that this man was insulting his parents. His wonderful, beautiful, brave parents that deserved so much more than what they got...

"My parents..." he choked out, effectively stopping the titters that had spread across the hallway, "were... t - twice the people... any of you... could ever... d - dream... to be."

Garrick stared at James, who wished he could read the expression on his face beneath the mask. James prepared himself for some sort of blow, perhaps one to the face this time, and so he was very surprised when Garrick simply released him. He dropped to the floor, gasping for breath, his hands massaging his aching neck and stomach.

"Jules," he heard Garrick bark from above him. "Come take the boy. The Dark Lord will have arrived in a couple of hours. Keep the boy restrained at all costs; weaken him if you must, but do not kill him! If he dies you will have the Dark Lord to speak with."

There was the sound of some muttering and then James felt someone grab him roughly by the arm and pull him up.

"This is going to be a very long night for you, boy."

* * *

><p>Lily had never been in Dumbledore's office before. Not even when she'd gotten in so much trouble for having a hand in the start of the fight in the Great Hall last month. So it was a little strange to be standing in front of the gargoyles that guarded his office at ten beside by Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Marlene, who had donned a very ridiculous pair of bunny house slippers.<p>

"Oh, this is silly," Marlene moaned rubbing her shoulders hard. "It's freezing down here and Dumbledore's probably not even in! How do you know he isn't off to visit family or something?"

Lily blinked at the thought of Dumbledore having a family. She'd never thought about anyone actually being related to Albus Dumbledore. "He was at dinner, Mar," the redhead replied patiently, rubbing her shoulders as well to generate heat. It really was cold down here in the corridor where the only sources of heat were the two torches that stood on opposite sides of the gargoyles. "We have to at least try."

She watched as Remus, who was shivering slightly, raised his arm and knocked smartly on the door they'd been standing in front of for the past six minutes.

"This is hopeless," Marlene said miserably. "Maybe we should just try McGonagall-"

"Hello" came a mild voice, and all four students whirled on their feet to see the very man they were seeking standing behind them, donning a set of pale blue night robes and a night cap.

"Is there something wrong?" Professor Dumbledore asked, peering at them through the half-moon glasses perched precariously on the edge of his nose.

Lily suddenly felt very embarrassed by Marlene's bunny slippers.

"Yes, Professor," Remus said quickly after they'd recovered from their surprise. "We didn't mean to disturb your sleep or - or anything..."

"Oh, fear not," Dumbledore said airily, waving his hand. "I was out for some hot cocoa. Bless the house elves, they can be very welcoming, even at this time of night. But let us not discuss such matters down here in the cold. Shall we head on up to my office so you can tell me what exactly is causing you four to appear so distressed?"

"Of course," Remus replied, stepping aside so Dumbledore could make his way to the door.

"Licorice Wands," he said clearly, and to both Lily and Marlene's great surprise, the gargoyles - who apparently had only been pretending to be asleep - let out ugly grins and sprung aside to reveal a staircase spiraling all the way up the tower. Dumbledore took a step and the four followed suit. Soon the staircase began to move and the were going up, up, and walking through Dumbledore's very comfortable office.

It was a very interesting room filled with all sorts of magical objects Lily had only ever read or heard of, but she did not have the time or the insolence to explore through. As soon as Dumbledore took his place behind the very grand desk, he waved his wand and four chintz armchairs appeared in front of him, a great improvement from the hard-backed chairs of Professor McGonagall's office.

"Now," Dumbledore said softly, as the four took their seats. "Why don't you begin, Mr. Black?"

Sirius, looking unusually serious, sat up a little straighter and said immediately. "We can't find James."

Dumbledore blinked. "I was under the impression that James was staying at Hogwarts for the holidays."

"He was!" Remus put in. "We only just saw him this morning, too. We went out to play in the snow and when we came back he was gone. We've looked everywhere, Professor, and he's definitely gone but we don't know where to."

There was a serious look on Dumbledore's face now. He leaned forward, his blue eyes piercing as he looked at each of their faces. "And you have no idea where he might have gone?"

Lily felt it was her turn to speak now. "Well that's the thing, Professor. James was being a little weird a few weeks ago -"

"Forgive me," Dumbledore interrupted apologetically. "What exactly do you mean by 'weird'?"

"Well..." Lily blushed, trying to figure out how best to phrase herself. "What he basically said was that... well, he implied that he was going to do something dangerous... and he asked if he should tell his friends about it. And I told him to but I don't think he did."

"He didn't need to," Sirius said darkly. "It's pretty obvious where he's gone isn't it? He's gone to find Lucius Malfoy."

Silence fell over the room as Sirius words rang heavily. Something flashed behind Dumbledore's eyes and Lily had the feeling he knew exactly what was going on. She on the other hand was absolutely clueless.

"Malfoy?" Remus said blankly. "The Prefect from a couple years back? Why the hell would James be looking for him?"

With a dark look on his face, Sirius explained how James has told him about a dream through which he had found out - or suspected - that Lucius Malfoy was the one who had murdered his parents. But how exactly James had found Lucius, he did not know.

"Lily," Dumbledore said quietly, a grave look on his face. "When exactly did James tell you he found out this dangerous information?"

Lily strained to remember. It had been the sort of night during which something bad had happened... James had been upset and only a few things could upset James Potter really...

"The night of the Quidditch match," she remembered suddenly. "It was on the night that we lost... and James was upset, and we were on the Astronomy Tower -"

She saw Sirius raise an eyebrow from the corner of her eye, and she flushed deeply and quickly corrected herself: "No, not like that! It was - I was on patrol and James, I'm not really sure what he was doing there actually... But he um... that's what he told me..." She trailed off uncertainly, and glanced desperately at Remus to continue the conversation.

Luckily, he took the hint, and began to speak: "He started acting strange just the night before that. At the feast... he'd... well, he was off to go grab some supplies for a project we've been working on-"

"Supplies?" Dumbledore asked so sharply, the four students were startled. "Would those supplies happen to have been potion supplies, by any chance? From the potion's storeroom?"

Lily could tell at once by the stunned expressions on Remus and Sirius' faces that that was exactly where James had been on the night of the feast. And she would bet her entire closet that James had not been on a legal trip as well. But what information could James have found in the potion's storeroom that would lead him to finding his parents' murderers?

Apparently needing no further answer from either Remus or Sirius, Dumbledore rose in his seat, his face even graver than it had been before.

"Miss McKinnon," he said, "I trust you will not mind me asking you to fetch Professor McGonagall from her office. On your way back, Professor McGonagall and yourself will stop by Professor Darcy's, knock two times in quick succession, then once more. If he does not answer within five minutes, you will both return here."

Marlene, who looked a little frightened at the look on Dumbledore's face (it seemed he was getting more furious by the second), nodded once. Lily saw Sirius squeeze her hand once, and she rose from her seat then exited the office with the sound of her slippers softly thudding against the floor.

At the sound of the closed door, Dumbledore strode from behind the desk and stopped in front of a painting of an old grey-haired woman with plump cheeks and bright-red robes. **Ignatia Wildsmith (1227- 1320)** it read in engraved letters on the plaque beneath her picture. Ignatia appeared to be deeply asleep, though at the sound of the headmaster's quiet call, she opened one eye widely and opened her mouth in a yawn so fake, it was almost comical.

"What is it, Dumbledore?" she croaked. "I was having a rather nice dream..."

"I apologize," Dumbledore said politely. "I'm afraid I'm going to ask you a favor, Ignatia."

"Fire away."

"The other painting. I need you to check up on it. I'd rather not have you intrude on his privacy, but it cannot be helped..."

The witch was gone before Dumbledore had even finished speaking, and now Lily watched as her headmaster began pacing back and forth, a sort of cold anger emanating from his tall physique. She had never seen Dumbledore like this before. He usually maintained such a calm and polite demeanor that Lily had found it sort of difficult to imagine him as the 'Greatest Wizard of the age'. Now, with his blazing eyes, great long strides and billowing robes, Lily thought herself stupid for ever doubting that.

Now certain that Dumbledore was not, in fact, angered by their illegal visits to the potions storeroom, Sirius spoke up in an unusually small voice.

"Er... Professor? What does Darcy have to do with any of this?"

"Professor Darcy, Sirius," the headmaster corrected briskly, "if i am right, has directly disobeyed my orders."

"How?"

Professor Dumbledore closed his eyes for a moment, seemed to muster himself, then crossed the room to stand in front of the grand window that stood behind his desk.

"Such matters cannot be discussed presently," he said quietly. "But I fear you will know soon enough... I can only hope..."

What he could only hope for, they would never know, for at that moment, Marlene had returned with Professor McGonagall stepping in behind her, a worried look on her usually calm face.

"Dumbledore," she said as she entered and glanced at her Sixth Year students. "Is anything wrong? Miss McKinnon came knocking on my door, saying something about an issue of utmost importance..."

"James Potter is missing, Minerva," Dumbledore said, crossing the room to the blazing fireplace. "I fear he is in grave danger, so we must act quickly. You will alert Dedalus, Edgar, Amelia and Elphias, tell them we are to meet at Darcy's flat. They are not to inform the other Order members at the moment."

Professor McGonagall looked stunned. "But Dumbledore... I only just saw him this morning! Where could have run off to?"

"To the Lestrange Manor," he answered and all color drained out of Professor McGonagall's face. Lily noticed that her hands shook as she reached up to push her reading glasses back up her nose, and suddenly Lily felt fear - hot, panicking fear that rose up her chest and stuck in her throat as a huge lump. Surely, if even Professor McGonagall appeared distressed by the news, James was REALLY in trouble. And, yes he might not have been Lily's favorite person in the world, but the thought of anything happening to him freaked her out more than she would ever have expected it to.

"We're coming too," came Sirius' voice. He'd risen to his feet, a determined look on his face and with an air that dared his two professors to try and defy him. "We're going to help look for James."

"No, you most certainly are not," Professor McGonagall snapped at the same time Marlene added, "I agree."

"You're not going anywhere," Sirius shot at Marlene, who looked at him with incredulity. "This is our problem, not yours."

"Excuse me?" Marlene gaped. "What makes you think you're the only one that cares about James?"

Remus, who had been sitting the entire time, began to rise to his feet and took a stand next to his best friend. With an equally determined look, he crossed his arms and said to both Lily and Marlene: "You should stay in the castle. We can't have you getting hurt -"

"Are you calling us liabilities?" Lily asked acidly. "Need I remind you that you would have no clue where James was if it wasn't for Marlene and me?"

Previously united by the same goal, the four now stood on opposite sides of the room, Marlene and Lily glaring at Remus and Sirius.

"Stop being stupid, Lily -" Sirius began but Professor McGonagall would not hear the rest of it. She strolled to the middle of the room, pulled herself up, and said in her most commanding tone, "Enough."

The four fell silent.

"None of you will be leaving the castle tonight," the Transfiguration teacher said, nostrils flaring. "You are all underage and, need I remind you that you have responsibilities and duties to be upheld in the castle - "

"They will come."

No one was more taken aback than Lily when Professor Dumbledore spoke. He was still standing by the window through which moonlight was streaming, his back to them and his hands folded behind his back. Lily could not see the expression on his face, but his grave tone made it clear he was being fully serious.

"They will come," he repeated. "We cannot stop them, Minerva. James is their friend; surely, you must know enough of your House to understand that they will come regardless of our instructions."

Professor McGonagall seemed at a loss for words. With a triumphant expression on his face, Sirius leaned down to pick up his coat from the chair and threw it over his shoulders.

"Brilliant," he said eagerly. "Where are we going? Darcy's flat?"

"Dumbledore, I really don't think this is wise!" Professor McGonagall was protesting. "For heavens' sake, they're only children -"

"Children who will be forced to see what's happening in our world sooner or later," was Dumbledore's quiet reply. He moved from the window and headed to his table. On it was a large peacock quill placed between the pages of a large book; Dumbledore placed the tip of his wand on the quill and murmured an incantation Lily did not catch. To her surprise, the quill glowed bright blue.

"You will take hold of this in a minute," Professor Dumbledore instructed the four students, who surged forward to crowd around his table. His eyes seemed especially blue that night, piercing into theirs as he peered at each of them sternly. "It will, indeed, take you to Professor Darcy's flat, where you will remain till we arrive for you. You will not leave or attempt to leave, am I understood?"

Lily felt Marlene and Sirius nodding from beside her, and she nodded as well.

"Thirty seconds," came the headmaster's voice.

Following Sirius, Marlene and Remus's suit, she lifted her hand and placed it inches above the quill, her mind whirring. Why on earth were they going to Professor Darcy's flat of all places? Surely that wasn't were James would find Lucius Malfoy. She was so confused and overwhelmed and, if she was being honest, really scared about what was happening that she saw her outstretched hand begin to shake.

_I don't want to go anymore,_ she wanted to say. _I'm scared. I don't want to go._

But she felt a hand snake through hers, and she turned to see Marlene staring determinedly at the quill.

"Ten seconds," her brunette friend breathed without taking her eyes off the Portkey. "C'mon Lily."

Feeling strangely calmed, Lily returned her eyes to the portkey with a squeeze of Marlene's hand. Then, just as she heard Sirius breathe "Three... two... one," she touched the quill, and, with a jerk of her navel, she was gone.

* * *

><p><strong>an**: HELLO I'M BACK lol

I hate myself just as much as you hate me.

It's sort of a filler and has endless grammar/spelling mistakes but look I really needed to put something up. Next chapter will be great pROMISE.

As you can tell I'm not very good at the whole updating business, but trust me reviews make me review soooooooo much faster.

_Whatd'ja think?_


	18. The Waiting Club

When Dumbledore had mentioned Professor Darcy's flat, Sirius had expected, well, - a classic, cluttered London flat with decent furniture and a severe lack of space. After all, with his modest clothing and casual appearances, Darcy did not appear as the sort with a great amount of money. So Sirius was more than a little surprised when they landed in a heap on the floor with marble tiles, surrounded by high walls and a glittering, dimly lit chandelier hanging from the ceiling of a vast living room.

It was definitely a FLAT, as when Sirius looked out the windows by the long dining table, he could clearly see the artificial lights of the muggles shining brightly in the night sky, laid out flat beneath them. There was a large Christmas tree, specked with lights, in the middle of the square farther down the road. Faintly, Sirius could hear the sound of muggles singing carols ringing through the air. From their vantage point, he guessed that Darcy had somehow scored the apartment at the very top of the complex. But the the other apartment buildings that surrounded them did not appear to possess the large amount of space and glitz that Darcy's room had, and for a moment, Sirius allowed himself to be impressed with the architectural skills of his Defense against the Dark Arts teacher.

"Why is there a fire?" Sirius heard Lily murmur, and he turned from the window to see the redhead standing under the chandelier, looking strangely small. Her hair was up in a bun she'd messily thrown up, she was still wearing the nice skirt and woolly sweater she'd been wearing when she'd appeared in the fire earlier, and she was hugging herself as though she were cold. Though considering that the fire was barely blazing in Darcy's fireplace, Sirius did not doubt this was the case.

"I think Darcy might have made a stop here," Remus was frowning, as he looked around the room, "before leaving to wherever it is he is."

That much was obvious. Despite the magnificence of the flat, there was a lonely, desolate feeling in the air, as though its inhabitant did not take much care of it or spend enough time in it. Dust had gathered on a good majority of the furniture, except the dining table and the couch in front of the fire. There was a half filled cup of coffee on the dining table sitting beside a folded newspaper that looked like it had been recently ruffled through. The pillows on the plush armchair were on their faces, and the rug had a crease on the corner. At Remus' observation, the rest made noises of agreement but soon fell silent again. It was strange that there was so much going around them to discuss, but as they gathered to sit on the floor in the middle of the living room, they remained silent . It wasn't so much that there was nothing to say. It was just, Sirius found, that there was so much to say that, for him, he felt like he might burst if he even opened his mouth.

He could feel several emotions boiling within him: distrust of Darcy and his flat, confusion, anger at James for abandoning him, but most of all, fear - crippling fear that threatened to eat him alive if he did not find his best friend safe and alive soon.

But of course, he would. It was JAMES. The boy could not be beaten down even if he wanted to. But Sirius remembered the terrified look on Professor McGonagall's face when Dumbledore had mentioned 'Lestrange Manor', and he himself had to clench his fists tightly. The name 'Lestrange' was very familiar. They were a pureblood family who shared the same views as his parents, but they fell on the extremist side of the Anti-Muggle movement. Sirius remembered having them over for dinner only a few years ago, when their son- who was just about the same age as he - had made a joke about his sausage being a muggle, then proceeded to stab the sausage several times with his fork...

"This is morbid," he heard Marlene say as if from far away. He raised his head to see her huddled next to Lily, fidding with her ridiculous slippers. "We should be out there looking for him."

Sirius would have liked to snap at her - there shouldn't have been a WE. She and Lily should have remained at Hogwarts, there was no doubt about it. Since when did they give rat's arse about James? In fact, it was only this year that Lily had stopped hating him, and that was only because he had changed beyond recognition. They didn't DESERVE to be worried about him, and Sirius nearly told them too. But he imagined that they might really leave then, and though he would never admit it, he didn't like the idea of staying in this empty, silent flat with only Remus.

"We will," he said instead. "We're going to. As soon as Dumbledore gets here, we'll help look."

"Where do you think he's gone?" Marlene asked, still looking down at her slippers. "Dumbledore, I mean. It's strange to just send us to Darcy's flat, isn't it?"

Remus joined in then, a calculating look on his face. "I wonder... he mentioned alerting some people... then they were going to meet us here."

They fell silent again, and Sirius resorted to counting the number of crackles the fire made to distract himself. It was the only source of light in the room with the exception of the chandelier, which was so dim, it might as well have been off. He tried very hard not to think about what was happening at the Lestrange Manor. But the cold panic washed over him once more again as he imagined for a moment what would happen if James really never came back...

"Do you think this is some sort of headquarters?" Lily suddenly asked. When no one replied, she continued: "I remember Dumbledore saying something about 'The Order' and it having other members. If they all know where Darcy's flat, we can assume it must be a meeting place..."

She trailed off at the dubious looks on the rest of their faces.

"What, like a 'good guy' organization?" Marlene asked doubtfully. "Why would we need one? We have the Ministry..."

"But they're not exactly reliable, are they?" Lily argued without much conviction. "Hiding things from us and all that."

"When do they hide things from us?"

"The Prophet censors things all the time - "

"Does. It. Matter." Sirius interrupted, struggling to keep his anger under control. "Does it really fucking matter?"

Marlene scowled at him (Shut it, Black."), and Lily blinked rapidly. He glared right back at both of them, ignoring Remus's quiet "Don't be foul, Padfoot."

"Actually, Sirius, it does matter," Lily replied coldly. "In fact, maybe if the Prophet hadn't censored the death of James's parents, the murderer would've been caught, and we wouldn't be here right now."

They glared at each other, and Sirius realized one thing: she knew. Lily was not stupid, she never had been. She knew of his not-so-friendly feelings towards her, knew that he did not appreciate or approve of her growing friendship with his best friend. He was happy that James finally got his wish that Lily Evans would not hate him so, but he wasn't sure their new relationship was a better alternative. To him Lily was proud - he didn't care what James thought - and she would never give James the time of day. Yet she would lead him on by smiling at him and running to his help when he was in danger. And despite what James insisted on, he still had feelings for the redhead. The only possible outcome of the relationship was the James would get heartbroken again, and it would be up to the Marauders to pick up the pieces.

She finally dropped her gaze, still scowling, and the atmosphere of the room changed from nervous to tense.

Time seemed to slow down and speed up simultaneously. It was taking too long, way too long, for news to come. And every second they were waiting could not bode well for James. Sirius glanced at Remus. The brown-haired boy was staring glumly out the window with his arms wrapped around his knees. If Sirius knew anything about his mate, Remus was probably thinking along the lines of self-blame. But Sirius did not have the energy or the patience to try to talk him out of it.

"What happened that night anyway?"

Marlene's voice was so quiet, Sirius was not sure if he had even heard her right. She was still looking away from him, as though she was scared of him. Immediately, Sirius felt guilty for snapping at her previously.

"We never really discussed it," she continued lowly. "Of course, it's not our place. But it would be nice to be able to separate rumor from truth."

There was no need to ask what 'night' she was referring to. Sirius saw Lily look up quickly. but avert her eyes when he met her gaze. Remus shifted uncomfortably.

"I wasn't there," Remus responded quickly. "I only came after."

He glanced at Sirius, who suddenly felt very tired. The last thing he wanted to do was relive that night. And they were right, it was not their place to discuss it. Yet, he had not spoken to anyone about that night, not even James, or Remus or Peter, and he suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to let someone know how terrible it was, how much James had to deal with...

"I know James blames himself," he found himself saying. "We left them to go this party... Merlin- we were so stupid... So much evil was going on and all we cared about was this stupid party -"

They were all trying to pretend that they were not hanging on to his every word, he could tell. But their tense postures and averted eyes told him as much.

"The Mark was hanging over his house when we got back," Sirius was fumbling to get the words out now. "All green and swirling in the sky. And James rushed ahead. I told him to come back, but you know James. Didn't listen to a word I said. I used my wand to contact the Ministry while he was gone - God, the most irritating woman responded. She thought I was pulling her leg, I think. Anyway, it took me a few minutes to convince her I was telling the truth... and then, I just ran into the house, and James was running out of this room, looking like he'd been hit by a train or something. Then he went "I need help. They need help," and I could barely understand a word, to be honest. All I knew was that something was really, REALLY wrong. So I went into the room he'd just come from and they were just LYING there, all broken and still -"

He heard Lily's sharp intake of air.

"It was the first time I ever heard James cry," he finished tonelessly. "And let me tell you, if you've never had your best friend break down completely on your shoulder, I hope you never do."

If they thought it was silent before, it was nothing compared to now. Even the fire seemed to stop crackling temporarily to absorb the impact of Sirius's story. They were quiet for so long, Sirius was sure that they had fallen asleep. He himself began to feel his adrenalin slip away to be replaced by a drowsiness that tempted him to lie down here on the floor and forget...

"But why them?" came Marlene's voice again, pulling Sirius to alertness.

She was finally looking at him with her piercing blue eyes. She wasn't crying, he noticed, or looking at him with sympathy. Instead she fixed him with a steady gaze, waiting for him to respond.

Remus, however, was the one to answer. "They were massive Muggle and Muggleborn supporters," he said in an uncharacteristic dull voice. "And they were powerful. Really high up there in the Ministry. If anyone wanted to make a point with where they stand in the whole debate, they were the perfect targets for that."

Marlene winced. "I just don't understand why this is all happening..."

"Come on, Mar, you know why. It's obvious, isn't?" Lily spoke up, with her eyes shining unusually brightly. "It's all about Muggles. Muggleborns. People like me. This whole thing - all these deaths, fights, imprisonments, it's all because people don't feel we belong," she said in a tone that suggested to Sirius that perhaps Remus wasn't the only one suffering from self-blame. "We don't belong here with other wizards... and from the very start, I always thought - sort of knew actually - that this - my blood - would be an issue. But there's nothing I can do about it, and... and God I wish people would realize that we didn't ASK for this... that if I could get my letter all over again, with the information I have now, maybe I'd have made a different choice -"

"Lily," Marlene said, closing her eyes as though suffering from physical pain. "Please don't make me imagine life at Hogwarts without you."

Lily let out a short laugh, one without much humor in it. "Yeah, but will you be saying that when Voldemort murders a member of your family because of people like me going to Hogwarts-"

"Lily, stop it," Remus said sternly. He had perked up now, his eyes shining brightly as well. He looked at Lily, who was only looking up at the chandelier, and took a deep breath. "Henry and Marie Potter did not die because they were brave, or because they went out of their way to be obstinately chivalrous. It's human decency, Lily, simple human decency to be indignant against the unfair prejudice against a group of people. If anyone else is to die because of this, it's because they were good people. And because Voldemort is a tit."

Sirius could have sworn he saw her smile. And quite suddenly, he didn't feel so angry at Lily Evans.

"It's just hard," she said, now blinking very fast, "to know that you don't really belong anywhere anymore. That you can never really fit in because you're different. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes," Remus replied quietly. "I do."

Just then, the fire roared and glowed bright green, startling all of them. The next moment, a tiny man in a blue hat was toppling from the fire. The four rose to their feet, immediately heading over to him.

"Are you Elphias?" Remus guessed, helping the man to his feet.

"I'm afraid not," he said apologetically, as he straightened up. At his full height, he only reached up to Sirius's chest. "Dedalus Diggle is the name - thank you, boy - and I've been sent by Dumbledore to make sure you four were staying put."

The drowsiness Sirius had been feeling had dissipated completely.

"Staying put?" They all echoed.

"What do you mean?" Marlene added quickly. "We thought we were going to help?"

"Ah, he said you might not take this well," Dedalus muttered. He smiled tiredly at them, and proceeded to take off his coat. Sirius wanted to shout at him to put it back on, they had to leave NOW. "You WILL help. As soon as the others arrive with your friend, of course."

"We're not going to look for him?" Sirius asked angrily.

"You must be Sirius," Dedalus said wearily. He headed back to the fire and stretched out his hands to warm them. Sirius had half a mind to push him in. "Now I know you're not going to like this, but you're all underage and it is simply unwise to send you into the thick of Death Eater activity. So the headmaster has sent you here so you can wait - but only for a little bit - for them to return with your friend. He says to tell you not to worry, that he will be back. He just hopes you will follow his instructions."

Sirius was so angry he could barely speak. "So you just expect us... to wait here... while our friend is the one in the thick of Death Eater activity?"

"Yes," Dedalus replied apologetically. "That really is all you can do, I'm afraid."

* * *

><p>James had been a fair number of fights in his life. Real, physical brawls. Most of them involved Slytherins, of course, but he had also gotten involved in a few fights with some of his numerous blood fanatic cousins, and even with an incredibly rude stranger at Hogsmeade once. His opponents had varied in size and physical strength, and each one of them had ended differently. They all, however, had one thing in common and it was that: the first blow was always the worst. Whether it came as a result of adrenaline or simple, frenzied anger, James did not know. But he was sure that every blow after that was a little easier to handle.<p>

He could now confidently say that he was wrong.

James had heard plenty of stories about the Cruciatus Curse; he'd heard that it was the most excruciating pain anyone would ever go through, that it could drive people to madness. He had not heard, however, how you forgot who and where you were when you were under it, and all you knew was pain. He had not heard how you began to wish for death only a second after you were hit, or how it felt like you were slowly being skinned alive by white-hot butchering knives.

The Cruciatus did not get easier after the first curse. In fact, it only got worse, as the pain from the last curse added to the new one intensified it. When Jules, a very tall, skinny man with greasy, brown hair and a flat nose, used it on him for the third time, James thought he could feel the beginnings of madness creeping into his mind like fog. His skin was clammy, it was hard to breathe - was it him making those rasping noises? - and he was hot and cold all at the same time. Suddenly the floor, which he had initially found dirty and rough, seemed like the most comfortable place on earth, and he would have liked nothing more than to lie down in the dirty cellar for the rest of his life.

"...think that's enough?"

There were voices coming from the front of the room, where candlelight from the outside spilled into the room. James could not see them - he had lost his glasses long ago - but he knew that it was Jules, the man who Garrick had assigned to look over him, and another man named Walsh. They were from whom all the laughter and taunts had come from in the past hour or so James had been in here. Had it only been an hour? Or had it been twenty? James could no longer tell.

"I think one more," he heard Walsh murmur. "After all, we have no chains for him... Just to be sure."

Panic erupted in James' stomach, warning him, but he could not even move before Jules yelled "Crucio!" for the fourth time, and James forgot who he was for another two minutes.

"There," he heard one of them speak as though from miles away. "That should do it."

There was laughter, then "He won't be going anywhere for a while." More laughter, a scraping sound, a BOOM and then there was no more light in the room.

James wished he could go to sleep, but knew he could not. Claiming that he might not wake again if he did, Jules had forced a vile potion down his throat that had made him vomit. But even though his stomach rejected the potion, the effects remained. Whenever he felt himself fading away, or being pulled under by unconsciousness, pain flared up his chest that made him gasp for air. This to him was the worst torture of all, that he could not sleep.

He started to wish Voldemort would arrive and kill him already. What was the point of resisting, anyway? His parents were dead, he didn't have a home, and, to put it simply, life sucked. Why not end it already?

_Because it doesn't all suck,_ a small voice told him at the back of his head. _There's still Hogwarts, and Quidditch, and your friends..._

The Marauders. It scared James that it took him a few seconds to recall the faces of his best friends. Peter, the short, stubby one that laughed a lot, and Remus, the taller, tired-looking one that liked to follow the rules and be a decent person, and then Sirius, the handsome dark-haired one that laughed like a dog and grinned like a cat. There was Lily Evans as well, who he'd finally convinced that he was not such a terrible person, who he finally got to talk to, make laugh, and even touch sometimes if she was having a good day…

You'll see them again, the voice said, stronger this time. You will... if you could just find a way out of here...

Through the haze of pain, James blinked once, then twice. Then, with a deep breath, he pulled his hand up, slowly. With massive effort, he put his arms beneath him, palms on the floor, and pushed himself up. Pain flared in his arm - was it broken? - and his elbows trembled violently, but he continued to push. If he could just get up, maybe he could find his way out of the cellar, grab his wand, and call for help somehow.

Just... a... little... more...

He gasped in pain, but with a mighty push, he was on his knees. Immediately, the room began to spin and he thought he might pass out, but the pain in his chest flared up quickly. Thoroughly fed up with all the pain, James called on every ounce of strength he had and, with the help of the stone wall beside him, he pulled himself to stand.

The dizziness intensified. The room was not standing still surely. There was a crippling headache pounding away at his brain, nausea making its way up his stomach, and that damn pain in his chest, and all of a sudden, it was all too much. With a cry, he fell down to his knees, his eyes wet with tears of frustration.

"Goddamnit," he choked, pounding the floor weakly with his fist. How could he be so weak? He'd always imagined himself as capable of being whatever Dark Curse was thrown at him and that he would always best evil people like the Slytherins. But these people weren't angry teenage boys with something to prove to their harsh parents. These were the real deal, and perhaps the most painful ordeal of the entire situation was knowing that he, James, was not in actuality strong enough for them.

Just when he was about to try to stand once more, the door opened again, and another hooded man walked in.

It sickened him, but James found himself flinching automatically. Try to brave as he might, he could not stand the idea of another Crucio.

"Potter," the man said.

James did not answer. Instead, he laid his head against the wall and tried desperately to keep himself conscious.

"Potter!" the man said again.

"Lemme'lone," James mumbled. "Fucker."

The man was closer to him now, but James ignored him. It wasn't until he grabbed James's arms that James opened his eyes blearily.

"Potter, wake up," the man whispered. James blinked at his blurry face, wishing he had his glasses at least. "We have to go!"

"Have t'go where?" James said drowsily. "Who're... you?"

"You don't recognize me?" If James could see his face, he would've guessed that the man looked worried. But that wasn't possible, because he was a Death Eater... "It's me, James. Professor Darcy."

It took several long moments for James to process what was happening. Things seemed to moving too fast for him. He blinked again, but when his vision did not clear up, he closed his eyes, coming to the conclusion that he might be imagining things.

"Bloody cowards, the lot of them," he heard the man whisper furiously. Next moment James felt an arm snake around his waist and pull him up. Immediately, his eyes flashed open and he gasped in pain. He did not know much about broken bones, but he was willing to bet his broomstick that one of his ribs had cracked.

"Sorry, sorry," Darcy said hurriedly, grabbing James' shoulders instead. "Can you walk?"

James shook his head.

"Well, you're going to have to be even braver tonight, James," Darcy said grimly. He pulled out his wand and tapped James on the head. He felt something trickle down his neck, like someone had smashed on egg over his head. Next thing he knew, he couldn't see his feet, and Darcy was gone, but someone was still holding on to him.

"Just follow my lead, alright?" Darcy's voice came. "One foot in front of the other and we'll be there soon."

Now resigned to the fact that nothing made sense, James nodded. Soon, Darcy was leading him slowly accross the room and through the door. It seemed like it had been days since James had first walked down that corridor with the intention of finding Lucius Malfoy, even though it had only been a few hours. Then he had been quiet and he had been scared; now, he fumbled and tripped, and all he wanted to do was stop and sleep.

"C'mon, James," Darcy let out a low groan when James walked into one of the dressers on the side of the corridor. "We're almost there."

It was still very dark so James did not know how he knew that. But he took another shuddering breath and kept moving on, one foot in front of the other.

It was when he knocked a vase over that he knew things were going to go really badly.

"Oi!" he heard someone yell from behind him, and then Darcy curse. There were more yells, and then Darcy was telling him that he was sorry, but they had to move a lot faster now. Pain flared up once more as Darcy began to hurry him forward, shooting spells behind him. He tried to focus - one foot in front of the other - but his vision was starting to fade again, and then the pain in his chest was back, and all his muscles were aching in protest -

"Stupefy!" he heard someone yell from behind them, and instinctively, James gasped out "Protego!"

The shield spread out from one end of the wall of the narrow corridor to the other, blocking the spells that the Death Eaters were shooting at them.

"Great job, James!" he heard Darcy yell. "Come on, we're almost there!"

They were. Even without his glasses James could see the slit of moonlight ahead of them, a sign that the door was close. Just a few more steps.

"STOP THEM!" He heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Garrick's yell. "STOP THEM, YOU OAFS. THE DARK LORD IS ON HIS WAY."

Twenty more steps. Ten more. Five -

"CRUCIO!"

James remembered too late that shield charms did not protect against Unforgivables. Just as Darcy slipped through the door, the curse hit him and he fell to the ground, gasping and writhing. Surely, this was the most painful. This must be the one that would either kill him or drive him mad. He had been so close, and now Darcy was gone, and Garrick would take him back to that cellar where he would be tortured some more...

"Grab him now!" Garrick screamed.

Someone did grab him, but it was not a Death Eater. The pain lifted just as an arm wrapped around his broken arm and jerked him bodily out the door. They were outside, at the back of the manor, and James was looking into Darcy's relieved face, then he watched as his DADA professor turned on the spot. There was a tug at his navel, and he was being squeezed so tightly he could not breathe. Next moment, he was falling into the arms of someone that looked vaguely familiar.

* * *

><p>Marlene was genuinely afraid that Sirius would hit Dedalus Diggle.<p>

He was a nice man, and Marlene thought that had the situation been considerably less dire, she would have liked him. After all, it was not his fault that he had been instructed by Dumbledore to keep the four of them at Darcy's flat. And it was nice of him to put a kettle on the fire for them all. But did he really think that they would all sit around the fire to have a nice cup of tea while James was still missing?

"It won't hurt," he insisted, shoving mugs into each of their hands, then scurrying off to grab tea bags from the cupboards. "You can only feel better, I promise."

Watching the ease with which he found everything he needed for the tea, Marlene began to suspect that Lily's theory about the flat being some sort of meeting place had not been so ridiculous after all. He was standing on a stool and feeling around for the tea bags in the topmost cupboards, and Marlene was strangely reminded of Professor Flitwick. She looked down at her mug and watched the steam rising from the water, feeling as though someone had punched her in the gut. They had been so close to actually going out there to do something, ANYTHING to help James. She didn't know why - it wasn't as though she and James were the best of friends - but the thought of waiting even an hour for more news just might drive her mad.

CRASH.

Marlene must have jumped about five feet in the air. Looking around wildly, she found the source of the noise almost immediately. On the other side of the room, near the barely-there fire, were the shards of Sirius's cup. Its owner was standing near the couch with his fists clenched, looking for all the world like he was about to throw another mug, this time at Dedalus.

"IS THIS A JOKE?" He roared, his eyes blazing. Marlene felt Lily grab her arm softly, but the brunette did not take her eyes off Sirius. "JAMES IS STILL OUT THERE, PROBABLY BEING HURT, OR WORSE - DEAD. AND YOU WANT US TO JUST SIT HERE DRINKING TEA? WHAT THE FUCK - I JUST - HE'S IN TROUBLE, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Dedalus seemed to be frozen on the stool, a wary look on his face, and Marlene didn't blame him. She'd never seen Sirius this angry before. He was always moody, that was not a new occurence. But with the murderous look on his eyes, and in the incredibly dim light coming from the fire embers, he looked insane.

"HE'S IN TROUBLE -"

"Mr. Black," Dedalus started, "I assure you, I understand the severity of the situation -"

"NO," Sirius bellowed. "YOU CLEARLY DON'T-"

"Sirius, stop!" Marlene found herself yelling at him. She felt angry tears in her eyes that hadn't been there moments before. She was sick of this, feeling scared and nervous and guilty all at the same time, and having Sirius scream at all of them was only making things worse. "We ALL know what's going on, alright? But you're just being foul to all of us, when we've done nothing wrong! Do us a favor and stop being a bloody prick all the time!"

Sirius looked like he was going to yell some more, but Remus interrupted then, his voice calm. "Mate, she's right. We promised Dumbledore we'd stay put, so we have to."

Seeing he was alone, Sirius glared at them all, his nostrils flaring. Then, with a scoff, he flung himself on to the couch, folding his arms.

"Can you at least tell us what's going on at the Lestrange Manor?" he snapped at the fire.

"Not sure meself," said Dedalus slowly from the kitchen, turning back to the cupboards. "Some sort of meeting from what I've gathered. It's supposed to be very dangerous for even any of us to infiltrate - Dumbledore gave very strict orders to stay away from the place. But you know Darcy..."

"No, we don't," Sirius said immediately. "What about him? What did he do?"

It seemed Dedalus had finally found the tea bags. He let out an 'Aha!' and jumped down from the stool. Then he gestured for them to gather around the kitchen counter. Sirius remained in his seat.

"Not my place," he said firmly, as he dropped the bags in each of their mugs. "But I am sure you'll find out soon enough."

Remus was the only one to turn down any milk. "No milk?" Dedalus asked, staring at Remus as though he'd suddenly grown two heads. "My, that's really strange. I personally can't have a cup without filling at least half of it with milk... my dear, are you quite alright?"

He was talking to Lily now, who, Marlene turned to see, was hugging herself, a morose look on her face. They all turned to look at the redhead. At being addressed, she looked up briefly, let out a small "I'm fine", and then promptly burst into tears.

"What the hell?" Sirius said, jumping slightly. Marlene dropped her mug and hurried over to her best friend's side, immediately wrapping her arms around her. Remus and Dedalus simply looked stunned, as the two girls held on to each other, Lily trying to hold in her sobs, and Marlene glaring at Sirius over her shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Lily sobbed. "I'm so sorry-"

"Don't," Marlene said firmly. "We get it."

"B - b - but... he... he's gone - and I should've, I should've -"

"You had no way of knowing, Lily," Marlene interrupted, pulling back and holding her best friend at arm's length. Her best friend who had the biggest heart in the world and didn't deserve to feel as though she did not belong, because really, what was Hogwarts without Lily Evans? "You told him to 'fess up. You did the right thing."

The last time Marlene had seen Lily cry, it had been back in fifth year after her fallout with Snape. She wasn't an overemotional sort of person, really especially in front of anyone other than her dorm-mates. It happened so rarely that Marlene found she had forgotten how flushed Lily's face got, how she made little gasping noises as though she were drowning.

"Is there a bathroom I can take her to?" Marlene whispered to Dedalus, ignoring the wary looks on Remus's and Sirius's faces (she imagined it must have been the same look Sirius had on when he'd found her in the broom closet two days ago). Before he could answer, however, Lily retracted herself from Marlene and wiped her face furiously with the back of her hands.

"I'm - I'm fine," she said thickly. "I just need some air."

She began to walk away - where to Marlene did not know, as they couldn't leave the apartment, but she did not get very far when there was a large CRACK, and there were two people tumbling through the air in front of her.

Instinctively, it seemed, Lily threw out her arms to steady the person. Her eyes widened -

"PRONGS!" Sirius and Remus yelled simultaneously as Marlene gasped, "James!"

Joy and relief, sweet, overwhelming relief, swelled up inside Marlene's chest as she rushed forward with the two boys. James was safe. Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, Head Marauder, Mischief Making Extraordinaire, James Potter was alive and safe. Merlin, had it only been a few hours? She felt so glad that she thought she might cry- and she had not even known how worried she had been till she saw his face... his unhealthily pale face...

"James?" Lily was asking, shocked.

It was then Marlene realized that James wasn't hugging Lily like she'd thought he was. He was leaning on her heavily, his head hanging loosely as though he hadn't the energy to hold it up. His eyes were closed in his scarily pale face - surely he was as white as nearly Headless Nick - and... was that blood?

"James!" Lily said sharply, attempting to hold him up. "Professor, is something wrong with him?"

Professor Darcy was standing beside James, looking quite ruffled himself. His short hair was ruffled and windswept, his robes in a similar state. He had a wild look in his eyes that made Marlene imagine he'd just been running from something very dangerous. He looked around the room once, breathing very hard. When he noticed it was only Dedalus around, he let out a relieved sigh and turned toward James, who seemed to be losing energy by the minute.

"Of course there's something wrong with him," the professor snapped, grabbing the Quidditch captain's arm and pulling him off Lily. "He's been hit by the Cruciatus five bloody times in under an hour, I doubt even Dumbledore himself would be okay after that. Well, stop bloody staring, the lot of you - grab his arm and help me take him to the couch."

Remus was the first one to shake off his shock. He rushed forward to grab unto James' second arm, pulled it over his shoulder, and together they pulled the limp boy towards the couch that sat in front of the fire. With a flick of his wand, Darcy made the fire roar higher, filling the room with orange light and warmth. Immediately they all crowded around James.

Marlene felt her brain go into overdrive as she watched his head loll to the edge of the couch. She had never seen James this way before. Before his parents died, James had been electric; a thousand emotions were constantly running across his face. He always looked delighted or excited about something, perhaps a little much so. If that wasn't the case, he was moody, or he was furious. He had always been an open book. If James Potter was having a bad day, the entire school knew it. If he was happy, it was hard not to grin as well. Now looking at him, it was hard to imagine he was the same boy who'd jumped off his broomstick into the Black Lake months ago to an audience of the entire school as a dare.

"Professor, did you the say the Cruciatus curse?" came Remus's urgent voice and Marlene's attention returned.

"I did," Professor Darcy replied grimly. He took off his coat and threw it aside, then knelt beside James, feeling his forehead. "Dedalus!" he barked.

Dedalus, who had already begun to approach the group appeared beside Sirius, an even grimmer look on his face. "It's a good thing the boy is safe, Darcy," the smaller man, said eyeing James. "But you've made Dumbledore very angry."

Darcy's head whipped around. "He KNOWS?"

"Well, of course he knows, he's DUMBLEDORE."

"Damn," Darcy cursed. He slowly returned to James, now sporting a calculating look on his face. "I made a miscalculation," he murmured.

"A miscalculation!" Dedalus repeated scornfully. "You're lucky Dumbledore decided not to alert the other Order members! He would've sent them off into danger and who knows what might have happened then!"

"He's not stupid," Darcy snapped. "He knows I would've been fine. At any rate, you've already contacted them of my arrival, have you not?"

"Well, yes, but -"

Darcy cut him off abruptly. "Lucius was suspiciously absent from the meeting... but no matter. Dumbeldore's anger will come as it may, but the boy needs help now."

"What's wrong with him?

Marlene turned to see Sirius staring down at his best friend, his face strangely blank, as if he could not comprehend seeing James in this state as well. Marlene knew the feeling.

_What's not wrong with him,_ Marlene wanted to reply. James's eyes were closed, his glasses were missing (which made him appear strangely small) and his chest was barely moving, and it looked for all the world like he was dead. The only sign that he wasn't was how he let out an occasional twitch and a moan so tiny it could barely be heard at all.

"He's exhausted," Darcy said quietly. "But those damned Death Eaters forced him to drink a potion that ensures he feels pain when he's slipping into unconsciousness. The pain pulls him back, so he can't rest or sleep. In situations like this - when the victim is in a lot of pain - it's best to put them out, fix them, and then wake them up, so you can see how this would be problematic."

Marlene gulped. To think that there were people cruel and barbaric enough to inflict so much pain on a sixteen year old boy scared her, as much as she hated to admit it. Of course, the Wizarding World had never been all sunshine and daisies. That she knew from the Ministry tales her parents brought up at the dinner table whenever they were around. They still told her stories of the Dark wizard, Grindelwald, who had been defeated only decades back. She had always known there was evil in the world.

But it was different now. This wasn't some conflict that she could watch from behind the walls of Hogwarts or the skirts of her parents. This was _her_ generation's war; it was affecting people she cared for so directly that it felt as though the conflict was happening withing the heart of Hogwarts. She felt her heart squeeze when she thought about how she would have left Hogwarts in only two years, facing the real world, and fighting these men that were evil enough to bring even James Potter down.

"This is bad," Dedalus murmured, feeling James's pale and clammy forehead. "He's burning up. Fast. Isn't there anything we can do?"

Darcy didn't answer immediately. Silence hung in the air, and Marlene could now hear those muggles singing their damn carols again. It was much louder now, like they'd moved closer to the building. She wished they would go home. Really, it was getting late, wasn't it? How long had it been since they'd arrived anyway...

"There's a potion," Darcy said slowly. "I can't remember what it's called... But it's strong and made precisely for an antidote for the potion they gave him. Merlin, what's it called... something like, Morti... Morso..."

"Morsus Laxo."

Marlene was not surprised in the least that Lily knew precisely what Darcy was talking about. She had always been extremely talented at Potions and been Professor's Slughorn's favorite, despite her many protests that she was not.

"That's the one," Darcy said, looking at Lily with surprise. "You've heard of it?"

"I did a project on it," Lily said, and Marlene faintly remembered a time last year when Slughorn had asked them to research a potion of their own choice.

Darcy was looking at Lily with new-found respect. He frowned and ran his hands through his short hair. "Well, that is surprising," he admitted. "It's a very complex potion. So Slughorn has said at any rate. He's the only one I know who's ever brewed it, but by the time we get Dumbledore to contact him, then get him to make the potion, it might be too late -"

"I'll make it," Lily said at once.

They all looked at her now. She still had tears marks streaking down her face, the tip of her nose was still slightly red, and her hair was slipping messily out of her bun, but Marlene could not recall a time when she'd looked more determined.

Darcy did not look convinced. "I don't think that's a good idea... It's _very_ complex-"

"I know," Lily said stiffly. "I can do it. I know I can. Not to mention we don't have enough time to get Slughorn."

They all glanced down at James, who chose that moment to let out another tiny moan. Uncertainty was written all over Darcy's face as he stared down at his student.

"She can do it," Sirius said suddenly, kneeling down beside James as well. "She really can, Professor. She's a natural."

Both Lily and Marlene blinked at the compliment. At this, Darcy glanced at James once more and sighed.

"Very well. I suppose we don't have many alternatives. The potion's storeroom is on the door to your left. Please be careful, Miss Evans."

* * *

><p><strong>an:** well there you go! that was quite a fast update, wasn't it? well, for me, anyway. I wanted to make it longer but meh.

thanks for your fab reviews.

for those of you favoriting/following my story w/o a review just know im glaring at you from my computer screen.

leave some more please!

what'd you think so far? predictions? complaints? character analysis?


	19. Up All Night

**_In the depths of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer ~ Albert Camus_**

_Ding dong merrily on high,_

_In heav'n the bells are ringing:_

_Ding dong! verily the sky_

_Is riv'n with angel singing._

_Gloria, Hosanna in excelsis!_

The sounds of the sweet, excited carols floated through the walls and windows of the flat. Moonlight streamed through wide windows, illuminating squared paths on the glossy, wooden floors. It was still snowing, not as heavily to blind those walking on the streets, but enough to leave a fine layer of snow on just about everything outside. It was a pretty sight, one reminiscent of a classic Christmas postcard, but Remus didn't seem to be in a very impressed mood.

He had not realized it was Christmas till he had exited the living room to sit in the guest room, where he had laid for a few minutes before hearing the excited yells of 'Merry Christmas' emanating from outside. The carols had gotten louder till he could decipher the words... the sweet, sweet songs that he'd once known word for word...

_Hark the herald angels sing_

_"Glory to the newborn King!_

How could he not? Six years straight, he had sat down in the pews of Cardiff Primary School, singing and harmonizing with the fifty other muggles around him, trying desperately not to itch his collar for fear of getting smacked. Strange, now that he thought about it, how he'd managed to sit in a room full of snobby children (albeit with glorious voices) and old, stuffy professors when, even then, he was turning into a savage, blood-thirsty monster once a month.

_Peace on earth and mercy mild_

_God and sinners reconciled"_

He'd never enjoyed Christmas, really. Family time was not fun time in the Lupin home. Family time meant long, silence-filled pauses at the dinner table, awkward moments of eye-contact and quiet requests of food being passed over the dinner table. Because what could they say to one another? His father worked with non-human spirituous apparitions in the Ministry, and Remus supposed his stories could have been interesting. But Hope Lupin, his Muggle mother who had been brought up very religiously, did not like to hear such things.

"They make me uneasy, Lyall," she would complain. "For heaven's sake, stop with the ghost talk already."

And so Lyall Lupin, in an attempt to appease his thinning wife, refrained from bringing home stories from work. As for Hope, well, working in an insurance company did not exactly provide her with stories of much excitement. Remus, who had been restricted from making friends with any of the Muggles in his school for fear of them finding out his lycanthropy, had nothing to say as well. The only things left for the three to talk about were other members of their family, groceries, and, well, Remus's lycanthropy, which they didn't exactly enjoy talking about.

"Look Mommy! Daddy! I ripped down a wall while I was transforming today! Are you proud?" Remus thought wryly.

No, he'd never really enjoyed Christmas.

_Joyful, all ye nations rise_

_Join the triumph of the skies_

But certainly, this had to be the worst of them all. Never in all his years did he expect to be sitting in the home of his school professor, staring wistfully out a window over a Muggle city, unable to eat or sleep because he was worried. And about James, no less. It was JAMES, head Marauder, chief mischief-maker, spoiled, gifted, undeniably talented and brilliant James. How exactly the four friends had ended up in this situation, Remus had no idea, but it scared him. He couldn't believe such a thing would happen to a sixteen year old boy. They'd killed his parents, then tortured him, held him captive, nearly killed HIM, all because a man with an unspeakable name had demanded it. This war - surely, it was a war now - the war was real. It was happening, hurting the people he knew and loved, and he could do nothing but sit back and watch in horror as it all unfolded.

But Remus would not allow it. He had been uncertain as to where he stood previously. After all, he WAS a werewolf. Yes, the Death Eaters were evil, and he was sure that the man who had bitten him was one of them (how nice it would be to find that Fenrir Greyback, the man that had used him, Remus, as a mere tool for revenge on his father, and give him a taste of all the pain that Remus had endured for the past twelve years of his life...). But it did not change the fact that the Ministry and the Wizarding community, the supposed 'good guys', feared and shunned people of Remus's nature. They despised him so much that he was not even sure if they would grant him the opportunity to fight at their side. And why would he want to fight for people who hated him just as much as they hated murderers?

He recalled the story Sirius had told them earlier that night, about how James had walked into the room to his parents's dead bodies. It was the first time he'd heard the full story; neither of the two had mentioned it, and Peter and Remus hadn't been insensitive enough to ask. Now nausea rolled up through Remus's stomach as he thought of how he could have ever been selfish enough to contemplate what side of the war to fight on. How was it debatable? How could he even contemplate not fighting the side that brought such pain to James, his best friend who had risked a lifetime in Azkaban to alleviate some of his transformation pains?

Seeing James lying pale and lifeless on the couch, his face small and naked without his glasses, his bruised body, Remus felt like the worst friend in the world. He didn't deserve friends like he had, he really didn't. He wasn't as good of people as they were. He knew this because even though James was sick and close to death, he couldn't help but wonder what would happen during the next full moon. It was a week away, surely not enough time for James to recover to full strength. Sirius would probably want to remain with James, Peter was basically useless, and for the first time since last year, Remus would undergo his transformations alone.

It was a scary thought, but Remus pushed it away determinedly. His friends needed him now. He would deal with his worries later. He would go back into the living room where Lily was frantically brewing the antidote, he would see to it that James recovered, and he would graduate from Hogwarts and help to fight the evil that was spreading through-out the Wizarding world.

_With the angelic host proclaim:_

_"Christ is born in Bethlehem"_

The Muggles seemed to be taking their carols elsewhere. The singing was growing fainter and fainter till Remus could hear the soft murmurs of the other visitors in the other rooms. Marlene had gone to sleep in Darcy's bedroom, to Darcy's insistence. Sirius had of course, volunteered to keep watch over James and Lily in the living room, but had fallen asleep shortly after that. Remus did not blame him. They were worried about their friend, but it did not stop the basic human need of sleep from creeping up, slowly dragging them into the land of unconscious. Perhaps he would just remain here in this guest room till the next morning...

Remus was jolted out of his doze by the sound of voices. They were in the same room as he, so either the speakers believed him to be asleep, or they had not noticed him there yet.

"... was right there!" came a voice that Remus immediately identified as Darcy's. Beside him stood a tall, thin figure with glasses perched on the edge of a very long, crooked nose.

"Be that as it may, John," Professor Dumbledore was saying, quite calmly, "you were directly disobeying my orders. How am I to understand that we are on the same side if you cannot obey me?"

"Oh, come on, Dumbledore," Professor Darcy whispered exasperatedly. "You put me in charge of the Potters's murder, and I was simply doing my job. I saw the opportunity to snag Malfoy and I took it! Not to mention that without my interference, the boy would still be in that dungeon as we speak."

"But he would not have found out about the meeting without your interference," Dumbledore said quietly. "Listen to me, John. We must be very careful from now on. Never again shall a student of mine end up in the hands of Voldemort. Do you understand?"

"Of course."

"Good. As for Malfoy, I think it best to leave him for now and focus on protecting the boy. You heard them in the Manor, did you not?"

"Oh yes," Darcy murmured so lowly that Remus found himself inching towards the pair to hear his next words. "Very dedicated bunch, aren't they? Kept mentioning that Voldemort would be so pleased with them if they brought the boy to him."

"Exactly," Dumbledore said in a grave tone. "We are in troubled times, John. Bagnold will be sacked within the next month just as surely as the Chudley Cannons will place last once again in the league. Crouch is a sensible man, but he is ambitious and he will do as he pleases. The Wizarding World is divided between fear and anger. In times like this, when the Ministry's strength is diminishing, it is especially important that we maintain the strength and secrecy of the Order. Had anything happened tonight - anything worse - both of these would have been jeopardized. It cannot happen again. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Dumbledore."

There was a pause during which Remus could have sworn he saw Dumbledore's eyes flash in his direction. Feeling immensely guilty for eavesdropping on the conversation, Remus snapped his eyes shut and tried to make his breathing as deep and even as he could. Perhaps Dumbledore had not noticed (Remus doubted this), but he let out a small, noncommittal noise at the back of his throat.

"I have great faith in Lily," the Headmaster murmured. His voice was moving farther away and Remus sensed the two were walking out the room. "I am sure she will help James to full recovery... despite their history... However, I think it best herself and the others remain here for the remainder of the holidays. You will not mind?"

Remus imagined Darcy shaking his head. "No, no, of course... Always nice to have company. Besides, it's Christmas!"

"That it is."

There was the soft thudding of a door closing and Remus was left alone in the room once again, thinking about Death Eaters, secret societies, and how his best friend was a marked man.

_Hark! The herald angels sing _

_"Glory to the newborn King!"_

* * *

><p>"Lily," a voice was whispering in her ear, and Lily opened her eyes blearily.<p>

It was still very dark in the room (the carols had finally stopped so she assumed it must have been an ungodly hour of the morning) so it was hard to decipher the dark figure looming over her. Though, even in her drowsy state, it didn't take Lily long to figure it out. There was only one person in the flat with the long, curly hair and a considerably neglect for personal space.

"Marlene?" Lily slurred.

She didn't answer; she merely nudged Lily slightly to make room, to which the redhead complied, and placed herself delicately in the empty space on the squishy couch. Totally used to Marlene's strange behavior, Lily yawned and promptly prepared to go back to sleep. She couldn't remember the details of her dream anymore; the more she tried to recall it, the faster it slipped away, like water cupped in her fingers. It was frustrating, to say the least. The dream had seemed important.

"Couldn't sleep," Marlene finally murmured from beside Lily, causing her eyes to flutter open.

"I figured," Lily replied quietly. She turned to the other side to face her best friend, who was propped on her back, arms folded over her stomach, eyes glued to the gilded tiles on the ceiling above them.

"I kept seeing them," Marlene whispered, and Lily had to struggle to keep her eyes open. "Remember how I said our families were probably related? I've seen them before Lily. Mrs. Potter made me lunch once. Mr. Potter was the one that gave me those tickets for the Quidditch game I dragged you to two summers ago. They were good people, Lily. They didn't deserve to die like that. They didn't deserve to lie dead and broken on the floor.." Her whispers were getting progressively more anguished. Lily wanted to tell her to be quiet. She wanted Marlene to stop goddamn talking. She knew it was terrible, and God, she hated herself for it, but she did not think she could take anymore talk of the Potters. There was too much pain, too much guilt... Not to mention James was lying in a fevered haze only feet away from them, and might hear every word they were saying...

James.

Lily did not realize she'd shut her eyes once more. She blinked her eyes open and felt the inevitable guilt settling in. She'd fallen asleep! James was desperatly fighting consciousness and there she was falling asleep right in front of him. She tried to sit up, but there seemed to be a weight pulling her down, holding her fast, inviting her to sleep once more...

The potion.

Of course. She could see the grey fumes in the moonlit air now, smell the sweet smell that spread throughout the room. It was in its maturing stage now: she needed to leave the potion on the fire for fifteen hours. However, she'd already added the ingredients that created the Draught of Living Dead into the potion, so of course the fumes would make her sleepy. Even Marlene, who'd walked in to the room wide awake, was yawning already. Unfortunately, they were working on James as well, Lily noticed as she stared at him on the couch opposite them. His skin glistened with sweat and his face was screwed up with pain. His eyes were closed, but Lily knew he was not asleep. Not yet. The Draught fumes had made his need for sleep grow even stronger, but every time he ventured towards the land of dreams, he was jolted back with pain, as he had not been given the antidote yet, and would not be given one for another fifteen hours.

"I Owled Mary and Al, by the way," Marlene yawned, not noticing the torn look on Lily's face. "Darcy said it was alright to use his owl. Sweet little thing."

"What did you say?" Lily murmured, turning away from James.

"That we had to leave school to find James," Marlene replied, turning on her side and snuggling closer to Lily. "Didn't say much really. They just needed to know we wouldn't be in school... not for now..."

Yes, that was a good idea. Mary was with her family down in Croydon, but Alice was in Germany and Lily did not know how long it would take for the letter to reach her. But it didn't really matter, she supposed. Hogwarts started up again next week, and she imagined at least herself, Marlene, Remus, and Sirius would have returned by then.

_I should probably owl my parents,_ Lily thought. They must have been worried sick, and she'd promised to let them know. But rising from the couch and writing a letter seemed like the hardest thing she could do at that moment. No, she would write in the morning...

"Mar," Lily found herself whispering into the curls of her best friend.

"Yes, Lily?"

"I'm sorry. For freaking out like that earlier..." She felt it necessary to apologize. Lily did not consider herself an overly-emotional sort of person - Alice was the crier of the group. Lily was usually the calm one, the one who soothed her friends and the people around her. For her to have lost control like that last night scared her. She did not like to feel vulnerable and scared like that, but hearing Dedalus talk about how dangerous the place James had visited was had made her feel things she did not understand. "We should have been focusing on James and I probably scared you..."

"Yeah, you were a bit of cry-baby, weren't you?" Marlene teased sleepily. Her voice was getting lower and her words came out longer. "Just don't let it happen again, Evans."

"I'll never cry again," Lily promised.

"Good."

It was silent then, and Lily could only hear the sounds of the potion bubbling over the fire. She tried not to think about James as she fell asleep. Only fifteen hours and he would be fine again...

"Don't worry, Lily," she heard Marlene murmur. "It's okay to care about him."

She was half asleep then, and so the only thing she could manage before she dozed off completely was a small, "Yeah."

She didn't remember the conversation when she woke the next morning.

* * *

><p>"Merry Christmas!" came a loud voice and Lily bolted up in the couch.<p>

Darcy's room looked drastically different from how it had looked when they'd first stepped in the night before. It seemed much brighter, and whether that was because the anxiety that came with waiting for news about James had lifted, or because Darcy was ripping open the curtains that hung over the windows, allowing the bright sunlight to filter in, Lily did not know. As she lifted her hands to rub the sleep out of her eyes, she supposed it was a little bit of both.

"Up, you lot," Darcy was saying. "Can't spend Christmas on your arses."

"Wazzgoinon?" She heard Marlene mumble from beside her. Lily blinked at her tousle-haired best friend once then turned to stare blearily at Professor Darcy, who was still standing by the windows, staring down with an annoyed look on his face.

"I'll tell you what's going on," he said, irritation lacing his tone. "Dedalus the Duffer has gone and accidentally let slip to the Daily Prophet what happened last night, and now the damn reporters have lined up at the gate."

At the mention of 'last night', the drowsiness immediately cleared from Lily's mind and she was suddenly wide awake. Last night. James. The Potion.

She pushed her way off the couch, elbowing Marlene in the process ("Oi!") but did not stop to apologize. She scrambled to the other side of the room, slipping on the rug, and nearly breaking her neck in the process. She pushed her hair back firmly and dropped to her knees by the fire, feeling her heart beat a little frantically. Only the potion she'd slaved over for three hours last night consumed her thoughts. It was still bubbling in the cauldron, it's purple surface oddly sparkling and enticing.

Three eyes of Newts, three salamander legs, then stir fourteen times counterclockwise, once clockwise...

Yes, yes, she'd done all that... she had, hadn't she? Yes - she was positive.

She'd had to leave it for fifteen hours after that. God, she hadn't slept for fifteen hours, had she? Quickly pulling up her fingers, and feeling quite childish as she did, she counted fifteen hours after 2:46, which was when she'd last stirred clockwise and then left the potion.

"5:46," she whispered at her hands, relieved. "It'll be ready at 5:46."

She might as well have been talking to herself. Turning around, Lily noticed neither Marlene nor Darcy had paid any attention to her momentary panic. Instead, Marlene had risen to join Darcy by the window, sporting a very excited look on her face.

"Oi, Lily, c'mere," she said, motioning frantically for her best friend to join her. Rolling her eyes, Lily obliged and made her way to the window. The entire town was covered in a decent amount of snow. The roofs of the windows sparkled under the sun and she could hear the faint sounds of the huge town bell that stood some blocks away from them. It was a pretty sight, but Lily did not focus on that. Instead, she focused her attention on the small huddle of black located by the gate of the building complex.

About fifteen men and women stood with cameras hanging round their necks. Catching sight of Marlene, Darcy, and Lily by the window, they pointed up and began chattering excitedly. Soon, they were raising their cameras to their eyes, there were loud clicking noises and Lily had to raise her hand to her eyes to shield them from the blinding flashes.

Darcy let out a growl of frustration. He pushed open the window, letting in a chilly gust of the wintry air that forced Marlene to wrap her arms around herself.

"Bugger off, please!" their Defense against the Dark Arts teacher bellowed and Lily wondered whether his neighbors were used to this sort of behavior.

"James!" one called from the throng. "James! We need Potter! Is he there? Is he ill? Did anything dangerous happen in the Malfoy Manor?"

"Did he see Death Eaters!" another shouted eagerly. "There were Death Eaters there, weren't there?"

"Who are those?" yelled one more. "His friends? A girlfriend?"

Lily blushed furiously and ducked her head as they began yelling things about James' relationships. School rumors did not bother her much, but imagine the rumors that would crop up in school if the Daily Prophet printed an article featuring her budding romance with James Potter.

"Bagnold will never let you print that," Darcy scoffed at the rowdy reporters. "She's got the Ministry scouring the Prophet like a business contract, and you should know more than anyone that rarely any mention of Death Eater activity gets -"

"She's been sacked, hasn't she?" a squeaky voice piped up. "Well, not officially. But she as good as is. Crouch is demanding an inquiry on all her censoring, so people are rallying up at her sacking."

Darcy looked like he'd been slapped in the face. His head jerked back slightly and he blinked rapidly. Lily did not blame him. Of course, she knew Bagnold would not last in her post for long - she was biased, and she was a coward. She cared more about her title as Minister than the safety of the Wizarding World. But she had expected Bagnold to remain at least past Christmas. She supposed Crouch must have been getting pretty impatient... and influential too, if he was able to get rid of the Minister of Magic. Lily furrowed her brow, remembering Jeremy's uncle's words.

_"If Bagnold gets sacked, Crouch is right up there for next Minister of Magic."_

"If you're not gone in the next five minutes," Professor Darcy was calling down to them. Apparently, he had recovered from his shock. "I'm sending down hexes."

And, with that, he pulled Marlene and Lily away from the window and closed it shut.

"Well, that was unexpected," he grunted, moving past the two girls and heading towards the kitchen. "Expected her to at least last till the new year. But then, Dumbledore _did_ say... uncanny, that man..."

"I don't see what the problem is," Marlene said, inching towards the window again and peering down. "Why don't we just let them know what happened? We want people to know about the Death Eaters and that madman, Voldemort, right?"

Lily rolled her eyes as she watched Marlene wave cheekily down at the reporters. She wouldn't have been surprised if her best friend fluffed up her hair and began to strike poses right there in front of the window. And she might have too, if Professor Darcy hadn't chosen that moment to raise his wand, and charm the curtains close with a soft SWISH.

"You're playing with fire, McKinnon," he shook his head, though Lily thought she saw a corner of his mouth tilt infinitesmally. "Those reporters are vicious. They don't want the truth. They want to sell the best story, and if they have to twist people's words in the process, so be it."

Marlene, still looking a little affronted at the abrupt end to her photoshoot, frowned and made her way to the kitchen. It was then that the door to the guest room opened and a ruffled-looking Remus appeared.

"Morning, Remus," Lily greeted. "Nice sleep?"

He glanced at James's still figure and responded with a small grunt. He had not had a nice sleep at all; his dreams had been filled with strange yells of Unforgivable Curses and visions of vicious Muggle wars. He was exhausted, but he had nothing to complain about, really, as James was in a position much worse than he. So, with a weak smile at Marlene, Lily, and Professor Darcy, he took a seat by the kitchen counter, beside Lily.

"Merry Christmas," he said to his friends.

The phrase that usually brought about jovial responses and warm hugs in Christmases past, only earned an incomprehensible mumble from Marlene, and a strained 'You too.' from Lily.

"Doesn't feel like it much, does it?" Remus ploughed on bravely. "Feels a bit bland, actually."

"Cheers," Professor Darcy said sarcastically, reaching under the counter and pulling out several chipped mugs. With a flick of his wand, the tea bags and the singing kettle zipped towards them and began to prepare the tea. "Only cooking trick, I know," he admitted to his students. "I'm barely around, you see. I really only stop by here when we've all got... you know, jobs and other things. Used to be my great-aunt's but she died last year, bless her. Great woman, great woman. She died in the guest room" - at this, Remus let out a sort of strangled noise at the back of his throat - "so it still gives me the creeps. But it's safe and spacious here."

Lily watched amusedly as Remus blinked several times, as though trying to consider the fact that he might have slept in the same spot a woman had died only a year previously. It was strange, she thought, to hear a teacher's story; she'd began to think of them as a part of Hogwarts, as if they simply lived behind their desks and popped up only to teach their classes and attend conferences.

Lily checked her watch. 12:46. Five hours till the potion would be ready. Five hours till they could all breathe easy. But a small voice drifted into the back of her mind, reminding her that there was a possibility she might fail. The potion might not work, it might have been the wrong antidote; she could put in the wrong ingredient, or make the wrong turn; there was a myriad of potential failures the could occur that night, but Lily pushed it away with a deep breath. She could not dwell on that. She couldn't. She was going to make James better again.

* * *

><p>5:46.<p>

It was already dark in the room by the time the potion was ready, but Lily could not be bothered to rise and light some candles. For the past hour, she had slaved over the cauldron that sat above Darcy's fire, stirring and sprinkling, chopping and stirring. Had it really only been an hour? It certainly didn't feel like it to Lily, whose back and knees ached fiercely from kneeling for so long.

_5:46, 5:46, 5:46,_ she chanted to her self. _Take if off NOW._

Frantically, she glanced at the kitchen, wishing she had enough time to run and grab an oven mitt. For a tiny moment, she felt exasperation at the others for leaving her during such a dire time to go and buy groceries of all things,

"Well, we need to have dinner," Professor Darcy had protested, when Lily had gaped at him for suggesting they leave. "You all are my guests, I can't have you starving on Christmas. You'll be fine, won't you? Sirius will stay with you."

But, already thoroughly anxious, Lily had refused and insisted Sirius leave with them. She needed complete and utter concentration during the final stages of the potion. It was the most difficult she had ever made in her entire life, and that included the ones she had made for her O.W.L.S examinations. But the potion gleamed a bright purple, just as her textbooks had said it should, and she was feeling quite optimistic.

"Fucking shitting hell," she gasped as her bare hands made contact with the piping hot cauldron. Pain zipped up her arm, but she held on to it and dragged it out of the fireplace, trying with all her might to not drop it. When she finally let go, she let out an even longer stream of curses that she was quite sure travelled across to the people on the streets outside.

Merlin, she really hoped she'd taken it off the fire on time.

But there was no time to dwell. The tiniest moan from James propelled her to her feet, and she ran to the kitchen. Hair flew around her face, her fingers were shaking, and her heart was beating at twice its usual rate as she searched for a mug within the dark cupboards. Spotting and grabbing a small blue one, she dashed packed to the potion and dipped the mug into it. It went straight through, lighter than water but heavier than air, and Lily was reminded strangely of a Pensieve.

This was it. She really only had one shot at this, Lily thought as she inched towards James with the mug in her hand. She knew the potion that had been forced down James throat, knew that it was not made with the intention to kill, only to cause pain. But James had become totally unresponsive within the past few hours and she feared the worst. She could not imagine what effects waiting for another fifteen hours would cause him, and did not want to find out.

The potion _had_ to work.

"James," she said quietly, as she reached him. His unmoving face still glistened with sweat and his pale skin almost gleamed in the at him, she could gel but think how much healthier he had looked with his glasses. "I'm not sure if - if you can hear me… but I'm going to make you drink this. It'll make you feel better, alright?"

He didn't respond. She gulped.

One hand gripping the mug, Lily raised her free hand to James nose and pinched it. Still no reaction. With his mouth now open, Lily felt her fear skyrocket as she glanced down at the mug.

_It's going to work, it's going to work, it's going to work..._

Unable to stand the wait any longer, she raised the mug to his lips and poured the potion down his throat.

It was silent in the room.

Lily didn't move an inch as she stared at the raven-haired boy's face. She stared and stared as though she could make him wake through the power of her gaze alone. Seconds went by, then minutes, yet Lily remained in her stooped position. Any moment, he would wake and everything would be alright.

Twenty minutes passed.

An owl hooted from somewhere outside the window.

"James..." Lily whispered, her breath coming out in short puffs. She could barely breathe, barely think as the muted panic she had been holding back began to overtake her mind. She had screwed up - she must have forgotten a step or something and made a massive mistake, because otherwise James would be moving and smirking annoyingly up at her.

She felt a tear building up in her left eye, and suddenly, Lily was furious. She'd failed, failed at making a sodding potion, and failed to help James, disappointed all her friends and Professor Dumbledore and now she was crying. CRYING. Like that would solve anything. She felt an overwhelming urge to punch herself, punch anything. Instead she settled with stuffing her fist over her mouth. She would not cry. She would absolutely not cry. She needed... she needed to fix this...

But she could not help it. The sobs came, louder and noisier than she'd expected, and her shoulders slumped and shook. It was pointless, but it seemed like the only thing Lily knew how to do at the moment. In the back of her mind, it struck her how strange it was that the boy she'd once detested more than anything was the cause for her weeping. Sodding James Potter. Sodding stupid, egotistical, stupid, git who thought it was smart to walk into the midst of Death Eaters...

"You..." she managed through her choked up throat, "goddamn, fucking, bastard..."

And then, almost like he'd planned it, James opened his eyes blearily and blinked at her.

* * *

><p>READ PLEASE<p>

"Not going to bore you with excuses (IVEBEENATCOLLEGECOLLEGEISHARDIMSOSORRY) but just know I really do love this story and even though I would like to say I'm going to finish it, I really can't make any promises. At this time though, I'm on break and hopefully can pop out another chapter or two before I go back to school.

Apologize in advance for all grammatical errors and typos and such, but I've really given up with betaing at the mo.  
>Thanks a lot for sticking with my story. I know I'm absolute shit with the updates, but I'm so thankful for your lovely reviews :) I'm so excited to reach 200! I'd like to give a special thanks to The Last Poison Apple, Clarinetier, twilightstargazer, and wilma27 for generally being the best reviewers ever and sticking with my story for so long! i loveeeeeee you guys<p>

Whatdja think about the chapter?


End file.
